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Male/female best friends

treezy z

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
4,152
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belly of the beast, MA
whenever i know a dude who's best friend is a girl i assume he wants to bang her and is trying some bogus roundabout game. (and will never bang her.)

if anyone can convince me this isn't the case (if the girl is reasonably attractive) do so now.
 
Holy shit you're narrow minded. However I will use this question only to give homeage to a girl I once knew but did not want to fuck. She spit fire, her spirit was lively, very attractive. Everything I would find attractive EXCEPT she talked a lot. Quite a lot. Shit was a turn off man. But then it is possible to quote Colbert "Maybe I'm swinging lady junk".
 
Two of my mates are best of friends and there's no sexual element to their relationship whatsoever. Gone far past that point, they've both said it would be like shagging a brother/sister.

The guy has a girlfriend who he is about to propose to.
 
My boyfriend has two best friends - one is his brother and one is a female. He hasn't slept with her and doesn't want to although she is attractive (in my opinion). It's possible. Male-female friendships that are JUST friendships are possible.
 
Holy shit you're narrow minded. However I will use this question only to give homeage to a girl I once knew but did not want to fuck. She spit fire, her spirit was lively, very attractive. Everything I would find attractive EXCEPT she talked a lot. Quite a lot. Shit was a turn off man. But then it is possible to quote Colbert "Maybe I'm swinging lady junk".

Then you weren't actually attracted to her.

I think he meant attractive in the sense that you find her attractive as a whole, not just that shes physically hot or has some attractive qualities.

Two of my mates are best of friends and there's no sexual element to their relationship whatsoever. Gone far past that point, they've both said it would be like shagging a brother/sister.

The guy has a girlfriend who he is about to propose to.

Most people would hardly be upfront about it if they did have feelings in this situation... especially if he's chosen to propose. Maybe they are both attracted to each other but never acted on it.

My boyfriend has two best friends - one is his brother and one is a female. He hasn't slept with her and doesn't want to although she is attractive (in my opinion). It's possible. Male-female friendships that are JUST friendships are possible.


You're sure he would totally let you know? Hey honey you know sometimes i close my eyes and think about katie when im fucking you, right?

I don't know about that. He might not want to bang her but then again he might. He wouldn't tell you if he's got any sense.
 
You're sure he would totally let you know? Hey honey you know sometimes i close my eyes and think about katie when im fucking you, right?

I don't know about that. He might not want to bang her but then again he might. He wouldn't tell you if he's got any sense.

Yeah, because I know the other females he finds attractive. He's told me other females he's had sex with. Why would this be any different? He also knows the same about me. There is such thing as honesty in a relationship. Anyway, my boyfriend goes over and visits her, has coffee with her, whatever, and there is no need for me to get jealous because they are best friends and that's that.

But I mean, not everyone has a relationship like this, so I guess I get why you don't automatically believe it. Oh well. Someday I hope you understand it.
 
Yeah, because I know the other females he finds attractive. He's told me other females he's had sex with. Why would this be any different? He also knows the same about me. There is such thing as honesty in a relationship. Anyway, my boyfriend goes over and visits her, has coffee with her, whatever, and there is no need for me to get jealous because they are best friends and that's that.

But I mean, not everyone has a relationship like this, so I guess I get why you don't automatically believe it. Oh well. Someday I hope you understand it.

Then again you might be wrong. Maybe you truly have no reason to be jealous, if he is the kind of guy who wouldn't teach on you. But perhaps there is attraction there and he fantasizes about her.

So there could be a sexual interest, but one which he wouldn't act upon and would rather not admit to you because he knows there is no point and it might be an issue for you.

You truly believe your relationship is entirely honest in every aspect and there isn't the slightest thing that either of you omit or try to present in different colors to each other? I mean sometimes people hide stuff or lie not because they aren't trustful or honest, but for other reasons, for example not wanting to hurt the ones they love. We all change the way we present ourselves and our views depending on whom we are interacting to at the moment
 
Then you weren't actually attracted to her.

I think he meant attractive in the sense that you find her attractive as a whole, not just that shes physically hot or has some attractive qualities.
Nah she was pretty attractive.
 
Some of us can relate to members of the opposite sex (or whatever gender one is attracted to) as people, friends, acquaintances - whatever - without thinking of every one as a potential sex partner.

Whether the OP can or not, is matter for them.

I don't know what sort of compelling argument can convince you either way, because it may be a subjective thing regarding how you relate to other people.
I've had plenty of attractive friends that I have no physical or romantic interest in.
 
It depends on their age, but more often than not friends that are attracted to each other will hook up at some point:

boy/boy

girl/girl

boy/girl


It is what it is.


:)
 
You said she turned you off so if your dick wasn't into it, then..

I said a quality was a turn off. My dick doesn't just jump to the nearest magazine image...My dick is very discerning I have a list of five women I've loved and wanted to bone and the rest were friends. I was just giving an example. Sorry your dick lacks discipline! Plus I am bisexual so I am literally flooded with beautiful people I'd fuck but if they lack certain qualities of spirit then it's a no-go. However you can still be attractive and me not want to bone per OP's question.
 
Most people would hardly be upfront about it if they did have feelings in this situation... especially if he's chosen to propose. Maybe they are both attracted to each other but never acted on it.

Maybe there was a phase, I don't know, but they didn't act on it....and now they're best mates and he has no interest in banging her. Why is that so hard to believe?
 
Maybe there was a phase, I don't know, but they didn't act on it....and now they're best mates and he has no interest in banging her. Why is that so hard to believe?

I don't understand why some people don't get that males and females can just be friends. It is clearly possible from multiple examples in this thread.

Some people can't.... but that is certainly not everyone.
 
I have a best friend that is female and i would do anything for her. I would also have sex with her if she wanted to but im hardly playing a round about game to make it happen.
With a healthy male sex drive its natural to want to get physical with an atractive member of the opposite sex that u have a connection/friendship with.ive had a female friend that i was strictly friends with her because i wanted to have sex with her and i was playing round about games with to fuck her.
in the end it all depends how much u cherish the friendship and how much u like the person on the inside. This subject will always be relative like everything else to someones personal life everyone has different experiences.
 
My best friend in college was a guy. We never slept with each other because we saw each other as brother/sis and it would feel weird if we did.
 
My best friend for over 2 years now is the opposite gender (I'm male, she's female). The first week of our friendship was absolutely amazing, and I was attracted to her initially. I expressed it, and she was honest about it only ever being a friendship. Looking at that situation from her perspective, that was a huge risk for her. Some guys don't take rejection well, and I know most girls know what it's like to lose a potential great friend over that situation. Had she malicious intent, she easily could have lead me on for my money, friends or "status" in a community I belonged to; but she didn't. Her life prior to our friendship was also one where she had repeatedly learned that she would be punished for honesty.

From my perspective though... she proved to me her worth as a friend I could trust that day. She was the first girl in my life to not lead me on. She was the first one to tell me the truth, and my attraction to her was due to compatibility we shared as friends so why should I let anything come between such a friendship? I craved companionship, not a relationship. I accepted how she felt, did not reject her friendship and thanked her for honesty. Neither of us even realized how strong our friendship would become because of the mutual honesty and respect we showed each other.

Over the past two years, we've become extremely close friends; and while we understood how we felt about each other... others didn't at times, and it took us a long time to figure out how to describe our friendship even to ourselves. We knew how we felt, we just couldn't put it into words... and people believe a male and female aren't capable of having such a friendship. It wasn't until I studied further what platonic love is that we really understood. Plato spoke of two loves. Common (romantic) love, and divine (platonic) love. What we today call "platonic love" has almost been downgraded to the feeling you have for any person you consider a good friend.

What divine love or platonic love is though, is more akin to a true "best friend" or another way to describe it is a "passionate friendship". Acceptance/unconditional love for another person, who they are, and their journey. We tell each other everything, and how close we are has made significant other's jealous... but it's strictly platonic. We've cuddled and held hands, but never kissed on the lips (forehead or hand only), and have never been sexual (despite many people's belief). She's there for me when I need her, I'm there for her when she needs me; and we're each other's best friend.

And having a best friend of the opposite sex is definitely a bonus when it comes to needing advice or a wingman (or wingwoman in my case). Her current boyfriend even told me it was kind of a relief that her best friend was male, because he's had issues in the past of a girl's bestfriend developing feelings for him and causing issues. It's kind of like a bromance.... except my bro is a girl who likes guys. How does a father love his adult daughter, or a brother love his sister, or a man love his best male friend? It is the same.

It took me a long time to convince her she wasn't leading me on however; and it also took her awhile to get me to open up without worrying about how she'd interpret something I'd say (I feared her believing I still desired a relationship). Over time though... trust, honesty and communication (THC ;)) is all that is required. She's my best friend, and I love her like one :)
 
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