wastedwalrus
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2005
- Messages
- 2,249
MDMA|First Time|Nirvana comes in the form of a pill
I apologize for the length in advanced.
Background: I have been using drugs for a little over a year and a half and have always been in search of that one substance that puts me over the edge. The one drug that gives me the high I had been in search of since my first hit of Cannabis. Previous to this experience, I have tried Alcohol, Marijuana, Cocaine, OxyContin, Vicodin, Lortab, Norco, Xanax, Tramadol and Heroin and had been overall content with the incredible results. My drugs of choice were Cocaine and Oxy. Well, I had always had a desire to obtain MDMA and one time came very close when my dealer forgot to bring the Molly he claimed to have had when he brought me my Oxy. I was pretty pissed off by this and requested... no demanded that he try and find me some variation of MDMA (may it be Molly or Ecstasy). He had no success and everyone else that I asked said they didn't have any either. I didn't give up on my dream to one day roll my fucking ass off. I kept asking around and every single time ended up empty handed. So eventually I started to lose hope in finding ecstasy and replaced it with cocaine. I had always loved cocaine and figured that it had to be the most euphoric stimulant/(meth)amphetamine out there. Recently, I got a very pleasant surprise when I met someone who was selling what was claimed to be really good ecstasy. The guy told me that they were White Mitsubishi's and that they were some of the strongest pills that had come around our area in a long time and only contained MDMA (this was good news as I had no desire to try any of the adulterants that are commonly used to cut ecstasy).
I got four from him and planned to roll that night. Until about five or six weeks ago, I was on Lexapro (an SSRI) but had recently been switched to Wellbutrin. I had heard that Wellbutrin could affect the MDMA experience so I stopped taking it about five or six days prior to the trip. I had been researching ecstasy for a long time and knew what it was all about.... or at least I thought I did. One can only truly understand this chemical by experiencing it's magic.
Setting: My room after dark with a combination of Eucalyptus and Lavender oils burning (burning oils is great with any high). Unfortunately I will be rolling alone.
Rolling Materials: Two small LED lights, one aromatherapy inhaler (generic brand for Vick's), a newly mixed playlist, a recently burned CD placed inside my shower radio/cd player, Orbit Sugar-Free Gum, a blow-pop, Milk Drop Visualization Program, Headphones (had to plug them into my computer in order to keep things quiet), and of course a computer.
I had made all the necessary preperations (ate a light dinner, took a vitamin three days in a row before experience, and made sure my mom wasn't going to be making any unexpected visits ro my room upstairs. The time will be estimated as I was way too faced to keep strict track of time.
0:00- I had decided on swallowing 1 and 1/2 of the pills and then insufflating the remaining 1/2 30 minutes after I had swallowed the previous dose. I had been told that this dose was pretty heavy for a first time and especially since these pills were of great quality, but dammit I wanted to be floored! I chopped up the 1/2 with my knife on my specified cutting surface and downed the 1 and 1/2. The taste was distinct but not necessarily as bad as people had said it was. It was the insufflation I was worried about. I then went and started to talk to some friends I had requested to be online (most of which were friends I had made here on BlueLight) and talk to me throughout the experience as, I have stated earlier, will be rolling alone tonight for my first MDMA experience.
0:30- I rolled up a dollar bill and insufflated each line pretty quickly. I anticipated an agonizing burn but I really didn't mind the actual result of sniffing the pill. It burnt a little bit but I didn't really mind at all. The drip, though unpleasant wasn't as bad as I had expected either.
0:35- In order to get my mind off of the ecstasy, I turned on the TV and started watching an episode of Reno 911 when I noticed somewhat of a rapid heartbeat. I was getting just a tiny bit anxious as I had been told to expect so I grabbed my guitar and started playing. This worked for a little bit but my mind quickly came back to the ecstasy. I decided to do a very short meditational practice and control my breathing until my heartbeat was back to normal.
0:38- I was able to control my heartbeat very well and all anxiety had subsided. Just about three minutes of this one excersise gave me a great mindset and fully prepared me to enjoy what will be without a doubt the greatest night of my life. I returned to the computer and started talking with some friends. They kept asking me "Are you feeling it yet?" and I sadly responded no. I was wondering if it was even going to work at all and that maybe I was ripped off or I still had the Lexapro or Wellbutrin in my system.
0:50- I was still talking to friends online and giving the same sad response when I noticed that something very subtle had changed about me. I really had no idea what but I felt different. Then I felt a sense of weightlessness in my arms. I put on my headphones, commenced the playlist, and turned on the visualizer. Over the span of five minutes the weightlessness spread over my body and I felt a sense of happiness and comfort coming over me.
0:55- The weightlessness shifted into this sensation that I was floating. I felt so loose and free (physically). I stood up and started to dance a little bit. The dancing emphasized the weightlessness and it was soon unbelievably cool to dance (even though I am a horrible dancer). The feelings of happiness and comfort were getting much stronger too.
1:00- I had sat down and started telling my friends that I was coming up when all the feelings I had described earlier were extremely evident and intense. I didn't realize it at first but I had an enormous, open-mouth smile and my eyes started to bulge out a little bit since my eyebrows were apparently raised (I seriously didn't realize these facial expressions until they had been present for a while). I cranked up Rob Dougan's "Furious Angels", flicked off the lights (leaving the candle from the oil burner as the only source of light other than my computer monitor), and stared right in the center of the visualizer screen. I don't really know how to describe how amazing the visualizer looked to me. The colors and patterns were remarkably sharp and clear. And the music..... ohhhhh! I could feel the vibration from the headphones all around my ears as they were producing a tingly, tactile sensation. Quite remarkable. I felt the music. I wasn't just listening to it... not anymore, no... I was feeling the music. All sorts of amazing emotions were rapidly increasing. Emotions like love, empathy, awareness, and even this odd feeling of rebirth (at least that's how I interpreted it... I felt overall very 'fresh' as a human-being). My ego (Pride, Arrogance, and other characteristics of the such) was completely stripped from me and I was left bare with a sense of shamelessness and hospitality for everyone and everything. I started to get occasional tactile rushes throughout my body but mostly on my legs. I started to talk to my friends again who I had completely forgotten about and told them what was happening.
1:20- My feelings towards the people I was talking to had either changed or fully revealed for the first time. I felt a sense of closeness to these people and I adored each and everyone of them. I loved them all and I sure as hell let them know that.... hehe. Some people interpreted my self-expression as being an act of homosexuality. I have also heard this from other drug users who didn't like E... "E makes you gay". It doesn't make you gay. This love I had for these guys and a few girls was not sexual at all. In fact, the very concept of sexual desire, thoughts, and actions turned me off completely. I was feeling the things that actually matter. I knew it was right to love these people. I even felt a love for people I didn't even know.... "we are all here together" (I kept thinking to myself). It was just an overall adoration of mankind and feeling of connection towards every beautiful being. Anyways, I told many of them about these feelings and it felt SO good to say "I love you" to people... to anyone! I felt loved too. I felt truly loved and adored by everything. It was the most emotional revelation I could ever dream of. But that what this was starting to turn into..... a dream. This is beyond drug territory. I had never been happier in my life. I would try to relate this feeling to you somehow but it is simple undescribable.... you must experience it yourself. Most of these feelings are pretty typical with ecstasy. I also started to hear a weird sound whenever I shook my head that sounded somewhat like the sound of a Vinyl Record being scratched by a DJ.
1:30- I IMed this girl that had accidentally IMed me a long time ago and wanted to be my friend from there on. This girl had always annoyed me but I instantly told her that I loved her..... surprisingly enough she recognized the high since she was a frequent roller herself. I tried to get her to say she loved me too just to see how it felt and when she finally typed it out my soul was complete..... "I AM LOVED!!!!!!!" Heh, I even got some guys to say it too.... it made no difference (love no longer has ANY sexual references but a feeling similar to the love you have for family) I just wanted to read the words "I Love You Jason". Reading that emphasized the feelings of connection and belonging to everything and everyone on this planet (including the fucking planet).
2:00- Two hours into the experience I am in my closet with the lights off listening to techno and putting on a marvelous light show with the LED's. I wasn't expecting to see any tracers since I wasn't getting MDA but sure enough I was seeing plenty with the LED lights and I am utterly captivated and mesmorized by the show. My body feels unreal. As if it's really not there at all. I'm still getting some tactile sensations, the floatiness/weightlessness, and some feelings I find hard to describe.
2:30- I come out of the closet and make my way to the mirror. My pupils were massive!!! I think it was around this time that I decided to post in the "You're sooooo high right now" thread in Drug Culture.... not once, not twice, but several times. "I MUST LET EVERYONE KNOW HOW I FEEL!!!!!" I also continued talking with friends and had some amazing and very emotional conversations. All the while the techno is playin strong and the visualizer is utterly captivating. I must say that ecstasy goes beyond Euphoria.... I figure it must be something rather similar to nirvana. I then remembered the Aromatherapy Inhaler. I was not expecting this.... With one huge inhalation through my nostrils I was gone.... The best way to describe it is a stimulating 'nod'. It was pretty incredible although I'm not able to specify a certain feeling that was present, my eyes rolled way back in my skull from the strongest sense of euphoria and happiness I had ever felt. It was just overall..... well, for a lack of better words orgasmic. I was in heaven.
The feelings I was having from the rolls were the most intense drug effects I have EVER felt. It was beyond what I could even imagine.
3:00- I was still going strong when I hopped into the shower and turned on the cd player. The feeling of the water wasn't really enjoyable but just kind of eery. I got out and went back about my business which at the times was staring at the visualizer while swaying side to side with some great music playing and pressing the glorious inhaler firmly against my nostrils. Hell, I couldn't get enough of it! I started taking huge whiffs from it and started using both my nose and mouth to get the vapors. I would occasionally be so dumb as to get the LED lights and shine them in my eyes.
It's a miracle that I made it out of the experience with any eyesight at all. I attempted some other tricks that had been told to attempt and really didn't have much success with any of them. I started to try and create my own. One trick in particular was pretty cool. I would start getting my legs all jittery and have them bouncing up and down all the while I was taking some whiffs from the inhaler. I held the vapors in and exhaled and quit bouncing my legs at the same time and got a really cool and intense rush to surge throughtout my legs. I continued with a nice balance of music, visualizations, friends, and of course.... the inhaler.
4:00- I could start to feel myself coming down and of course this was a dissapointment. However I noticed that when the high started to go down if I either took another whiff of the inhaler or changed the music to something with more bass/beat then I would be able to get the most out of the remaining time. This cycle seemed to keep my high going for another 30 minutes or so and then sadly my high was no more.
Saying Goodbye/The Aftermath- The comedown wasn't that bad but it wasn't pleasant either. I noticed I was hungry so I ate a granola bar I had in my room I took 1mg of xanax and got in bed and started watching some episodes of the Twighlight Zone. There must have been some ecstasy remaining in my system because I got a completely new buzz when the xanax kicked in. It was a great way to end the experience. I felt a lot of tactile sensations from the remaining x and xanax and of course I was nice and mellow and happy. There I was basking in the afterglow and reminiscing over what was without a doubt the greatest experience of my life. I started to get some cottonmouth and had to drink quite a bit of water and therefore I had to take numerous trips to the bathroom and as a results I was kept awake. My mouth kept getting very dry, my bladder kept getting very full, and dammit I was getting very tired. I gave up hope of falling asleep and went downstairs (it was about eight in the morning) and made myself some cereal, poured myself several glasses of orange juice (I find it to be very helpful with comedowns), and popped a vitamin. I went back on up to bed and was finally able to fall asleep around 9:30. I woke up at a little past 1:00 and went to starbucks for a solid three shots of espresso (I was pretty fucking tired). After I had some caffeine in me, I felt great and was able to think back to my experience. I started to feel pretty embarassed about some of the things I said/did but then realized and appreciated the beauty of the shamelessness the drug gave me.
Honestly, I find it incredibly hard to describe the experience and I'm sure I've left out a few things as my memory of the whole glorious event is a little hazy. I also assure you that my report of the effects were not embellished or exaggerated. But, like I said there in absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was the greatest experience I have ever had. All thanks to the greatest drug I have ever used.
Peace, Love, and MDMA %)
I apologize for the length in advanced.
Background: I have been using drugs for a little over a year and a half and have always been in search of that one substance that puts me over the edge. The one drug that gives me the high I had been in search of since my first hit of Cannabis. Previous to this experience, I have tried Alcohol, Marijuana, Cocaine, OxyContin, Vicodin, Lortab, Norco, Xanax, Tramadol and Heroin and had been overall content with the incredible results. My drugs of choice were Cocaine and Oxy. Well, I had always had a desire to obtain MDMA and one time came very close when my dealer forgot to bring the Molly he claimed to have had when he brought me my Oxy. I was pretty pissed off by this and requested... no demanded that he try and find me some variation of MDMA (may it be Molly or Ecstasy). He had no success and everyone else that I asked said they didn't have any either. I didn't give up on my dream to one day roll my fucking ass off. I kept asking around and every single time ended up empty handed. So eventually I started to lose hope in finding ecstasy and replaced it with cocaine. I had always loved cocaine and figured that it had to be the most euphoric stimulant/(meth)amphetamine out there. Recently, I got a very pleasant surprise when I met someone who was selling what was claimed to be really good ecstasy. The guy told me that they were White Mitsubishi's and that they were some of the strongest pills that had come around our area in a long time and only contained MDMA (this was good news as I had no desire to try any of the adulterants that are commonly used to cut ecstasy).
I got four from him and planned to roll that night. Until about five or six weeks ago, I was on Lexapro (an SSRI) but had recently been switched to Wellbutrin. I had heard that Wellbutrin could affect the MDMA experience so I stopped taking it about five or six days prior to the trip. I had been researching ecstasy for a long time and knew what it was all about.... or at least I thought I did. One can only truly understand this chemical by experiencing it's magic.
Setting: My room after dark with a combination of Eucalyptus and Lavender oils burning (burning oils is great with any high). Unfortunately I will be rolling alone.
Rolling Materials: Two small LED lights, one aromatherapy inhaler (generic brand for Vick's), a newly mixed playlist, a recently burned CD placed inside my shower radio/cd player, Orbit Sugar-Free Gum, a blow-pop, Milk Drop Visualization Program, Headphones (had to plug them into my computer in order to keep things quiet), and of course a computer.
I had made all the necessary preperations (ate a light dinner, took a vitamin three days in a row before experience, and made sure my mom wasn't going to be making any unexpected visits ro my room upstairs. The time will be estimated as I was way too faced to keep strict track of time.
0:00- I had decided on swallowing 1 and 1/2 of the pills and then insufflating the remaining 1/2 30 minutes after I had swallowed the previous dose. I had been told that this dose was pretty heavy for a first time and especially since these pills were of great quality, but dammit I wanted to be floored! I chopped up the 1/2 with my knife on my specified cutting surface and downed the 1 and 1/2. The taste was distinct but not necessarily as bad as people had said it was. It was the insufflation I was worried about. I then went and started to talk to some friends I had requested to be online (most of which were friends I had made here on BlueLight) and talk to me throughout the experience as, I have stated earlier, will be rolling alone tonight for my first MDMA experience.
0:30- I rolled up a dollar bill and insufflated each line pretty quickly. I anticipated an agonizing burn but I really didn't mind the actual result of sniffing the pill. It burnt a little bit but I didn't really mind at all. The drip, though unpleasant wasn't as bad as I had expected either.
0:35- In order to get my mind off of the ecstasy, I turned on the TV and started watching an episode of Reno 911 when I noticed somewhat of a rapid heartbeat. I was getting just a tiny bit anxious as I had been told to expect so I grabbed my guitar and started playing. This worked for a little bit but my mind quickly came back to the ecstasy. I decided to do a very short meditational practice and control my breathing until my heartbeat was back to normal.
0:38- I was able to control my heartbeat very well and all anxiety had subsided. Just about three minutes of this one excersise gave me a great mindset and fully prepared me to enjoy what will be without a doubt the greatest night of my life. I returned to the computer and started talking with some friends. They kept asking me "Are you feeling it yet?" and I sadly responded no. I was wondering if it was even going to work at all and that maybe I was ripped off or I still had the Lexapro or Wellbutrin in my system.
0:50- I was still talking to friends online and giving the same sad response when I noticed that something very subtle had changed about me. I really had no idea what but I felt different. Then I felt a sense of weightlessness in my arms. I put on my headphones, commenced the playlist, and turned on the visualizer. Over the span of five minutes the weightlessness spread over my body and I felt a sense of happiness and comfort coming over me.
0:55- The weightlessness shifted into this sensation that I was floating. I felt so loose and free (physically). I stood up and started to dance a little bit. The dancing emphasized the weightlessness and it was soon unbelievably cool to dance (even though I am a horrible dancer). The feelings of happiness and comfort were getting much stronger too.
1:00- I had sat down and started telling my friends that I was coming up when all the feelings I had described earlier were extremely evident and intense. I didn't realize it at first but I had an enormous, open-mouth smile and my eyes started to bulge out a little bit since my eyebrows were apparently raised (I seriously didn't realize these facial expressions until they had been present for a while). I cranked up Rob Dougan's "Furious Angels", flicked off the lights (leaving the candle from the oil burner as the only source of light other than my computer monitor), and stared right in the center of the visualizer screen. I don't really know how to describe how amazing the visualizer looked to me. The colors and patterns were remarkably sharp and clear. And the music..... ohhhhh! I could feel the vibration from the headphones all around my ears as they were producing a tingly, tactile sensation. Quite remarkable. I felt the music. I wasn't just listening to it... not anymore, no... I was feeling the music. All sorts of amazing emotions were rapidly increasing. Emotions like love, empathy, awareness, and even this odd feeling of rebirth (at least that's how I interpreted it... I felt overall very 'fresh' as a human-being). My ego (Pride, Arrogance, and other characteristics of the such) was completely stripped from me and I was left bare with a sense of shamelessness and hospitality for everyone and everything. I started to get occasional tactile rushes throughout my body but mostly on my legs. I started to talk to my friends again who I had completely forgotten about and told them what was happening.
1:20- My feelings towards the people I was talking to had either changed or fully revealed for the first time. I felt a sense of closeness to these people and I adored each and everyone of them. I loved them all and I sure as hell let them know that.... hehe. Some people interpreted my self-expression as being an act of homosexuality. I have also heard this from other drug users who didn't like E... "E makes you gay". It doesn't make you gay. This love I had for these guys and a few girls was not sexual at all. In fact, the very concept of sexual desire, thoughts, and actions turned me off completely. I was feeling the things that actually matter. I knew it was right to love these people. I even felt a love for people I didn't even know.... "we are all here together" (I kept thinking to myself). It was just an overall adoration of mankind and feeling of connection towards every beautiful being. Anyways, I told many of them about these feelings and it felt SO good to say "I love you" to people... to anyone! I felt loved too. I felt truly loved and adored by everything. It was the most emotional revelation I could ever dream of. But that what this was starting to turn into..... a dream. This is beyond drug territory. I had never been happier in my life. I would try to relate this feeling to you somehow but it is simple undescribable.... you must experience it yourself. Most of these feelings are pretty typical with ecstasy. I also started to hear a weird sound whenever I shook my head that sounded somewhat like the sound of a Vinyl Record being scratched by a DJ.
1:30- I IMed this girl that had accidentally IMed me a long time ago and wanted to be my friend from there on. This girl had always annoyed me but I instantly told her that I loved her..... surprisingly enough she recognized the high since she was a frequent roller herself. I tried to get her to say she loved me too just to see how it felt and when she finally typed it out my soul was complete..... "I AM LOVED!!!!!!!" Heh, I even got some guys to say it too.... it made no difference (love no longer has ANY sexual references but a feeling similar to the love you have for family) I just wanted to read the words "I Love You Jason". Reading that emphasized the feelings of connection and belonging to everything and everyone on this planet (including the fucking planet).
2:00- Two hours into the experience I am in my closet with the lights off listening to techno and putting on a marvelous light show with the LED's. I wasn't expecting to see any tracers since I wasn't getting MDA but sure enough I was seeing plenty with the LED lights and I am utterly captivated and mesmorized by the show. My body feels unreal. As if it's really not there at all. I'm still getting some tactile sensations, the floatiness/weightlessness, and some feelings I find hard to describe.
2:30- I come out of the closet and make my way to the mirror. My pupils were massive!!! I think it was around this time that I decided to post in the "You're sooooo high right now" thread in Drug Culture.... not once, not twice, but several times. "I MUST LET EVERYONE KNOW HOW I FEEL!!!!!" I also continued talking with friends and had some amazing and very emotional conversations. All the while the techno is playin strong and the visualizer is utterly captivating. I must say that ecstasy goes beyond Euphoria.... I figure it must be something rather similar to nirvana. I then remembered the Aromatherapy Inhaler. I was not expecting this.... With one huge inhalation through my nostrils I was gone.... The best way to describe it is a stimulating 'nod'. It was pretty incredible although I'm not able to specify a certain feeling that was present, my eyes rolled way back in my skull from the strongest sense of euphoria and happiness I had ever felt. It was just overall..... well, for a lack of better words orgasmic. I was in heaven.
The feelings I was having from the rolls were the most intense drug effects I have EVER felt. It was beyond what I could even imagine.
3:00- I was still going strong when I hopped into the shower and turned on the cd player. The feeling of the water wasn't really enjoyable but just kind of eery. I got out and went back about my business which at the times was staring at the visualizer while swaying side to side with some great music playing and pressing the glorious inhaler firmly against my nostrils. Hell, I couldn't get enough of it! I started taking huge whiffs from it and started using both my nose and mouth to get the vapors. I would occasionally be so dumb as to get the LED lights and shine them in my eyes.
It's a miracle that I made it out of the experience with any eyesight at all. I attempted some other tricks that had been told to attempt and really didn't have much success with any of them. I started to try and create my own. One trick in particular was pretty cool. I would start getting my legs all jittery and have them bouncing up and down all the while I was taking some whiffs from the inhaler. I held the vapors in and exhaled and quit bouncing my legs at the same time and got a really cool and intense rush to surge throughtout my legs. I continued with a nice balance of music, visualizations, friends, and of course.... the inhaler. 4:00- I could start to feel myself coming down and of course this was a dissapointment. However I noticed that when the high started to go down if I either took another whiff of the inhaler or changed the music to something with more bass/beat then I would be able to get the most out of the remaining time. This cycle seemed to keep my high going for another 30 minutes or so and then sadly my high was no more.
Saying Goodbye/The Aftermath- The comedown wasn't that bad but it wasn't pleasant either. I noticed I was hungry so I ate a granola bar I had in my room I took 1mg of xanax and got in bed and started watching some episodes of the Twighlight Zone. There must have been some ecstasy remaining in my system because I got a completely new buzz when the xanax kicked in. It was a great way to end the experience. I felt a lot of tactile sensations from the remaining x and xanax and of course I was nice and mellow and happy. There I was basking in the afterglow and reminiscing over what was without a doubt the greatest experience of my life. I started to get some cottonmouth and had to drink quite a bit of water and therefore I had to take numerous trips to the bathroom and as a results I was kept awake. My mouth kept getting very dry, my bladder kept getting very full, and dammit I was getting very tired. I gave up hope of falling asleep and went downstairs (it was about eight in the morning) and made myself some cereal, poured myself several glasses of orange juice (I find it to be very helpful with comedowns), and popped a vitamin. I went back on up to bed and was finally able to fall asleep around 9:30. I woke up at a little past 1:00 and went to starbucks for a solid three shots of espresso (I was pretty fucking tired). After I had some caffeine in me, I felt great and was able to think back to my experience. I started to feel pretty embarassed about some of the things I said/did but then realized and appreciated the beauty of the shamelessness the drug gave me.
Honestly, I find it incredibly hard to describe the experience and I'm sure I've left out a few things as my memory of the whole glorious event is a little hazy. I also assure you that my report of the effects were not embellished or exaggerated. But, like I said there in absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was the greatest experience I have ever had. All thanks to the greatest drug I have ever used.
Peace, Love, and MDMA %)
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
