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MDMA, Marriage and the Deepest Secrets – Your Thoughts Please

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FuckingWithTheMind

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Joined
Jul 9, 2012
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For the past few weeks I have been learning about this wonder drug, MDMA. I have watched quite a few documentaries and lots of videos on youtube and other places. There is a huge amount of literature about it on the web (erowid, MAPS and other forums) and it seems like learning everything about it is a daunting task.

I have a fair amount of idea about the medical/health risks/benefits of this drug. I am also learning more about the dos and don’ts about the MDMA trips. But I have few more questions that I would like to get your thoughts on before I experience the wonderful world of MDMA.

Here is the situation. I would like to try it at home with my SO. We have been married for more 15 years and have been drifted apart emotionally for several years. She has suicidal tendency and I think she suffers from a form of depression / personality disorder for which she does not want to get diagnosed due to the social stigma attached to it. I believe we both have deep secrets that we do not want to share. Knowing each other’s secrets might ruin our marriage. My intention is just to experience the good feelings that MDMA creates and see if this experience brings us closer emotionally. So, I have these few questions for you guys -

1. Given her suicidal tendency / possibility of a depression would it be good for her to experience this drug?
2. Do you think that our deepest secrets will surface out if we experience drug together? What are your thoughts and experience on this? What would be the repercussion?

I look forward to your sincere response.

Thanks,
FuckingWithTheMind
 
I am no experienced user but I have some ideas. I am not suicidal but I sometimes have thoughts about it. While on mdma if I was having a bad moment, I 100% felt like I wanted to die. I didnt actually think I was going to kill myself but I felt so terrible I kept wishing I didn't exist. This is coming from a person that is barely suicidal, I cant imagine how someone with stronger feelings towards it would feel. I also felt it even worse on the comedown which lasted over a week, I felt as if it unleashed terrible thoughts that will not go away. If your SO has no anxiety about the drug itself and feels calm about taking it, it might be a pleasant experience. All I know is that it could EASILY take a turn for the worse and its a very tough place to be in. Hope this helped!
 
lightslights said:
I am no experienced user but I have some ideas. I am not suicidal but I sometimes have thoughts about it. While on mdma if I was having a bad moment, I 100% felt like I wanted to die. I didnt actually think I was going to kill myself but I felt so terrible I kept wishing I didn't exist. This is coming from a person that is barely suicidal, I cant imagine how someone with stronger feelings towards it would feel. I also felt it even worse on the comedown which lasted over a week, I felt as if it unleashed terrible thoughts that will not go away. If your SO has no anxiety about the drug itself and feels calm about taking it, it might be a pleasant experience. All I know is that it could EASILY take a turn for the worse and its a very tough place to be in. Hope this helped!
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Dude, just by reading this I can tell you have never taking pure E.

When something bad happens in your roll, you don't feel bad about it. I.e I once got kicked out of an event and I kept talking to security to let me back in but you know with that lovey dovey voice like it's no big deal haha. Also once almost kissed a girl not knowing she had her bf right behind me. He was maddd and flipped out/cursed/treated to beat me and I didn't even feel bad about it and like ok chill I'm gonna find other chicks and mates.

You had a bad moment in your roll and wanted to die ? Doesn't make ANY sens to me.
 
FuckingWithTheMind said:
For the past few weeks I have been learning about this wonder drug, MDMA. I have watched quite a few documentaries and lots of videos on youtube and other places. There is a huge amount of literature about it on the web (erowid, MAPS and other forums) and it seems like learning everything about it is a daunting task.

I have a fair amount of idea about the medical/health risks/benefits of this drug. I am also learning more about the dos and don’ts about the MDMA trips. But I have few more questions that I would like to get your thoughts on before I experience the wonderful world of MDMA.

Here is the situation. I would like to try it at home with my SO. We have been married for more 15 years and have been drifted apart emotionally for several years. She has suicidal tendency and I think she suffers from a form of depression / personality disorder for which she does not want to get diagnosed due to the social stigma attached to it. I believe we both have deep secrets that we do not want to share. Knowing each other’s secrets might ruin our marriage. My intention is just to experience the good feelings that MDMA creates and see if this experience brings us closer emotionally. So, I have these few questions for you guys -

1. Given her suicidal tendency / possibility of a depression would it be good for her to experience this drug?
2. Do you think that our deepest secrets will surface out if we experience drug together? What are your thoughts and experience on this? What would be the repercussion?

I look forward to your sincere response.

Thanks,
FuckingWithTheMind
Click to expand...

honestly i would be *extremely* careful before jumping into MDMA use in a therapeutic setting on your own... the thing is that while MDMA is an amazing drug and has great potential for therapy its just a really really bad idea to play amateur psychiatrist with it... at the very worst there could be a loss of stability in your SO, if here depression is related to problems with the serotonin system then MDMA use could make the problem even worse on comedown... theres just alot of things that can go wrong...

secondly, MDMA isa great drug and its very powerful but it isnt the wonder drug that alot of the therapy testimonials would have everyone believe... there is no case where a person would take it one time and have a life changing epiphany; all the clinical writeups for MDMA use involve many sessions of guided psychotherapy or counseling while using a dose of the drug with the idea that after many many sessions (something like 6-10) there may be improvement... The current trials are being so careful that they are recommending only 2 sessions with a very low dosage to evaluate the overall effects...

I appreciate that you are looking for ways to help your SO but the first thing you really need to do is to get her counseling (which means couples counseling first probably just to get her ok with the idea...) and the second thing is to get her properly diagnosed... start with that and then if you are still serious about this then you might consider attempting to find a therapist that would mediate such a therapy (they are around but *not at all* easy to get in touch with for obvious reasons...)

anyway best of luck to you...
 
Hapomen22 said:
Dude, just by reading this I can tell you have never taking pure E.

When something bad happens in your roll, you don't feel bad about it. I.e I once got kicked out of an event and I kept talking to security to let me back in but you know with that lovey dovey voice like it's no big deal haha. Also once almost kissed a girl not knowing she had her bf right behind me. He was maddd and flipped out/cursed/treated to beat me and I didn't even feel bad about it and like ok chill I'm gonna find other chicks and mates.

You had a bad moment in your roll and wanted to die ? Doesn't make ANY sens to me.
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actually i gotta disagree with you.. you can absolutley have a bad moment and feel like you want to die... it doesnt happen to alot of people but it does happen to a certain percentage and im sure more than a few people on these forums can attest to this.. The most common time for this to occur is during the comeup which can cause extreme anxiety for some people and i have literally had to talk to friends that were freaking out either thinking they were going to die or so overwhelmed that they just want everything to stop... fortunately this doesnt typically last more than 15 minutes so the end result is always "woo this is the best night ever!!" after my 20 minutes of babysitting them is done...
 
FuckingWithTheMind said:
1. Given her suicidal tendency / possibility of a depression would it be good for her to experience this drug?
2. Do you think that our deepest secrets will surface out if we experience drug together? What are your thoughts and experience on this? What would be the repercussion?

Shout me down if you will and this is only my opinion but.....

Firstly to answer question 1 - NO NO NO, I think it is a bad idea. Whilst the actual roll could be awesome, you can definitely get anxiety and depression afterwards. From personal experience I will often feel really down, teary, depressed a couple of days later. I do not feel that I have a tendancy towards these feelings normally. I recognise this now and am far better equiped to deal with it but initially it was not good and did mess with my head.

question 2 - doesn't make me want to tell my deepest secrets but the potential is there to be honest.... maybe... ?? but the problem here is when you are on it you are not bothered by anything and could accept things you are told at the time with no dramas, BUT, when you get back to reality it could shatter your world if it is something bad

I LOVE to roll ...... but I am not confident that this is for you and your partner
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exactly what happened to me! but the 15 bad minutes were NOT worth it for the best night ever.
 
im worried obout the c/d of it. if your wife if suisidal the comedown the next day will be horible she will be even more depressed then ever. and about the secrets e make you very open and truhfull you open up about thing that you would never otherwise talkabout in a million years
 
Others have valid points, but I think the risk has been a bit exaggerated. The comedown and the few days after may be quite rough, especially since she's already depressed.But you'll be there to see her through it and she should be aware of the possibility beforehand. And yes, it will not be a miracle cure for her depression and you will not see remission but you may come away from the experience with a better understanding of one another, the dynamic of your relationship and her depression.

All these things could be done without drugs, but sometimes drugs can get the ball rolling in situations where it has trouble doing so.

She has to be well informed and know what to expect, both during the experience and the days after. If she decides that the potential gain is worth the potential suffering, all the power to her. It comes down to her decision. It best be an informed one.
 
i think the mdma would definitely help her through the tough times and you should take it with her i mean im no therapist or anything but i have noticed even when im down in the dumps and ive been offered mdma i pick right back up and im lucky because i rarely have bad comedowns :) one problem i see is losing control, i dont care what you hear from anyone mdma can be addicting ive tried H and other opiates as well as cocaine and i have to say i feel more drawn to the md cocaine second and surprisingly H was great but i guess the stigma in my mind saved me from that addiction so i recomend taking small amounts every two months and getting everything you need off your chest but like i said it has propertys of fucking meth so it is addicting, happy rolling bro i hope everything works out
 
At the time of use it will probably lessen her depressive state however over the ensueing days its a good chance it will cause the opposite affect.

Not a good idea for someone who is already on the edge.

Regards your deepest secrets, yes its possible you will discuss them and certainly more likely than if you dont use mdma but there is no guarantee.

Regards repercussions.... nobody here can answer that............if your deepest secret is that you killed your wifes sister then there may well be repercussions. But if it is that you did a nudie run 20 years ago ..................well probably not.
 
Do you feel that getting your deepest secrets out in the open will help your relationship / your wife? Are you (your wife) holding back and its leading to a situation where she thinks that suicide is a better option? I'm sure that a lot of us have 'secrets' and will never disclose them no matter what drug were on - say what you need to say without the drugs. I personally think that you are looking towards MDMA as almost an excuse! I.E. I'm high I can be honest with you ?
 
It is a fine line you would be walking. I've read about and experienced the therapeutic abilities of MDMA myself. It could be an awesome thing for you two. However, if she is already prone to depression and suicide, then she will feel these things more avidly than ever in the hangover stages. It's been called "Suicide Tuesday" for a reason.

99% if the time YOU WILL talk about things you normally wouldn't. Sometimes that is a good thing but already said you don't wanna know cause it will ruin your already troubled marriage. You may be more accepting of these secrets while rolling but I seriously doubt you'd be ok with them.

Get counseling from a qualified therapist and screw social stigma. I know it was used by them in the past with good results but i don't know if it is still practiced. If you feel MDMA holds the key then look to see if that option is available. If not idk what to say, eat a "breath mint" before you go to your session?

Don't do it cause it could go horribly wrong!
 
I don't know, guys. I've been very depressed before, and suicidal, and I have taken SRA's and have gained something positive from the experience. It was done in a quiet setting and I spent the time analyzing my emotions and my anxieties. It helped me be objective and ultimately gave me more insight into my situation.

I'm not saying that the days after will be easy, far from it, but if the potential gain weighs more than the potential suffering, I can keep from killing myself for two or three days while it passes.

As i said before, it has to be an informed decision.
 
Venrak said:
I don't know, guys. I've been very depressed before, and suicidal, and I have taken SRA's and have gained something positive from the experience. It was done in a quiet setting and I spent the time analyzing my emotions and my anxieties. It helped me be objective and ultimately gave me more insight into my situation.

I'm not saying that the days after will be easy, far from it, but if the potential gain weighs more than the potential suffering, I can keep from killing myself for two or three days while it passes.

As i said before, it has to be an informed decision.
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i get that and i agree with you that its *likely* to not have any complications but thats not the same as definitely... if it was me and i was in that situation i would be doing it but thats me and i am a natural risk taker... problem is we know nothing really about OP and his girl and what types of risks they can handle or are willing to deal with so its always better to err to the side of caution...
 
You know, there was a very similar post here a couple of weeks ago.
What Mazdan says is very true.
My thought is that since you have no experience of using mdma, you cannot be a good guide to somebody else who is taking mdma for the first time.
You don't know what to expect so what's to stop you freaking out while you are coming up? She'll need some reassurance during the come up, so who's going to provide it?
Have you talked about this idea with her? Maybe there's a reason she's clammed up.
 
thelastclubkid said:
i get that and i agree with you that its *likely* to not have any complications but thats not the same as definitely... if it was me and i was in that situation i would be doing it but thats me and i am a natural risk taker... problem is we know nothing really about OP and his girl and what types of risks they can handle or are willing to deal with so its always better to err to the side of caution...
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I agree with you. Thats why i said she has to make an informed decision herself. We aren't here to make the decision for the OP's girl, but rather here to help inform them the best we can so that they make the decision and take the risk themselves.
 
Lots of info in the previous posts, but to add my 2c:

I just don't think psychedelics are for you and your wife if

I believe we both have deep secrets that we do not want to share. Knowing each other’s secrets might ruin our marriage.

this is what you truly feel.
Writing down these things before the experiment, and then maybe reading it to eachother while under the influence might help, but again... .
I don't think psychedelics are for you. Or you should open up to the feeling that being totally honest with eachother *might* bring the end of your marriage, and accept that.
But I don't think this is likely to happen ?

In any case, I wish you good luck with your wife and marriage !
 
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