Let's see, I'm approximately 45 days off Subutex... Opiates had me hook, line and sinker from the very first moment they hit my brain. (Doctor gave me a bottle of Hydromet syrup for a sore throat. Thing is, I knew exactly what he'd given me and what was likely to happen. Drugs had always fascinated me since I was young, opiates in particular, even though I'd never actually done anything before that. And then I hurt my back at work...) Went from taking 120mg of hydrocodone a day at most to more than double that amount of oxycodone pretty quickly once I found a source. Dabbled with other opiates when the opportunity presented: Dilaudid, heroin, morphine, methadone, fentanyl, etc. Messed with cocaine a few times, but it wasn't really my thing, and the novelty wore off reeeeal quick... My dad finally convinced me to see his psychiatrist, who could prescribe buprenorphine, went on that for a little over a year, had a few relapses in that time, but it just wasn't doing it for me anymore. I went looking for an opiate substitute eventually, and tried every different benzo I could get my hands on. None of em seemed very impressive until I tried Xanax, but that's a whole 'nother story... I'd been offered to try meth plenty of times, but that's one that I absolutely refuse. I've watched firsthand as several close friends and family absolutely destroyed themselves with that stuff... After my dad died very suddenly last April and several other subsequent events I'd rather not talk about, I pretty much gave the world the middle finger. Got really stupid crazy with the Xanax for a while, and ended up destroying my way of life because of the things I (apparently) did while on it...
Only drugs I take now are caffeine and nicotine (lozenges, don't smoke anymore), and I do still take Xanax occasionally but it's been a few weeks since I have. Maybe one day I'll be able to cut *all* that shit out. Hate to sound pessimistic, but I doubt that'll be any time soon.
I still feel pretty shitty from bupe PAWS, but I really don't see any sense in backpedaling... I'm getting there though, sloooooowly

but surely. I know that if I ever take opiates again for recreational purposes, I'll be right back to square one right quick, and I just can't live like that again.