My best friend for over 2 years now is the opposite gender (I'm male, she's female). The first week of our friendship was absolutely amazing, and I was attracted to her initially. I expressed it, and she was honest about it only ever being a friendship. Looking at that situation from her perspective, that was a huge risk for her. Some guys don't take rejection well, and I know most girls know what it's like to lose a potential great friend over that situation. Had she malicious intent, she easily could have lead me on for my money, friends or "status" in a community I belonged to; but she didn't. Her life prior to our friendship was also one where she had repeatedly learned that she would be punished for honesty.
From my perspective though... she proved to me her worth as a friend I could trust that day. She was the first girl in my life to not lead me on. She was the first one to tell me the truth, and my attraction to her was due to compatibility we shared as friends so why should I let anything come between such a friendship? I craved companionship, not a relationship. I accepted how she felt, did not reject her friendship and thanked her for honesty. Neither of us even realized how strong our friendship would become because of the mutual honesty and respect we showed each other.
Over the past two years, we've become extremely close friends; and while we understood how we felt about each other... others didn't at times, and it took us a long time to figure out how to describe our friendship even to ourselves. We knew how we felt, we just couldn't put it into words... and people believe a male and female aren't capable of having such a friendship. It wasn't until I studied further what platonic love is that we really understood. Plato spoke of two loves. Common (romantic) love, and divine (platonic) love. What we today call "platonic love" has almost been downgraded to the feeling you have for any person you consider a good friend.
What divine love or platonic love is though, is more akin to a true "best friend" or another way to describe it is a "passionate friendship". Acceptance/unconditional love for another person, who they are, and their journey. We tell each other everything, and how close we are has made significant other's jealous... but it's strictly platonic. We've cuddled and held hands, but never kissed on the lips (forehead or hand only), and have never been sexual (despite many people's belief). She's there for me when I need her, I'm there for her when she needs me; and we're each other's best friend.
And having a best friend of the opposite sex is definitely a bonus when it comes to needing advice or a wingman (or wingwoman in my case). Her current boyfriend even told me it was kind of a relief that her best friend was male, because he's had issues in the past of a girl's bestfriend developing feelings for him and causing issues. It's kind of like a bromance.... except my bro is a girl who likes guys. How does a father love his adult daughter, or a brother love his sister, or a man love his best male friend? It is the same.
It took me a long time to convince her she wasn't leading me on however; and it also took her awhile to get me to open up without worrying about how she'd interpret something I'd say (I feared her believing I still desired a relationship). Over time though... trust, honesty and communication (THC
) is all that is required. She's my best friend, and I love her like one
