Hello my name is Ken and I looking into insight on how to get my ex back after she broke up with me? Is is a brief outline of what happened. I started dating this wonderful woman that is cool, funny, genuine, beautiful and intelligent. Yeah I glt lucky when I found her. We started dating and within a month we moved in together and said the dreaded I love you. Yes we were in love and yes we moved fast. Things for the first 4 months were awesome but rhe wrench in the situation is I was an active heroin addict. I hide this from her for about 5 months but one day she was curious about the backpack I took with me everywhere. She said why do you have to carry that with you everywhere you go? Are you hiding anything? I said no its just my man purse. So her being rhe remarkable woman that she is, she let the subject drop. Well one afternoon when I was arriving at home (after I just got my supplies) she was waiting outside to help me do some yard work. Well I did something I never do. I left my backpack in my truck. She's not dumb and asked me why did you leave your backpack in the truck? You always bring it in with you. Me being a seasoned liar I told her Oh I Forgot it. She finally asked me later that night about my backpack. She once again asked me what I have inside and why do I cling to it ao much? She asked me to empty it. My heart sank. The cat is out of the bag. In my instance my drugs came out of the bag. I was busted. We discussed it and why didn't I tell her I was an addict? I told her I did it recreationally and we all no that slamming heroin is not recreational. Once again this amazing woman told me that she was going to help me through this and administer the dosage to help ween me off. Awesome she understood and she was going to help me! Well that went on for a couple of weeks and I was taking my last shot before the weening schedule was through. She told me that this was my only get out jail free card and If I did it again she was going to leave me. Well guess what? She caught me again and found my stash in ly truck. So here we are. I was asked to leave and get clean. How do I get her back. She texts me and asked how I'm doing? We still make texts tellinv each other I love you. What should I do to regain her trust and get back with her?
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Ladies I need your advice!
- Thread starter Ken73
- Start date
Are you clean for real? If not let her go and be happy. If you are clean, lose the back pack and live your life. You have work to do on yourself before worrying about someone else. It will all fall into place if it's meant to be and you are clean. If you aren't clean get used to this feeling because eventually heroin will cost you everything and everyone that you love.
crazybollweevil
Bluelighter
The second time you got caught was a pretty major violation of trust, i can't assume to know how your ex thinks about things, but if my SO were to do the same it would be an uphill battle. I just don't have time to worry about honesty in a relationship, my anxiety is far too great for that.
So, considering how much effort it would take for her to work through said betrayal, one has to question if she has enough invested into the relationship to give a fuck to work that hard. It sounds like your history together is relatively brief. Again, speaking for myself and not her, i wouldn't put up with much shit out of someone i'm really only starting to learn about.
I would plan on getting over her, i wouldn't go forward having any expectations about her or how she thinks of you.
But yeah, this is exactly the kind of situation people talk about when they talk about drugs fucking up their life.
So, considering how much effort it would take for her to work through said betrayal, one has to question if she has enough invested into the relationship to give a fuck to work that hard. It sounds like your history together is relatively brief. Again, speaking for myself and not her, i wouldn't put up with much shit out of someone i'm really only starting to learn about.
I would plan on getting over her, i wouldn't go forward having any expectations about her or how she thinks of you.
But yeah, this is exactly the kind of situation people talk about when they talk about drugs fucking up their life.
She called me and we talked for awhile. She told me that she feels betrayed, hurt, mad, confused and sad. I told her that she was right to feel that way. If I could change the past believe me I would change it all. She said that one minite she wants to tell me to F off and the next minute she wants to help me. She told me that she can't promise that she'll be there if and when I get better. I explained that I'm attending NA and doing whatever I'm instructed to do to stay sober. I explained that I can't even trust myself at this point. She asked me if it would be better not to communicate for awhike because she might have some unkind words to say while she is still processing all this. I told her that it's up to her but I would still like to talk now and than to keep in toucb. I said it might be a good idea if she goes to a recovery group for people who love addicts. I told her that I loved her (which I truely do). She said she loves me back. If I don't screw my sobriety up I might have a chance. But most importantly is that I have to do this for me. If I stay clean I believe everything will fall into place.drugs do screw up your life but I think God is giving me a third chance with her.
Not for anything I would not encourage her to go to a group. You haven't been together long enough. You're not married and don't have children together. You have no ties and chances are people in those groups will tell her to run for the hills! Maybe I am wrong but I think groups like that are for people with a history and a link.
Well she has initiated communication silence. As hard as its going to be I think I need to let her go. I've violated so much trust that I don't think I'll regain it ever again. Nothing like detoxing with a broken heart and a pile of destroyed relationships. I deserve the consequences of my actions.
Pretty_Diamonds
Bluelight Crew
The longer you stay clean, the easier it would be for her to trust you. Don't give up just yet. Do you have money? Send her flowers and thank her. And do a little "36 days clean" note.
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
I dunno. Since you cant turn back time and tell her about the heroin yourself all you can do is admit it now and go clean if you feel you can but never expect her to trust you again. If was your backpack. Some things are private unless you have demanded she empty her purse out.
Shes not your mum ffs.
Shes not your mum ffs.
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
Also: losing her might not be as bad as you think. There is no need for unkindness and name calling. Its her loss too.
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
this
you lied for fucking ages. i personally would not trust you.
all you can do is keep off the skag and focus on getting yourself better. you cant be on it and have a normal life and real emotions and real life dreams cos it takes your money and your mind
do it for you.
then when you are stable get in touch with her.
I dont think I have much of a chance getting her back. I went ro her place to get my stuff. We hung out and discussed everthing. We kissed and she said this was the first time she broke up with someone she loves. She sais to call her when I get clean but she's not waiting for me. She said she isnt looking but if something happens it happens. She has so much going for her that I think she'll get snatch up in no time
How do I get her out of my mind besides getting F"d up?
How do I get her out of my mind besides getting F"d up?
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
Thats why you need to get clean for you and not her.
I dont think she has any idea about getting past an addiction and it would always be an issue anyway. She might be awesome but she doesnt seem very forgiving.
I guess if people are meant to be together it will happen. Maybe tell her if she wants contact for her to call you instead of other way around though.
I dont think she has any idea about getting past an addiction and it would always be an issue anyway. She might be awesome but she doesnt seem very forgiving.
I guess if people are meant to be together it will happen. Maybe tell her if she wants contact for her to call you instead of other way around though.
Zephyr Im not sure you can say she isnt forgiving, she found out her bf was injecting heroin and stuck with him despite what a shock it must have been to a non drug user. She only fucked him off when he lied to her and she caught him using again.
My gf knows about my heroin adiction and it's never been an issue, the reason being is I dont lie to her and use heroin.
My gf knows about my heroin adiction and it's never been an issue, the reason being is I dont lie to her and use heroin.
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
Its a very familiar scenario. Ken seems like a good bloke who needs to forgive himself and not let this break up be a reason to self destruct.
Its not her fault but cutting ties like that then expecting a call when clean sounds more like a dry cleaning service than someone who is in love.
Its not her fault but cutting ties like that then expecting a call when clean sounds more like a dry cleaning service than someone who is in love.
Yea I see what your saying but I can also see why a non drug user wouldn't want to get involved with a heroin adict.
It can be a shit life living with an adict,if he clean then great but unfortunately it's more likeley he will relapse than quit. I think she got a good point, ring when your clean seems reasonable, to be fair a lot wouldn't want anything to do with a adict.
It can be a shit life living with an adict,if he clean then great but unfortunately it's more likeley he will relapse than quit. I think she got a good point, ring when your clean seems reasonable, to be fair a lot wouldn't want anything to do with a adict.
There is nothing that I can hold against her. I lied from day one and she gave me a second chance. I knew what the consequences would be If I started up again and she caught me. Being a f'd up addict I choose drugs over her. Its hard to get clean and even harder when you believe you lost the love of your life. I'm putting the possibility of getting back together out of my mind. ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Right now I'm so down on myself that I'm just holding on to sobriety because I know I have to. Its not for me although becauae I don't give a shit about myself. I'm trying to stay busy and joined a health club. I'm addicted to everything so lets try something less destructive like working out? I'm surprised that she even would talk to me one day. I told her to contact me when she has healed but if she has found someone else not to bother. I'll just read between the lines. Heartbroken and detoxing. Fun fun!