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March staying clean thread

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rx_prn said:
It's such an emotional roller coaster. I just want everything to even out so I can be genuinely happy without drugs. I'm clean. I got clean. I should be elated! I'm proud of myself and happy for myself, don't get me wrong- but I still feel a degree of emptiness.
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I feel empty too. But I am so proud of you for getting off opiates rx! <3
 
Let's see, I'm approximately 45 days off Subutex... Opiates had me hook, line and sinker from the very first moment they hit my brain. (Doctor gave me a bottle of Hydromet syrup for a sore throat. Thing is, I knew exactly what he'd given me and what was likely to happen. Drugs had always fascinated me since I was young, opiates in particular, even though I'd never actually done anything before that. And then I hurt my back at work...) Went from taking 120mg of hydrocodone a day at most to more than double that amount of oxycodone pretty quickly once I found a source. Dabbled with other opiates when the opportunity presented: Dilaudid, heroin, morphine, methadone, fentanyl, etc. Messed with cocaine a few times, but it wasn't really my thing, and the novelty wore off reeeeal quick... My dad finally convinced me to see his psychiatrist, who could prescribe buprenorphine, went on that for a little over a year, had a few relapses in that time, but it just wasn't doing it for me anymore. I went looking for an opiate substitute eventually, and tried every different benzo I could get my hands on. None of em seemed very impressive until I tried Xanax, but that's a whole 'nother story... I'd been offered to try meth plenty of times, but that's one that I absolutely refuse. I've watched firsthand as several close friends and family absolutely destroyed themselves with that stuff... After my dad died very suddenly last April and several other subsequent events I'd rather not talk about, I pretty much gave the world the middle finger. Got really stupid crazy with the Xanax for a while, and ended up destroying my way of life because of the things I (apparently) did while on it...

Only drugs I take now are caffeine and nicotine (lozenges, don't smoke anymore), and I do still take Xanax occasionally but it's been a few weeks since I have. Maybe one day I'll be able to cut *all* that shit out. Hate to sound pessimistic, but I doubt that'll be any time soon.

I still feel pretty shitty from bupe PAWS, but I really don't see any sense in backpedaling... I'm getting there though, sloooooowly :| but surely. I know that if I ever take opiates again for recreational purposes, I'll be right back to square one right quick, and I just can't live like that again.
 
Woodsong said:
I still feel pretty shitty from bupe PAWS, but I really don't see any sense in backpedaling... I'm getting there though, sloooooowly :| but surely. I know that if I ever take opiates again for recreational purposes, I'll be right back to square one right quick, and I just can't live like that again.
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Slooooowly is right, I'm on day 23 and it feels like it is starting to stretch into eternity.
 
Space Firebird said:
Speaking of empty, Do any of you guys do any meditation?
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Yeah, I've just very recently started trying to be a bit more committed to some regular practice with it. Finally after months of threatening made it to my local buddhist group last week, it's spurred me on a bit. Bodily awareness and mindfulness of breathing they mostly teach for beginners, and zazen. Familiar with a few meditation and breath control techniques but stupidly too lazy or too easily distracted to put something I know to be a powerful tool for me to any good use so far, I'm finally trying to change that.
 
Space Firebird said:
^^That's pretty cool.^^

Feeling a little better today,
it seems to help me feel better if I don't permit my thoughts to become **too** chaotic.
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Happy to hear you are feeling better <3. The mind is a very powerful tool. I am feeling better today too than I was yesterday!
 
I had a realization today.

When I will be hanging out (either in real life or video chatting) with any of my very cool close friends, I feel amazing and don't feel the need to use at all, no cravings. I can go without my buprenorphine for an entire 24-26 hours and I'll still feel relatively all right.

It's when I'm feeling lonely, and am by myself, that it is so hard to fight the craving not to use, and I honestly end up giving in when I know I'm alone and I feel unable not to.

Knowing this, I wanted to recommend everyone try these steps out the next time you feel cravings:

1) call a loyal friend or family member, or visit someone in real life - someone who knows that you are going through cravings and/or recovery

2) let them know how you feel and ask if they can help you through it

3) hang out with them as long as it takes to get past that craving

4) after you feel confident the craving has past, thank your friend(s)/family and let us know how it went!

I strongly think that human interaction is a HUGE part of recovery and a HUGE part of battling cravings, so definitely utilize this while you can! I wish I would have had the forethought to have realized this before today.
 
^ I agree with Captain.Heroin 100%

Looking back, it seems like my biggest trigger for using was loneliness. It would fill the void of companionship that I was missing.
 
%) Good on ya dude!! Keep up the good work.
Its been days since I have smoked weed and I have pretty much given up all 'other drugs' since the start of the year.
Feels good.
 
Im feeling alot better today, so in honor of starting opioid soberness off on the right foot I'm working out. Gotta get back in shape, especially for the process of getting some bitches
 
Hey guys.. weekend went well.. super busy.. kinda tired so it made me want some stimulants.. but I'm doing good.. lots of stuff to make my self think of and be grateful for in sobriety, keep focusing on the positive because the negative is a black hole we like to fall back into. Nice work ALL:)
 
2 Weeks off speedballs today %)

Captain what you said about calling / being with someone is sooo true. Being lonely is 100% a huge factor in my addiction, it's when my cravings come. So whenever I am lonely and cravings I call my Mom or Dad or Sister and tell them exactly how I'm feeling and they are such an amazing resource. So unbelievably supportive. Everytime I get clean it opens my eyes from the fog and makes me realize how lucky I am to have the family I do. <3
 
Congrats Mass08!!

This thread always makes me smile- we are all doing wonderful.
 
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