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March Getting Clean Thread v. If I can do it, you can too!

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Don't be hard on yourself Mocmoc! I took me SO many attempts before I got to where I am today at a little over 10 months. And the times that I slipped up, I didn't just take a few mgs of something - I went hard with it and kept using again for months. You're still doing great! I think taking a little trip could definitely help with your mind set and with the temptation for the first week. Just keep your head up and keep talking to us and anyone else who supports you. :)
 
I'm going to try to not take any oxy tomorrow... I know i'm going to be in withdrawals because of it, but fuck I keep getting myself in deeper and deeper.
 
GenericName12 said:
Congrats! 1 week is fantastic.

If you think you can smoke weed and still be fine, then go ahead. Just be honest with yourself and watch for warning signs (increase in use being the big one).

I say this because of my own personal experiences where I basically tried using weed to quit alcohol. It failed and I became addicted to both. My mindset there was ENTIRELY different from yours though, and I think that's a key differentiating factor.

Also I think keeping your brain in 100% recovery mode, at least in the first few months, is pretty important. This is my personal opinion though. You don't want to accidentally shift the emotions and the pain and the "learning how to cope with stuff sober" onto a new drug. You gotta do that stuff first, entirely sober (in my opinion).

The feeling of constantly wanting to relapse will fade, especially as you start to realize all the major accomplishments in your life you've made (1 week clean being one of them!). Something that always keeps me going during the rough sober times is that in sobriety our achievements are not rewarded instantly like they are in drug use. In drug use we get our reward instantly. In real life, it doesn't work like that. It takes years.

Also definitely find a new dealer (one that doesn't sell anything else), or get someone to grab for you.
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What's happening, Generic!? I've missed you. The new job has kept me insanely busy. This is a good thing, because like you, I always crave marijuana when I stop drinking--and I gave up coffee AND alcohol for Lent. So far so good. I think that I could give up anything if I tried to do it a week at a time. I mean, I know I could, so why don't I? http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/687452-The-Brain-and-Addiction-%28under-construction%29

Oxy_Ghost said:
Officially 9 days clean! Who'd a thought!? I never thought I'd ever be at this point. I always figured I'd be a drug addict. When using I felt like I was put on earth to be a drug user cuz that was all I was good at. But now that has all changed. I feel great, I dont feel like my life has no purpose any more. I'm proud of myself, never been 9 days clean in over 4 years. I had forgotten what it was like to feel normal. I would walk around and look at other people and wonder what it was like to feel like they do. Now I'm able to feel that and it feels geat
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That's awesome! Reading your post makes me want to play some M83, specifically OK Pal (the music drives real optimistic-like).

ad lib said:
Thanks Evey, I'm worried for myself too.
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Ad lib, I've got this "little sister" kind of love for you, and I want you to, if you can, take it one day at a time for now. One day at a time.
 
10 days!! So very proud of myself. Thanks you everyone that's given me support, without y'all this would've been the hardest time for me. You guys have given me the support I needed. I have support at home but you guys make up for most of the support I've had and for that I'm very thankful:)

Here's to 10 more days and many more after that:)
 
Just A Guy said:
Ad lib, I've got this "little sister" kind of love for you, and I want you to, if you can, take it one day at a time for now. One day at a time.
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As simple as it is this really is some of the best advice I got when I was early in recovery. It actually took a very long time and multiple attempts at getting clean for me to fully grasp and understand taking it "one day at a time" - And now it's one of the best tools in my arsenal. On days when I really want to say fuck it and get high I just force myself to hold on to the thought "If I still want to use tomorrow then I'll get high but for today I'll hold off and not make any decisions." Then if need be I tell myself the same thing the next day, but more often then not the craving has passed by then. Also whenever I find myself thinking to hard about the future, even just a few days ahead - I try to ground myself on something in the here and now.

It's been 310 days since I've been intoxicated.
 
Been doing pretty good lately, a few slips but not many. Recently got on a methadone maintenance program and feel better than I have in a long time not chasing money and dope around, more time to work on myself and my family. :-)
 
Case hit the nail on the head about the one day at a time thing especially in early recovery
Sometimes I would have to take it second by second or minute by minute at a time for real

I wish luck to everyone in this community who are struggling but genuinely want to get help and succeed over dependency/addiction
I'm sending super positive larvez and optimistic natural warm rush vibes to everyone

I'm glad to say I've been sober since Jan 2 and with all that has happened recently regarding the loss of my mother I didn't slip up and cope by using, I know she is/was proud of me for that and I am too

Also music helps me so much imo
Anyone have any good songs they like that helps them wanna do better and not thing about dope?

Here is one that always made me feel a little better

My Brightest Diamond covering Nina Simone - Feeling Good
 
Trying for sobriety... again.

2 odd weeks ago I was shouted a huge taste that blasted me straight into full-blown psychosis. Just BAM -- instant insanity, just add water. I've never been the most stable individual, but I never thought I'd become such a savage beast. Completely flipped the fuck out. Screamed some terrible things at some good people... two of them refuse to have anything to do with me anymore. I'm just thankful I didn't get violent.

A week ago I was shouted again -- 2 day binge. The voices came back and I could feel psychosis trying to break through my skull and worm into my brain. This time I just ignored it, but the fact is that the shard is driving me bonkers.

Both shouts I remember feeling so... straight. Sure I was fidgety and sweating buckets and yammering a mile a minute but I didn't feel high -- put half a G into me and yet I just felt normal. It's impossible to describe... where did the romance go?

It's been a week since then and I've been smoking some pot every second day or so. Physically I've mostly healed up. Got some flesh on my bones and my sleep pattern has readjusted to something sensible... mentally I'm just craving. Listless, bored. Depressed. There's so much time in one day. Every day feels like an endless void. I have no purpose and no place to be. Just sitting around writing shitty poems and wanting. Always wanting.

I'm broke now, so it's not like I have a choice. But the second pay day comes... fffucking... there's no justification, my legs just start walking straight to old mate's to score.

I really do want to quit. I keep trying and failing but I do want to get off this train.
Every time I try and get out... dey pull me back in!

Sorry for the rant.
 
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It would be best for me to try to slow down my marijuana use again, so I am going to make a strong effort to. Also going to keep going forward with quitting tobacco.
 
badfish45 said:
It would be best for me to try to slow down my marijuana use again, so I am going to make a strong effort to.
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Good luck BF, I wish you well with it xxxx

Spackerradder you've come to the right place as you know. You've been very honest with us n that's the first step in my opinion - opening up n honesty.

Unfortunately, as you know, no one can do this but YOU. We can support you, listen, give advice n what-not but the only person who can quit is YOU and you CAN do this. What's telling you that you can't, is your addiction talking. It's in part of your brain called the amydala n your addiction will whisper all sorts to you to keep you there.

I'll give you an example based on my thoughts. The other day I went on a thread n asked for help n encouragement to reduce my dosage on a certain drug I am taking. Within hours my thought pattern had completely changed n I was on here literally arguing as to why I should stay at my current dose n doing the woa-is-me thing. I did not realise that I was doing so intil someone pointed it out to me. That was my addiction whispering to me to keep me where I am.

It's very subtle, cunning, manipulative n so we do not realise that we are being deceived in such a way by part of our own BRAIN.

neversickanymore, a moderator of the recovery forums has lots of good links/info on the subject which he spent time doing so it may be a good idea to talk to him or basically explore sober living or the dark side.

I'm sorry if you know this stuff already I thought I'd mention it as also some many non-members read this site, via Google or whatever.

Please keep posting your progress - we will help you as best as we can.

Thinking of you,
Evey xxxx
 
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