amnesiaseizure
Bluelighter
So after liking a girl for about 4 years now and reaching a point of knowing I love her but fully accepting that we were just gonna be friends, she opened up to me and all her feelings came tumbling out.
We first kissed on a drunken night out where we bumped into each other on the dance floor of a pub/club and all I remember are some freeze frame ‘clips’ - her face in front of mine, next thing we’re kissing.
I ended up with another girl that night that went on to be the mother of my second child and we stayed together for about 2 years. She couldn’t deal with the strong relationship I have with my first child and I was a lying alcoholic who just wasn’t in love with her. The disparity of emotional connection made my issues worsen to the point of utter selfishness and being a crap father which ate me up until we finally parted ways. And all through it the girl I met on the dance floor was still lingering in my mind. She was 17 years younger than me though so I just thought it was never gonna happen.
I fall in and out of another couple of short terms things until I decided enough is enough and that I need to have at least a year to myself to sort my shit out. I end up in hospital from pancreatitis and give up drinking for good…still sober for over 7 months now.
Beautiful dance floor girl is the only person to come and visit me in hospital. We start meeting as friends more and more and begin having ketamine fuelled days/nights in which some pretty incredible things happen. No sex though, i was really boundaried around this. I told her I found her really attractive and she didn’t respond with anything other than being flattered - I can’t recall exactly but nothing happened as a result and we agreed it needed to stay as friends. So I get used to the idea and I’m all good, I know I love her but don’t want to lose such a close friend and someone I genuinely admire, enjoy being around and care for very deeply. So time goes on and just over two weeks ago we have another night of ketamine which ends with us kissing. I honestly thought it was dream right up to the point where we were talking about what happened and I ask what was really stopping us from taking it further. At this point I start to realise this isn’t a dream and that things are really actually happening. I couldn’t believe it. I’d imagined this moment hundreds of times before and now, in front of me, it was unfolding. Every sentence coming from here and my mouth were sentences I’d imagined happening before - the sense of unreality was honestly overwhelming. I’ve never felt anything like it.
Fast forward to now and we’re openly in love. She’s told her family about me and I’ve told mine about her. People have been surprised about the ago gap - I’m 43 and she’s 27 - but to us it doesn’t matter, we get each other in ways I’ve never had with another person. I have bipolar type 2 and so does she along with ADHD so there’s plenty of ‘weirdness’ we both share and understand. Plus as a bonus she is quite literally the most gorgeous person with the fittest body I’ve ever met. Sex is incredible and the closeness and ease we feel seems like we’re both at the beginning of a long and full sex life together. Just kissing her sets me on fire.
There’s lots I’m leaving out I’m sure but the main point is, she was the only person I even considered breaking my abstinence from relationships for and someone I’d spoken to a very close friend about being so. I was committed to being a full time father and (my profession which I don’t want to disclose for my own protection) and knew a relationship would risk my sobriety and overall sense of calm that I’d worked really fucking hard to create. And now it’s happened and I still wake every day is disbelief that she wants to be with me.
Which leads to the question…do you just ‘know’ when you’ve found that person? Don’t get me wrong, im NOT about to ask her to marry me but I do have this sense that if things continue to be good I’ll end up at the place of asking her to be my wife. So it’d be good to hear from others who’ve had that sense of commitment from early days in a relationship. I’ve never had it this strong before, never wanted to be married to be honest but now I’m older I know I’d like to make that commitment to the woman I love. It’s important to me to publicly swear that I’ll be there forever.
I’ll edit and add more if I feel I’ve left stuff out but that’s the bones of it. I also may need to delete the post if she begins looking at blue light as she’s got a big interest in psychedelics too so don’t be surprised if it suddenly disappears.
Thanks for reading all, let’s hear what ya think…
We first kissed on a drunken night out where we bumped into each other on the dance floor of a pub/club and all I remember are some freeze frame ‘clips’ - her face in front of mine, next thing we’re kissing.
I ended up with another girl that night that went on to be the mother of my second child and we stayed together for about 2 years. She couldn’t deal with the strong relationship I have with my first child and I was a lying alcoholic who just wasn’t in love with her. The disparity of emotional connection made my issues worsen to the point of utter selfishness and being a crap father which ate me up until we finally parted ways. And all through it the girl I met on the dance floor was still lingering in my mind. She was 17 years younger than me though so I just thought it was never gonna happen.
I fall in and out of another couple of short terms things until I decided enough is enough and that I need to have at least a year to myself to sort my shit out. I end up in hospital from pancreatitis and give up drinking for good…still sober for over 7 months now.
Beautiful dance floor girl is the only person to come and visit me in hospital. We start meeting as friends more and more and begin having ketamine fuelled days/nights in which some pretty incredible things happen. No sex though, i was really boundaried around this. I told her I found her really attractive and she didn’t respond with anything other than being flattered - I can’t recall exactly but nothing happened as a result and we agreed it needed to stay as friends. So I get used to the idea and I’m all good, I know I love her but don’t want to lose such a close friend and someone I genuinely admire, enjoy being around and care for very deeply. So time goes on and just over two weeks ago we have another night of ketamine which ends with us kissing. I honestly thought it was dream right up to the point where we were talking about what happened and I ask what was really stopping us from taking it further. At this point I start to realise this isn’t a dream and that things are really actually happening. I couldn’t believe it. I’d imagined this moment hundreds of times before and now, in front of me, it was unfolding. Every sentence coming from here and my mouth were sentences I’d imagined happening before - the sense of unreality was honestly overwhelming. I’ve never felt anything like it.
Fast forward to now and we’re openly in love. She’s told her family about me and I’ve told mine about her. People have been surprised about the ago gap - I’m 43 and she’s 27 - but to us it doesn’t matter, we get each other in ways I’ve never had with another person. I have bipolar type 2 and so does she along with ADHD so there’s plenty of ‘weirdness’ we both share and understand. Plus as a bonus she is quite literally the most gorgeous person with the fittest body I’ve ever met. Sex is incredible and the closeness and ease we feel seems like we’re both at the beginning of a long and full sex life together. Just kissing her sets me on fire.
There’s lots I’m leaving out I’m sure but the main point is, she was the only person I even considered breaking my abstinence from relationships for and someone I’d spoken to a very close friend about being so. I was committed to being a full time father and (my profession which I don’t want to disclose for my own protection) and knew a relationship would risk my sobriety and overall sense of calm that I’d worked really fucking hard to create. And now it’s happened and I still wake every day is disbelief that she wants to be with me.
Which leads to the question…do you just ‘know’ when you’ve found that person? Don’t get me wrong, im NOT about to ask her to marry me but I do have this sense that if things continue to be good I’ll end up at the place of asking her to be my wife. So it’d be good to hear from others who’ve had that sense of commitment from early days in a relationship. I’ve never had it this strong before, never wanted to be married to be honest but now I’m older I know I’d like to make that commitment to the woman I love. It’s important to me to publicly swear that I’ll be there forever.
I’ll edit and add more if I feel I’ve left stuff out but that’s the bones of it. I also may need to delete the post if she begins looking at blue light as she’s got a big interest in psychedelics too so don’t be surprised if it suddenly disappears.
Thanks for reading all, let’s hear what ya think…
