Heroin losing ALL MOTIVATION as my done' slowly comes down to ZERO!

[Jabberwocky]

so, I am a dope fiend, and I still use to this day. jumped on a 6 months methadone program to HELP after picking up my 2nd DUI over the summer; started off at 20MG and went up to 95MG at the 3 month mark and since then been dropping and down to 35MG; as of now I am just fucking MISERABLE AS FUCK and have no motivation to do a damn thing, man!

I am sure all us dope fiends been down this road before but what are some of the things you guys/gals have done to help w/ this? yes, my problem is I still will use once a week or so; even when I was on 80MG of done' id still shoot a gram or so of dope here and there. barely felt a thing when I was on that but still just wanted to stick a PIN in my arm.

I am thinking of going back to Suboxone once I wrap up this done'. I just dont have the time to hit the clinic daily; there are days where I just dont have the time/ride to get to the clinic, so I just skip it and go pick up dope instead; yes, its just an excuse to use, which is why I want to go back to bupe rather than done.

what do the rest of you peeps do when coming down off done'? how are you helping yourself? just losing motivation, sleep, EVERYTHING right now. my days are just long, drawn out, miserable and not in the mood to live life. no, I am not saying I want to die, but I am saying I have no motivation to work or do a damn thing!

 

[pinpoint]

You're tapering too fast. 20-->95-->35 in 3 months in a god damn rollercoaster, man. You have been using opiates for longer than 6 months, so what makes you think you could get free in that amount of time? Take it slower - it's a marathon, not a sprint.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I needed to taper that fast cuz I am going away for 2 weeks and have no choice and CANNOT tell my PO about my drug problems.

been 5 months now, not 3. I maxed out at 3 w/ the 95MG and over last 2 months down to 35. basically dropping 1MG/day.

 

[adder]

I tapered down from 40mg to 0 in a month and after 2 months of withdrawal I decided to jump on Suboxone because I was completely useless in that state. It was a good decision and I feel all right on Suboxone now when I regularly take the same dose a day and don't try to decrease it drastically too fast. I've learnt that a stable dose is the most important here. However, I doubt that you can make it on Suboxone if you can't abstain from heroin yet. I've been through different phases, like going from accepting buprenorphine to beginning to hate it almost as I hated methadone, because I suspect it has a negative impact on my immune and endocrine systems. Opioids do impact a lot of stuff in your body so it's no wonder you have no motivation. I knew I was tapering off too fast but I was simply too sick and tired of how methadone made me feel. Perhaps dropping 1mg a day looks fine on paper, but it's still too fast going from 95mg a day to 35mg a day in 2 months, I think. I guess it would be more reasonable for you to drop 5mg every week, because that way you can observe your reaction and perhaps re-adjust your taper-down.

 

[crestfallen]

I felt the same as you after a 3 month binge w/ fentanyl and dilaudid. After w/d I was depressed off my ass, no motivation, typical paws shit. I got on lexapro and that helped a lot but also tried kratom. I think that helped the most because it filled the void by slightly stimulating those mu receptors. You probably won't feel anything from kratom while still on methadone but once you get off, I would look to that to get you productive and feeling normal again. I've heard buproprion is good for that anhedonia/no motivation feeling but it's up to you. This is what worked for me.

I wouldn't suggest suboxone bc you're going to have to w/d from that too and end up feeling the same as you do now. But if it's between dope and subs, obv subs are better.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I have Kratom on me still; had it for the last 4 months just sitting here waiting for me to get off my done and use the Kratom during those days.. what do you think I should start for a dosage?

 

[belfort]

well methadone is a motherfucker...i was on it after heroin but my highest dose was 70 mgs, i was decreased 5 mgs every 3-4 days i believe?anyways, when i got to low doses, i felt anxiety creeping in, insomnia was terrible, and the lethargy was out of this world...when i got off completely, i have to be honest i felt like complete shit for about a year and a half...id have some good days but often just felt on edge and lethargic, no energy or zest for life...this was when i was exercising daily too....i remember talking to doctors and they wanted me to go on low level of subuxone but i refused so i just rode it out...tbh, i havent felt 'right' since i got off methadone many years ago..my well-being and motivation are very low...i guess we are paying the piper so to speak..there have been others in the sobriety forum that have found combinations of ssris and other meds to be helpful in dealing with the lethargy and zombie feeling..might wanna check that out..

to me, the worst part of kicking opiates isnt the acute withdrawals, its the very long period when boredom, tiredness just bombard you on a daily basis..stay away from caffeine or any stims during this point as they will make u feel worse and u already know this, but if you keep shooting dope you are only prolonging the recovery process..

 

[belfort]

I have Kratom on me still; had it for the last 4 months just sitting here waiting for me to get off my done and use the Kratom during those days.. what do you think I should start for a dosage?

heres the question u need to ask yourself, do you even want to get clean?to me, it seems like you want to bounce around to whatever works...or are you looking to ease withdrawals with small kratom doses?i recommend just tapering off methadone slowly and working with an addiction expert on the other issues..exercise daily no matter how much you dont want to

 

[Jabberwocky]

ease withdrawals w/ kratom based on what I hear.

I have only been on methadone for 5 months; I jumped on the 6 month program to get off because it was the quickest they had; I didnt want to ride the methadone out too long because I heard it catches up to you if you ride it for years and years; I've known many people and still know people who are on methadone at 90+MG for years now and feel great and all but that is far too long, man. I maxed out at 95MG and once I hit 70MG I was nodding out half way through the day as my MGs slowly decreased. from 70MG to 45MG I was just DEAD TIRED around 2/3PM every time; I would take my methadone at 7AM.. seems to happen to a lot of people from what I know/read. but that was a tough time. now isnt as bad because I am not just nodding/sleeping half way through the day but instead now just NOT as motivated but still able to stay away and get through days but yea, the depression is slowly coming on but I am trying to stay as busy and positive as possible.

hoping things get better, man! I am thinking of just JUMPING of early as I mentioned.

just at a tough point in all this.. I am HOPING ALL PLAYS OUT WELL! PRAY FOR ME, PEEPS!

 

[crestfallen]

I take 1-1.5 tablespoons of powdered bali kratom mixed into orange juice. I think that's a good dosage after you ditch the methadone. It will make your withdrawal much easier to deal with. Wish you the best man

 

[fizzymk]

well methadone is a motherfucker...i was on it after heroin but my highest dose was 70 mgs, i was decreased 5 mgs every 3-4 days i believe?anyways, when i got to low doses, i felt anxiety creeping in, insomnia was terrible, and the lethargy was out of this world...when i got off completely, i have to be honest i felt like complete shit for about a year and a half...id have some good days but often just felt on edge and lethargic, no energy or zest for life...this was when i was exercising daily too....i remember talking to doctors and they wanted me to go on low level of subuxone but i refused so i just rode it out...tbh, i havent felt 'right' since i got off methadone many years ago..my well-being and motivation are very low...i guess we are paying the piper so to speak..there have been others in the sobriety forum that have found combinations of ssris and other meds to be helpful in dealing with the lethargy and zombie feeling..might wanna check that out..

to me, the worst part of kicking opiates isnt the acute withdrawals, its the very long period when boredom, tiredness just bombard you on a daily basis..stay away from caffeine or any stims during this point as they will make u feel worse and u already know this, but if you keep shooting dope you are only prolonging the recovery process..

I so understand the life you are living!!! I was on methadone for over 10 yrs, and I always took more than I was prescribed, every fucking day! Would take about 20mg to start the day, and then take about 40-60 mg thru out the rest of the day, LOVED feeling like shit in the morning, then taking the methadone and slowly feel all that crappy feelings just fade away, and led to feeling 100% motivated, no aches or pains, in great mood every damn day too!!

Unfortunately, on 9-2 of this year, the pain mgt office I was getting my done from did a random drug test and found morphine, from my heroin use...Basically, every month, I would run out of methadone early, usually around 7-12 days early, I would wait 3 days for the methadone to be out of my system and then use H to function and keep from getting sick until I was able to fill the methadone script again, I lived like this for about 8 yrs.

So when I was discharged and cut off from my methadone script, I was extremely scared, and very anxious, but I knew I still had my heroin connection, but also knew i was likely going to be spending alot more money on this shit than I had in the past...I havent had ANY methadone since 9-25-14, but have used H about every other day since then, this past week, I was able to go 3 days without H, (had no money), i thought I would be oK, but I was wrong, could barely get out of bed, tie my shoes, going to work was not an option with the shape i was in...I ended up borrowing, begging, anything I could since then to continue to get my heroin, Im still in the same position, every day I wake up and wonder how I can come up with about $120...I HATE living like this, but the sickness is just TOOO much for me to handle, I dont know what Im going to do, because I cannot go on like this for much longer, Im getting to the point of having no more people willing to give me money, plus havent been working that much, I am behind on ALL my bills, about ready to have my car possessed too...EVERYTIME I get an amount of money, I end up using most of it for dope, then back in the same situation 2 days later, out of dope and money again!!! Im hoping I dont get too desperate and do something stupid/ illegal, in order to get money!

I just cannot live my life sober, whether its boredom, tired, or just not wanting to go thru extreme w/d sickness for SOOOO fucking long, it would be one thing if each day got better and better, but with methadone, the days get worse and worse as they go by, and takes forever to peak. I fucking HATE how the human body withdrawls from this nasty fucking drug!

At this point, Im not sure whether my body is still withdrawling from methadone or if its from heroin (or both)...I initially planned to use H about once or twice a week, and just make myself get out of bed and go to work each day, NO MATTER how bad I felt, and using dope couple times a week would give me a 'break' from the sickness, but it never works that way..If I have money, Im NOT going to sit there and suffer thru each day and long night with no sleep...I cant do that.

I TRULY wish i would die in my sleep one night and never wake up from this fucking nightmare of a life, but each day, I wake up and my first thought is how miserable the day is going to be if I cant get money/ dope, the insomnia is really bad, its like suffering w/ds during the day is bad enough, but when you cant even fucking sleep at night, its like the suffering/ boredom is exaggerated and drawn out to make you suffer as much as possible! I fucking hate this life.