living in the rush

[Mafioso]

words words everywhere but not a drop to spare
people people everywhere drowning in their care
suspended by hopeless dreams and devises to make things seem
just a little bit better...

i'm starting to forget where i've been and i'm losing who i was
and why i started out chasing the static fuzz...
was it just the mystery of allure, the hint of something more?
the escape from the bore and a chance to jump out at the core?

what was i running from and where was i trying to go?
what was the rush, and fear of taking things slow?
trying to grow up quick so no weakness could show,
but in the scurry some parts became buried beneath the overgrow...

 

[phoenix_risin]

I really like this one
You have some really nice writing skills

I so wish i had skills to write

 

[cherberbear]

like the 2nd stanza best of all ;]

 

[Divine Moments]

I like

 

[peruvianflake]

Insults are not allowed, please use constructive language.

 

[Mafioso]

sounds like a bitch birthed you.

 

[Wordswords]

i like it alot.

 

[Counterintuitive]

Strong finish, but lacking a clear message. What exactly are you trying to convey in the first stanza?

School and personal experience have taught me that it may be beneficial to take the stronger aspects of some written works you have done, and combine them with other's. We are creatures of habit, and you may find that re-examining several pieces of your collection, may yield a spectacular collage. One that of which you could pluck the best, random images from to create a clear, concise image or message.

Well, I hope you take this constructively... Do keep in mind, it is only my opinion, and I wouldn't bother writing any response at all if it were bad.

 

[MemphisX3]

words words everywhere but not a drop to spare
people people everywhere drowning in their care
suspended by hopeless dreams and devises to make things seem
just a little bit better...

i'm starting to forget where i've been and i'm losing who i was
and why i started out chasing the static fuzz...
was it just the mystery of allure, the hint of something more?
the escape from the bore and a chance to jump out at the core?

what was i running from and where was i trying to go?
what was the rush, and fear of taking things slow?
trying to grow up quick so no weakness could show,
but in the scurry some parts became buried beneath the overgrow...

i enjoyed reading this, thank you.