Last day plans?

[captainballs]

for the people who are comfortable with their decisions, what kind of last day would be ideal? To keep the guilt about loved ones issue away I just rationalize that I won't feel anything at all, much less have the capacity to experience any sort of memory or guilt about doing it. So I've pretty much decided what is going to go down. My list isn't really fair since I've already done the first two:

1. Give $1,000 to a co-worker who has three children and because he has to work so much his wife left him and his kids don't think he cares because he's out there supporting them instead of spending time with them. he used some of that money to take them shopping and to take family photos. he gave me a picture from that day and i keep it with me every day.

2. Tell all of my coworkers how wonderful they are and give the owner a well-deserved pep talk about where his leadership will take the company. After that I tried to resign but he wouldn't let me, even though I gave him a lot of reasons to fire me.

3. Tell my gf I love her and to stay strong and beautiful (she already knows I'm going).

4. Take a lovely amount of opiates and go eat some seafood.

5. Go to a beautiful area where the dirt and grass are soft during the evening and dig a shallow hole while the sunset makes the clouds look really nice.

5. Give the coordinates of my GPS location to 911 and tell them that there's been a suicide.

5. Do it, beforehand imagining what the other side might look like and going with the flow of my exit so I can really experience it.

I am excited about the end of this half. It will be the best day of my life, and in my pocket there won't be a suicide note, just that picture of my co-worker and his family enjoying their time together. People like that with so much capacity for feeling deserve so much more. I wish I could afford to do that for everyone who has a good heart and kids, but finances are tearing them apart.

 

[cj]

Why would you tell 911 where you are they could get thier in time to ruin your plan they could save you or you could end up a brain dead vegitable. On the flip side you could try to do it in a way where your organs are still viable for transplant I think that would be the ultimate charity. Hell if you really want to help smeone before you kill yourself you should donate a stranger one of your kidneys.

I would be sure to watch the sunrise and the sunset. I would want to get laid one last time then tell her how special she is and all that jazz. I dunno waht else I would commit suicide with opiates so maybe some meth or coke during the day for fun.

 

[captainballs]

they won't get there in time no matter what, it's a non-issue. i would just rather have strangers who are used to seeing gore find me as opposed to friends and family. i am an organ donor and none of them will get hurt in the process.

anyways, staying up to see the sunrise would be a trip and worth doing.

 

[Bill]

It doesn't have to be your last day, captain.

 

[cj]

I really wish you would seek help captain. You seem like a real nice guy and you have alot to offer not only on this board but in real life as well. Im not gonna preach or judge im just saying as someone who has a couple suicide attempts myself I think I have a pretty good idea where you are coming from. Anyway I got love for you and I know lots of other peeps on this board do as well.

 

[Bidcore]

In my personal opinion, i feel that it's slightly selfish to your friends and family to commit suicide. Think about how they would feel if you ended it in that manner. If you can't talk it through with them or try seek help you could maybe... but to me there's always another option. Lifestyle changes. Even something extreme as moving away. A fresh start and a clean slate can reinvigorate some peoples lives.

 

[Bidcore]

Also don't keep that photo in your pocket! He may feel guilty and misinterpret your intentions!

 

[getreal]

Anyway I got love for you and I know lots of other peeps on this board do as well.

VERY true Captain. Its sad to see you post like this, really. I've felt like you have before. I'd say alot of have. But theres always something that keeps us going, whether its our loved ones or instinct I dont know.
I do know it will get better, it always does.
If you are a Christian suicide is against Gods wishes. If you don't believe in God how do you know what will happen when you die? The fact is you don't know but do you really want to take that chance?

 

[VDUBNBUD]

woah, think it over bro.

what's most chilling is that your gf knows.... i cant imagine what she's going through man.. if i were to tell my gf that i don't think she'd leave my side in hopes of preventing me from doing it...

cmon man, think it over

 

[andreas]

I was once in your place man I just wanted to leave I felt there was nothing here for me on Earth....well think of it this way captin

If you leave you have helped one person with a $1000 why not stay and put your energy into helping more people and in more ways. What makes you think you are enlightened and you will find the other side. SUICIDE is the selfish weak way out that tells the system they have won and I give up....spead light and love my friend not darkness and missery

oh by the way whilst drinking Ayahuasca I heard a very angry voice almost shouting at me. This voice( I guess my subconscious or the aya spirit) wanted to know the fuck I thought I was and what made me think I was ready for the other side and it put me in place. no one know what the OTHERSIDE is so think this through dude.

 

[Mr Blonde]

In my personal opinion, i feel that it's slightly selfish to your friends and family to commit suicide. Think about how they would feel if you ended it in that manner. If you can't talk it through with them or try seek help you could maybe... but to me there's always another option. Lifestyle changes. Even something extreme as moving away. A fresh start and a clean slate can reinvigorate some peoples lives.

I don't think suicide is always selfish. I've thought about it a lot and I have a couple of different methods planned out in my mind. I believe that I have well and truly fucked myself over, my drug use has shattered me, every time I make a big move to get better and change my life I self-destruct, and I really don't have that many friends anyway. If I continue to go on like this I will just be a burden to my family financially and emotionally. So I don't think suicide is always selfish and I can understand why some people want to do it but I would never encourage someone to do it though; that's their own choice to make.

Also, hello to a fellow Brisbane bluelighter.

 

[totach]

hey man can u please giv us a update on how ur feeling?

 

[n3ophy7e]

cb, this is breaking everyone's heart, not least of which your girlfriend's and your families' hearts. I know you've had a painful time, and I know that you've had your mind set on this outcome for a long time. But it is NOT the answer. It is NOT the way you are destined to go out. You're young and you have so much opportunity ahead of you to make things good and right in your life. Please reconsider, and focus your time and energy on rectifying your situation so that you don't even have to contemplate suicide.

Please don't do this

 

[paranoid android]

Man don't do this. I know it seems like everythings gone down the shitter and suicide looks like a really good option but you have to find a reason to live. If for noone else but yourself. Soldier up so to speak.

Uve come close to killing myself so many times it ain't funny but ive always come up with some reason not to pull that trigger. You have to find your reason not to do it. In fact you already have one. Things change on a dime things never stay the same so everything could change for the better in a day. Ive had it happen to me. From complete despair to happiness in a few days.

 

[semigenius]

for the people who are comfortable with their decisions, what kind of last day would be ideal? To keep the guilt about loved ones issue away I just rationalize that I won't feel anything at all, much less have the capacity to experience any sort of memory or guilt about doing it. So I've pretty much decided what is going to go down. My list isn't really fair since I've already done the first two:

1. Give $1,000 to a co-worker who has three children and because he has to work so much his wife left him and his kids don't think he cares because he's out there supporting them instead of spending time with them. he used some of that money to take them shopping and to take family photos. he gave me a picture from that day and i keep it with me every day.

2. Tell all of my coworkers how wonderful they are and give the owner a well-deserved pep talk about where his leadership will take the company. After that I tried to resign but he wouldn't let me, even though I gave him a lot of reasons to fire me.

3. Tell my gf I love her and to stay strong and beautiful (she already knows I'm going).

4. Take a lovely amount of opiates and go eat some seafood.

5. Go to a beautiful area where the dirt and grass are soft during the evening and dig a shallow hole while the sunset makes the clouds look really nice.

5. Give the coordinates of my GPS location to 911 and tell them that there's been a suicide.

5. Do it, beforehand imagining what the other side might look like and going with the flow of my exit so I can really experience it.

I am excited about the end of this half. It will be the best day of my life, and in my pocket there won't be a suicide note, just that picture of my co-worker and his family enjoying their time together. People like that with so much capacity for feeling deserve so much more. I wish I could afford to do that for everyone who has a good heart and kids, but finances are tearing them apart.

Just something I thought of: What if you decide to not go through with it? The police will go there, find no one, and trace the call and find you. You'd be in trouble for faking a 911 call or be sent to a hospital on suicide watch. Just something I realized that you may want to think about.

Also, about the photo, another user said that it may send the coworker the wrong message. I would definitely not bring that photo. It could really mess that guy up.

Anyway, I respect your decision to do it, but I must say this: I believe in Heaven, but are you willing to risk it? What if there is no Heaven? I just think that you should think about that before doing it, since it seems to be a big part of your plan.

 

[Bidcore]

I don't think suicide is always selfish. I've thought about it a lot and I have a couple of different methods planned out in my mind. I believe that I have well and truly fucked myself over, my drug use has shattered me, every time I make a big move to get better and change my life I self-destruct, and I really don't have that many friends anyway. If I continue to go on like this I will just be a burden to my family financially and emotionally. So I don't think suicide is always selfish and I can understand why some people want to do it but I would never encourage someone to do it though; that's their own choice to make.

Also, hello to a fellow Brisbane bluelighter.

Oh yeah I see your point... but its a very fine line. As I said, I thought it was slightly selfish. But yes, staying around and burdening people can be equally selfish.

 

[hyroller]

Stay on topic please. I think my suggestion of checking in to a rehab facility is valid.
It is advice well worth executing.

 

[kbrad]

A quick check in from you would be awesome cb.

 

[Infinite Jest]

I really wish you would seek help captain. You seem like a real nice guy and you have alot to offer not only on this board but in real life as well.

Echo this. The more I see you post, the more I'm impressed by what you have to say. Please choose to stick around - things always get better

 

[Mariposa]

Captainballs, you are a true friend and I'd hate to see you go. No matter how seriously you think you've taken this decision, you are not at the end of your rope. Can you throw me a ping on BB Messenger or check in here or on FB?

I'd really miss you, man. I've lost enough people this way. Others clearly feel the same way as I do - I hope you decide to stick around. We've got money to make!