MDMA Bad Experience / Lasting Effect?

[athenab]

I did MDMA a few days ago and had a bad experience. The first two times (a few months ago) were amazing, it felt as though nothing could ever go wrong. The third time I did it was earlier this week and I rolled all day. The experience was pretty good in the morning, but got progressively worse throughout the day with anxiety and by the end of the night I just wanted to be sober. I'm wondering whether the environment you're in and the people you're with are large factors to how you feel? Every time that I had a good trip was when I was somewhere comfortable such as a house or a peaceful nature setting, and with only a few of my closest friends. The last two times were at a busy electro-music festival and I ended up wasting my money on the tickets because I didn't enjoy myself at all. I'm confused because I used to be able to handle larger doses, and now I can't for some reason. When I did it a few days ago, I took a very small parachute and was rolling within about fifteen minutes, maybe less. I was saying that I was starting to feel it build up inside me, and what felt like a few minutes later, I was dizzy and my heart was racing. We were still in the crowd waiting for the music to start, but I already felt like I was dancing (difficult to describe). I wasn't dehydrated because I had been continuously drinking water that day, but I suddenly got this feeling that I needed to leave the area. I didn't want to imagine the anxiety that would come on once the flashing lights and loud music started so I left to go to the washrooms. I sat on a bench and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest, my vision was blurry and I really couldn't think straight. I began to panic because I had never felt this kind of anxiety from MDMA in the past. I ran into an outhouse and locked the door and started to cry. Soon I found my whole body was numb and I heard ringing in my ears. My arms and legs started shaking violently and this panicked me more because I know people who have had seizures when taking too much of the drug. I tried to calm myself down and remember who of my friends I could call that were in the crowd. None of them answered, so I tried other friends of mine and my boyfriend who were on their way to the festival and they didnt answer either. I had a large saliva buildup in my mouth and kept spitting it out because there was lots of it and difficult to swallow (thought this was pretty weird). I really thought I was going to die and when I came out of the stall I headed to the emergency assistance tent but then thankfully changed my mind and went to the parking lot instead.I called my sister and told her to pick me up and she did, I explained to her what happened and she got me some water and we went to a peaceful place. It took about five hours of listening to soft soothing music and lying in the grass to feel semi-normal again. I never want to feel that panic/anxiety ever again in my life, but I loved how it felt the first times I rolled. How can I go back to loving the MDMA experience? Do I just need to be in a good environment or is this a sign that I need to take a long break from it before trying again? Also, I've been feeling very anxious ever since the event and I can't relax my mind no matter how hard I try. How can I overcome this feeling?

 

[athenab]

ADD-ON: Not sure if this means anything, but everytime I do MDMA, my pupils get larger and larger even though I keep doing smaller doses. During my last experience (the one I just described), my eyes were almost completely black with just a tiny line of brown around them.

 

[tasha_yar]

Some people just seem to react badly to MDMA. I witnessed someone go into full delusional psychosis on it once - accused all her friends of conspiring against her and literally ran away into Detroit, spent the night hiding and quaking in terror.

Obviously don't use again for a good long while - do you normally enjoy crowded and busy events? Set and setting is everything. I recently had a great time go really sour after some people we met turned out to be hostile and angry. Were there bad vibes?

 

[athenab]

No, before it kicked in I was really excited for the concert and had a feeling that my night was going to be great. I wasn't worried about the crowd at all and it wasn't overwhelming until my heart started racing. The people I was with are my closest friends and I love them all alot so that wasn't the problem either. I just don't understand why I used to love it so much but now affects me negatively.

 

[RoyMunson]

I rolled all day.

There's the problem. You fucked yourself. You simply can't roll all day and not break your head.

 

[athenab]

So you're saying if I space it out more next time, I'll be able to handle it and have a good night? And approx how long should I wait before doing it again?