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Looking for "the answer" - MERGED

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jake99

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i have posted before about my anxiety and worry but right now i feel so alone. i go to NA but feel that no one really will take time to listen to whats up with me.................ive been off dope for a few days again , and im 28 and i feel like my life is such a mess. i have about 99 issues that i dont have answers to and im always in a state of worry . Can anyone please try to give me good advice on some of this stuff
maybe a PM ?
 
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Try and recall what amount of sub kept the cravings at bay, then stick with that dose. I always did the same thing, I'd get on sub and start worrying about tapering asap. I never gave myself a chance to be away from the drugs long enough. Drs are fucking expensive but if your paying one for sub it couldn't hurt to ask for some help with the anxiety. My Dr handed me a handful of samples, about a two month supply. It sucks to worry about shyt every waking moment of the day. There is positive things if you look for them. Trip to France, only 28 years old, your not doing dope, etc. Big difference between a 4 day slip up and a four week/month bender.
 
jake I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling man. I really wish the best for you, and I know you can get through this.
Are you seeing a counsellor at the moment?? NA is a great thing to be attending but I think some one-on-one therapy with a counsellor would help you more with your anxiety issues. Take care okay? <3
 
I can tell you what works for me when I have times like that, but whether it works for you is something you have to decide upon. I pick up my Bible and begin to read. I know a lot of people on BL do not put any stock in religion and I know that it is everyones choice. I am not here to stuff Jesus Christ down your, or anyone else's throat. I am only saying that it works for me in those times of desperation. Just food for thought.


The idea of individual counseling is an excellent suggestion. I've never used AA or NA, but don't you have a sponser who is generally a person that has already been there and done that, so to speak? That might be a resource to tap into.

One thing I have found out in life, I'm 54 btw, is that you MUST be as proactive as you can possibly be in trying to get out from under these burdens. You have to set yourself up to acheive minor victories with the issues your facing. You will be surprised how much this can help!

I realize it is a lot easier said than done, but I also guranantee you that if you do nothing it will not get better on it's own.

My thoufhts are with you friend. If you want to talk just PM me and I will listen!
 
hi jake-- i've been following your story, and i wish you nothing but the best.
but.. are you just on sub or have you been chipping with dope again? no one will judge you here. i have an H problem too, in fact.

the thing is, if you can't stop chipping with the dope, your frustration has to do with the fact that you want to get off, but you can't. also... didn't you have a trip coming up? you would be out of the country with no access, right?
 
Hey guys thanks . started a job today and im soooo beat. of course i got 9 hour days , 5 days a week , i dunno how im gonnna handle it right now . Im only had like 2 mg sub today and only smoked 3 cigs , (mostly because i was working all day ) , didnt make it home in time for my NA meeting...........and cant see my mom tomorow because i have to work on mothers day (my severly depressed mom who i want to still see) . I have finals coming up in school , which im worried over, plus live with a roommate i dont really feel comfortable with , plus about 99 other issues , i just have obsessions on them all day long . seen therapists , didnt help . starting to think nothing will. cant go back to dope , dont wanna be stuck on Suboxone either
 
I have the same concern about getting stuck on sub. I stay on it for about two weeks or so, then go back to the oxy. I've been chasing my tail just as long as you have. It's always the PAWS and no motivation/no energy that lead me to start chewing pills again until I run out and jump back on the sub. It actually takes about a onth on just subs to really start to feel much beter, at least for many of us. I've noticed that when I'm working a lot it's the best thing for me when tying to get stable on sub and deal with living without the drugs. The best I ever felt on sub was when I had reached my peak of oxy abuse up to 300mgs a day for a few months. Anyhow, I started sub at really high doses, 32 first day, 24 for five days, then 16 for another 3 or for days when I ran out. It took about a week to get the balls up to call the Dr and tell him I relapsed and get a new script, I ended up going just abut eight days with nothing, I felt fine, no wds no cravings. When I walked into the Dr's on the eighth day I was really reluctant to start taking the sub again. In hinsight I should of just asked for some clonodine nd something to help me sleep and just rode it out as I could tell there was so much sub in my system and due to the half life it was going to take another week plus until it was completely out of my system. The reason I mentioned this is cause I was readingon a sub site about a guy who had been tapering sub ater two years. He was down to about 1 mg a day. Instead of having him drop a little more before jumping, the Dr had him take 24 mgs for four days straight then completely stop. He was also prescribed two clonodine patches. Oviously every member on that forum thought his Dr was a quack for sugesting such a plan to stop using sub. Turns out the guy went with his Dr's suggestion and it worked out great for him. He said he needed the clonodine patch after about a week, and that he only experienced very mild wd symptoms. I can provide the link to the thread that goes from start to over a month since he's been off. It makes sense to me, that having the doses stack up because of the halflife it would provide a slow and steady step down. Something to consider. I know when I go to get off sub for good that's how I am going to do it because from what I experinced after taking high amounts for a few days then nothing for over a week, I know for a fact that during the week after not taking anything is the best I have felt in over 8 years. That one day at a time saying does help too if you can get into that mindset, I always thought it was some cheesey AA line, ut it can make life a little easier. I have been reading about many peple who stay away from NA because it just reminds them of using too much and they feel beter off keeping busy, geting councling, etc,
 
I think i have enough sub to taper over 6 months or so . about 55 pills...............i can stay at 4 mg a month , then 3 mg a month , etc etc down to .5 or .25 before getting off.............lets just hope i dont end up with money and tempation to cop dope again
 
Hang in there jake. I used to always worry, mainly all that worrying was centered around drug use and how I was just well I guess not happy [I am still not happy but slowly getting better]. I just wanted to be opiate free, I thought that all my worries/problems would disappear with a snap of the fingers when I got clean. Well that didnt happen. I was still left with 'me' but I was sober and had no real coping skills. Fortunately things have been getting better and I am content not using pills/drugs/etc. The best thing is not having to rely on something to get me through the day, I grew to despise those orange pills but still loved them in some twisted way.

Congrats on the job, at least your keeping busy. My classes ended last week, so glad but now I am back to... now what?! Nobody said getting clean was easy and for me it was a long battle [still is at times] that did not happen overnight. Just remember your heading in the right direction.

peace.
seedless
 
You say your therapist didn't help? Well, get a new one. Keep switching them until you find someone you feel comfortable with. And don't be in such a hurry to get off the suboxone! So what if you have to take a little bupe everyday? Does it beat having to hustle up money to go see the dope dealer? I know having to go to my methadone clinic twice a week surely beats out what I was going through when I was using. Now I have about 1.5 years clean while on methadone, and I've never been happier.

Just take your time with the bupe. Find a dose that makes you feel comfortable and keep taking that for the time being. That way you can concentrate on school, work, family, or whatever you got going for you in your life.

Peace man, and good luck.

-legz
 
hey Jake I remember you from before on here...

Sorry to hear life is still so hard for you. I don't know if you remember me? but I commented on one of your other threads. I gather you are giving bupe ago - I just came off 2mg a day from a detox plan. I have been off bupe a couple of days and barely had any WD symptoms from this - but the battle is still there - psychologically now, and some of what you say reasonates with me.

I see a psychologist fortnightly - fortunately I'm onto a good one that knows her shit - sometimes you have to try a few (unfortunately). She tells me to try and stay off as long as poss, and if I go back, I go back - but the short stints I am living without drugs - is like practice runs - and practice makes perfect! lol - I like the way she put it, it makes me not feel like my efforts to get off are fruitless or that I have failed - but the more experience (practice) I get living without drugs the better, because that's what I ultimately want.

I'm not sure what your other 99 issues are - u may have stated before - but I have a terrible memory :s - but I sincerely hope they deminish and that you take solice in the feedback from your peers, after all, we don't judge, we empathise.

Peace,

Coopie
 
Thanks guys. Life is just so scary when you get clean . I feel like at 28 , almost 29 that theres so many things i want to fix that i should be farther ahead in life
 
You said you've been off the drugs for only two days (I would guess it's three or four now) so you're bound to be feeling anxious. It's totally normal. Just try and give yourself some time. At the moment the major problem is your addiction, and you're doing something about it, that's great. So the other 99 can just wait. As someone else said, don't worry immediately about tapering your sub. Just use whatever dose you need to keep your body working and give yourself a few weeks to work on the mental side of the addiction. That's what it's there for. When you're ready, start your taper.

You said you've already got a job... I'm impressed. If I was in your situation I'd probably be lying in bed right now feeling sorry for myself. I think 90% of people would do the same. So much respect for that, really. It might be boring (most work is) but keep at it, it'll give you structure and probably help you a lot in the long run.

To be honest there's not much advice I can give you. Life is going to be hard for a few months, I would guess. But a lot of people have been though what you're going through now and become much better people because of it. If you can hold on, just keep going for a little longer, eventually things will start to come together.

I'm sorry to here about your mum's depression, that must be hard. Why don't you try saving some money to buy her a present? You said you were worried about using the money to score, if you have something else to spend it on it might help you resist. However low she is right now I imagine it'll defintely make her smile if you can go to her, in a few weeks, and tell her 'sorry mum, couldn't see you the last two weekends because I was saving up to buy you a present'. It'll probably make you feel pretty good too. Just an idea.

Finally, you said in your last post that you want to be farther ahead in life. I'll let you in on a secret.... absolutely everybody, everywhere feels like this. One day you might be a millionaire, but you'll never lose the drive to want a better life for yourself. So don't worry about it, it's just all part of being human.

Good luck man.
 
Wow Thanks everyone for the support.......had tough day again today at work . I think im being too hard on myself trying to quit smoking and eat healthy and taper subs all at once , plus finish school , start new job , all while staying off dope and dealing with my emotional issues (anxiety/ocd) and mom's situation , etc.
I really gotta slow down and breath . Im gonna give myself a freakin heart attack!
 
Yeah I can relate with that. I absolutely hate spending money on cigarettes everyday, but when I told my Dr I wanted to quit while getting off the oxy and subs she told me not to bother, that I would only be setting myself up for disapointment, she said trying to quit during such a stressful period was not the best time, in fact she said it was the worst time and it would not help my anxiety, she wants me to work on quitting the drugs then once I'm off and doing well to cut back on the smokes gradually, spacing the amount of time in between each one. It sounds like you are trying to do too much all at once. Definitely give yourself a break. Your doing better than you probably realise, forinstance we haven't been replying to posts about being geeked out on benzos and having bad shyt happen, instead you had a slip up and you got back on the sub train pretty quick, I think the last poster gave you some good ideas.
 
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change-WHAT ARE THEY ? !

Hey i struggle with this "serenity prayer" lots of things i may be able to change but cant seem to (quitting smoking, diet , etc.........)
I am told "take it easy" since im recently off dope again but i feel like i need to get off suboxone, eat healthy, and quit smoking too. am i too hard on myself ? i feel like i wont be ok until i do these things, and i cant keep putting them off forever...........
A lot of other stuff that may be my OCD drives me nuts every day , little things like room or my car being messy. etc...........................But then i have serious issues like family , school . job etc that are tough to deal with , i dont know what to accept or what to work on . And feel that no one takes time to listen to me .............
i WORRY all day , and cant seem to stop it. Im always scared and dope was my medication but i refuse to give in to it again
 
Don't worry about quitting smoking or getting off suboxone yet. You're taking the suboxone to get your life in order and get off dope, so take your time with it. Find a dose that is comfortable and stick with it. That's one thing taken care of, you're clean from dope.

Next you can work on getting a job, going to school, fixing family ties, or whatever you have to do, all while on a steady dose of suboxone. Once you're comfortable enough, then you can work on quitting smoking and what not.

Basically, just take it slow man. There's no rush to get off suboxone. Being dependent on suboxone is better than being dependent on dope, and it's also easier to get off of but don't worry about getting off of it UNTIL YOU'RE READY. Get some substantial clean time under your belt first.

I also found that getting into some kind of pattern everyday really helps. Whether it's work or attending an outpatient program, find something constructive to do that is helpful to your sobriety and also keeps you busy.

Stick with the suboxone man. There's no rush to get off of it because the quicker you rush to get off of it the quicker you'll go back to dope. I speak from experience.

Stay up man (:
 
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