I'm in a very poor state of mind right now, and to be quite honest I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense or is even in the right forum. It's probably just my usual garbage tweaker writing that I'll erase when I wake up.
I was gonna post this in the dark side, but this isn't really about my problems. I just need somebody to tell me the answers or how to find them before I lose myself completely.
Coming off of drugs tends to amplify these thoughts and beliefs, but hey this is why I'm doing drugs in the first place.
I'm not gonna really go in to detail because in my current state I'm incapable. This is the short version of my philosophy. That of an athiest. Someone who tries to see everything objectively. That of a junkie and a thief.
I don't believe in god. I don't believe in anything spiritual, other than drug induced experiences.
From a purely objective standpoint, there is no right and wrong therefore these are empty too.
Doing what makes you happy is probably the closest thing to what's right but this doesn't make it any more meaningful.
We are all bags of blood and we will all die someday. The world will end one day. Everything is essentially futile.
Happiness and our emotions etc are merely a series of chemical reactions nothing more, which is how I justify my drug use. Shooting up meth and heroin cause a maximum release of happiness possible. Psychedelics are where I find my "spirituality" and this too is nothing more than chemical reactions.
I have my reasons for believing these things. It's been like that since god "abandoned" me eleven years ago.
I've made various attempts since then to seek him out but I feel foolish. Like I'm trying to fool myself.
I want something. I need to believe in something. Even if it weren't real, at least I could be happy. I've been mad for quite some time now, but the reckless abandon derived from trying to cope with leading a meaningless existence and living in a meaningless world have been getting progressively worse. I'm 21 years old, and at the rate I'm going I'll be dead within the two or three years from drug overdose or the violence associated with drug addiction, or suicide.
My beliefs and my philosophy are strong, but I'm not strong enough to live with them.
Somebody tell me what to do, what to think, tell me I'm wrong, but most importantly tell me why I'm wrong. If you argue that life has meaning tell me why. I need a reason. I've been searching so hard this last month and found nothing other than things that have reinforced my beliefs.
Like I said, this post is probably garbage and I'll probably erase it tomorrow, but hey. Who knows? Couldn't hurt to ask.
I was gonna post this in the dark side, but this isn't really about my problems. I just need somebody to tell me the answers or how to find them before I lose myself completely.
Coming off of drugs tends to amplify these thoughts and beliefs, but hey this is why I'm doing drugs in the first place.
I'm not gonna really go in to detail because in my current state I'm incapable. This is the short version of my philosophy. That of an athiest. Someone who tries to see everything objectively. That of a junkie and a thief.
I don't believe in god. I don't believe in anything spiritual, other than drug induced experiences.
From a purely objective standpoint, there is no right and wrong therefore these are empty too.
Doing what makes you happy is probably the closest thing to what's right but this doesn't make it any more meaningful.
We are all bags of blood and we will all die someday. The world will end one day. Everything is essentially futile.
Happiness and our emotions etc are merely a series of chemical reactions nothing more, which is how I justify my drug use. Shooting up meth and heroin cause a maximum release of happiness possible. Psychedelics are where I find my "spirituality" and this too is nothing more than chemical reactions.
I have my reasons for believing these things. It's been like that since god "abandoned" me eleven years ago.
I've made various attempts since then to seek him out but I feel foolish. Like I'm trying to fool myself.
I want something. I need to believe in something. Even if it weren't real, at least I could be happy. I've been mad for quite some time now, but the reckless abandon derived from trying to cope with leading a meaningless existence and living in a meaningless world have been getting progressively worse. I'm 21 years old, and at the rate I'm going I'll be dead within the two or three years from drug overdose or the violence associated with drug addiction, or suicide.
My beliefs and my philosophy are strong, but I'm not strong enough to live with them.
Somebody tell me what to do, what to think, tell me I'm wrong, but most importantly tell me why I'm wrong. If you argue that life has meaning tell me why. I need a reason. I've been searching so hard this last month and found nothing other than things that have reinforced my beliefs.
Like I said, this post is probably garbage and I'll probably erase it tomorrow, but hey. Who knows? Couldn't hurt to ask.