Lost in Ice Wonderland

[gaialove]

Hi there everyone!
I've never belonged to a forum like this as I never touched anything (legal or illegal stimulants) other then hot tea, in my entire life. I was damn lost when I started Meth on May 5th and still lost now, clean since August 17th, My boyfriend introduced it to me on a long road trip when I couldn't stay awake like him (I had no clue he was taking meth and had been on it daily for over 8 months at the time) and he would never provide guidance as far as how much to take, one introduced, so I tried to match him smoke for smoke as much as possible. Then when things got really bad & I had to leave the State to escape, it was cold-turkey withdrawal >snip< in the mountains of Colorado. Some would say the escape cold turkey, while the most difficult time in my life, some would say I was lucky, but I am still lost and trying to find info so I can know what I went through, what's happened to me, long term effects, then to top it all off, >snip< I fell in love with ice since it made my depression go away and I actually was able to get off 2 long term prescription drugs (Amitriptyline & Metformin) w/ no side effects from those when I stopped them cold turkey, so needless to say, I was sold on ice after the first week. Lost about 50 pounds off my 277 pound frame, very good effect of ice. I could see nothing wrong with taking it since it helped me in so many areas. SO now I'm thinking of going back to Kansas, starting it back up but I need to find some first (scares me since it could be unreliable sources, at least when he bought it, it was from old trusted friends), then figure out the best doses to take to continue helping me with weight loss & clarity and to fight my depression again. I didn't know where to turn until I found this site, where I know I won't be judged and run down. Thank you all for allowing me to join. I hope you all can guide me as far as how I can be safe with this in an informed decision way since it's not leaving my life anytime soon.

 

[WorldWarMe]

Welcome to Bluelight but I am going to move this to The Dark Side as this a bit more serious than a simple introduction.


NMI -> TDS

 

[neversickanymore]

And another warm welcome to BL

this is more Basic Drug Discussion so I'm going to send this over there. I would full heatedly advise that if you are going to take meth, take it orally.

TDS -> BDD

Also please read the BLUA > here < .. and just a friendly heads up we dont allow sourcing in any way shape or forum on Blue Light... I just metion this cause your post sorta smelt real close to sourcing.

Again welcome to BL.. and I hope you find the answers you are looking for

 

[tripnotyzm]

Hey welcome to bluelight, gaia!
Quitting meth is definitely a long and nasty road.
It always sucks to hear stories of innocent people being dragged into addiction by their partners influence, but in cases like this, i am pleased to see that you were smart & took the right steps (like quitting cold turkey and moving interstate) to get clean.
But let me get this straight..
After going through whatever you went through recently, you are actually wanting to start up your meth use again..?
Why do you want to have this drug back in your life..?
Is it going to be a healthy and reliable weight loss solution for you?
Although your boyfriend probably made it sound pretty innocent, meth is something extremely powerful which has been known to completely change the lives of many people in society.
To me it sounds like you have done an outstanding job in realigning yourself with life. My advice would be to forget about this drug and focus on all the other beautiful things in this world.
You should check out this thread:
Meth / Amphetamines serious discussion / quitting thread.
Inside you will find a lot of support, success and failure stories from addicts and recovering addicts around the world.
Have a read through, maybe you will come to a better understanding with meth and realize how easy your days will be without it.

 

[Siccness909]

Well IMO if you ARE no doubt gonna start doing Meth again, as stated above I'd do Oral forsure. It's "safer" I guess in some ways and less addictive then other ROA's. The fiend for more is less then harder hitters like smoking and intravenous. The euphoria is there and comedown also not as harsh, but as far as you trying to keep weight off etc? You do know as soon as you stop you will gain ALL of it back if not DOUBLE? I've been a Meth addict for about a year. nowadays on and off but still consider myself an addict. I threw my entire life away in 3 fucking months once I was introduced to real hi quality speed..It is a dangerous road to go down, very stressful..which before long if you really get stuck will lead to sleep deprivation, psychosis etc. Voices constantly, shhit borderline schitzophrenic IMO. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart I completely understand where your coming from. I've been there man..and hit rock bottom so hard I never thought I'd turn my life around, I ODed in June (marked as the most terrifying experience hands down in my entire life) and I relapsed multiple times about 4-5 since I went to rehab TWICE within 2 months. Psychologically it's the most addictive IMO but it just takes a strong mind, even though I still dose here and there I don't binge like I used to as before I did so much until I was living in the streets.

The feeling of wanting to go back even after all the hardships you went through probably makes you feel lost, and confused why'd you even want to go back after all that? Trust me, after I ODd I NEVER thought I touch that shit again, and then within only 2 fucking weeks after the hospital I relapsed right back where I started soon as I got paid. I'm telling you I can't say it enough Meth is one addictive ass substance. The worst I've ever done and I've done every narcotic in the book multiple times. Honestly though? The best thing for you if your already in a position where you've moved away and are taking the right steps towards bettering yourself is to just stick with it man. Don't go back to the life especially if you KNOW you can't handle occasional use. It might suck being sober and life may seem boring, but my perception on Crystal after I hit personally hit rock bottom is plain and simple..It's NOT worth it. Seriously the high is amazing let's not sugar coat it, but what you lose in the end isn't worth it.

Family, friends, health etc..Your story hits hard cause I can't help but remember myself when I lost my life to Tina. Now I'm not trying to sound hypocritical as like I said I still dose, but I've really cut back on my dosing and don't binge like I used to. I hardly ever dose now, maybe 1-2 a month. Still regardless is it healthy? Of course not as I still battle general addiction with various drugs (Opiates, alcohol, coke etc) to this day. IMO though out of all the drugs I've done in my 7 years, no drug has ever taking my soul like Crystal has. Actually I've never thrown my life away for ANY drug aside from Meth.

Anyway, to sum everything up. You moved away to better yourself correct? My advice then is to NOT go back to the lifestyle, it's just not worth what you lose. You know what they say "There's only 2 roads in leads to, death or prison" and for me I've practically gone through both of those. Went to jail on charges from Crystal and I was near death the day I OD'ed if I didn't make it to the hospital as I quick as I did. Just saying man, life will get better I promise. Try talking to family or friends if you need someone to vent to? Possible sober living? Just keep your head up, Addiction is a crazy journey and you need as much support as you can get. I wish you the very best of luck! If you wanna talk about anything related don't hesitate to PM, take care!

 

[sonicwhite]

Not to scare you but I have went thru ICE psychosis......Lets just say it was actually hell I was in......Losing that much weight means your not eating and your body is feeding off of whatever it can.......Also If I was dating a Gal and she introduced me to ICE I would break up with her.....I'm telling you this for your good.....You made a excellent choice by ditching and I know the cravings are hard........But I wish no one to go thru the hell I went thru for seven months of a insane mind...

 

[Siccness909]

Meth psychosis is absolutely TERRIFYING. After about 6-7 days I completely Lost my fucking mind and thought I was in a standoff with the cops for about 4-5 hours. I thought I was about to get shot by hearing "suspect is high on methamphetamine" and I kept falling to the ground with my hands on my head..SHIT WAS RIDICULOUS

 

[bennyZA]

Never been through meth psychosis, but my super yuppy roommate in college was smoking hella meth and we only found out when he presented with psychosis symptoms which is one of the worst things I've ever had to deal with.

One of the things I took away from you post was that it sounds like you really like meth as a form of self-medication. You say it makes you depression go away and it makes you lose weight. In regards to the depression, the release of euphoric chemicals is making your brain temporarily think it's not depressed, but since you are not treating the underlying causes the depression will return 10x. Soon you'll be more depressed, try to get more meth, start doing crazier things to support your habit, etc. Your depression will get so much worse.

The weight loss is also a losing battle. You can only keep the weight off with meth, so you're going to start doing more and more. Then, when you are so skinny that it's not attractive, you might stop and balloon... then go back to the meth, rinse, repeat.

I think when drugs are used primarily as self medication that's when you are looking at long term, debilitating addiction issues. If you stop, you are going to be so much better off.

 

[some dude]

You are at a fork in the road, and the direction you choose here will change your life forever.

I really hope you chose to stay off the drug. Meth is one if the worst drugs out there. You still have the ability to make the right decision. I hope you do.

If you don't, that is understandable. Thousands of people use meth and you won't be the last. If you are going to do it, try to take care of yourself. You should really think if you want to do this to yourself. You will never be the same if you go down this road again. You will find yourself shaking your head years from now when you are homeless and toothless and wonder why you didn't make a different choice. Please seriously consider that you have a leg up right now on the addiction. Stay clean, do what ever you can to keep clear of this drug. It ruins lives.

You will find support here regardless of what you decide, but I emplore you to think about yourself. Good luck!