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MDMA and a broken relationship

Loozer_Magnet

Loozer_Magnet

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 20, 2016
Messages
71
Location
Tampa, FL
About 5 years ago my boyfriend and I were going through some issues and then we discovered MDMA.. It was amazing.. It made everything better between us and helped us connect in ways we hadn't before emotionally and made sex bind blowing.. 2 years ago he was unfaithful and broke my trust.. So we turned to MDMA for help.. Only this time, it didn't.. We chalked it up to our tolerance being higher than it was in the beginning, so we dosed more than we used to.. It still didn't help.. Things got awkward.. Sex was awkward.. Several attempts later things are still awkward.. The drug we once relied on to help us just isn't working.. We still feel the high, but it's changed... It doesn't make us want to surrender to the throws of passion.. Could it be the fact the foundation of our relationship has cracked? What can we do to overcome this and get things back to the way they used to be?

(Note: We have spaced out our rolls to once every 3-6 months or so)
 
I said something similar in another thread recently and it apparently didn't go down too well, so I was hesitant to reply to this, but since you ask...

Firstly, spacing out your MDMA use every 3-6 months is likely enough to prevent any significant development of tolerance, so your thinking that tolerance is the reason your usage has not had the desired effects this time, is unfortunately just wishful thinking.

MDMA despite it's empathogenic qualities is not some kind of cure-all emotional medicine, and it's important to remember that first of all it is a powerful psychoactive drug and thus the feelings it induces are not necessarily reflective of reality. Yes, MDMA does promote openness and honesty, most of the time, and thus can be useful in accelerating working through emotional issues, largely due to the increased ability to communicate honestly without fear of judgement or other reprisals. However at the root of this is not the MDMA alone, but simply the fact that communication and expression of feelings that you would otherwise hold inside yourself for longer is therapeutic and psychologically beneficial in itself. However not all problems can be resolved by communication alone, and like any drug, MDMA can induce feelings that aren't real, and these false feelings will eventually fade.

You ask what you can do to make things go back to the way they used to be, well, this is simply not possible. Time continues it's inexorable march into the future, and things will never be like they used to be.

This is not to say that your relationship is beyond repair, obviously I don't know you or your relationship. But if it's been 2 years now, you have to ask yourself if it is really worth any further investment of time and emotional energy to repair it, or simply to cut your losses. Either way, you need to accept that it will never be the same as it was, it may be better than it is now, but it will always be different... and if you still think it is worth the effort, you need to make this effort without drugs, because a drug induced solution will almost never last.
 
I understand that it will not fix our relationship but it does help us with our communication barrier, which in turn strengthens our bond.. My boyfriend is not very good at expressing himself due to his horrible anxiety.. I on the other hand am very open.. This is our conflict.. His inability to open up about things is one of the biggest strains on our relationship. When we found MDMA for the first time we noticed how well it helped us be more open with each other about everything. He was finally able to express himself and say a the things he had been keeping inside.. It was very, as you said, therapeutic for us... Finally breaking down a wall he had issues climbing over... So we used it every few months to help us reconnect and let everything out
Then I got pregnant.. So we stopped for about a year... Which put us back in the situation of not communicating.. That's when he broke my trust... He was unhappy with the way things were and felt like he couldn't talk to me... So instead of talking to me, he decided to flirt with other women online to make himself feel better.. A total douche bag move that hurt me even more at the time because I had just had our daughter and was suffering from postpartum depression and was a big emotional wreck as it was...
To this day I still have trouble getting past the insecurities that were brought on by that one time event... No matter much much we talk about it and I express my feelings... It's like I see him as a completely different person.. I've been on antidepressants to help with the emotional trauma.. I feel really silly over it because he didn't physically cheat on me or anything.. But he made me feel like I wasn't good enough.. And I haven't been the same since.. Not just with our relationship, but in life in general..
So, basically the point of my original post was to ask (which would have been much easier if I would have kept it short and to the point)...

Is it likely that the MDMA is affecting me differently because of the emotional changes I've gone through since the beginning? Have I lost the "magic" because my frame of mind has been altered to be more pessimistic?
 
The antidepressants and mdma dont work well together. Theres a lot about their interaction in ecstacy discussion and basic drug discussion so have a look there.

Honestly though there has to be a different way of working things out besides rolling.

Admittedly though mdma did help my marriage plod along for a couple more years than it would have without it. But it ended up the same.
 
I wasn't taking the antidepressants and MDMA simultaneously.. I waited about 2 months after getting off of them before I attempted to roll again, due to the half life they have.. I wanted to make sure my system was completely clean so it wouldn't dampen the effects..
I'm sure there are other ways to improve our relationship besides rolling.. But it was just something that worked for us and we both enjoyed..
 
Use pill reports or test your gear to rule out shitty gear.

Other than that I dont know why its gone a bit off.

Are you sure you have gotten decent mdma?
 
Loozer_Magnet said:
Is it likely that the MDMA is affecting me differently because of the emotional changes I've gone through since the beginning? Have I lost the "magic" because my frame of mind has been altered to be more pessimistic?
Click to expand...
No, it is not likely. It IS likely that you've simply reached a wall with what MDMA can do for you. While drugs can help, they can only take you so far.

You may be doing this already but by the sounds of it you could both benefit from seeking help individually, from actual professionals (and I don't mean just the prescription kind). From your initial post I assumed that there was some physical cheating involved, but regardless I wouldn't discount your feelings as silly, your feelings are important and there is a reason you were feeling them that needs to be addressed. Insecurity can be damaging to relationships but equally your partner needs to take steps to deal with his own anxiety. Relationships require mutual investment by each party in their own wellbeing, as well as the relationship as a whole. If only one of you is making any effort to change it's not going to work.
 
Me and my wife have found that certain drugs help us break down emotional, mental, and sexual bariers. Unfortunately in my area MDMA is so rare , that we take adderall and treat it like mdma and surprisingly similar in a lot of ways! We do know that we cant run to drugs if a problem ever occurs, but this is a valuable tool I keep in my toolbox.

I rreally sometimes think that taking our monthly adderall roll helped us realize how sexual compatible we are for eachother, and even better how emotionally compatible as well!

Just know at the end of the day we got to go back to us
 
Has he said why he could open up to a stranger and not you?

If hes not willing to work on things with you what else is there to do?

Im not sure if its a good idea to recommend using other types of drugs unless there is a good solid relationship existing already to enhance. I was going to mention some alternatives but it might be better just to have a weekend away from it all and doing something fun?

Hope things get better lpve. Its hard with a young child especially.
 
opiatekrzy said:
Me and my wife have found that certain drugs help us break down emotional, mental, and sexual bariers. Unfortunately in my area MDMA is so rare , that we take adderall and treat it like mdma and surprisingly similar in a lot of ways! We do know that we cant run to drugs if a problem ever occurs, but this is a valuable tool I keep in my toolbox.

I rreally sometimes think that taking our monthly adderall roll helped us realize how sexual compatible we are for eachother, and even better how emotionally compatible as well!

Just know at the end of the day we got to go back to us
Click to expand...

That is exactly how we use it.. Not as a solve all.. But just to help us reconnect and sort through our issues..
 
zephyr said:
Has he said why he could open up to a stranger and not you?

If hes not willing to work on things with you what else is there to do?

Im not sure if its a good idea to recommend using other types of drugs unless there is a good solid relationship existing already to enhance. I was going to mention some alternatives but it might be better just to have a weekend away from it all and doing something fun?

Hope things get better love. Its hard with a young child especially.
Click to expand...
He won't open up at anyone... That's his main problem... But rolling used to help him break away from it for a few hours.. Now it doesn't..
 
It's a wonderful gift truely, to share experiences with a loved one under the influence for good reasons, last but not least the sex is orgasmically mindblowing, my God I can't even tthink about it without getting aroused.

I wish you and your spouse the best and hope you all find peace, love, and empathy towards eachother
 
Me and my Exwife used MDMA to prolong a very painful relationship as well. At the end of the day you come down and are still stuck with a dishonest cheater whom you can't trust any longer. That's why your experience is so I'll fated.
That was my personal experience as well,thought I had gotten use to the E or was getting bunk crap. When I started dating again it had wonderful results. It wasn't the E I was use to it was the person I was doing it with! Maybe you should cut your losses and move forward!
Just saying ?
 
I'll say this: yes we saved our relationship with mdma. It helped me open up and it helped her to accept what I said.
I will aslo say that I was the unfaithful one.
But mdma is not a magic wand. If the other person wants to hold back nothing will make him/her open up.
Also as you become more experienced with mdma you are more able to direct the experience and it's simply not the overwhelming feeling of joy and tenderness that it was initially, magic or no magic.
 
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