ramble
hey, i feel a blog coming on...
i have no regular internet access at the mo as my estranged dad doesn't pay bills much...

back home to sunny london for me, it's well weird walking in town, lots of people its great...
i'm at my friends' house who is poking me...
i went to this party yesterday, it was cool, if theres another one like it i'll invite you!!
lots of 'ex' druggies, student types, was exactly what i needed, cept one guy was doing k... i just drank (too much) and smoked (too much), AND i ended up in bed with 5 gorgeous girls, i feel quite proud... so fuck it i'll brag... it wasn't sex at all or anything, cept i snogged 1... hehe, i'm singing in the rain...
anyway, i left my (council estate - dodgy state of disrepair, poor old dad) house with a good frame of mind, had a few glasses of vino before and NO CANABIS!!!! it makes a fuckin big difference for social occassions... not a single toke all day - phew!
so anyway, i turned up to this pub, obviously slightly anxious, don't wanna trip over in the first five minutes! sat next to nick, main friend there, and got a beer and just put in the effort to talk... it's weird, and i'm being really honest here, but from the perspective of being on this battle against anxiety/depression it was so obvious how the other people (and i mainly mean guys) were totally subject to the same awkwardness thing that I'm so familiar with... i guess i never noticed or something before, but once i'd realised that, fuck it, i'm relaxed, with the help of the booze, i had conversations with people and it worked i was verbal (once again?)... i admit i took an extra prozac before leaving (forgot to mention that

) and , well it worked out well, i think it's a bloody great drug to be honest!
most importantly for me i chatted up loads of women and they actually liked me... great!! i guess it really was about paying close attention to what people said to me and therefore being able to think of ways to respond... sounds so bloody obvious i know, its the art of conversation and i swear its all new to me!
well i just mean to say that i, after a while, fell into the night with the booze of course, u know when you forget yourself? i went back to this ridiculously huge house in north london... grand piano, swirly stair cases, took the piss, i puked all over the place and passed out for a bit... woke up and went to this jewish princesses' similarly massive mansion, hurts for me cos i am born and bread council estate, but with bourgoie (?) parents that didn't quite make it in the typical sense..
i've also been staying with my freudian psycho-therapist grandparents, and well i guess its weird having a psychological problem, depression, and having dinner with trained professionals in the field, bit intense at times maybe...
i've started playing guitar, singing which is really good... gonna be heading back to coventry soon, sort that stuff out...
well when it comes to women i always remembered to compliment, be a bit cheeky, slightly aloof, works wonders and having a conversation that rolls...
friend is once again poking me.. so i'll stop rambling on and on... and you might be thinking, you bastard u got it sweet... and u'd be right, i do have it sweet...
self-help works for me... maybe it could work for you... u can find my book in all the major bookshops
oh yeah... theres a party called The Big Hug on Saturday 9th of this month 10pm-7am at the Dance Industry Studios, 210 Coldharbour Lane, Brixton, London, Uk, Planet earth...come along if u can... i'll be there should be good, tho no e for me!
adios (Pompelmous

)
hope life treats u all well...