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May getting and/or staying sober thread v. May flowers

I actually work most mornings, outside.

I think a better endorphin releaser in the form of exercise is definitely a next step.
 
^^sounds right. it doesn't have to be that intense or rigorous; even simple walking can help tremendously. 30 minutes a day helps with sleep, mood, anxiety, chronic pain, and of course, fitness.

all of the muscles in your body seek movement. and the entire body/mind system responds positively when you do 30 minutes of movement per day.
 
2 weeks clean today! Feel great. At this point, I feel quite alright with not using/drinking ever again. Obviously, I take it day by day, but there is just so much less "resistance" this time around. I am meeting people, talking to them, going to meetings, eating healthy, reading, working etc. I am not a Christian or even religious by any stretch.. however I am spiritual. I take lots of information from Islam, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism and Hinduism and kinda make it work for me. Also, throw in lots of secular humanist thinkers as well. My HP is a very complex being, but I keep it simple.

Also, I went through the easiest detox ever. I have no idea why but I will take it any day. Maybe its because I knew I was done and have given up trying to manage my use. Its just too much work and expends too much energy. Its just easier for me to be clean today.

After my relapse I thought I threw my 1.5 years of clean time away. That is far from the case. I immediately feel back into the pattern I was in when I was at my healthiest, only this time I am not constantly fighting if I can ever use again or not. Today I cannot and that is enough.

Also, I did tons of counseling work during that time and those issues have remain resolved. I grew a lot but got complacent. Not anymore.

Anyone that needs help, I am here.
 
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GettingClean said:
Well....day one for me again... :(:(:(
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Don't beat yourself up. Get up and brush the dirt of the shoulders. Maybe try an NA/AA/Smart meeting or make an appointment with a counselor. What you should not do is continue to use. I went back out for awhile and it really sucked for me.

Basically, after I really came to terms with the fact that I was an addict, I never felt right using again. It makes it almost impossible to enjoy (and boy did I try)
 
Oh I enjoyed it. Fuck I wish I hadn't. But I'm now two days not getting high and feel OK. I get in these horrible funks. I'm just having trouble managing my life sober. Ya know you get fairly good at managing your daily life high that it's kinda a complete 180 doing it sober. I feel so depressed some days and I feel like it will never go away. I can't afford to see a Dr without insurance and I can't use my insurance for at least another month. I try to go to meetings but they give me horrible anxiety. I'm gonna try some exercise and see of it's helps. Getting ready to go for a hike here in a few.
 
GettingClean said:
Oh I enjoyed it. Fuck I wish I hadn't. But I'm now two days not getting high and feel OK. I get in these horrible funks. I'm just having trouble managing my life sober. Ya know you get fairly good at managing your daily life high that it's kinda a complete 180 doing it sober. I feel so depressed some days and I feel like it will never go away. I can't afford to see a Dr without insurance and I can't use my insurance for at least another month. I try to go to meetings but they give me horrible anxiety. I'm gonna try some exercise and see of it's helps. Getting ready to go for a hike here in a few.
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I thought I was managing well, but I wasn't. Towards the end, even I could see how badly I was fucking shit up. Also, I thought I was enjoying myself but in all actuality I wasn't. Something was always nagging me.

What kind of support do you have outside of bluelight? Do you have anyone you can talk to. Meetings get easier with time, but stepping outside of your comfort zone is scary as hell of course. Some meetings are better then others. Try some "beginner" "steps 1-2-3" "open speaker" ones. You tend to be able to blend into the crowd and you might find some people that you connect with. They don't have to become "friends" per say, but they will support you.

As for the insurance, sucks doesn't it? I am about to buy a plan myself (I can actually afford them now that I am not blowing all my money).
 
Exercise helps a lot.. I"m back into my routine I had when I was clean too, and it feels good. Half hour of a Jillian Michaels abs dvd, and an hour of brisk walking. Makes it easier to sleep at night, too.

The depression is the hardest for me too. I actually put a sign up on my desk to remind me that this feeling is TEMPORARY. It's really easy to start thinking - shit, is this how it's gonna be? This is sober life? NO. This is DETOXING life. Once your body chemistry gets back to normal you won't feel as bad. I'm serious, put a sign up somewhere you'll see it often - sounds silly but it helps me remember that I feel so down because of a chemical imbalance right now, and it is temporary.

Day 5 for me on methadone, Day 4 of no junk. I felt so much fucking better when I woke up this morning. My methadone did end up kicking in yesterday, a full four hours after I dosed - must have been that huge meal I had before I dosed. Today I went on a mostly empty stomach so hopefully it won't take that long again. But I actually woke up feeling okay. Just that alone lifted a lot of the depression. I think it's true - day 4/5 really are the "turn a corner" days. If you're struggling, make a promise to yourself to just get to day 5. AFter that if you really want to use, well... it's up to you. But at least give it 5 days. I feel, like I said, so much fucking better. It's nice to feel like there's finally some light at the end of the tunnel :)
 
Nice work everyone=D


I went through a kinda rough patch where I got all worked up over a bunch on shit that doesn't matter at all.

Settled back in am recentered myself.. and now have been enjoying a peaceful stretch here.

Its amazing how i can make myself all miserable at times, but its also amazing how peaceful I can make myself as well.

@captian you should be getting close to having the system cool down when those opaite receptors shut down.. your doing great!!
 
ok, dosing on a full stomach is no good, but dosing on an empty one is no good either. Stupid little 29 mgs had me nodding this am, and the wierd thing is - I didn't like it. I couldn't keep my eyes open, it was this heavy feeling.. I was fighting it for like 45 minutes, and found myself wishing it would start wearing off already.

Who am I and where has the real Blue Saffron gone? lol.

Seriously tho, I may go to 25 tomorrow, stick there for four days or so and see if I can jump to 20. Not a fan of this nodding business. I just didn't like it. I want to feel normal. Not sick, not high, not nodding, not buzzed. Normal.
 
BlueSaffron said:
Who am I and where has the real Blue Saffron gone? lol.
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It crazy when we see through addiction=D

24 more down Uall<3

cool_night_scenes_5.jpg
 
162 days without suboxone
I am in a lot of physical pain at the moment but I think it's going to get better soon

I can't sleep now either. Very frustrating but I am glad to be doing life without needing buprenorphine anymore.
 
I think tomorrow marks the one month mark since I oded. I've been clean since then. going to 2 weeks of day rehab on monday. This is my first real try at sobriety in 10 years. I've made several attempts to join in on these threads but always failed... I think I may make it this time. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Good luck to every one, its rough being alone with my thoughts I'm glad this forum is here.
 
Congrats CH!

May I ask?
How long were you on Suboxone, and ho long did you use street drugs?

I'm starting Suboxone on Monday.
I can't kick on my own, so I am getting some help.

SF
 
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