Kishka
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 6, 2011
- Messages
- 437
Hello,
Will be a long post so sorry about that For the record : Female 24 years old.
I discovered psychedelics in 2009, when I came across in article about LSD. Back at the day I had no idea what the hell was LSD. My experience with drugs were limited to alcohol (which i used a lot) and nicotine (I quit smoking on January 1st 2017). Needless to say, a psychedelic trip was absolutely different from everything I've seen or read so far. I managed to purchased a tab of legit LSD back in May 2009 and had amazing visuals, euphoria, no signs of anything that could be called "body load" - just straight awesomeness. I really fell in love with the things psychedelics was showing to me.
I didn't trip a lot tho, the tripping was limited to approximately once per 3-6 months. I didn't do heroic dose but mostly regular (one tab of LSD), later on my friend introduced me in the world of research chemicals in July 2010 where I tried for the first time 4-HO-MET at 16mg (I had no informations about it since I had no clue research chemicals existed in the first place, my friend just told it was like Mushrooms).
The 4-HO-MET was great, so I managed to find vendors online and discovered a plethoria of psychedelics. I liked 4-HO-MET for the amazing visuals and the little mind fuck the drug has to offer.
The first problems began in 2011 - 2012 when I discovered Bluelight, Erowid, Shroomery, Reddit, drugs forum and so on.... Basically I read all the horror stories. Train-wreck trip? Check. Seizures? Check. Horrible body load? Check. I kinda knew that I am far out of the "heroic" territory, with my largest dose taken was around 35mg of 4-HO-MET.
Then each single time I was tripping started to notice things which I barely paid attention to before (aka in 2009 - 2011). Chills, hot flashes, anxiety, worrying about my heart-rate, feeling cold or "why I have this feeling in my stomach'. Focusing on them a bit unraveled all the other "bad effects" - chest tightness, gastric discomfort. I am still pretty sure that that would never happen if nobody would have told me or if I haven't read all these informations online.
The trips were just getting worse. Nothing special, sometimes mentally torturing and horrifying (feeling of dying), but I was just uncomfortable in my body and the euphoria ceased to appeared and each single time I would take benzodiazepine to calm down. I haven't had a single "good trip" for a while, just "mediocre" ones when I would be walking around too uncomfortable to enjoy things.
I then made a healthy well-informed democratic decision to cease with psychedelics altogether. Haven't taken a psychedelic in the last year. Unfortunately, this hasn't cured the issue. For example I was reading everything I could about 2C-C, proceed to take the 2C-C and then I just started noticing the same unpleasant things on 2C-C as I read earlier online.... I always had the "what if...." feeling (I mainly fear about sudden death, heart-attack, aneurysm).
The last time I did some AL-LAD (just half a tab) and still have the same problem - yeah, I got some visuals (with strong headspace though exacerbated by anxiety), but I just felt physically uncomfortable.
Over the last years I have also developed some general anxiety accompanying me all the time and I have anxiety disorder, I've been taking Xanax XR 0.5mg prescribed by my doctor everyday since 9 months ago.
Not crippling, but just some small background that doesn't interfere with my actions but just takes a bit of fun away from everyday life. And the anxiety just gets stronger when thinking about doing drugs. The idea of dropping some psychedelics in the evening makes me anxious instead of excited now. I tried preloading my trips with 0.25 of Alprazolam, that helps a bit but still afraid to do them.
I am healthy, doing fitness almost everyday, stop smoking cigarettes for good on January 1st 2017. I still can't fucking have a nice trip because I feel uncomfortable and I wasn't afraid at all back in 2009 - 2011 before I started reading everything I can about the substance on Erowid, Bluelight, Shroomery and so on...
A small example, today I was reading this : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3657019/ and I already have anxiety to take a 2C-x drug by now just by reading this. I'm scared of having sudden death or dropping dead, excited delirium like mentionned in the article..
Dear Bluelight, I want my magic back. Make tripping great again. Can you give me any advice on how to deal with this? What should I do/think/take to finally relax, forget the horror stories and enjoy myself?
I know some people will say take longer break but that's what I already done. I won't lie, I really love the effects of the psychedelics when I wasn't reading everything about them but now it seems I associate every feeling from what I read during my trips which make me afraid of something physically bad to happens. I must mention that my rooting fears from doing them is specially the physical side effect that can potentially kill me.
Today I was thinking of doing 2C-C again (a low dose like 30mg) but with the article I read earlier I'm scared now. I also read article about sudden death with stimulant use and even MDMA and now I'm also afraid to do them even a small dose... How can I reassure myself? I've seen a lot of people doing stimulants with large dose and they're still alive so...
How dear anxiety.... but realistically what are the chance of DYING from a 2C-x, Tryptamines, LSD, Stimulants with "normal" doses? (based on Erowid, PsychonautWiki)
Sorry for my English and thank you
Will be a long post so sorry about that For the record : Female 24 years old.
I discovered psychedelics in 2009, when I came across in article about LSD. Back at the day I had no idea what the hell was LSD. My experience with drugs were limited to alcohol (which i used a lot) and nicotine (I quit smoking on January 1st 2017). Needless to say, a psychedelic trip was absolutely different from everything I've seen or read so far. I managed to purchased a tab of legit LSD back in May 2009 and had amazing visuals, euphoria, no signs of anything that could be called "body load" - just straight awesomeness. I really fell in love with the things psychedelics was showing to me.
I didn't trip a lot tho, the tripping was limited to approximately once per 3-6 months. I didn't do heroic dose but mostly regular (one tab of LSD), later on my friend introduced me in the world of research chemicals in July 2010 where I tried for the first time 4-HO-MET at 16mg (I had no informations about it since I had no clue research chemicals existed in the first place, my friend just told it was like Mushrooms).
The 4-HO-MET was great, so I managed to find vendors online and discovered a plethoria of psychedelics. I liked 4-HO-MET for the amazing visuals and the little mind fuck the drug has to offer.
The first problems began in 2011 - 2012 when I discovered Bluelight, Erowid, Shroomery, Reddit, drugs forum and so on.... Basically I read all the horror stories. Train-wreck trip? Check. Seizures? Check. Horrible body load? Check. I kinda knew that I am far out of the "heroic" territory, with my largest dose taken was around 35mg of 4-HO-MET.
Then each single time I was tripping started to notice things which I barely paid attention to before (aka in 2009 - 2011). Chills, hot flashes, anxiety, worrying about my heart-rate, feeling cold or "why I have this feeling in my stomach'. Focusing on them a bit unraveled all the other "bad effects" - chest tightness, gastric discomfort. I am still pretty sure that that would never happen if nobody would have told me or if I haven't read all these informations online.
The trips were just getting worse. Nothing special, sometimes mentally torturing and horrifying (feeling of dying), but I was just uncomfortable in my body and the euphoria ceased to appeared and each single time I would take benzodiazepine to calm down. I haven't had a single "good trip" for a while, just "mediocre" ones when I would be walking around too uncomfortable to enjoy things.
I then made a healthy well-informed democratic decision to cease with psychedelics altogether. Haven't taken a psychedelic in the last year. Unfortunately, this hasn't cured the issue. For example I was reading everything I could about 2C-C, proceed to take the 2C-C and then I just started noticing the same unpleasant things on 2C-C as I read earlier online.... I always had the "what if...." feeling (I mainly fear about sudden death, heart-attack, aneurysm).
The last time I did some AL-LAD (just half a tab) and still have the same problem - yeah, I got some visuals (with strong headspace though exacerbated by anxiety), but I just felt physically uncomfortable.
Over the last years I have also developed some general anxiety accompanying me all the time and I have anxiety disorder, I've been taking Xanax XR 0.5mg prescribed by my doctor everyday since 9 months ago.
Not crippling, but just some small background that doesn't interfere with my actions but just takes a bit of fun away from everyday life. And the anxiety just gets stronger when thinking about doing drugs. The idea of dropping some psychedelics in the evening makes me anxious instead of excited now. I tried preloading my trips with 0.25 of Alprazolam, that helps a bit but still afraid to do them.
I am healthy, doing fitness almost everyday, stop smoking cigarettes for good on January 1st 2017. I still can't fucking have a nice trip because I feel uncomfortable and I wasn't afraid at all back in 2009 - 2011 before I started reading everything I can about the substance on Erowid, Bluelight, Shroomery and so on...
A small example, today I was reading this : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3657019/ and I already have anxiety to take a 2C-x drug by now just by reading this. I'm scared of having sudden death or dropping dead, excited delirium like mentionned in the article..
Dear Bluelight, I want my magic back. Make tripping great again. Can you give me any advice on how to deal with this? What should I do/think/take to finally relax, forget the horror stories and enjoy myself?
I know some people will say take longer break but that's what I already done. I won't lie, I really love the effects of the psychedelics when I wasn't reading everything about them but now it seems I associate every feeling from what I read during my trips which make me afraid of something physically bad to happens. I must mention that my rooting fears from doing them is specially the physical side effect that can potentially kill me.
Today I was thinking of doing 2C-C again (a low dose like 30mg) but with the article I read earlier I'm scared now. I also read article about sudden death with stimulant use and even MDMA and now I'm also afraid to do them even a small dose... How can I reassure myself? I've seen a lot of people doing stimulants with large dose and they're still alive so...
How dear anxiety.... but realistically what are the chance of DYING from a 2C-x, Tryptamines, LSD, Stimulants with "normal" doses? (based on Erowid, PsychonautWiki)
Sorry for my English and thank you