quintessence
Bluelighter
Ecstacy (MDMA)
One pill (tan with brown speckles... dove insigna?)
First time ever
Last night I met up with some friends from Bluelight, Andy and Zarah, at a rave/party in downtown Portland. The decor was rocking, the music was great, the people were nice and friendly. We asked around for some pills, and I was especially anxious because I had not yet tried MDMA/ecstacy and badly wanted to. However, after a few hours we had no luck. Though we met many people who were rolling, they never had pills to spare. I was briefly but bitterly disappointed when Andy and Zarah managed to score some around three in the morning but could not find any for me. I asked around a bit more, and then gave up again -- why ruin a party by looking for drugs all night? Finally I gave up and enjoyed partying sober, I was having a great time. Around four in the morning, however, I began to get very tired, as I had only had one small cup of coffee to keep me awake. I bought an apple and sat on a chair upstairs, munching on it and chilling out. A few minutes later, a boy I had talked to earlier motioned me over, and told me, "I found a guy who's selling what you're looking for. I looked all over for you, but you'd disappeared." Then he offered to find the guy again, and waved off my profuse thanks. I waited upstairs, becoming more and more excited to try this amazing thing that everyone else (it seemed) was on. I was looking forward to having more energy to dance. Finally he returned, motioned me over again, and gave me a tiny little tan/brown pill in exchange for twenty bucks (the normal price, so I hear). I swallowed it without hesitation and no fear.
I went downstairs again and found Andy and Zarah.
"Okay," I said. "I just tried a pill. What do I expect?"
"Um... feel happy?" said Zarah. I left them and got back out on the floor, wondering how long it would take to come up. It definitely took its time. In about fifteen minutes, I began to notice my perception of the room changing. This is impossible to describe, but it seemed like everyone there was almost plastic, like moving statues, yet they also seemed very human and very beautiful. I began to regret my refusal to give hugs to certain people, and when one came by I impulsively gave him a hug to make up for my earlier coldness. I then realized that I had to drink water, so I went to fetch my water bottle.
This is pretty cool, I thought. Slight change in perception, elevated mood. Not bad. I looked over and saw Andy dancing, and suddenly worried that he wasn't hydrated, so went over to him and told him, "Drink your water!" He gave me a confused look, and then drank from my bottle. Then we looked over at each other and realized that we were rolling our asses off. I think I gave him a high five, and we both yelled, "WAHOO!!" We both had the biggest grins on our faces. I started dancing with more energy than I'd ever felt in my life, like I was bouncing on a moonwalk. I felt incredibly light and full of joy, almost like an angel. As I danced, I thought to myself that this moment was exactly where I was supposed to be, and that everything that was happening in my life was meant to happen. Despite my incredible hyperactivity, I felt peaceful and like everything was all right with the world.
And then the nausea hit.
All of the sudden, I realized that I was WAY too high, that I was on the verge of becoming sick. I grabbed my bag and raced to the calmer upstairs, where I lay on a red velvet cushion and watched the ceiling dissolve around me.
This is amazing, I thought. Wow. I told myself that everything was all right. This was the moment that time shattered. I have now only scattered recollections of the next hour. I remember stumbling to the bathroom with vomit already in my mouth, then someone pushing a trash can in front of me so I could puke into it. I was hyperventalating, on the verge of the craziest panic attack in my life. Strangely, however, throwing up felt good, like the right thing to do.
"Oh my god, oh my god," I gasped. "I didn't know it hit so quick." Someone was rubbing my back, and saying in a soothing voice, "You'll be fine, don't worry."
"Is this normal?" I asked, rather desperately. "Is time distortion normal?"
"Yes, it's very normal." But I had not known about that. One of the reasons I felt so safe trying E was that I was told beforehand that you could feel good and still act normal on it, that it didn't fuck you up as much. Ha! Yeah, right! I had never been so fucked up in my life, sitting on a bathroom floor vomiting into a trash can, not knowing where I was and how I got there or who these people were. I turned around and saw two girls who seemed to be very sympathetic. I remember telling them that it was my first time (nods of sage understanding), what the pill looked like, what my address was, and who I had come with. Then the next instant (probably a few minutes later), I saw Zarah next to me saying that I would be fine. She picked me up and carried me back to the couches, and it was at that moment I knew how utterly helpless I was, completely at the mercy of anyone. But I was calming down, as I was with friends and kind aquaintances. I wrapped my arms around Zarah and felt people rubbing my skin. Being touched was amazing, the most wonderful thing in the world. All my senses had been tripled.
"This is like a dream," I said, and someone answered, "No it's SO real. It's like way too much reality." I was surrounded by people, a veritable novelty.
"Guess how old she is," said Zarah.
"Fifteen? Sixteen?" guessed some.
"She's going to be twenty one next month," Zarah told them.
"Wow," they said. "Oh my god, she's so adorable!" I smiled back at them, amazed at all the attention. Perhaps I was a plaything, but I had not a care in the world. I just wanted to be loved. And I was!! At least for the moment, which was really all that mattered.
Eventually we went back downstairs, and I think I must have danced some more, but I can't remember much. I do know that I was deathly afraid of losing my things, so I grabbed my bag and water bottle and kept them close. At this point my legs were weak, tingling and shaking, and Zarah and Andy had to hold me up by my shoulders to get me out the door.
"That was a great party! Thanks!" we called to the security guy on our way out. Then I found myself in a car, and the next moment in a lovely studio apartment. Zarah and Andy had taken me home. I could recall the moment, but not how I found myself there, so I asked a lot of questions like "how did we get here?" and "what time is it?" We sat on the couch and I moved my feet and hands back and forth, over and over again, because moving just felt so good. You know that stretchy feeling you get when you have a cold and you've taken too much cough medicine? It was like that, but in a smoother and less jacked-up type of way. I intertwined my hands with theirs and asked, "Can I stay with you guys and be your kitten, please?" I made starfish with my paws. I wiggled around. My teeth were clenching like crazy. I really WAS a kitten, and dammit, I was HAPPY to be a kitten!
Then the talking came. One thing to watch out for with ecstacy -- have enough of it and you WILL tell your life story, your deepest thoughts, to anyone who will listen. At this point, I am slightly ashamed of how much I went on about myself, telling secrets that are usually reserved for close friends, talking stream-of-consciousness. I can't recall the entire conversation, but it went on for hours, and it felt totally right to just say what was on my mind. No wonder MDMA is sometimes used in therapy! So we talked for hours, sometimes inside and sometimes going outside for a smoke. I must have smoked about five cigarettes at least, but for no good reason other than that Andy was smoking too. I got no buzz from them. At this point it was about eight in the morning. I convinced them to take pictures of me on their digital camera, in which I'm hugging a stuffed carebear with my eyes dilated as fuck.
"If I'm going to make a total fool out of myself" I said determinedly, "I might as well do it 100%."
Eventually, we all went to sleep... or tried to. I took two Tylenol PMs to combat the E (MDMA is part of the amphetamine family, after all), but they didn't work all that well. I became very cold, and very tired, but never actually went to sleep. I kept waking up and grabbing the mirror to look at my eyes, which were very interesting! I went online for a bit, but thankfully managed not to post anything too ridiculous in livejournal or anything. Time was slowly but surely returning to normal, but it dragged so slow that one minute seemed like ten, and ten minutes seemed like an hour! When I woke up for good at two in the afternoon, I felt incredibly cracked out. I drank orange soda and ate an oat bar to settle my stomach, which was still acting up, and then looked at various movies and books and things in the house.
Around that time, ten hours after I'd dropped the pill, I experienced an amazing sense of curiosity that I hadn't had for a long time. This was pure, childlike curiosity, the type that drove me to ask questions about how everything worked and why things were the way they were. I was not a bit apathetic -- I was interested in EVERYTHING! Around three or so, I said goodbye to Zarah and Andy drove me home on his way to work. I got home and called Cassandra, who told me that I'd wasted a whole lot of money, but I had expected this type of response and didn't care much. People will spend a lot more on a night's worth of alcohol. Then my friend S called and invited me to her friends house for the evening. So. To cut a long story short, I took a three hour nap which was much more restful than the morning, then watched a movie with my roommates, and went over to dinner with S. I was still rolling, so asked a lot of questions about the cooking and how everything worked, and gave S lots of hugs. I was feeling very warm and touchy feely, and everything amused me.
And now I'm home. It's been nineteen hours, and I'm still feeling the effects, but now it's just the nice happy feelings and no disorientation or time distortion. I feel incredibly compassionate towards other people, and grateful for my friends in an indescribable way. I hope I can keep those feelings close to my heart, and remember that people really DO care about me, even those who hardly even know me. It's a good thing when you realize how much you are NOT alone in the world, and for that feeling alone I would say the pill was worth paying twenty bucks for.
All in all, I'd have to say that despite the hour or so of hell at the beginning, it was mostly a positive experience. The whole thing was akin to a twenty hour roller coaster ride, and since after every roller coaster I say, "Let's go on again!" you can already guess what I'm saying now. I already can't wait for the next time!! But in future, I'll divide the damn pill into fourths instead of taking all at once. Do not let size fool you!!
One pill (tan with brown speckles... dove insigna?)
First time ever
Last night I met up with some friends from Bluelight, Andy and Zarah, at a rave/party in downtown Portland. The decor was rocking, the music was great, the people were nice and friendly. We asked around for some pills, and I was especially anxious because I had not yet tried MDMA/ecstacy and badly wanted to. However, after a few hours we had no luck. Though we met many people who were rolling, they never had pills to spare. I was briefly but bitterly disappointed when Andy and Zarah managed to score some around three in the morning but could not find any for me. I asked around a bit more, and then gave up again -- why ruin a party by looking for drugs all night? Finally I gave up and enjoyed partying sober, I was having a great time. Around four in the morning, however, I began to get very tired, as I had only had one small cup of coffee to keep me awake. I bought an apple and sat on a chair upstairs, munching on it and chilling out. A few minutes later, a boy I had talked to earlier motioned me over, and told me, "I found a guy who's selling what you're looking for. I looked all over for you, but you'd disappeared." Then he offered to find the guy again, and waved off my profuse thanks. I waited upstairs, becoming more and more excited to try this amazing thing that everyone else (it seemed) was on. I was looking forward to having more energy to dance. Finally he returned, motioned me over again, and gave me a tiny little tan/brown pill in exchange for twenty bucks (the normal price, so I hear). I swallowed it without hesitation and no fear.
I went downstairs again and found Andy and Zarah.
"Okay," I said. "I just tried a pill. What do I expect?"
"Um... feel happy?" said Zarah. I left them and got back out on the floor, wondering how long it would take to come up. It definitely took its time. In about fifteen minutes, I began to notice my perception of the room changing. This is impossible to describe, but it seemed like everyone there was almost plastic, like moving statues, yet they also seemed very human and very beautiful. I began to regret my refusal to give hugs to certain people, and when one came by I impulsively gave him a hug to make up for my earlier coldness. I then realized that I had to drink water, so I went to fetch my water bottle.
This is pretty cool, I thought. Slight change in perception, elevated mood. Not bad. I looked over and saw Andy dancing, and suddenly worried that he wasn't hydrated, so went over to him and told him, "Drink your water!" He gave me a confused look, and then drank from my bottle. Then we looked over at each other and realized that we were rolling our asses off. I think I gave him a high five, and we both yelled, "WAHOO!!" We both had the biggest grins on our faces. I started dancing with more energy than I'd ever felt in my life, like I was bouncing on a moonwalk. I felt incredibly light and full of joy, almost like an angel. As I danced, I thought to myself that this moment was exactly where I was supposed to be, and that everything that was happening in my life was meant to happen. Despite my incredible hyperactivity, I felt peaceful and like everything was all right with the world.
And then the nausea hit.
All of the sudden, I realized that I was WAY too high, that I was on the verge of becoming sick. I grabbed my bag and raced to the calmer upstairs, where I lay on a red velvet cushion and watched the ceiling dissolve around me.
This is amazing, I thought. Wow. I told myself that everything was all right. This was the moment that time shattered. I have now only scattered recollections of the next hour. I remember stumbling to the bathroom with vomit already in my mouth, then someone pushing a trash can in front of me so I could puke into it. I was hyperventalating, on the verge of the craziest panic attack in my life. Strangely, however, throwing up felt good, like the right thing to do.
"Oh my god, oh my god," I gasped. "I didn't know it hit so quick." Someone was rubbing my back, and saying in a soothing voice, "You'll be fine, don't worry."
"Is this normal?" I asked, rather desperately. "Is time distortion normal?"
"Yes, it's very normal." But I had not known about that. One of the reasons I felt so safe trying E was that I was told beforehand that you could feel good and still act normal on it, that it didn't fuck you up as much. Ha! Yeah, right! I had never been so fucked up in my life, sitting on a bathroom floor vomiting into a trash can, not knowing where I was and how I got there or who these people were. I turned around and saw two girls who seemed to be very sympathetic. I remember telling them that it was my first time (nods of sage understanding), what the pill looked like, what my address was, and who I had come with. Then the next instant (probably a few minutes later), I saw Zarah next to me saying that I would be fine. She picked me up and carried me back to the couches, and it was at that moment I knew how utterly helpless I was, completely at the mercy of anyone. But I was calming down, as I was with friends and kind aquaintances. I wrapped my arms around Zarah and felt people rubbing my skin. Being touched was amazing, the most wonderful thing in the world. All my senses had been tripled.
"This is like a dream," I said, and someone answered, "No it's SO real. It's like way too much reality." I was surrounded by people, a veritable novelty.
"Guess how old she is," said Zarah.
"Fifteen? Sixteen?" guessed some.
"She's going to be twenty one next month," Zarah told them.
"Wow," they said. "Oh my god, she's so adorable!" I smiled back at them, amazed at all the attention. Perhaps I was a plaything, but I had not a care in the world. I just wanted to be loved. And I was!! At least for the moment, which was really all that mattered.
Eventually we went back downstairs, and I think I must have danced some more, but I can't remember much. I do know that I was deathly afraid of losing my things, so I grabbed my bag and water bottle and kept them close. At this point my legs were weak, tingling and shaking, and Zarah and Andy had to hold me up by my shoulders to get me out the door.
"That was a great party! Thanks!" we called to the security guy on our way out. Then I found myself in a car, and the next moment in a lovely studio apartment. Zarah and Andy had taken me home. I could recall the moment, but not how I found myself there, so I asked a lot of questions like "how did we get here?" and "what time is it?" We sat on the couch and I moved my feet and hands back and forth, over and over again, because moving just felt so good. You know that stretchy feeling you get when you have a cold and you've taken too much cough medicine? It was like that, but in a smoother and less jacked-up type of way. I intertwined my hands with theirs and asked, "Can I stay with you guys and be your kitten, please?" I made starfish with my paws. I wiggled around. My teeth were clenching like crazy. I really WAS a kitten, and dammit, I was HAPPY to be a kitten!
Then the talking came. One thing to watch out for with ecstacy -- have enough of it and you WILL tell your life story, your deepest thoughts, to anyone who will listen. At this point, I am slightly ashamed of how much I went on about myself, telling secrets that are usually reserved for close friends, talking stream-of-consciousness. I can't recall the entire conversation, but it went on for hours, and it felt totally right to just say what was on my mind. No wonder MDMA is sometimes used in therapy! So we talked for hours, sometimes inside and sometimes going outside for a smoke. I must have smoked about five cigarettes at least, but for no good reason other than that Andy was smoking too. I got no buzz from them. At this point it was about eight in the morning. I convinced them to take pictures of me on their digital camera, in which I'm hugging a stuffed carebear with my eyes dilated as fuck.
"If I'm going to make a total fool out of myself" I said determinedly, "I might as well do it 100%."
Eventually, we all went to sleep... or tried to. I took two Tylenol PMs to combat the E (MDMA is part of the amphetamine family, after all), but they didn't work all that well. I became very cold, and very tired, but never actually went to sleep. I kept waking up and grabbing the mirror to look at my eyes, which were very interesting! I went online for a bit, but thankfully managed not to post anything too ridiculous in livejournal or anything. Time was slowly but surely returning to normal, but it dragged so slow that one minute seemed like ten, and ten minutes seemed like an hour! When I woke up for good at two in the afternoon, I felt incredibly cracked out. I drank orange soda and ate an oat bar to settle my stomach, which was still acting up, and then looked at various movies and books and things in the house.
Around that time, ten hours after I'd dropped the pill, I experienced an amazing sense of curiosity that I hadn't had for a long time. This was pure, childlike curiosity, the type that drove me to ask questions about how everything worked and why things were the way they were. I was not a bit apathetic -- I was interested in EVERYTHING! Around three or so, I said goodbye to Zarah and Andy drove me home on his way to work. I got home and called Cassandra, who told me that I'd wasted a whole lot of money, but I had expected this type of response and didn't care much. People will spend a lot more on a night's worth of alcohol. Then my friend S called and invited me to her friends house for the evening. So. To cut a long story short, I took a three hour nap which was much more restful than the morning, then watched a movie with my roommates, and went over to dinner with S. I was still rolling, so asked a lot of questions about the cooking and how everything worked, and gave S lots of hugs. I was feeling very warm and touchy feely, and everything amused me.
And now I'm home. It's been nineteen hours, and I'm still feeling the effects, but now it's just the nice happy feelings and no disorientation or time distortion. I feel incredibly compassionate towards other people, and grateful for my friends in an indescribable way. I hope I can keep those feelings close to my heart, and remember that people really DO care about me, even those who hardly even know me. It's a good thing when you realize how much you are NOT alone in the world, and for that feeling alone I would say the pill was worth paying twenty bucks for.
All in all, I'd have to say that despite the hour or so of hell at the beginning, it was mostly a positive experience. The whole thing was akin to a twenty hour roller coaster ride, and since after every roller coaster I say, "Let's go on again!" you can already guess what I'm saying now. I already can't wait for the next time!! But in future, I'll divide the damn pill into fourths instead of taking all at once. Do not let size fool you!!
) and not speculate about why and what wasn't done. 
other than that sounds like you had a great first roll, much better than mine went 
but i have made up for it, and still love MDMA so much, pricewise i started at 14 to15 dollars a hit but that is working down as i getmore into it
