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Blog Kicking Kratom Once and For All!!!

Sounds like you are doing really well, kratom, even with the anxiety.

I remember when my sons were little and my mom would come to visit. She would say let's take them here or let's do such and such to tire them out. I think after about the 3rd visit she realized that they were bionic. They never tired out, but we sure did.:\
 
Thanks guys - looking forward to the week ahead even though work has it's own stresses it will keep me busy and tire me out. One day at a time...
 
It took me until tonight but I tossed the last 3 grams of kratom I had laying around. I can't tell u how mAny times addict brain tried to convince me to just take this last half dose, no worries, it will be fine.

Well fuck that, u lose addict brain. I am done with the shitstorm you have caused and your reign over my life is over!!

Getting my son ready for bed and then hope to finish the movie I fell a asleep during last night. Another day sober and another day further healed from the addiction....

If anyone has any good suggestions for readings related to staying sober, I am all ears. That is always the hardest part no doubt. I am making an effort to simplify my life and routine and put sobriety first. I also plan on being more open and honest with my wife. All the lies made it impossible to enjoy life. I am excited about the future and once I have my first day without physical withdrawls I will be overjoyed!!
 
Well I made it to Sunday!! Still can't say I am free from withdrawls, but there has been marked improvements day to day.

Planning on keeping busy today, cleaning the house ahead of my wife's return home and taking my son to visit my dad and then out to an arcade later this afternoon.

I plan on continuing to post here daily especially as I face the hurdle of returning to work sober for the first time in who knows how long. Praying for the strength and determination to crush this week.

This forum has served an immense help just knowing there is at least some level of accountability since not a single person in my life is aware of my addiction. (Addicts are good at hiding and lying, aren't we? :( )
 
I'm so glad we've helped. :) That's why I love this place, it's so full of caring people. This forum (TDS) helped me a lot at various times too. Especially because, like you, I kept my addiction a secret from most people. So I could come on here, spill my guts, and then feel stronger because not only had I told the truth to someone, but I had accountability from people.
 
Update - not even two days later after my last post, I was back in the shit.

My wife didn't even make it home from her trip and ended up in a hospital with gallstones. She was eventually sent home and put on painkillers which I all to readily helped myself to. Within a week I had kratom back in me to deal with the stress of it all.

Fast forward over a year to today. I have been doing 90 600 mg caps a day for the last 6 months. It's gotten shitty expensive and I'm in worse shape for it. It got so bad that last week I broke down and spilled the beans to my wife about my long term kratom use and how it turned into abuse. She had no idea I was taking it - a credit to my ability as a liar, which all addicts all to easily embrace.

Going to post here through this week. I have never had any moral support and always had to detox in secret. Now that my wife knows, I am Hoping to build a long term plan for recovery. She knows what my withdrawals will be like and she is supporting me. My plan is to be done once and for all with this crap and then speak with a doctor about options for managing anxiety going forward, as that is usually my trigger to relapse. If it ends up being benzos, I already talked to my wife about holding them for
Me so that I don't abuse them.

The plan is to jump off tomorrow and after such a recent high dosing scheme, I am scared to death....
 
Hey KratomDemon how is it going? I am in the same battle as you are with the majority of circumstances the same. I am not married but I am fighting this solo as my family wouldn't understand and they would just get pissed and look down on me. I am the only child to become an addict and my parents don't understand the draw or how the addicts brain functions (or lack there of). I abused UEI for about 14 mo tha straight everyday, never taking anytime off and I stopped in the first week of September and it had not been easy as you can imagine. I am happy for you and glad that you have support but I read in another post of yours that you were using PPT, I would suggest that you put that down if at all possible because that could balloon and be more dangerous than Kratom. I wish you the best and hope you find success in your plan but be prepared for some difficult days as the mental aspect of this operation has been the most troubling for me. If I can help you in anyway please don't hesitate to ask, take care.
 
DogLover123757 said:
Hey KratomDemon how is it going? I am in the same battle as you are with the majority of circumstances the same. I am not married but I am fighting this solo as my family wouldn't understand and they would just get pissed and look down on me. I am the only child to become an addict and my parents don't understand the draw or how the addicts brain functions (or lack there of). I abused UEI for about 14 mo tha straight everyday, never taking anytime off and I stopped in the first week of September and it had not been easy as you can imagine. I am happy for you and glad that you have support but I read in another post of yours that you were using PPT, I would suggest that you put that down if at all possible because that could balloon and be more dangerous than Kratom. I wish you the best and hope you find success in your plan but be prepared for some difficult days as the mental aspect of this operation has been the most troubling for me. If I can help you in anyway please don't hesitate to ask, take care.
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Thanks for the support! Glad to hear you kicked the habit. I realized and only after 6 years that having a support system is necessary no matter how strong willed and determined you Are. It's the only way to stay clean in the long run and I plan on being open and honest with my wife regarding cravings going forward so we can deal with it together.

As for the PPT, I haven't used that since last year when I was trying to quit. I am hoping that made it worse and that this time around will be easier but I know I have been dosing a shit load. I mean 600-700 dollars a month and I am gonna have to pay the price for feeling incredibly numb this past year.

I will post here frequently to update you because just typing about it is therapeutic in its own way.
 
Last kratom dose down the hatch and the little I have left has been given to my wife for safe keeping and ultimately disposal.

Will update tomorrow morning on how I am feeling and my plan of attack.
 
Can't sleep - too anxious about my withdrawals that will be here before I know it. Here's the plan:

Work at least a half day from home maybe a little longer. I can usually get by until noon with just some coffee before I start feeling overly anxious and get runny nose and RLS.

Take off rest of day and try to keep occupied. Take walks and do stuff around be house. May even go for a run - anything I can do to exhaust myself in hopes of sleeping tomorrow night.

I will be taking vitamins, protein shakes, Advil, loperamide, hot tea with kava to help battle symptoms. No access to benzos so the anxiety will be the hardest. I have a hot tub and plan on soaking often to combat cold sweats, chills and achiness.

Before bed I have melatonin and Benadryl. I know night time will be hell - it always is.
 
Cool man sounds like you have a plan, for me taking Benadryl and OTC sleep meds (even Melatonin) made the RLS significantly worse. I could never figure out why so hopefully they will work for you. Loperamide pretty much saved my ass during the darkest days physically. I am still feeling stale, lazy and groggy mentally. Have you ever thought about Tianeptine? I have been reading about it and other nootropics and they seem intriguing. I don't know if subconsciously I am just looking for another rush of something. I have been trying to get by on taking nothing but the stale mind is starting to drive me crazy. Hope all is well with you.
 
Yeah I'm not really sure how I will respond to the Benadryl and melatonin. Hoping for the best though.

Currently 845 AM - no kratom since 10 PM. No symptoms yet, expect they will start up around 11 or 12 today. Hold on.
 
Starting to feel queasy, restless and on edge. Went ahead and took a couple Imodium just to prevent loose bowels, a Claritin and 400 mg ibuprofen. Need to get my son onto the bus in about half hour at which point I am wrapping up my work day and will make some chamomile tea with some kava in it and try to relax best I can while watching Walking Dead
 
I ended up grabbing about half hour of sleep. Then woke up all sweaty and a crush of anxiety brought me to tears.

Once my wife got home we took a walk around the neighborhood and then I took a nice hot shower which always feels good.

Trying my best to eat but little appetite. Going to have a protein shake here soon with fruit in it. My wife also has to work tonight so I have a good 3-4 hours of entertaining my 5 year old while dealing with this crap, then hopefully a can grab a few hours of solid sleep tonight
 
Having my 2nd cup of kava chamomile tea right now and had a couple tums a bit ago. Going to take my multi vitamin and try to eat something for dinner.

Once my son is in bed I am going to sit in hot tub and then take a bunch of OTC things to hopefully help me sleep.
 
The physical part is the easy stuff
The crushing anxiety and depression that is PAWS is the true battle
Good Luck
 
How's it going man? Has it hit you full on yet? You sound focused and it seems like you are prepared so I hope you bust straight on through this shit. There are these fruit smoothie drinks called Blue Machine and other stuff that are chocked full of vitamins and good stuff. I drank many of these and they helped a lot as I could never really eat no matter how hungry I thought I was.
 
FindingPeace said:
The physical part is the easy stuff
The crushing anxiety and depression that is PAWS is the true battle
Good Luck
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I've always found the opposite to be true. I'm a big baby when I don't feel well but I have incredible will power and determination. I'm a competitive bodybuilder and the mental fortitude required to pursue that is immense. That being said, once I can make it through the acute withdrawals I will be in a much better position.


DogLover123757 said:
How's it going man? Has it hit you full on yet? You sound focused and it seems like you are prepared so I hope you bust straight on through this shit. There are these fruit smoothie drinks called Blue Machine and other stuff that are chocked full of vitamins and good stuff. I drank many of these and they helped a lot as I could never really eat no matter how hungry I thought I was.
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It's going ok. I passed on the hot tub last night and my son and I went up to bed around 9. Took some melatonin, Benadryl, Imodium and some mucinex DM. Both my son and I tossed and turned for 2 hours. Me due to my withdrawals and him because he wanted to wait for mommy to get home from work. We both eventually passed out and I slept fitfully with the most being a 3 hr stretch of sleep. I tossed and turned the sheets right off the bed and they are quite sweated. RLS is in full effect.

Feel a little better this morning and starving since I didn't eat much yesterday. I agree protein shakes are a great tool and I actually drink several a day all the time anyway so it's easy for me to chug them down.

Will update later this morning after I try and get out of bed and get food
 
Got tired of sweating and tossing and turning so got up at 7 and took a hot shower and fresh change of clothes. Was able to lay down and pass out for almost an hour which was nice.

Up now along with the rest of the family. Called out sick from work (as planned) and downed a nice vanilla protein shake. Take my vitamins and then try to keep my mind off the discomfort.
 
Just got back from a short walk around our neighborhood with my 5 year old. Nothing beats being freezing cold while sweating :-/

Just about 36 hours clean at this point. I went without my normal morning cup of coffee and will prob drink a cup later today and go walking in a park or try and get some work done. Biggest issue this morning has been nausea
 
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