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May getting and/or staying sober thread v. May flowers

I guess I'm going to try suboxone, I have an appt next week.
I'm a fiend: I can't taper, and I can't quit CT, and I can't take a lot of time off, so it seems like I am a candidate.
I sincerely want to get clean, and I believe once I get there I will be able to get on with my life.
At the moment the "holding pattern" has admittedly turned towards a downward spiral, so I think I'm going to go for it.
 
tapering H is hard - I couldn't do it. I tried, but I just never could find that line - I always just ended up getting high, not just well.

Only my second day of methadone, but I just feel so much better. So much more optimistic now that I'm not on the heroin merry go round anymore. This is my second time around - I got off methadone last November but relapsed a few days later :/ Things are different now, in too many ways to go into here. Suffice it to say, I WANT to be sober. I want to know what it feels like to wake up and not be sick, and not have my first thought be either - I need to fix, or I need to get to the clinic. To just wake up feeling good, all on my own.... I haven't felt that in so long, and I want it, really badly. Bad enough to deal with the hard days, and the withdrawal symptoms I know will come when I start tapering.


I have this sign taped to my desk, where I can't miss it, to remind me that any sadness I'm feeling is because my brain isn't used to producing its own feel-good chemicals right now, and that I need to be patient and wait, and that feeling sick will NOT last forever, and if I can just get through it, good things are waiting on the other side.


slHB1Yi.jpg
 
Syndrox said:
Hey everyone, it's been seven months since I left detox from kicking my opiate habit, the last two weeks I've had the worst cravings and have been in pain. So today I picked up some Kratom..I dont know if kratom is an opiate . ..
Click to expand...

It tickles the opiate receptors. With me, it always just made me fiend for stronger stuff. No good.

10 days clean and sober today. 11 days without any narcotics or booze (I smoked one bowl of herb the morning I asked for help). I do not plan to smoke any more marijuana either. Don't get me wrong, I still think it should be legal. But it just would get in the way and would likely just want me to take harder drugs (like it did in the past).

Physical stuff seems to be over for me for the most part. I haven't even been craving that hard. Also, I am seemingly falling right back into the pattern I had when I was sober and going to meetings and shit (which is a good thing).

As always, there are a few AAs/NAs that are very sick people. I have one guy that constantly wants me to give him things. He has some serious brain injury from what I can understand but is two years sober. I really feel for the guy, but I cannot "carry" him or fix him (which I always want to do).

Not as angry at myself today, things are already starting to get better. Its far far far from perfect and I have a long road ahead of me but I feel like I can do this! People say to be careful at this point, because you can feel like "I can handle it now" but I sure as hell have enough evidence and experience to show me I cannot, actually I have enough for two lifetimes lol.
 
a little sick right now, not sure if I"ll sleep tonight, but I'm not going to use. Did the last little bit of my stuff this am.

Probably going to go eat some chocolate and watch the Sopranos :)

The sickness is temporary. If I don't use, and keep not using, it'll get better.
 
Syndrox said:
Hey everyone, it's been seven months since I left detox from kicking my opiate habit, the last two weeks I've had the worst cravings and have been in pain. So today I picked up some Kratom..I dont know if kratom is an opiate . ..
Click to expand...

i would not touch an opaite at this point.. you are right at the time when the opiate receptors shut down. i received a large push right before this happened and almost caved.. so glad id didn't as I received a large benefit when i didn't.. this could be your right at a major place in recovering. I would hold off if i were you. you can make it just a little bit longer. fight fight fight:D
 
sleep is difficult for me too

tapering off my number one bad drug right now

...probably should start getting out and doing more with that time away from a screen that emits blue light

oh the irony

:D
 
Noodle said:
sleep is difficult for me too

tapering off my number one bad drug right now

...probably should start getting out and doing more with that time away from a screen that emits blue light

oh the irony

:D
Click to expand...

You may also consider getting a blue therapy light. You sit in front of it in the morning and it helps to wake you up and move the natural circadian rhythm to a place that fits "normal' life better. I have also found that exercise really promotes better sleep and makes me tired at night.
 
12 days strong!

I have to say, my sleep pattern bites as well. The first two weeks of tapering and coming of amp, I was in a virtual coma. I guess I'm at the other end if the cycle now. I know more exercise is the cure for what ails me....oh motivation, where are you?
 
Hiya Peeps!

Just dropping by to wish you all well with your recoveries. To all of you who have stayed sober - well done. To those of you who are getting sober - good luck. To those of you who have slipped - all is good, forget the passed as that is the passed, it's what happens in the present that matters. We, all of us have relapsed / slipped from time to time and feeling down/guilty or whatever isn't going to do anything, it's just wasted emotion... If you fall off the horse get back on it again and the fall will longer matter but will be a passed memory.

Thinking of you all and wishing you well in recovery,
Evey
 
GettingClean said:
Well....day one for me again... :(:(:(
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Awh... don't be sad.... I know 'tis frustrating but surely you've learnt something from every time you've tried?

It's like the person who fails their driving test five times yet the other passes first time... The first is more likely to have learnt more than the second...

You may have learnt stuff from your slip ups... Sorry if I'm sounding patronising, I hope I'm not but maybe try writing down some of your thoughts and feelings especially around the times you slipped up... You may be able to identify some triggers and then think of ways of working round those triggers.

What are you doing in means of after-carer? Are you having counselling? attention 12-step meetings? other forms of recovery such as SMARK or whatever?

Recovery is not just as simply as quitting the drugs. Addictions runs deeper than that. Recovery is a work in progress. When we peel away at that onion we often feel tears come and they stung our eyes we don't like it but we need to continue until the onion is peeled... That's kind of like addiction and recovery...

So please try not to be sad... you've merely peeled another layer of your onion away and have to ascertain as to why it was there.

Good Luck and wishing you all the best,
Evey
 
^ you can do it. Don't ever give up on yourself, because you're worth it. :)

Couldn't get to the methadone clinic til noon today, and this was my third day without using heroin, so I was pretty sick... my dose went down by one miligram too. Long story short, for whatever reason, it didn't kick in as much as it has the last couple days. Walking back to my car from the clinic I saw a friend of mine who always helps me cop. He got in my car and we talked for like an hour and a half, and he had a beer... and then I went home. Didn't cop, didn't use. What'll happen tomorrow, only tomorrow knows, but for today, I'm proud of myself :)
 
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