LSD - exp. - BE HERE NOW!
BE HERE NOW HERE BE NOW BE NOW HERE
This is not just a trip report for a single experience on LSD but, i guess my first (more recent) experience, and what I learned from that time up until now. Really though, it wasn't just the acid, it was reading that book, specifically the middle part of Ram Dass - Be Here Now, on acid.
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Link to Be Here Now at amazon
This trip report is not finished, heh, but its been months and I could type 10 more pages, i'll get around to it eventually, thought to post what i got so far because of a big part i wrote about in here about this girl Nikki, cause she's going off the end, going crazy, i'll add more to the end.
This book, experience, .. man.. i've gone through the book before, but not on acid, for every one of you that may have a copy of Pihkal laying around or whatever, well fuck, this book costs like 11 bucks, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND if you have enough money to buy drugs, and you are a tripper, whatever, ..buy this book, i guarantee you won't be let down, its fucking 11 bucks - if you can hunt down a few hits of good acid, and this book, read the middle brown section (its NOT like a regular "BOOK"), ...then get back to me and tell me it sucks
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Dr. Shugin has a scale, +1, +2, and +3 relate to how strong the effects are from a psychedelic drug. Then there's +4.
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So about 3 weeks ago or so, I find i hear a whisper.."eat me.. eat me..". It gets louder, "tommy, you know you want to EAT ME!". Sooo i thought, hmm, well, i'd really like to try out some of this new blotter acid i just received, ya know, ..test out the potency 'n shit. Now this would be the first time ever, that I FINALLY, have 30 hits worth of this potent shit in my box of mind toys. I finally, would be able to take a high enough fucking dose of acid to.. actually show me something cool that i haven't already seen with 2c-this, 4-acetoxy-upyoass, and whatever other ..inferor toys I had tried before..
Now, up until this day i'd rate only mushrooms, 5-MeO-DMT, and DMT up there at my #1 spot for my favorite psychedelic drug.
Well, apparently i was wrong.
Within two hours of putting the 3 tiny square little pieces of, packed full of OH YEAH, paper on my tongue, I already knew.. I started .. having busts of happy motivation, telling my dad, and sending instant messages on the computer to several people saying,
"LSD IS THE BEST FUCKING PSYCHEDELIC DRUG THERE IS PERIOD!"
... well I got couple responses from people with a nice belt of lsd experience on them already, such as "yea, see told ya" and "yep, //inhales some potent cannibis//.. haha"
Basically the mighty LSD gods showed me mental images, of them, stomping on 2C-E, mushrooms, all the other tryptamines 'n phenylizzles, going "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, look at what I can do! Muahahhahahaha", oh they showed and demanded i give the #1 spot to them. I handed it over with a big SMILE!
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Well! Where do i fucking BEGIN?!? I have a message I want to spread, to as many people as possible, if I can manage to translate to english even ONE PERCENT of what i've learned from this trip/book (and life itself), to hopefully somehow help other people live life more smoothly and flow with the universe.. Although i'll be posting this "trip report" on a couple public forums i'm also going to give copies to people that might not have a clue what "tripping" really even is. So whoever's reading this, if some parts bore you cause i'm talking about molecules or whatever well read on i'm going to try my best to tie it all together and get some message across..
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Well i'll start with this trip. I find myself coming up, and feeling euphoric, looking around at things, and i thought "wow, its like tripping for the first time!".
A friend came over, he ate two hits, and we drove to this park with a lake on some private property. We were laughing at the thought if some "old rich fuckers" in this neighborhood would see us and say "why are those two boys, out there where nobody ever goes, on our private lake watching a sun set?!?! Call the cops!".
Well, from what i was feeling inside i didn't think it would be in the universe's best interest to have some cops come lock us up or anything - just a guess . I'll discuss that later on. Aaanyway we mainly just sat there and smoked a bowl, observing the beauty of it all.. I was just looking at tree's, noticing that fractal nature of everything.
I see this tree, and how it looks, rising up from the earth over time. It looks like its "attracted" towards something, out in the sky - it grows up with its leaves to take in sunlight and all. So we experience our lives with three dimentions of space, three directions we can move around, then there's this "strange" force called time. But i'll elaborate more on that later its a small part of what I want to say.
I felt at one with the universe, peace, harmony, I realise that everything is PERFECT! Everything up until the exact moment of experiencing life, the now, is perfect.
I started to get mental images in my head, of different psychedelic molecules - i've been playing around with this chemdraw program like mad on the computer lately, I see how all these serotonin 5ht2a agonists, "the psychedelic receptor", seem to want to grab onto a certain shape, the receptor shape i guess. I've seen images on the computer of LSD, psilocybin, the more potent dragonfly molecules that are only recent, its 2005 and we still haven't yet tweaked a molecule that is quite like LSD. Oh, we're getting there though, i know that.
Sometime after getting home and my friend left, (I was still tripping 13+ hours after taking the acid), I read the middle section of "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU ALL GET THIS BOOK! I was reading it for over 5 hours (sober i could flip through in 30 minutes or something). I really should put, three hits of acid plus Be Here Now, because reading the middle section of the book on acid ... well i'm sure this "trip report" wouldn't be quite so long if it weren't for that book. Its like uh, my bible. If you have any gift cards, like borders or amazon.com, its only like 11 bucks.. please order it! If i had a lot of extra money i'd buy so many copies of that book (i did order several already with gift cards), and give it away to people with a proper dose of acid, only if they promise to go through the middle section while tripping. Its not like reading a normal book, oh no, OH NO, the middle section is brown and it was written (with pictures in the background and all) in a special way to get a message across.."a message" - sounds funny, because it brings you to a point of explaining everything about life itself, a million gazillion infinite message, yet at the same time can be considered "ONE" infinitely huge message. They made it especially for people tripping on LSD, because i've read it while tripping before on other stuff, and... wow, ....i'll just leave it at that, WOW.
I was feeling the 'vibe', like i'm connected to the entire acid culture of the 60's through today. I'm thinking, ...WOW, how could something this WONDERFUL, the LSD molecule where you can fit a dose on a tiny square piece of paper, non-toxic enough so where you can eat 10000 hits and live, and it have THIS good of a general cosmic psychedelic effect, be an accident? I mean damn, Albert Hoffman (the dude who discovered LSD) just ...accidently spilled THIS ONE on himself that day, out of the who knows how many other chemicals.
LSD wasn't an accident!
I can see things differently now. Things like karma, coincidences, I see how the whole karma thing works now, and also see how there's no such thing as a coincidence.
That Nikki girl.
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I'll give an example of something in my life. I was always a shy kid, growing up, generally keeping too much distance from people, really just closed minded to life, or rather, had internal struggles causing fear towards a lot of things in life. Well when I was about 14 y.o., I met this girl who came up to visit from florida (i live in michigan) for a week. Now her mom is originally from michigan, my parents and her mom used to party together growing up.
Anyway, like usual, i was my shy inhibited self, avoiding anything too social or 'open'. Well this girl, just kept at me, talking away one night, we talked about all kinds of things, laughed, she got me to open up for once, I didnt get any of the "negative" signals from her that i'd typically get from anyone else in my school at the time (negative meaning causing me to have fear/anxiety and close back up). She treated me just like anyone else she would. I'm not saying there weren't other people my age that would too but, none have ever 'gone at me' quite like she did to get me to TALK!. I remember going to sleep that night thinking "wow! i never knew such girls existed!". I thought well maybe its a florida thing, maybe all the girls in michigan are just ..bitches. She showed me unconditional love. When I met her, before she got me talking i wasn't super physically attracted to her i guess, but after that one night of talking.. saw her the next day and almost felt not worthy of being able to look at someone so beautiful - samadaiasmasidrrrrruff!
Well so she goes back to florida. I remember I had this "glow", a sense of peace with me for the next couple weeks at school, i was more calm and relaxed, a feeling of "everything's ok". I felt great.. I was in LOVE..
So ..not sure the time, but it was summer, and I flew down to florida with my sister, my mom was down there, just a week or so vacation type of thing. I know it was sometime near the end of the week, and my mom thought well lets go visit them (this girl, her mom/dad/brothers). Just the thought of it made me nervous. I said yeah maybe whatever. So we drive there, stay a night. There she was, looking HOT as hell of course. She was just like before, nice as fuck, talking away, seemingly excited to see me and hang out. I remember she was watching beavis & butthead, and they were in a library, and the librarian is wearing a skirt or something and they are looking up going "uhhh yeah", she loves it, her sick and twisted mind. I still was kind of closed off to the world, well not totally I was into my own wierd shit like CB/Ham radio, not much I could relate to people my age. We went up in her room, which had a blacklight for a light and she was blasting some awesome music. She told me some crazy stories about taking frogs and putting a firecracker in them and putting them in people's mailboxes, blowing them up for laughs. Awesome 
. Back to michigan I go..
I'm back home, again feeling peaceful, and again thinking shit, it must be a florida thing!! Well fast forward some time. I'm visiting my mom's place and she tells me, they are moving to michigan, ...what?!?! ... So they move on up to michigan, I remember calling her up and having a long talk, she said she doesn't know many people here and it sucks - so we go and hang out with a friend of mine and watch a movie, then watch a couple at her house. Oh man, i wanted her, argh. Still, I thought of her like this great.. someone, thats just too good for me, no way I could get such a great girl. I let it go, wasn't even gonna try, too shy/etc.
Well for years after, we would hang out, she would pull me outta my hole, get me to go out and party, always treating me like a great friend and like everyone else. She would always give me hugs - at the time I was too shy to really.. do that, i never gave hugs, always felt awkward. She'd buy me christmas presents and shit.
Fast forward some more.. Comes a time when we discuss moving out together, I had a job, a lot of money saved up, and really, was looking for a change of some kind. I was the only one she trusted to move in with - and really she's the only one i trusted like that also. Well ends up her mom (crazy.. person!) buys a house for us to move into. What a ride the next year and a half was! At the beginning it was great. Never was I ever thinking "oh well maybe i'll get to fuck her!". Still I looked at her like this great.. person I could never get. She dated some guys, I was always kinda looking out for her, just came natural, - anyway, blah blah blah I don't want to go on about this forever here. We had a lot of parties, big parties. We got robbed at one of the parties - involved people getting hurt, court, and 3 people sent to jail for years, another long story. I dated this girl who kinda 'dropped into my life' as i dropped into hers at the right time for a while. lol - that uh, relationship ended kinda fast when we went down to florida to visit my mom/vacation (my mom moved down there) and I had to um, send her on a greyhound bus back home! biaatch! (she's awesome we're good friends now).
Fast forward to now, this girl is having big problems.. She's now the one kind of keeping herself from the outside world it seems like. She used to be this party girl with a million friends, always out doing something. Now its like the opposite. I have a million friends - she doesn't answer her phone and I gotta call her up and basically say "if ya don't answer or call me back well, i'll just.. come stalk your ass anyway" - she knows I will and thats what I do. After not talking to her for i don't know how many months, I finally just came to her house and taped a bunch of notes to her door.
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I'm not gonna let her go into a hole, i'll keep at her. So after this acid trip, it seems like everything in life had fallen into place. I don't know WHERE i'd be right now if I never met this girl. Its very hard to explain/put into words so people can understand what i've been shown/experienced/learned/whatever. So what is Karma? Well here's some internet definition thinigie:
Now a lot of people think (like i thought) karma!? what? Bullshit, because if you do something bad to someone you run into in, lets say.. another state/country you are visiting, like, purposely make them trip and fall, and you get away with it totally, how can that come back to you?
While we were in that park by the lake, I can see that I was my friend at some point, maybe "was" isn't the right word, because time itself is only experienced moving like it is by me, so it could be that I was my friend, I am my friend, and I will be my friend. Its all the same. That bug on the floor I stepped on last week, i've experienced that bug's death (or will, or ..whatever!). I am "god" (using that word to mean All That Is, Everything, whatever you wanna call it) experiencing the life of Tom.
Anyway, some of what i'm trying to get at is (which is very difficult to put into words for anyone to understand other than myself), all of our lives, everything, its all intertwined - when I was younger, maybe (sober i want to use the word maybe typing this but, in actuality, i know) the universe pushed for this Nikki girl up to help me connect better to the universe. Its like she was helping me out in so many ways, yet she probably never knew it. None of this gets in the way of free will though you see.. Quantum mechanics, true randomness, without it there wouldn't be life! (saw the movie "What The Bleep Do We Know" recently, the book Be Here Now showed me all that anyway but i was glad to see this movie somewhat in the mainstream) We all have that calm center, the 'god within' or whatever - this strange time dimention attractor bringing us all towards connectedness although not stopping free will (if everything was 100% determined, whats the point in the experience of life?), although ..man how do i explain it, - actually, i'm not going to try because i can't sitting here for a half hour! I guess, I see the illusion of a "wall" between myself and everything else, and its like i'm going through 'my' inevitable process to fully reconnect to that everything else, ..sorta..! Like the rest of the universe has already done its thing, and its waiting for me to reconnect, but also I can look at another person and see its the same for them, err.. like an attraction from the future.
There is a process thats going on, and its always been going on and always will - universes that have evolution and self-organization like ours, "push" (again, this is SO HARD to put into words that.. make..sense..?! words are too simple) towards everything eventually re-connecting completely (not saying we aren't already connected, its that the 'spirit' within us all is 'learning' that we are, i guess? loss of words..), yet allowing it to do so in infinite ways (all the quantum randomness shizznit).
I think most people don't realise yet whats going on in the universe. There's this BIG BANG, boom, here's this universe. Evolution.. the universe just, self-organizes itself more and more. Galaxies, planets, complex life. So there's DNA, like a brain of sorts, guiding evolution generation after generation on this planet. Then, there's the human brain. Evolution is once again, sped up.
What DMT has taught me so far.
One day ohh, i'd guess 8 months ago or so, I picked up an eighth of mushrooms that were said to have come from some hippie fest in ohio (i forget what its called). Four other people also had the same mushrooms, and we all ended up tripping on them the same night. I was going to go over someone's house and eat mine, but I got there and person A was fighting with her boyfriend E (like usual) on shrooms, and I guess the girl (who's house it was) C was.. i forget, fighting or just having a shitty time with her then boyfriend N. So I ended up driving A and N home while they were having their shitty mushroom trip. Oh well, I get home and eat mine.
It was one of the best shroom trips of my life! I really think there was something different about these particular mushrooms because, i got AMAZING visuals, also after this day I talked to the rest of the people and all of them said they had similar experiences. Possibly they had a lot of baeocystin? They were very very visual, incredible. I don't know why but right after this trip, I started wondering about DMT. I mean, I love mushrooms but I never even thought to research on how to extract DMT from plants.. so thats what I did.
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Extractions I did! Ohh yes, pretty white crystals, and lots of them. Most of the time, I took it 'huasca style (or, a modern version, in capsules )
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Alright well thats maybe 1/10 of the um, "report". I wanted to edit it out, cut this, do that, organize it better, etc, and finish it. But.. well thats gonna be a while apparently.
Now I don't think most people know about research such as this:
What the Bleep / water xtals
But basically especially big groups of people, or a collective..whatever, can have more of an effect on things that we really would ever think. You can call it 'prayer', group/collective meditation, whatever.
Anyway, I typed up a lot about that girl Nikki, who got me to etc etc etc. Well now she's like, fucking crazy, like her mom, I won't go into details here now but wow, she's at a point where really, I can't do much of anything to help - I gotta stay away, in her mind somehow she's convinced even ME has done her wrong (first time a friend, anyone, ESPECIALLY someone that close, has said anything close to what she's said to me recently, usually i'm everybody's best friend, i am her best friend really which is sad).
So hey, if you've actually read this or just this last part, and want to do me a favor, take a second before you light up that fat spleef to go within and send out some love to Nikki, wish her the best![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Its about all I can do besides let her know i'm STILL here, she can call me, its ok, insult me do this that and the other thing to me, I still don't hate... unconditional love, I can only hope she makes it out of the deep hole of what her mom is like, "sees the light" , if she would have a spontanious mystical experience out of nowhere that'd solve everything but unfortunately what can I do... Hopefully when I see her again it won't be at her funeral / kill herself / etc.
Anyway gots to go maybe i'll write more later, heh %) .
BE HERE NOW HERE BE NOW BE NOW HERE
This is not just a trip report for a single experience on LSD but, i guess my first (more recent) experience, and what I learned from that time up until now. Really though, it wasn't just the acid, it was reading that book, specifically the middle part of Ram Dass - Be Here Now, on acid.
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Link to Be Here Now at amazon
This trip report is not finished, heh, but its been months and I could type 10 more pages, i'll get around to it eventually, thought to post what i got so far because of a big part i wrote about in here about this girl Nikki, cause she's going off the end, going crazy, i'll add more to the end.
This book, experience, .. man.. i've gone through the book before, but not on acid, for every one of you that may have a copy of Pihkal laying around or whatever, well fuck, this book costs like 11 bucks, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND if you have enough money to buy drugs, and you are a tripper, whatever, ..buy this book, i guarantee you won't be let down, its fucking 11 bucks - if you can hunt down a few hits of good acid, and this book, read the middle brown section (its NOT like a regular "BOOK"), ...then get back to me and tell me it sucks
.Dr. Shugin has a scale, +1, +2, and +3 relate to how strong the effects are from a psychedelic drug. Then there's +4.
***
So about 3 weeks ago or so, I find i hear a whisper.."eat me.. eat me..". It gets louder, "tommy, you know you want to EAT ME!". Sooo i thought, hmm, well, i'd really like to try out some of this new blotter acid i just received, ya know, ..test out the potency 'n shit. Now this would be the first time ever, that I FINALLY, have 30 hits worth of this potent shit in my box of mind toys. I finally, would be able to take a high enough fucking dose of acid to.. actually show me something cool that i haven't already seen with 2c-this, 4-acetoxy-upyoass, and whatever other ..inferor toys I had tried before..
Now, up until this day i'd rate only mushrooms, 5-MeO-DMT, and DMT up there at my #1 spot for my favorite psychedelic drug.
Well, apparently i was wrong.
Within two hours of putting the 3 tiny square little pieces of, packed full of OH YEAH, paper on my tongue, I already knew.. I started .. having busts of happy motivation, telling my dad, and sending instant messages on the computer to several people saying,
"LSD IS THE BEST FUCKING PSYCHEDELIC DRUG THERE IS PERIOD!"
... well I got couple responses from people with a nice belt of lsd experience on them already, such as "yea, see told ya" and "yep, //inhales some potent cannibis//.. haha"
Basically the mighty LSD gods showed me mental images, of them, stomping on 2C-E, mushrooms, all the other tryptamines 'n phenylizzles, going "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, look at what I can do! Muahahhahahaha", oh they showed and demanded i give the #1 spot to them. I handed it over with a big SMILE!
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Well! Where do i fucking BEGIN?!? I have a message I want to spread, to as many people as possible, if I can manage to translate to english even ONE PERCENT of what i've learned from this trip/book (and life itself), to hopefully somehow help other people live life more smoothly and flow with the universe.. Although i'll be posting this "trip report" on a couple public forums i'm also going to give copies to people that might not have a clue what "tripping" really even is. So whoever's reading this, if some parts bore you cause i'm talking about molecules or whatever well read on i'm going to try my best to tie it all together and get some message across..
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Well i'll start with this trip. I find myself coming up, and feeling euphoric, looking around at things, and i thought "wow, its like tripping for the first time!".
A friend came over, he ate two hits, and we drove to this park with a lake on some private property. We were laughing at the thought if some "old rich fuckers" in this neighborhood would see us and say "why are those two boys, out there where nobody ever goes, on our private lake watching a sun set?!?! Call the cops!".
Well, from what i was feeling inside i didn't think it would be in the universe's best interest to have some cops come lock us up or anything - just a guess
. I'll discuss that later on. Aaanyway we mainly just sat there and smoked a bowl, observing the beauty of it all.. I was just looking at tree's, noticing that fractal nature of everything.I see this tree, and how it looks, rising up from the earth over time. It looks like its "attracted" towards something, out in the sky - it grows up with its leaves to take in sunlight and all. So we experience our lives with three dimentions of space, three directions we can move around, then there's this "strange" force called time. But i'll elaborate more on that later its a small part of what I want to say.
I felt at one with the universe, peace, harmony, I realise that everything is PERFECT! Everything up until the exact moment of experiencing life, the now, is perfect.
I started to get mental images in my head, of different psychedelic molecules - i've been playing around with this chemdraw program like mad on the computer lately, I see how all these serotonin 5ht2a agonists, "the psychedelic receptor", seem to want to grab onto a certain shape, the receptor shape i guess. I've seen images on the computer of LSD, psilocybin, the more potent dragonfly molecules that are only recent, its 2005 and we still haven't yet tweaked a molecule that is quite like LSD. Oh, we're getting there though, i know that.
Sometime after getting home and my friend left, (I was still tripping 13+ hours after taking the acid), I read the middle section of "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU ALL GET THIS BOOK! I was reading it for over 5 hours (sober i could flip through in 30 minutes or something). I really should put, three hits of acid plus Be Here Now, because reading the middle section of the book on acid ... well i'm sure this "trip report" wouldn't be quite so long if it weren't for that book. Its like uh, my bible. If you have any gift cards, like borders or amazon.com, its only like 11 bucks.. please order it! If i had a lot of extra money i'd buy so many copies of that book (i did order several already with gift cards), and give it away to people with a proper dose of acid, only if they promise to go through the middle section while tripping. Its not like reading a normal book, oh no, OH NO, the middle section is brown and it was written (with pictures in the background and all) in a special way to get a message across.."a message" - sounds funny, because it brings you to a point of explaining everything about life itself, a million gazillion infinite message, yet at the same time can be considered "ONE" infinitely huge message
. They made it especially for people tripping on LSD, because i've read it while tripping before on other stuff, and... wow, ....i'll just leave it at that, WOW.I was feeling the 'vibe', like i'm connected to the entire acid culture of the 60's through today. I'm thinking, ...WOW, how could something this WONDERFUL, the LSD molecule where you can fit a dose on a tiny square piece of paper, non-toxic enough so where you can eat 10000 hits and live, and it have THIS good of a general cosmic psychedelic effect, be an accident? I mean damn, Albert Hoffman (the dude who discovered LSD) just ...accidently spilled THIS ONE on himself that day, out of the who knows how many other chemicals.
LSD wasn't an accident!
I can see things differently now. Things like karma, coincidences, I see how the whole karma thing works now, and also see how there's no such thing as a coincidence.
That Nikki girl.
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I'll give an example of something in my life. I was always a shy kid, growing up, generally keeping too much distance from people, really just closed minded to life, or rather, had internal struggles causing fear towards a lot of things in life. Well when I was about 14 y.o., I met this girl who came up to visit from florida (i live in michigan) for a week. Now her mom is originally from michigan, my parents and her mom used to party together growing up.
Anyway, like usual, i was my shy inhibited self, avoiding anything too social or 'open'. Well this girl, just kept at me, talking away one night, we talked about all kinds of things, laughed, she got me to open up for once, I didnt get any of the "negative" signals from her that i'd typically get from anyone else in my school at the time (negative meaning causing me to have fear/anxiety and close back up). She treated me just like anyone else she would. I'm not saying there weren't other people my age that would too but, none have ever 'gone at me' quite like she did to get me to TALK!. I remember going to sleep that night thinking "wow! i never knew such girls existed!". I thought well maybe its a florida thing, maybe all the girls in michigan are just ..bitches. She showed me unconditional love. When I met her, before she got me talking i wasn't super physically attracted to her i guess, but after that one night of talking.. saw her the next day and almost felt not worthy of being able to look at someone so beautiful - samadaiasmasidrrrrruff!
Well so she goes back to florida. I remember I had this "glow", a sense of peace with me for the next couple weeks at school, i was more calm and relaxed, a feeling of "everything's ok". I felt great.. I was in LOVE..
So ..not sure the time, but it was summer, and I flew down to florida with my sister, my mom was down there, just a week or so vacation type of thing. I know it was sometime near the end of the week, and my mom thought well lets go visit them (this girl, her mom/dad/brothers). Just the thought of it made me nervous. I said yeah maybe whatever. So we drive there, stay a night. There she was, looking HOT as hell of course
. She was just like before, nice as fuck, talking away, seemingly excited to see me and hang out. I remember she was watching beavis & butthead, and they were in a library, and the librarian is wearing a skirt or something and they are looking up going "uhhh yeah", she loves it, her sick and twisted mind. I still was kind of closed off to the world, well not totally I was into my own wierd shit like CB/Ham radio, not much I could relate to people my age. We went up in her room, which had a blacklight for a light and she was blasting some awesome music. She told me some crazy stories about taking frogs and putting a firecracker in them and putting them in people's mailboxes, blowing them up for laughs. Awesome . Back to michigan I go..I'm back home, again feeling peaceful, and again thinking shit, it must be a florida thing!! Well fast forward some time. I'm visiting my mom's place and she tells me, they are moving to michigan, ...what?!?! ... So they move on up to michigan, I remember calling her up and having a long talk, she said she doesn't know many people here and it sucks - so we go and hang out with a friend of mine and watch a movie, then watch a couple at her house. Oh man, i wanted her, argh. Still, I thought of her like this great.. someone, thats just too good for me, no way I could get such a great girl. I let it go, wasn't even gonna try, too shy/etc.
Well for years after, we would hang out, she would pull me outta my hole, get me to go out and party, always treating me like a great friend and like everyone else. She would always give me hugs - at the time I was too shy to really.. do that, i never gave hugs, always felt awkward. She'd buy me christmas presents and shit.
Fast forward some more.. Comes a time when we discuss moving out together, I had a job, a lot of money saved up, and really, was looking for a change of some kind. I was the only one she trusted to move in with - and really she's the only one i trusted like that also. Well ends up her mom (crazy.. person!) buys a house for us to move into. What a ride the next year and a half was! At the beginning it was great. Never was I ever thinking "oh well maybe i'll get to fuck her!". Still I looked at her like this great.. person I could never get. She dated some guys, I was always kinda looking out for her, just came natural, - anyway, blah blah blah I don't want to go on about this forever here. We had a lot of parties, big parties. We got robbed at one of the parties - involved people getting hurt, court, and 3 people sent to jail for years, another long story. I dated this girl who kinda 'dropped into my life' as i dropped into hers at the right time for a while. lol - that uh, relationship ended kinda fast when we went down to florida to visit my mom/vacation (my mom moved down there) and I had to um, send her on a greyhound bus back home! biaatch! (she's awesome we're good friends now).
Fast forward to now, this girl is having big problems.. She's now the one kind of keeping herself from the outside world it seems like. She used to be this party girl with a million friends, always out doing something. Now its like the opposite. I have a million friends - she doesn't answer her phone and I gotta call her up and basically say "if ya don't answer or call me back well, i'll just.. come stalk your ass anyway" - she knows I will and thats what I do. After not talking to her for i don't know how many months, I finally just came to her house and taped a bunch of notes to her door.
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I'm not gonna let her go into a hole, i'll keep at her. So after this acid trip, it seems like everything in life had fallen into place. I don't know WHERE i'd be right now if I never met this girl. Its very hard to explain/put into words so people can understand what i've been shown/experienced/learned/whatever. So what is Karma? Well here's some internet definition thinigie:
Now a lot of people think (like i thought) karma!? what? Bullshit, because if you do something bad to someone you run into in, lets say.. another state/country you are visiting, like, purposely make them trip and fall, and you get away with it totally, how can that come back to you?
While we were in that park by the lake, I can see that I was my friend at some point, maybe "was" isn't the right word, because time itself is only experienced moving like it is by me, so it could be that I was my friend, I am my friend, and I will be my friend. Its all the same. That bug on the floor I stepped on last week, i've experienced that bug's death (or will, or ..whatever!). I am "god" (using that word to mean All That Is, Everything, whatever you wanna call it) experiencing the life of Tom.
Anyway, some of what i'm trying to get at is (which is very difficult to put into words for anyone to understand other than myself), all of our lives, everything, its all intertwined - when I was younger, maybe (sober i want to use the word maybe typing this but, in actuality, i know) the universe pushed for this Nikki girl up to help me connect better to the universe. Its like she was helping me out in so many ways, yet she probably never knew it. None of this gets in the way of free will though you see.. Quantum mechanics, true randomness, without it there wouldn't be life! (saw the movie "What The Bleep Do We Know" recently, the book Be Here Now showed me all that anyway but i was glad to see this movie somewhat in the mainstream) We all have that calm center, the 'god within' or whatever - this strange time dimention attractor bringing us all towards connectedness although not stopping free will (if everything was 100% determined, whats the point in the experience of life?), although ..man how do i explain it, - actually, i'm not going to try because i can't sitting here for a half hour! I guess, I see the illusion of a "wall" between myself and everything else, and its like i'm going through 'my' inevitable process to fully reconnect to that everything else, ..sorta..! Like the rest of the universe has already done its thing, and its waiting for me to reconnect, but also I can look at another person and see its the same for them, err.. like an attraction from the future.
There is a process thats going on, and its always been going on and always will - universes that have evolution and self-organization like ours, "push" (again, this is SO HARD to put into words that.. make..sense..?! words are too simple) towards everything eventually re-connecting completely (not saying we aren't already connected, its that the 'spirit' within us all is 'learning' that we are, i guess? loss of words..), yet allowing it to do so in infinite ways (all the quantum randomness shizznit).
I think most people don't realise yet whats going on in the universe. There's this BIG BANG, boom, here's this universe. Evolution.. the universe just, self-organizes itself more and more. Galaxies, planets, complex life. So there's DNA, like a brain of sorts, guiding evolution generation after generation on this planet. Then, there's the human brain. Evolution is once again, sped up.
What DMT has taught me so far.
One day ohh, i'd guess 8 months ago or so, I picked up an eighth of mushrooms that were said to have come from some hippie fest in ohio (i forget what its called). Four other people also had the same mushrooms, and we all ended up tripping on them the same night. I was going to go over someone's house and eat mine, but I got there and person A was fighting with her boyfriend E (like usual) on shrooms, and I guess the girl (who's house it was) C was.. i forget, fighting or just having a shitty time with her then boyfriend N. So I ended up driving A and N home while they were having their shitty mushroom trip. Oh well, I get home and eat mine.
It was one of the best shroom trips of my life! I really think there was something different about these particular mushrooms because, i got AMAZING visuals, also after this day I talked to the rest of the people and all of them said they had similar experiences. Possibly they had a lot of baeocystin? They were very very visual, incredible. I don't know why but right after this trip, I started wondering about DMT. I mean, I love mushrooms but I never even thought to research on how to extract DMT from plants.. so thats what I did.
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Extractions I did! Ohh yes, pretty white crystals, and lots of them. Most of the time, I took it 'huasca style (or, a modern version, in capsules
) -----------------------------
Alright well thats maybe 1/10 of the um, "report". I wanted to edit it out, cut this, do that, organize it better, etc, and finish it. But.. well thats gonna be a while apparently.
Now I don't think most people know about research such as this:
What the Bleep / water xtals
But basically especially big groups of people, or a collective..whatever, can have more of an effect on things that we really would ever think. You can call it 'prayer', group/collective meditation, whatever.
Anyway, I typed up a lot about that girl Nikki, who got me to etc etc etc. Well now she's like, fucking crazy, like her mom, I won't go into details here now but wow, she's at a point where really, I can't do much of anything to help - I gotta stay away, in her mind somehow she's convinced even ME has done her wrong (first time a friend, anyone, ESPECIALLY someone that close, has said anything close to what she's said to me recently, usually i'm everybody's best friend, i am her best friend really which is sad).
So hey, if you've actually read this or just this last part, and want to do me a favor, take a second before you light up that fat spleef to go within and send out some love to Nikki, wish her the best
Its about all I can do besides let her know i'm STILL here, she can call me, its ok, insult me do this that and the other thing to me, I still don't hate... unconditional love, I can only hope she makes it out of the deep hole of what her mom is like, "sees the light" , if she would have a spontanious mystical experience out of nowhere that'd solve everything but unfortunately what can I do... Hopefully when I see her again it won't be at her funeral / kill herself / etc.Anyway gots to go maybe i'll write more later, heh %) .
