Maturity & Addiction

[phactor]

http://newliferecovery.net/maturity-addiction-treatment/

Emotional Immaturity – Emotional Maturity

Immature people may demand immediate gratification. They cannot wait. They may seem thoughtless and impulsive. They may be loyal only while you are useful. They have chaotic social and financial lives.

Immature adults are not children not teenagers. They are often self-centered and selfish adults. They may have little regard for others. They may be preoccupied with their own feelings and symptoms. They may demand your constant attention, sympathy and compliments. They may avoid participation if they can’t have their own way or be the best. They may be obsessed with impressing people.

Describes me perfectly during my active addiction. I can even get this way when clean as well. The craziest part about it was I would have told you that I don't like or need attention when I was using. That is some denial.

Anyways, it is often said that in some ways we stop growing when we are using. What are people experiences and opinions in regards to this matter?

 

[BlueSaffron]

I think some or even a lot of the reason for this (people seeming "immature, preoccupied with their own needs, ect), is because they simply don't know how to get their own needs met or how to make themselves happy. They spend a lot of time unhappy, so when something appears that seems like it'll fix it, they jump at it, be it drugs, a relationship, money or whatever. Then time goes by and their inner unhappiness hasn't left, so in desperation they do more drugs/different drugs, abruptly dump the person they were with (whether as a friend or more), and go off in search of something else, that elusive ::something:: that will finally make them happy. I honestly don't think they MEAN to be selfish. They don't see it as such - they see it as "I'm in so much pain, I need to do whatever I can to fix this feeling". It's part of why I've had such a hard time letting go of heroin - my life isn't the way I want it to be, but for a long time I didn't know what to do about it, so instead of fixing the underlying problem, I just did more and more heroin in attempt to feel better.

I also think some of it might come from feeling powerless as a kid. I know I did - powerless in general and powerless to get my own needs met or change my situation. You grow up learning that nothing you do or say really matters, and you can't actually fix your life and make it better, so the next best thing is to find something to blot the pain.

I'm still trying to believe I could actually make a life I can be happy in without drugs.

 

[neversickanymore]

I think in active addiction a naturally very immature part of the brain is running the show.

The Neuroanatomy of Free Will:
Loss of Will, Against the Will, "Alien Hand"​

Rhawn Joseph, Ph.D.
Emeritus, Brain Research Laboratory, California

Reprinted from: Consciousness and the Universe,
Edited by Sir Roger Penrose, FRS, Ph.D., & Stuart Hameroff, Ph.D.


Edited Version ​

Even with "mild" to moderate right frontal lobe injuries patients may initially demonstrate periods of tangentiality, grandiosity, irresponsibility, laziness, hyperexcitability, promiscuity, silliness, childishness, lability, personal untidiness and dirtiness, poor judgment, irritability, fatuous jocularity, and tendencies to spend funds extravagantly. Unconcern about consequences, tactlessness, and changes in sex drive and even hunger and appetite (usually accompanied by weight gain) may occur (Fuster 1997; Joseph 1986a, 1988a, 1999b; Miller & Cummings 2006; Passingham, 1997; Risberg & Grafman 2006).

I also think that addicts and heavy users that use drugs instead of developing there social skill and life coping skills are not creating maturity in these areas.

 

[-=SS=-]

I think some or even a lot of the reason for this (people seeming "immature, preoccupied with their own needs, ect), is because they simply don't know how to get their own needs met or how to make themselves happy...

I also think some of it might come from feeling powerless as a kid. I know I did - powerless in general and powerless to get my own needs met or change my situation. You grow up learning that nothing you do or say really matters, and you can't actually fix your life and make it better, so the next best thing is to find something to blot the pain.

I'm still trying to believe I could actually make a life I can be happy in without drugs.

This. Hit the nail right on the head. It's easy to label and see people in a certain way, god knows I do it to others inside.. but I know without a doubt if you could see inside their head, see their lives, you'd understand in an instant why it is not their fault. Life just happens to us. It is fucking confusing, painful, and to submit to the fact that you're not in control causes a lot of internal pain. The world is one way but your soul feels nostalgic for something else.

Your point about powerlessness as a child. Most children are far smarter than we give credit for, far smarter, they just can't express it in our language, but they know. Boy do they know. They see all our stupid games and bullshit, they don't know how to label it, but they see it. Unfortunately they can't do anything about it, and they get sucked into the game because they know they have to survive.

I think that's when the split really begins between the real you and the social mask we all wear as adults.. it's like we leave something behind that never grows up. The "immature" adults I think are simply the ones who can't hide it well with grace through language and action.

Addiction is an attempt to feel alive again, to touch that part of yourself that never crossed the starting line. What amazes me is how powerful it can be at making you believe you're touching that part of yourself when in fact you're getting further away from it.. taking your vitality and mental health.. taking you faster towards the end.

I used cannabis, and some psychedelics, so I've been lucky compared to some. I see the pain my dad is in with his alcoholism and I don't want that. I'm not happy without drugs, but I wasn't happy on drugs either. The world is pretty shit let's be real. What does make me happy is finding friends and a partner who can break into my core and touch that place that drugs claim to but never fulfill.

 

[phactor]

My drug use felt very maternal, often like I was being held by a loved one at first. I constantly sought that feeling out and probably the reason that downers were always my drug of choice. I would use anything, but if it could relax me I would jump at the chance to use it.

And I do not think addicts behave like they behave consciously, I actually thought that I was a pretty empathic and giving person. Which I was to an extent, but much of my "giving" to others was actually all about trying to make myself feel better about my addiction and the shit it made me do. Its probably something only other addicts can understand.

 

[421]

Pain is needed for growth, drugs take the pain away preventing growth. Sometimes I think they may even regress you.

There was something in the link in the first post that really struck a bell for me. "May be willing to give, but not take; or willing to take, but not give.". I have a lot of trouble accepting anything but never thought it was a maturity issue. In fact I thought the exact opposite (a man needs to carry his own load or something like that). Thought provoking... Also the stress causing anxiety too easily followed by an escape from reality (not even necessarily with drugs) but it's something that I've known about and tried to work on.

 

[infectedmushroom]

I think addiction places barriers between the user and certain aspects of themselves and the world - you want it, at first, because yourself or the world seems to painful but in time you need to re-connect, your hooked and you have to overcome the added challenge of the self-imposed barrier.

Perhaps some people who are addicts are too sane, or saner than average. They understand maturity and our social masks too well, in the way SS put a child knows and then has to adapt to survive. The transition from childhood to adulthood is maddening.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Thanks for posting this. Yes some of this did describe me when I was abusing alcohol daily, and active in my addiction. Some of it does describe my ex who is an alcoholic and who abuses pain killers who hides it very well.

 

[twistedhunter]

ive been trying to get sober for years, got 3 months right now, but can tell that since i started so young at 14, i dont know how the fuck to deal with life at all. whenever life seems hard, instead of dealing with the situation, my brain just says use drugs and forget about the problem. im only 22 but feel like my maturity when it comes to dealing with problems is that of a teenager. fucking drugs man, they cause your problems, and make you think that there getting rid of the problem.

 

[njirem]

ive been trying to get sober for years, got 3 months right now, but can tell that since i started so young at 14, i dont know how the fuck to deal with life at all. whenever life seems hard, instead of dealing with the situation, my brain just says use drugs and forget about the problem. im only 22 but feel like my maturity when it comes to dealing with problems is that of a teenager. fucking drugs man, they cause your problems, and make you think that there getting rid of the problem.

No, its you that take drugs, not your brain. Its you that make drugs cause problems, not your brain. Your brain is not in charge of you, you are in charge of your brain.
Your brain is the tool to get by in Life, it is up to you if you use it or not.

You, or your soul, spirit, however you want to call it, is not your brain, i don't believe we are our brain.

See it from this perspective, the universe in written in a certain language that you need to understand, that's where your brain comes in, it translates it for you, so you can understand the spoken language and have a proper response.

Surcumstances create cravings, your brain translates it as such, now it is up to you to have a proper response, meaning, say no to the cravings and do the right thing.
Addiction is a neuronic network causing cravings and behaviour followed by it, when you will say no for a long time, the neuronic network will change, as meaning, the brain will undergo changes making it eventually a non addicted brain.

Its up to you, thats where i think maturity comes into play.
Letting your bran rule you, or in other words, let the universe play you instead of the other way around, is acting like a child, whom is ruled by shame, regret, feeling sorry for yourself, etc.

Being a victim and blaming others is acting like an addict, take responsinbilty for yourself and you might just break free.

 

[twistedhunter]

^^^ ya i guess that makes sense. not trying to act like a child, been really down and depressed lately. i just got to learnt to push through the hard times and take back control of my life. when i was saying brain i was talking like my self talk of sub concious

 

[herbavore]

I also think some of it might come from feeling powerless as a kid. I know I did - powerless in general and powerless to get my own needs met or change my situation. You grow up learning that nothing you do or say really matters, and you can't actually fix your life and make it better, so the next best thing is to find something to blot the pain.

I'm still trying to believe I could actually make a life I can be happy in without drugs.

I think you could substitute over-eating, shopping, excessive gaming etc for drugs and you would have the struggle nailed for the entire modern world. I do believe that it is possible for you, and anyone, to create a life which can hold all of who they are--happy, sad, lonely, fulfilled--in other words a meaningful and rewarding life as an emotional and thinking being. It took me years to believe in it because I did not understand or could not accept that my choices were always my own in any given set of immutable circumstances. That to me that is what maturity is--an acceptance of what is, coupled with faith in my own capabilities to respond in ways that feel right to me. I think for all of us, addicted or not, accepting responsibility in relationships, in our "lot" in life, in our continuation of old childhood patterns etc. is the hardest task we have as human beings. And it is not like it happens once and for all forever. I expect to be struggling with all this in one way or another until I am no longer here to do so. The good news is that it does get easier and clearer what you are dealing with as you age.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Thanks for posting this.

I'm not sure if I am an alcoholic or addict? But even if I'm not, I'm not going to rush out and drink or smoke cannabis, or trip since it wouldn't help right now.

I did have a guy I know who is an alcoholic, and who is addicted to other drugs like cannabis and pretty much anything he can get tell me how I'd mature or outgrow drugs and alcohol.

 

[phactor]

I have done a ton of growing in the last six and a half months clean. I cannot put it into words, but the way I just deal with myself, others and situations is dramatically different then it ever has been in my adult life. Lots of growing to do still, but I can just handle things so much better.