qwe
Bluelight Crew
This is sorta long, so if you don't like reading too much, just read the Background section and skim the Dose/Set/Setting section and of course read the Experience section
Intro
A while ago I told my girlfriend I thought MDMA would be really good for her. She's never tried alcohol, cigarettes, or any illegal drug, however, so naturally she declined. Eventually she was more open to the idea (after seeing me on MDMA and other drugs; and I did not pressure her into anything) and last night we both did MDMA. Why did I think she needed it so badly?
Background
Her life has been filled with abuse and stress from all directions. Molestation, rape, attempted suicide, abuse about every week (even still at age 20), doing most of the house work (including that which her siblings neglect), then working on the farm all night, then going to school all day, then going to work, she goes through a lot. Her highly conservative christian parents attempt absolute control over her. Many people who've learned how to make her feel guilty attempt to control her.
This has taken an obvious toll. She had self image problems, anorexia, severe depression, low sense of self worth, and being unable to really "open up." It took about three months for her to be comfortable to kiss, six months for intercourse, and seven months to try MDMA. Over that period of time she opened up more to me than anyone else, but still had a lot "closed," felt like she did not deserve me, and while I helped her depression and self esteem, she still often let herself be controlled by her family which, whether they had good intentions or not, was horrible for her happiness. Despite all her problems she is often cheerful, she is more empathetic than anyone I know, and brings happiness to almost everyone she knows. It's unfortunate that she was not able to see that she is a great person.
Dose & Set & Setting
We had two tablets each (I estimate them to be ~50mg MDMA). We are ~20 years old and about ~115 (her) & 125 (me) lbs. We had the comfy couch in the basement where we always cuddle and hang out. A week earlier she tried poppies (morphine), which is the only drug experience she had. I myself am experienced. She was not nervous for either experience.
Experience
Because she hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch or dinner, it hit her before me. The first sign of the drug was when she repeatedly remarked on how weird she felt. After a little bit she said "this feeling is awsome" but couldn't describe it in words. She said her hands looked really weird.
We were cuddling through the whole experience as she was continuously talking, coming to realization after realization about her life and relationships and society. She had an invincible happiness, high self-esteem and sense of self-worth, and full mental clarity.
She realized that no one deep down is truly a bad person, that she is beautiful, that she is not fat, that being 20 years old she does not need to let her parents impose absurd rules and absurd amounts of time doing work, that she doesn't need to let the constant negativity and yelling (at her) at her house make her feel bad, and that she is her own person who is a free adult. Everything is fine if she lets it be. She also became more open to getting out of her house and possibly moving here. All of this is obvious stuff, and she may have known some of them intellectually before taking the MDMA, but with the MDMA these ideas became intuitive (or, "felt").
The above was merely the surface of her realizations. She thought (and talked) about everything going on in her life and society in general and had a 180 degree change of direction in her frame of mind. Also, as was expected, we experienced the normal MDMA effects -- movement felt fine-tuned, the sensation of touch was enhanced, and we felt closer to eachother.
Next day
She experienced no come-down. We both got to sleep easily without sleep aides. The next day she still felt raised self-esteem and happiness, and all of the clear perspectives she recieved last night remained with her. (However, her hands still looked funny
.) She ate breakfast, and planned on eating lunch and dinner. We decided to skip school for the day and take a bath together with some oxycodone instead.
We both think (mostly) everyone should try MDMA, as it would make the world a much better place because people would be happier and more truly empathetic. We also are dissapointed in Oprah for the "holes in your brain" myth. The end
Two days after
Two days after, the afterglow waned and she experienced depression and withdrawal from "openness" (next time I will give her 5HTP). Before the afterglow faded, however, she had a confrontation with her father. She hates confrontations, but with the MDMA magic she stood up to her father. It's best relayed by a direct quote...
edit:
Three days after
She said she is almost back to normal from the come-down. She has been eating three meals a day and has retained what she learned on MDMA
edit:
Four days after
She is fully back to normal, still retaining what she learned. Her hands no longer 'look funny'. Any more follow ups will be weekly
A memory from the experience that we both like is that we were both almost crying because of how much we love eachother (independently), and then realized the other was almost crying too at the same time for the same reason
substancecode_MDMA
categorycode_group
categorycode_indoors
categorycode_therapeutic
categorycode_lowdose
categorycode_positive
explevel_firsttime
Intro
A while ago I told my girlfriend I thought MDMA would be really good for her. She's never tried alcohol, cigarettes, or any illegal drug, however, so naturally she declined. Eventually she was more open to the idea (after seeing me on MDMA and other drugs; and I did not pressure her into anything) and last night we both did MDMA. Why did I think she needed it so badly?
Background
Her life has been filled with abuse and stress from all directions. Molestation, rape, attempted suicide, abuse about every week (even still at age 20), doing most of the house work (including that which her siblings neglect), then working on the farm all night, then going to school all day, then going to work, she goes through a lot. Her highly conservative christian parents attempt absolute control over her. Many people who've learned how to make her feel guilty attempt to control her.
This has taken an obvious toll. She had self image problems, anorexia, severe depression, low sense of self worth, and being unable to really "open up." It took about three months for her to be comfortable to kiss, six months for intercourse, and seven months to try MDMA. Over that period of time she opened up more to me than anyone else, but still had a lot "closed," felt like she did not deserve me, and while I helped her depression and self esteem, she still often let herself be controlled by her family which, whether they had good intentions or not, was horrible for her happiness. Despite all her problems she is often cheerful, she is more empathetic than anyone I know, and brings happiness to almost everyone she knows. It's unfortunate that she was not able to see that she is a great person.
Dose & Set & Setting
We had two tablets each (I estimate them to be ~50mg MDMA). We are ~20 years old and about ~115 (her) & 125 (me) lbs. We had the comfy couch in the basement where we always cuddle and hang out. A week earlier she tried poppies (morphine), which is the only drug experience she had. I myself am experienced. She was not nervous for either experience.
Experience
Because she hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch or dinner, it hit her before me. The first sign of the drug was when she repeatedly remarked on how weird she felt. After a little bit she said "this feeling is awsome" but couldn't describe it in words. She said her hands looked really weird.
We were cuddling through the whole experience as she was continuously talking, coming to realization after realization about her life and relationships and society. She had an invincible happiness, high self-esteem and sense of self-worth, and full mental clarity.
She realized that no one deep down is truly a bad person, that she is beautiful, that she is not fat, that being 20 years old she does not need to let her parents impose absurd rules and absurd amounts of time doing work, that she doesn't need to let the constant negativity and yelling (at her) at her house make her feel bad, and that she is her own person who is a free adult. Everything is fine if she lets it be. She also became more open to getting out of her house and possibly moving here. All of this is obvious stuff, and she may have known some of them intellectually before taking the MDMA, but with the MDMA these ideas became intuitive (or, "felt").
The above was merely the surface of her realizations. She thought (and talked) about everything going on in her life and society in general and had a 180 degree change of direction in her frame of mind. Also, as was expected, we experienced the normal MDMA effects -- movement felt fine-tuned, the sensation of touch was enhanced, and we felt closer to eachother.
Next day
She experienced no come-down. We both got to sleep easily without sleep aides. The next day she still felt raised self-esteem and happiness, and all of the clear perspectives she recieved last night remained with her. (However, her hands still looked funny
.) She ate breakfast, and planned on eating lunch and dinner. We decided to skip school for the day and take a bath together with some oxycodone instead.We both think (mostly) everyone should try MDMA, as it would make the world a much better place because people would be happier and more truly empathetic. We also are dissapointed in Oprah for the "holes in your brain" myth. The end
Two days after
Two days after, the afterglow waned and she experienced depression and withdrawal from "openness" (next time I will give her 5HTP). Before the afterglow faded, however, she had a confrontation with her father. She hates confrontations, but with the MDMA magic she stood up to her father. It's best relayed by a direct quote...
edit:
Three days after
She said she is almost back to normal from the come-down. She has been eating three meals a day and has retained what she learned on MDMA
edit:
Four days after
She is fully back to normal, still retaining what she learned. Her hands no longer 'look funny'. Any more follow ups will be weekly
A memory from the experience that we both like is that we were both almost crying because of how much we love eachother (independently), and then realized the other was almost crying too at the same time for the same reason
substancecode_MDMA
categorycode_group
categorycode_indoors
categorycode_therapeutic
categorycode_lowdose
categorycode_positive
explevel_firsttime
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