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March staying clean thread

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Actually I could use any advice anybody has for anything they have done to break out of the depression/malaise rut. the weather here is crap and I have not been able to bring myself to go outside and exercise, but if I keep sitting here staring at the walls and watching x-files reruns, I am not going to make it. I changed what I am putting into my body but if I don't change some other stuff too, I am afraid I won't see the other side of this and I just can't live like this. I guess I could call some of those friends I used to have and see if they still remember me.
 
^^Try and come up with a list of all the things you have ever loved, maybe even go way back to the crazy stuff you loved as a young kid.. if you can do this then look down the list and pick one and do it, even if its crazy, I mean think of the crazy shit we would do every day.. try and get roling a little more each day.. make a plan the night before to do something, doesn't have to be huge, just something, like tomorrow i will go to the theater and see the ----- movie, stick to the plan the next day. it gets way easier. Your doing great.
 
Blueheaven, reaching out would sure be a good step. I'm in a similar place to you right now, have been for a while. Spilt my guts to Facebook last week as much to see who out there cared enough to answer back as anything else. Wouldn't necessarily recommend you go that far, it would have been better if I'd been a bit more selective than that but people I haven't seen for a long, long time held their hands out to to me when I most needed them. Once the weather's properly turned for the better good rock climbing / bouldering is only a cheap bus ride away so I'm holding out for that but in the meantime I'm trying to get to the climbing wall as often as I can on very limited funds. And at some point I'm gonna get to my local Buddhist group if I have to walk the three-four miles there and back, I so need that right now, something that might help with a more positive outlook and direction. Things I do enjoy and might enjoy that have a social aspect to them. See if you can't find something similar that appeals, could be anything, work on improving your social circle that way.

Anyways, I'm in for this month. Had my last drink after falling quite spectacularly off my wagon last Thursday, the 28th. So far I'm sober for March. I aim to keep it that way. I'd done six months FFS, I know I can do it. Just picking myself up, and back to counting days. Today is day five, almost done. :)
 
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blueheaven said:
that's awesome. It sounds like you have some really great insight into yourself/what makes you tick too, which is also awesome. And I am sure not gonna minimize anybody's experiences quitting anything at all, because to my mind and in my experience, it's the psychological addiction that's the real obstacle. Physical WD ends, has an expiration date. the psychological stuff? Supposedly that has an expiration date too, but I'll be damned if I've ever met it, I just always go back to using. But I need to shut up because I'm depressing myself, so anyway I think I'll just go back and reread these motivated things you guys are writing and hoping some of it will rub off on me one of these days. Good luck and congratulations.
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Thanks so much blueheaven, very kind of you. I wish you and everyone in this thread the best. Stay strong!

Sepher keep your head up!
 
Sepher said:
Spilt my guts to Facebook last week as much to see who out there cared enough to answer back as anything else. Wouldn't necessarily recommend you go that far, it would have been better if I'd been a bit more selective than that but people I haven't seen for a long, long time held their hands out to to me when I most needed them.
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That's cool that people actually saw it. I hate how FB now doesn't show your posts to everyone on your friendslist, people don't seem to respond to my posts on there (not that I've been spilling my guts on FB, but just meaning posts in general, sometimes stuff I think is really awesome and want to share will get no response). I'm also bad at reaching out when I'm feeling down, I will just shut myself in in my apartment and think I would just be a burden to everyone or they wouldn't understand or whatever. When I am in a more rational non-miserable mindframe I realize this is likely a faulty assumption, but nevertheless when I'm sick and sad and in pain and my apartment is a mess I don't even want people to see me like that. I guess I will just talk to people on Bluelight :). That does help and at least there is a lot of empathy here.

Anyway, I'm really glad you are "picking yourself up" and not mistakenly thinking that falling off the wagon has rest all your progress to zero. I'm rooting for you :)
 
Checking in again, still going straight on the taper, no fuckups this week so far. Feeling OK.

How's everyone else doing?
 
Swimmingdancer said:
Anyway, I'm really glad you are "picking yourself up" and not mistakenly thinking that falling off the wagon has rest all your progress to zero. I'm rooting for you :)
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Thanks SD, appreciated. :) And yeah, it's important to remember I think that recovery is a process and relapse is part of that. Those who manage to quit their addictions in one fell swoop are I think a vanishingly small minority. For most of us it's a series of steps forward, falls back, steps forward again. So long as the gaps between relapses get longer each time and the relapses themselves get shorter and arrested sooner as you get more used to dealing with them you're winning I think.

Cartesia, I'm feeling pretty solid and strong today, I'm back on the wagon mentally as well as physically, so all good. Hope you keep on feeling good yourself. :)
 
^ So great to hear that Sepher and Cartesia :)

This thread makes me feel not so alone <3. How is everyone else doing today?

I'm withdrawing, craving, depressed and anxious.
 
I'm also going through stopping/quitting drugs. While I am taking subutex to control myself, I think its a hell of a lot better than the 400mg of oxy I was taking a day. For me, this is amazing. I know the struggles and how hard it is to stop taking anything, I've been through it all countless amounts of times, but in the end I think that we all can do it. We just really have to want to quit and we will succeed. I know I do but I was so scared of myself, my life, where I was going, what would happen etc. that I just asked for help for once. I never do it, but I had gotten so out of control that it was a life or death situation. If you need help reach out! If you're offered it , grab onto it and never let go!
 
still hanging strong. Feeling really, good... ha hadn't had a craving for alcohol in years, had one the other day.. so I added it to my craving intercept and destroy mechanism.. was kinda strange I was so taken back buy the craving it kinda threw me for a loop and I let it get going awhile before i crushed it.. Man those crazy negative thoughts that accompany a craving that gets going are something else, didn't remember how disturbing they could be. sending every one in this battle strength, perseverance, hope, and love. <3

Edit found some inspiration by Thomas Edison.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.


Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.


Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something.


Nearly every man who develops an idea works it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then he gets discouraged. That's not the place to become discouraged.


Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

PERSEVERE
 
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rx_prn said:
^ So great to hear that Sepher and Cartesia :)

This thread makes me feel not so alone <3. How is everyone else doing today?

I'm withdrawing, craving, depressed and anxious.
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Hey Rx, hang in there, think honestly how the drugs really make you feel, not for the three minutes we like to remember, the rest of the time.. your so close to feeling the way you do in the other three minutes all the time.. your doing great and all that pain, depression, anxiety, is just a bunch of BS your addiction is using to try and break you.. YOUR UNBREAKABLE and it will figure that out soon<3
 
rx_prn said:
I'm withdrawing, craving, depressed and anxious.
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Not sure which opiate you're coming off RX or what the usual time-frame is for withdrawals from it but I remember what peak heroin withdrawal feels like even now, 11ish years on, I know how rough it is. You're not likely to forget are you? :\ Been there, bought that t-shirt, more than I could usefully wear in a lifetime. It will end, it always does, and things tend to improve real, real fast once you've broken the back of it I assure you if you can just hold on. Surprisingly so. Hang in there. You're what now, three days in? That's three days of you winning. Hold onto those three days hard, don't let them be for nothing. Let's just do this shit a day at a time, the weeks, and the rest of this month will take care of themselves.

Best. <3
 
Yeah keep it up rx.. I know that feeling too.. sucks a big old load of dirty sweaty balls, but that first morning where you wake up feeling a little better than the last, that is a high all of its own.

And the rest of you too :)

I've just been going steady since I dropped to my current level on tuesday... I should be dropping down to the next level on my taper today (friday here), but I'm having a shitty day and it's almost the weekend... combination of 'i want to give up' and 'reward yourself, let loose!' feelings... either one of which could be a major hurdle on its own...

So figure trying to maintain at current level and going off the plan is better than falling back into fullon 'get high till you broke' mentality.... Hopefully I can hold out the next couple days. Have to go to a good friend's engagement party tomorrow... combination of people I love to party with, and people I cant stand without being high.
 
You guys/gals are amazing. Thank you all so much for the kind words.

I had a doctor appointment today and asked her to stop prescribing me opiates because its too much on my body- which it is. So now for my pain I told her I want to give holistic/natural medicine a go. She was more than happy & very supportive of my decision which made me feel great. She told me to taper down, but as you all know I quit CT. I'm an all or nothing gal.

I have not taken opiates in 4 days!

I even told my doctor about my "bad marihuana trip" and how it has heightened my anxiety, and she then told me about her bad shroom trip she once had. I thought it'd be bad to tell my doctor about that but she was so understanding and helpful. She's cool as fuck. I'm so thankful to have someone as understanding as her.

Right now I'm experiencing sleeplessness, RLS, and some GI issues, but it's getting better. I'm getting better. I've come too far to give into my own selfish cravings for a cheap high. Drugs controlled me for so long and I don't want then to anymore.

----

Cartesia- you can do it. I know what you mean about having to be high around certain types of people, trust me. For me it's social anxiety coupled with poor coping mechanisms. Also, being in that party environment doesn't help, especially if others are using. I find that to be a huge trigger. You will get through it- we all have faith in you <3
 
I always feel a bit sheepish prattling on about my lightweight habits when in a thread started by someone kicking opiates but... I last tried kicking alcohol at the start of January, lasted all of four days, last night was my first alcohol free day since then and am having another one tonight, here's to a sober March - not sure whether I'll pull it off but I'm going to give it a damned good go.
 
Glad to have you on board, bit_pattern :)

You want to recover, so you will. It won't be easy, that's for damn sure, but your will is there. Previously I had no desire whatsoever to get clean. I kept telling myself I wasn't "ready".

In my opinion, having the will to kick the addiction is such a large obstacle to overcome, and probably the 1st one that there is.
 
rx_prn said:
Glad to have you on board, bit_pattern :)

You want to recover, so you will. It won't be easy, that's for damn sure, but your will is there. Previously I had no desire whatsoever to get clean. I kept telling myself I wasn't "ready".

In my opinion, having the will to kick the addiction is such a large obstacle to overcome, and probably the 1st one that there is.
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I've never considered alcohol as a major problem in my life, certainly it isn't the root of my problems but I have become aware recently that it is badly exacerbating my problems. But it's also such a powerful cultural phenomenon, it's hard to socialise without drinking a few beers. I don't want to be a teetotaller but I do want to stop drinking every day.
 
I would stop drinking all together, get some clean time, and then re-evaluate if you want to be or even can be a social drinker again. Just my advice.

I don't think it's that powerful of a cultural phenomenon, none of my friends nor I drink alcohol.
 
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