So, I know all about the link between MDMA and anxiety.
MDMA revolves all around serotonin. Serotonin controls mood, appetite, a whole bunch of things - and a lack of, promotes anxiety.
I found out the hard way. 2 years ago, on New years eve, I was at a house party. I had been accustomed to MDMA for a while, for a few straight months, got to know its effects and it was a pure joy! I was doing it perhaps once a month, with a group of friends. The usual way to do it was to do your usual bomb, then 'top up' a couple of hours later with another. This new year's eve party, we did the first bomb together, got feeling great. In the heat of the party, we did another an hour later. Being under the influence, and well and truly nobbed at this point, there was somebody who said he fancied another, so we did another. Repeat this every hour for the next 5 hours.
It got to about 8 in the morning and I was well and truly caked. It had got past the point of feeling high, it was just an overall weird experience. Hard to piss, d**k shriveled, bug eyes, weird thoughts. Having been in bed since about 9 in the morning, I didn't get to sleep until about 4 in the afternoon. I just watched loads of Netflix, including Zombieland and Kevin and Perry: Go Large.
Woke up, usual comedown feeling, went home. A few days later was when I went back to reality (back to work) and it all kicked in.
The night before work, I started feeling really on edge. I didn't know what it was. Then I woke up the next day and still felt the same. I felt different. Worried. Then I went to work and it all felt so strange: too much. I began my work, then started to panic. I had to go to a supervisor and ask to go home. I was terrified. On my drive home I was crying my eyes out (I was 21 years old, I rarely cry (not trying to sound hard, just trying to put it into perspective)). I broke down in tears and had to explain everything to my mother. It was comforting to be honest. She was supportive. I got her to buy some 5-htp tablets for me and started taking them immediately. For the next week, I took time off work, spending every night in tears, panicking. I thought I'd never get through this; this has well and truly f****d me up for life. But then, I treated myself with some cognitive behavioural therapy, and in a few days, came round. Went back to work, but still mildly anxious.
I finally came back to normal; but not quite. 2 years later I still suffer from anxiety. Being hungover makes me anxious. Big events make me anxious. I've done a few nights on coke, I knew it wouldn't give me that week of hell I went through because it's not primarily serotonin based, but it still makes me anxious.
In summary, I don't know if MDMA has messed up my brain, or if, on a psychological level, I have formed a habit of feeling anxious. Has anybody had the same experience? Does anybody feel the the same?
Very long post I know, I hope you enjoyed the read!
MDMA revolves all around serotonin. Serotonin controls mood, appetite, a whole bunch of things - and a lack of, promotes anxiety.
I found out the hard way. 2 years ago, on New years eve, I was at a house party. I had been accustomed to MDMA for a while, for a few straight months, got to know its effects and it was a pure joy! I was doing it perhaps once a month, with a group of friends. The usual way to do it was to do your usual bomb, then 'top up' a couple of hours later with another. This new year's eve party, we did the first bomb together, got feeling great. In the heat of the party, we did another an hour later. Being under the influence, and well and truly nobbed at this point, there was somebody who said he fancied another, so we did another. Repeat this every hour for the next 5 hours.
It got to about 8 in the morning and I was well and truly caked. It had got past the point of feeling high, it was just an overall weird experience. Hard to piss, d**k shriveled, bug eyes, weird thoughts. Having been in bed since about 9 in the morning, I didn't get to sleep until about 4 in the afternoon. I just watched loads of Netflix, including Zombieland and Kevin and Perry: Go Large.
Woke up, usual comedown feeling, went home. A few days later was when I went back to reality (back to work) and it all kicked in.
The night before work, I started feeling really on edge. I didn't know what it was. Then I woke up the next day and still felt the same. I felt different. Worried. Then I went to work and it all felt so strange: too much. I began my work, then started to panic. I had to go to a supervisor and ask to go home. I was terrified. On my drive home I was crying my eyes out (I was 21 years old, I rarely cry (not trying to sound hard, just trying to put it into perspective)). I broke down in tears and had to explain everything to my mother. It was comforting to be honest. She was supportive. I got her to buy some 5-htp tablets for me and started taking them immediately. For the next week, I took time off work, spending every night in tears, panicking. I thought I'd never get through this; this has well and truly f****d me up for life. But then, I treated myself with some cognitive behavioural therapy, and in a few days, came round. Went back to work, but still mildly anxious.
I finally came back to normal; but not quite. 2 years later I still suffer from anxiety. Being hungover makes me anxious. Big events make me anxious. I've done a few nights on coke, I knew it wouldn't give me that week of hell I went through because it's not primarily serotonin based, but it still makes me anxious.
In summary, I don't know if MDMA has messed up my brain, or if, on a psychological level, I have formed a habit of feeling anxious. Has anybody had the same experience? Does anybody feel the the same?
Very long post I know, I hope you enjoyed the read!
