Benzos Long term drug abuse and it's effects

[Hector]

Hi, I could really do with some help and advice in regards to long term drug use, specifically benzo's and it's effect on the brain. I've been heavily using illicit as well as prescribed drugs for the past 15 years now and i'm worried that i've caused serious damage to my health. My problem drugs over the years have been alcohol, gbl and benzo's. I used/abused these drugs to self medicate my anxiety and depression. Without them i rarely left the house, i suffered panic attacks and i couldn't maintain relationships because they didn't make me a pleasant person to be around. Now i've stopped them i'm back at square one and the problems have magnified because i never addressed them. What a waste of time! I feel like such a fool.

Anyway, i've been doing some reading and from what i understand it seems i've seriously damaged my GABA a receptor which is why i feel so awful. I also read that it can take years for the receptor to repair itself and return to normal. It's really getting me down, i can't sleep properly, i feel depressed, suffer horrible headaches and i'm ashamed to admit i've considered suicide because my head constantly feels like a washing machine.

I know the healing will be a long process and i need to be patient but i'm fed up, it's been months and i want to start living a happy, normal life like my peers. I'm in my 30's, unemployed, living at home and that's just adding to my feelings of worthlessness. I've fucked up and i accept that, there's no one to blame other than myself.

Does anyone have any advice or been through it themselves and recovered? I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself I've started doing exercise and i've improved my eating habits. Are there beneficial supplements i can take? I don't want to start taking more drugs if i can help it but if that will speed up my recovery then i'm prepared to do so.

Thanks in advance.

 

[burnergod]

I tried to stop my benzos addiction few times but no way, I'm still here taking them for your same reasons (anxiety, leaving house, sleep..). What I can tell you, and I think you already know it's you can't stop them from one day to another, specially if you take them a lot. U need to lower them and slowly eliminate them.
The first time i tried to stop benzos was from one day to the other. After 4-5 days without taking anything, I had a strong panic attack. Same for the 2nd time, panic attack and a very very strong dissociation (this was with lormetazepam abuse), kinda like a k-hole but way worse and for sure NOT FUNNY and not "wow I want to try that again". It's another type of dissociation I can't describe. Now I take them when I feel the need, but for sure I don't abuse like time ago.
I don't know if I will ever stop (I think no), but I guess it depends also by your life style, being jobless or without a girl or bored ad home alone and things barely helps to stop with benzos or general addictions. Usually when my life is getting a bit better I reduce the use of them.
Now I'm not saying "take benzos everyone they are healthy", but if I have a panic attack and suffer from seveal disorders and the only way to calm them is eating a pill, I just eat it. I don't care about side-effects.

All you need is a bit of luck on your life, I'm jobless too, home alone... so I can feel your mood. It's hard. Hold on and don't be trapped in negative loops, think positive and sooner or later things will change. =)

 

[meemaw]

Theres a web forum called Surviving Antidepressants where there's loads of info on what psych drugs do to your brain, and techniques to help you cope with symptoms when you come off them. Despite the name there's lots of people on there tapering off all sorts of drugs incl benzos, not just SSRIs, it's a good place to get support.

 

[d1nach]

I highly doubt you perminently damaged your brain.

If you have had suicidal thoughts though the first thing you need is talk therapy and considering non-addictive medications. If benzos and booze are the only thing keeping you afloat from drowning in crippling depression. First you need a solid foundation to stand before you rip off your only support.