MasterKeeks
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 13, 2025
- Messages
- 23
So for the last 6 or so months I’ve been taking the MAOI Nardil with great success after years and years of only ever a moderate response to every class of antidepressants having trialed many in each main class. The whole time I was taking Dexedrine but since amphetamine was too CNS heavy for a MAOI regarding blood pressure issues I’ve since been taking Focalin IR for the last couple of months. I’ve also started filtering the pills two weeks ago (I KNOW) and injecting them intramuscular in my deltoids with out any serious adverse effects. But also around the time of starting doing that I’ve developed a paranoia of genuinely believing I’m hearing rats crawling around on my floor and have been finding it hard to not focus on the delusion and lean into it. (is that what this is?). It hasn’t been that intense as I haven’t had my actual script for my IR and have been crushing a single 30 mg of my brothers ER script given to me and IM injecting that and only that in a day since I’ve started IM injecting. This delusion has only ever lasted while the drug is fully kicking and is never there in the morning after sleeping. Today though, today I finally got my IR script this morning and have IM injected easily 60 mg and plugged probably around the same through out the day.
It’s 2:18 AM currently here and I took what I had already decided was it for today at around 11:00-11:30. Then at around 1:20, almost exactly an hour ago, I began to hear the rat noises louder than ever, more frequent than ever, and more in tune to the exact noises I rat might make. Like actual squeaks. And I’m still currently hearing them all around writing this. They sound very close and I seem to have it stuck in my brain that eventually one is going to jump up from the floor and give me a nice mouse bite. It also feels like there’s movement under my blanket around my feet as well.
The real anxious trigger moment was when I realized for the first time after waking my mother up and telling her I’m positive this time I hear rats, and then moving my bed and checking every where for said rats, that the NOISES ARE COMING FROM ME AND I HAD NO IDEA. I WAS HEARING SMALL MOVEMENTS I WAS MAKING TRYING TO BE STILL AND QUIET. And I had no idea, once I realized this it all ceased temporarily and now the noises are ramping up and again sound foreign. What kind of mental illness is this?!?
I swear I’m not trolling I actually instead have just started crying because I’m so afraid I’m not gonna come back from this when I drink this vodka I have and fall asleep hopefully sooner. I can definitely pick up that my mental is tweaked is some way right now as well.
Please, can all my BLs, please, please, take the time to read my post and respond. You have no idea how much it will mean to me right now, any response in general will help to make me feel better right now. I feel so afraid and alone right now. My anxiety is off the charts. It’s so bad guys please respond with some insight.
It’s 2:18 AM currently here and I took what I had already decided was it for today at around 11:00-11:30. Then at around 1:20, almost exactly an hour ago, I began to hear the rat noises louder than ever, more frequent than ever, and more in tune to the exact noises I rat might make. Like actual squeaks. And I’m still currently hearing them all around writing this. They sound very close and I seem to have it stuck in my brain that eventually one is going to jump up from the floor and give me a nice mouse bite. It also feels like there’s movement under my blanket around my feet as well.
The real anxious trigger moment was when I realized for the first time after waking my mother up and telling her I’m positive this time I hear rats, and then moving my bed and checking every where for said rats, that the NOISES ARE COMING FROM ME AND I HAD NO IDEA. I WAS HEARING SMALL MOVEMENTS I WAS MAKING TRYING TO BE STILL AND QUIET. And I had no idea, once I realized this it all ceased temporarily and now the noises are ramping up and again sound foreign. What kind of mental illness is this?!?
I swear I’m not trolling I actually instead have just started crying because I’m so afraid I’m not gonna come back from this when I drink this vodka I have and fall asleep hopefully sooner. I can definitely pick up that my mental is tweaked is some way right now as well.
Please, can all my BLs, please, please, take the time to read my post and respond. You have no idea how much it will mean to me right now, any response in general will help to make me feel better right now. I feel so afraid and alone right now. My anxiety is off the charts. It’s so bad guys please respond with some insight.
