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March forward, and fear not the thorns... March 2015 Gettin' & Stayin' Sober Thread

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I'm at 3 weeks off oxy and hydro. Finally got over the 2 week hump (that's where I always slipped up).

Totach, I'm really happy for you!!! I've read a lot of your posts and I'm glad things are turning around! !

Now that I'm a bit more stable, I'm focusing on getting healthier. Eating better (less...lol!) and exercising more. Hoping that will also improve my mood in general.
 
I'm also off everything, except for a prescribed relaxant.
It is still very hard to get myself motivated. Or in good mood.
 
so i used kratom last night. i got high to the point where my eyes were pinned and it was hard to keep my eyes open. the high was OK, but it wasnt really anything great. most of the high i was wishing i was sober instead. then later on into the night, a thought about injecting heroin came up and i immediately dumped the rest of my kratom down the toilette. so glad i did that!! today i had some instances thinking about kratom, but they were only mere thoughts, nothing more and nothing less. i dont wish to go back and change anything because all the fucked up shit that has happened to me has taught me beautiful life lessons! in addition, i realize that no one is perfect, we all have fucked up shit going on about our lives, but i can choose to focus on the negatives or the positives.

it is crazy, today is the first day i thought about my childhood in a positive light, i have always viewed it so negatively, but today my eyes were opened. i am so grateful!

Erikmen said:
I'm also off everything, except for a prescribed relaxant.
It is still very hard to get myself motivated. Or in good mood.
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i know what you mean erik!! things do get better though! i never thought i would have a great day, better than i would if i were high, while sober. like it is crazy!! things change, nothing is permanent! it is the law of the universe 0_o

Captain.Heroin said:
I'm still off needles, off meth/heroin/suboxone, and going strong.

all I do are dabs, and occasional drinking. :)
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wow thats so amazing!!! do you know how many people would want to be in your position right now?!?!?!? so many people never escape the needle and hardcore drugs!! keep up the good work CH!!
 
As soon as I go to bed/wake up, I'll have 120 days//4 months clean and sober from everything but caffeine and nicotine. No opiates at all, no weed, no alcohol, nothing!! It's a damn good feeling!!!

Congrats to everyone with ANY amount of clean time. Be it 1 day or 30 yrs. it's not an easy task but so fucking worth it!! My fav saying is We can only keep what we have by giving it away! That means as little as sharing our stories with other addicts reading this page! ❤️❤️Love to you all!!
 
Great post to read right now. On day 9 kratom and opiate free. The physical symptoms have not vanished as I thought they would at this point which is rather exasperating. I'm sooo restless and bored with everything and just want time to pass so I feel more normal but it just crawls. I'm in a place where I don't speak the language, it's cold outside and I have no transportation so looking for support groups or even recreation is kinda out of the question. This site has been helping alot. I check it every few hours and spend alot of time just reading people's stories
 
Also is a super super short attention span par course for early recovery. I need be taking intensive language courses as well as college courses here in a bit. Is this something that will improve pretty slowly. Any steps that can be taken to speed it up
 
Still sober here and have been since August of 2012. I don't really keep track of my time since I have no plans to use anything within the near future since 4 of my relatives died in a very close time frame to each other, and using anything would not help; but I keep busy with exercise, work, and other things.
 
Pharmgirl- I am so happy to see that you are doing so well i hope you keep it up you got this!
I am doing ok i guess i am having some crazy strong cravings today.
The only thing keeping me sane is that i know i will not get high today no matter what tomorrow maybe but not today.
It will be a month on the 9th that i am opiate and benzo free so i am looking forward to that.
Today is purim which is my favorite holiday and the snow storm is making it even cooler so im happy about that.
Soon my family will come over and we will have a nice meal so i will update tommorow.
Im so proud and happy for evreyone in this thread you are all fighters and i appreciate your updates cuz you guys give me the motivation and ambition to fight this fight!!!
 
.5 mg sub today

everything is so real, it's terrifying. I want to just down 3mg at once, or go cop - I don't mean I really ::want:: to, but I just... I don't know, it's just really stressful. I've been on opiates a long time, a LONG time. And for most of that time I had the money to stay opiated. Most of my drug using friends and even people on here, when they talk about their habits or i see my friends habits, its like sometimes they just dont have money to cop, or they have just enough to get well, so they spend most of the day some days mostly sober, or at least not hella high. For most of my drug using i had the money and resources to stay pretty fucked up. I never really spent much time "just" well - you know what i mean, not feeling high at all, just 'normal'. I'm just not used to it. I'm going to go to sleep, or try to, before I start to get sick and cant. I know I need to just push through this. It's just scary. The anxiety from withdrawal makes me feel like nothing is ever going to work out, not my romantic life, not making enough money, not anything.

I'm going to stop now and go to bed.
 
You're going to get thru this! Things are already better, it just takes time to see that! Try what I do, I won't use (any extra) just for today. Tomorrow is another day... Then when you wake up you'll feel like you've accomplished something and you then can set the same goal for that day!! It's definietly not easy, if it were, we wouldn't be like we are! I have faith in you, until you have it in yourself ❤️❤️❤️
 
So i started getting a few hours of sleep a night but its still really unconfertable
By the time i get home at like 9 or 10pm im dead tired and go to sleep and then i wake up at like 2am dont get me wrong i am gratefull for any sleep after not sleeping got weeks
I feel like if i could stay up till like atleast 12 or 1 then i would sleep better and wake up later
Its just my job is so fucking demanding and the hours are so bad i can not have any kind of life i cant go to the gym cuz im so tired when i get home i hate that
But it is keeping me sober and that is my first priority right now so i am not complaining im not gonna work this job forever so for now im good
Have a good day all
 
I found this amazing song on youtube that really helps me out in hard times maybe it can help someone else out to.
Lullaby for a recovering addict
 
totach said:
Pharmgirl- I am so happy to see that you are doing so well i hope you keep it up you got this!
I am doing ok i guess i am having some crazy strong cravings today.
The only thing keeping me sane is that i know i will not get high today no matter what tomorrow maybe but not today.
It will be a month on the 9th that i am opiate and benzo free so i am looking forward to that.
Today is purim which is my favorite holiday and the snow storm is making it even cooler so im happy about that.
Soon my family will come over and we will have a nice meal so i will update tommorow.
Im so proud and happy for evreyone in this thread you are all fighters and i appreciate your updates cuz you guys give me the motivation and ambition to fight this fight!!!
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Congrats man!

That first month is always so hard and challenging. Just keep learning to love the challenges life presents to you, and don't get too frustrated. You're doing great! <3

BlueSaffron said:
.5 mg sub today

everything is so real, it's terrifying. I want to just down 3mg at once, or go cop - I don't mean I really ::want:: to, but I just... I don't know, it's just really stressful. I've been on opiates a long time, a LONG time. And for most of that time I had the money to stay opiated. Most of my drug using friends and even people on here, when they talk about their habits or i see my friends habits, its like sometimes they just dont have money to cop, or they have just enough to get well, so they spend most of the day some days mostly sober, or at least not hella high. For most of my drug using i had the money and resources to stay pretty fucked up. I never really spent much time "just" well - you know what i mean, not feeling high at all, just 'normal'. I'm just not used to it. I'm going to go to sleep, or try to, before I start to get sick and cant. I know I need to just push through this. It's just scary. The anxiety from withdrawal makes me feel like nothing is ever going to work out, not my romantic life, not making enough money, not anything.

I'm going to stop now and go to bed.
Click to expand...

this kind of feeling/fear I had frequently on the last of my buprenorphine runs.

It's best to remember that this is the brain screaming out for a continued endorphin mimetic supply, and specifically it's also the caudate nucleus which is responsible for obsessive thoughts about the drug effects/fear of withdrawal, etc

Eventually you'll be able to quit Blue; don't give up, you're doing so well

after you quit, about a week to a few weeks later, the caudate nucleus won't be working over-time and you'll have a lot less obsessive thoughts about "how you feel", the drug, the drug effects, etc. :)
 
Thanks C.H., that actually helped a lot... just knowing there's a medical explanation for it and I'm not going to always feel like this, because that's what it feels like now. I just want to wake up and feel normal without taking something.

Thanks also lacaster for your post on page 1 :)

the good news - I had five whole minutes tonight when I was just sitting there watching The Americans (amazing show, WATCH IT), and I thought "I like this feeling, feeling sober". It only lasted a few minutes, but it honestly felt amazing. A pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel...

One more thing - does anyone find themself missing "the life"? Not the drugs, but the going downtown to score, scrolling through a list of dealers on your phone, or cruising by the spot to see who's out (if you have open air where you live). The pulling over and calling your guy or motioning a dealer to come to your car, the doing the deal while watching out for narcs (I was actually blocked in by narcs the last time I copped), I had to ask them politely if I could back up and get out, lol, they were jacking someone. Am I the only one who had a weird sense of accomplishment when I drive away from the hood with my dope, and I havent gotten ripped off, jacked or arrested? It's like an adrenaline rush, and I know how fucking retarded (Un pc but I"m keeping it cos its the best description) that is, but I still can't help missing the action sometimes. Although tbh it was too much action right before I stopped, friends of mine getting in serious drama, ect. I just wish Iknew how to get that feeling of accomplishment some other way. Making all my deliveries on time at my job doesn't quite cut it.
 
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