MDMA and Us (Bipolar & Anxiety)

[telepathetic]

This post is about my fiance and I.

First let me tell you about her. From the age of 15 she was diagnosed with Bipolar (Bipolar I - i think). When i met her (at 18 ) she must have been having a normal phase for a while, as she was unmedicated for the entire time and she seemed extremely normal. About a year after we met, we were doing psychedelics together, which she enjoyed a bunch. We had a lot of fun, got to know God and our spirituality together. Then we tried MDMA with a friend - and had an AMAZING time - it was so much fun and we got a lot of great talking done. Though it wasn't meant for therapy at the time, we definitely saw its therapeutic potential.

A few months later, since we couldn't get any MDMA, I ordered a bunch of mephedrone and methylone off the internet. We ended up doing dangerous amounts of these (over 20g - or close to 15 grams - in a few months), over the course of a few months, in which we did dumb roll-esque shit and I was EXTREMELY manic - though I'm not diagnosed bipolar, nor do I think I am - and talked to everyone and everything while high on mephedrone etc.

We stopped that and eventually each developed severe anxiety problems - we bickered for a year but we loved each other and made it through. After that another year passed and we were normal again finally. Over a few months while we each tried to quit smoking some things happened that put strain on our relationship which caused a chain reaction and caused her to do some things that hurt our relationship a bit - caused her a lot of emotional stress - and me a lot of mental pain. But we've made it through, and we're doing amazingly. She had sort of a bipolar break, she was rapid cycling and hardly in touch with reality by the end of all the drama. She went and got on bipolar medication (Lamictol & Depakote), and is completely stable now.

Anyway, my birthday is coming up, and I've got access to some great quality MDMA. We've only ever taken it once, and we'd like to take it together, as I think it could help us heal our relationship a lot - i feel we could really use its therapy. I just don't want her to have a manic break or something. Shes on the medicine and neither Lamictol or Depakote react with MDMA - and Depakote stops manic events from happening as does lamictol.

If we took MDMA together, and she took her medicine, as well as a benzo (that she is scripted) afterward, how do you think this would go?

We could really use this experience.

---

Now, lets say y'all think she can, now lets go on to me. Over the last who knows long since all the mephedrone shit - I've been a hypochondriac and had severe anxiety. I was constantly checking my heart rate thinking I had screwed my heart up - even though I had an ECG and it came out fine. Then I moved on to cancer, lymphoma, anything you can name, Lyme disease etc.

I have recently kind of gotten over this. I still catch my self worrying from time to time, but I've for the most part recovered from this.

Now, would MDMA exasperate this or bring it back? I feel like it could help.


[EDIT]: And here is my inner hypochondriac talking, if I did damage my heart, is there any tests I should have done before taking MDMA?

 

[interleukin]

Shes on the medicine and neither Lamictol or Depakote react with MDMA - and Depakote stops manic events from happening as does lamictol.

You don't know that and I find it highly unlikely that MDMA would have no interaction with mood stabilizing/anticonvulsant drugs. Regardless, no one with what sounds like a resonably severe case of bipolar disorder should even consider using MDMA.

I have recently kind of gotten over this. I still catch my self worrying from time to time, but I've for the most part recovered from this.

Now, would MDMA exasperate this or bring it back? I feel like it could help.


[EDIT]: And here is my inner hypochondriac talking, if I did damage my heart, is there any tests I should have done before taking MDMA?

From my experience, palpitations, random tachycardia, chest tightness and anxiety from abusing mephedrone or similar stimulants goes away eventually but takes several months depending on severity of abuse. The kind of structural damage to the heart that you are probably concerned about can be seen in an echocardiogram. And yes, MDMA would exacerbate it - it is a powerful stimulant.

 

[FnX]

Regardless, no one with what sounds like a resonably severe case of bipolar disorder should even consider using MDMA.

With all due respect, some people with type II bipolar disorder might even benefit from therapeutic MDMA use. Obviously purely recreational usage is something I'd never recommend in a case like this, but for example the MAPS Treatment Manual for MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy for Treatment of PTSD only rules out type I (which coincidentally seems what OP is talking about though) as a contraindication for MDMA assisted psychoterapy. My personal guess would be this is because of the risk of a mania episode. I recommend this manual to be read by people interested in therapeutic use of MDMA anyway.

 

[the toad]

Mephedrone is more like meth... it doesnt suprise me that this would exacerbate the bipolar disorder.... heavy stim use tends to make everyone bipolar even if they werent to start with....

Id recommend avoiding research chems in general for people with mood disorders... occasional mdma use, say 4 to 6 times a year i dont see causing any issues... especially if you/she have used it in the past and noticed its theraputic value