Section813
Bluelighter
You really dont know how much its going to take. Just because your friend is not killed his bladder doesnt mean you are ok. Your bodies are likely much different genetically. Its not a proper comparison.
Dissociatives [Ketamine Subthread] Long Term Side-effects
- Thread starter blase deviant
- Start date
livetheopiatedream
Bluelighter
If u have no opiate tolerance when it hurts try some OTC codeine if ur from somewhere u can get the 8mg OTC like Canada. But really it can cause bladder infections so if it hurts bad get checked .... Signs: burning, throbbing...
Don't u get kpains from all that? Gall bladder spasms. I was doing too much k getting off heroin and I gt k pains if I did more than a quarter or so in 3-4 days... I'm a bit sensitive but the long term use would fuck me up. More k helps but have to deal w it eventually and can e incapatcitating ad lasts 4 days. ... Maybe check if there's something u can eat/ drink for general bladder health on google?
Edit- all OTC codeine has 325mg apap usually (tylenol) so lethal dose of that is 4g approx... That's the ld50 I'm pretty sure. The dose at which half of all healthy subjects will die of liver complications (very painful death that takes a few days) so use discretion and stay below half the ld50 at least ....
Poppy seed tea is illegal, you are extracting a controlled substance. No pricing talk, or such unsolicted advocation for self-medication.
Don't u get kpains from all that? Gall bladder spasms. I was doing too much k getting off heroin and I gt k pains if I did more than a quarter or so in 3-4 days... I'm a bit sensitive but the long term use would fuck me up. More k helps but have to deal w it eventually and can e incapatcitating ad lasts 4 days. ... Maybe check if there's something u can eat/ drink for general bladder health on google?
Edit- all OTC codeine has 325mg apap usually (tylenol) so lethal dose of that is 4g approx... That's the ld50 I'm pretty sure. The dose at which half of all healthy subjects will die of liver complications (very painful death that takes a few days) so use discretion and stay below half the ld50 at least ....
Poppy seed tea is illegal, you are extracting a controlled substance. No pricing talk, or such unsolicted advocation for self-medication.
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Thorns Have Roses
Bluelight Crew
^The dude needs to do two things. 1. Stop all ketamine intake right now, forever. 2. Do what medical professionals say to help. Otherwise this isn't gonna get any better, and will certainly get worse if #1 isn't followed.
buffalosoldier
Bluelighter
please stop hurting yourself!
life is fucking short to be suffering like you and your boyfriend do, just because you like to be in a dumb state with K,
there are a lot of people who are born with health issues and even die before their 20 years, and you people do not value your health nor even your life, you deserve what you 're living... a hell
PandaGun
Bluelighter
I have found that...
For anyone that suffers from a painful and or damaged bladder from ketamine abuse, I have found chamomile tea to work a treat. A lot of people use it for Interstitial Cystitis and ailments similar to it. It acts as an anti-inflammatory and a seemingly soothing diuretic. Just worth a try. (-=
Also note it could be a depressant, very mild at that, so probably best not to drink with ketamine.
For anyone that suffers from a painful and or damaged bladder from ketamine abuse, I have found chamomile tea to work a treat. A lot of people use it for Interstitial Cystitis and ailments similar to it. It acts as an anti-inflammatory and a seemingly soothing diuretic. Just worth a try. (-=
Also note it could be a depressant, very mild at that, so probably best not to drink with ketamine.
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Oh my god I almost cried readin mi5s post, the exact same thing is happening to me, I take k every day and its killing me. I know I should stop but the pain is unreal. K takes the pain away, painkillers over the counter don't. The only time I don't take k is when I'm admitted to hospital and they give me morphine IV but that's only a few days then I'm home. I'm pissing every 20 minutes, I can't sleep, I'm in agony, and I'm looking at bladder surgery, out of choice because I want a normal life and be able to walk to the shop or leave the house! I'm housebound because I need to pee every 20 minutes, I don't expect sympathy from anyone, I've done this to myself, I've ruined my own body but I'm trying to get back on track and get myself right again. Any opinions from anyone would be welcome x
PandaGun
Bluelighter
The only OTC pain killers that are going to work is Ibuprofen not codeine which is pretty much useless unless it's a broken bone and defo not paracetemol. Don't stop drinking water. Stay away from coffee and tea, tea especially. If you feel that pissing has to happen there and then, try chamomile tea as it is a diuretic but note that diuretics are irritants them selves. It also works as a mild anti inflammatory/coagulant but avoid using with aspirin as it MIGHT cause internal bleeding.
Avoid stimulants and alcohol. If you must drink, drink spirits not beer which will again flood your bladder with too much of an irritant. Weed for some reason ime makes it worse. Could just be my head though.
Eat all the cartilidge you can get your hands on. Collagen pills, but better would be the bit of the bone that you never eat. Eat it.
To fix yourself faster ime, avoid Coffee, Tea, Booze, Stims, heavily acidic food stuffs, anything of a diuretic nature. Eat healthily, eat cartilidge and collagen rich food stuffs, don't stop drinking water until you feel it may be un healthy! Don't use cranberry juice as although it flushes out your bladder of infection, it still irritates it a little and can make pain unbearable.
See your doctor ASAP don't not see him because you are scared of a drilling. Leave the fucking Ketamine alone. Tell your dealers to stop serving you any. There are other ways of achieving disassociation with practically benign doses (1-5mg) of certain Hexy Diss's. But just leave the fucking K alone man there is no way you are going to be able to take it again trust me. The recovery road is long and lengthened with the use of said irritants but eventually you will notice a difference. (-=
Avoid stimulants and alcohol. If you must drink, drink spirits not beer which will again flood your bladder with too much of an irritant. Weed for some reason ime makes it worse. Could just be my head though.
Eat all the cartilidge you can get your hands on. Collagen pills, but better would be the bit of the bone that you never eat. Eat it.
To fix yourself faster ime, avoid Coffee, Tea, Booze, Stims, heavily acidic food stuffs, anything of a diuretic nature. Eat healthily, eat cartilidge and collagen rich food stuffs, don't stop drinking water until you feel it may be un healthy! Don't use cranberry juice as although it flushes out your bladder of infection, it still irritates it a little and can make pain unbearable.
See your doctor ASAP don't not see him because you are scared of a drilling. Leave the fucking Ketamine alone. Tell your dealers to stop serving you any. There are other ways of achieving disassociation with practically benign doses (1-5mg) of certain Hexy Diss's. But just leave the fucking K alone man there is no way you are going to be able to take it again trust me. The recovery road is long and lengthened with the use of said irritants but eventually you will notice a difference. (-=
SpecialK_
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2010
- Messages
- 3,531
Firstly, I recommend omeprazole if your getting a sore stomach too and avoid spicy foods.
Drink water that is warm but isn't boiling in good amounts, seriously try to detox and flush out the system. Regardless if it affects the organs I also feel exercise and eating real good food is excellent for flushing out the system. Lots of hippy/vegan drinks out there that are good for this too.
Your kidneys may be suffering a bit too so look into vitamins that can help with this sort've thing. Also Cranberry Juice, if you can't handle the taste get the pills. I know people are saying to avoid but just drink small amounts, don't be ridiculous with it water should be priority.
I'd avoid OTC pain killers as much as possible like codeine as I find they irritate my stomach slightly and if your sensitive as it is it'll be much more noticeable. Not sure about ibuprofen though as I'm not too knowledgeable and go by experience.
Stop with the ket use immediately. Also avoid all other drugs as much as possible, unless it's something like a bit of weed to ease the pain and valium to sleep through it but also keep an eye on yourself as that's fair usage so don't pass out for a week as you need to keep your body going and detoxing. Piss if you can too.
Drink water that is warm but isn't boiling in good amounts, seriously try to detox and flush out the system. Regardless if it affects the organs I also feel exercise and eating real good food is excellent for flushing out the system. Lots of hippy/vegan drinks out there that are good for this too.
Your kidneys may be suffering a bit too so look into vitamins that can help with this sort've thing. Also Cranberry Juice, if you can't handle the taste get the pills. I know people are saying to avoid but just drink small amounts, don't be ridiculous with it water should be priority.
I'd avoid OTC pain killers as much as possible like codeine as I find they irritate my stomach slightly and if your sensitive as it is it'll be much more noticeable. Not sure about ibuprofen though as I'm not too knowledgeable and go by experience.
Stop with the ket use immediately. Also avoid all other drugs as much as possible, unless it's something like a bit of weed to ease the pain and valium to sleep through it but also keep an eye on yourself as that's fair usage so don't pass out for a week as you need to keep your body going and detoxing. Piss if you can too.
PandaGun
Bluelighter
Agreed; forgot to say that Ibuprofen is a stomach irritant 'without' going down with a meal and don't feel the need to take two instead of one unless you are on the bigger or taller side of the Human spectrum!
Lets update my old old topic with a story of hope 
Very short tl;dr: I did insane amounts of ketamine; then only cut down a bit while doing some other stupid drug related things and somehow magically the bladder issues disappeared completely causing my bladder to feel as good as it did four years ago. Not sure how; but I'm really glad it happened. Sharing the story anyway just in caze any detail may be useful for someone and for hope.
I just noticed someone posted in this topic recently and I was just about to do so myself or atleast some related subject topic; but my own old topic works fine... I see the post I made was in june or so.. shit that is long ago. That was just the start of it I know now.. basically I went on with the ketamine binge and made it much, much worse; doing 3-5 grams a day every day throughout all of august which ended with peeing blood and actual pieces of the inside of my bladder (?), intense pain too, reduced bladder capacity and back then in august often K-cramps too; all the pain I had I would ignore with more K.. my memory of that month is pretty blurred it was even for me absolutely rediculous. At the end of it, very early september I was weighting only 43 kg at 1.76m (dropped down from 48 or so though which I am at now too, I'm always thin), was pretty much in too much pain to even walk and that ended in some critical night where even on 8 mg flunitrazepam (with no benzo tolerance and more of a sensitivity to them even) I couldn't sleep from the pain and I took like 5 grams of K in a few hours, did not help either.. went to the hospital the next day where I had to pee in a tube and it was nearly all blood (fuuuckk); well turned out I had 3 different types of bacteria too (wtf). Bladder actually wasn't too damaged, just very very sensitive and infected too. I was put on strong not OTC painkillers (of the ibuprofen type but much stronger). The silly thing was that I had thought it was all K related so I never thought of having an actual infection at the same time but that was just my bad luck; either way I got strong antibiotics that had very lame side effects such as causing tiredness and nightmares due to stopping your liver from breaking down melatonin and muscle pain and a weird metalic /water taste in my mouth.. nasty antibiotics. Did help perfectly within 2-3 days though, had to take them two weeks. Weird enough that day in the hospital or the two days after I thought I messed up for good; that I'd be too weak to ever do anything again and that I had maybe permanently fucked up an organ...
After that I cut down the K a bit; basically since the start of september I became a weekend user; with as best consequence that I never got K-cramps anymore; actually just once but I had oxycodone that weekend by coinsidence, and snorting 15 mg of oxycodone = 'pain; now what was that again' but other then that incident absolutely no K-cramps ever, and bladder issues did not return straight away either. I would still do too much K on the weekends though; often 10 grams in 2 or 3 days but then nothing on the weekdays and drinking a lot of water and that would keep the issues away. Ofcourse I did mess up with doing even more or doing some on random weekdays too or neglecting water in take at times causing bladder issues to occasionally return; and occasionally go away too but by the winter they had become constant.
Constant reduced capacity; even waking up at night to pee, constant pain, painful stabbing feeling in the bladder when walking. When not on ketamine or enough codeine I'd feel pretty handicapped but I kept going places and moving around even if my bladder always hurt on the background, half of the week I was typically on K anyway and the other half often sitting at home with sometimes codeine. Around december though I started doing fentanyl atleast 4 days a week, and ketamine a bit less often (often 2 days of doing some then 5 days off K or even 2 days of doing some and then a 7 day break or so) and fentanyl has the awesome side effect of making you retain water while being an absolutely epic pain killer so you hold much more fluid in your bladder without feeling it being overly irritated causing me to pee like 2-3 times a day instead of 10 or so and much more normal amounts; after the fentanyl+codeine month (I had codeine on the days I did not do fentanyl; which was stupid and caused a withdrawal) I only did ketamine twice; both times with 7 days in between usage and usage being only two days in a row (for me thats not much at all); bladder pain stayed away and the capacity stayed enlarged again! Not sure how but cutting down while doing opiates fixed my bladder?
I'm now in Costa Rica for a few weeks visiting family (caribbean coast; tropical rainforest, its very awesome relaxing) and I've been here for a week; last time I did K was now 9-10 days ago and my bladder is NORMAL. I actually mean pre-ketamine normal. It's size, capacity and pain-free-ness is about as normal as it was before I ever used any drug. As if that whole mess with blood that one time in summer or the CONSTANT pain of the late autumn and winter never existed, and I didn't even take a long break or anything. I suspect the fentanyl playing quite a role in allowing me to fast-stretch my bladder to normal size + cutting down + drinking a lot; other then that I can only think of that I did a really, really high dose of 4-aco-dmt 2 days before I left for here, and since then I've been feeling really good and healthy (It was like 50-80 mg snorted; intense as a breakthrough DMT in slow motion; awesome stuff but I doubt it had any effect on my bladder
)...
ut I feel normal now and I realise now how constantly utterly uncomfortable I was and here in Costa Rica I do not miss the K; I'm looking forward to lowered tolerance when I come home and I'm curious wether I can make it a just a few times a month instead of weekly-or-more thing.. more as if it were a psychedelic instead of my medicine against any thing I'm not fully content with I only now realise HOW much I was self medicating (with ketamine itself mostly, with opiates and benzo's such as xanax too) the discomfort that I caused myself.. now that it is gone I actually think controlling usage should be easier since I'm not in pain all the time. Half of the K addiction was treating the discomfort that the K itself aused.
I'm not recommending people to do what I did; in fact I advise against it. Taking strong opioids is not generally a good idea and I have no idea how medically responsible what I did was. It fast-fixed me; I'm back at my natural weight, I have a perfectly fine bladder, I feel really fit and good even though I did atleast at the very minimum 10 grams of K in a weekend each weekend since the summer (and serveral grams every day during summer). It took really short to go back to normal by just cutting down a bit (compared to a K-naive person the amounts I did were still seriously high). This is mostly ment as hopeful message. Not sure how things got fixed so fast but they did. The human body is capable of amazing recovery and if you cut down or quit the K and take good care of yourself it WILL get better. It may take longer then it did for me (I'm honestly still surprised how all of it seems like a bizarre and twisted memory now while just a few weeks ago I was seeing stars from pure pain and agony when peeing for the second time in the same hour tiny amounts of burning sharp pee), but it can get better
Hm that was hard to type and even harder to press the post button and see that piece of text just sit here online. I feel shame for what I did back in late august; and for how bad it had gotten around november/december; where I only felt comfortable on a decently high dose of fentanyl (with little to no opiate tolerance that is)... fucking hell.
Either way all of it is now just a memory and if I can maintain a healthier usage, keeping the tolerance to K down by never doing more then a few hours in a row with then atleast two weeks in between (in theory that should keep even perma tolerance away; and I saw it work on other who had bad K habits in the past).. well I'll see, and try my best, and use the healthy feeling body as a motivation against addiction
Very short tl;dr: I did insane amounts of ketamine; then only cut down a bit while doing some other stupid drug related things and somehow magically the bladder issues disappeared completely causing my bladder to feel as good as it did four years ago. Not sure how; but I'm really glad it happened. Sharing the story anyway just in caze any detail may be useful for someone and for hope.I just noticed someone posted in this topic recently and I was just about to do so myself or atleast some related subject topic; but my own old topic works fine... I see the post I made was in june or so.. shit that is long ago. That was just the start of it I know now.. basically I went on with the ketamine binge and made it much, much worse; doing 3-5 grams a day every day throughout all of august which ended with peeing blood and actual pieces of the inside of my bladder (?), intense pain too, reduced bladder capacity and back then in august often K-cramps too; all the pain I had I would ignore with more K.. my memory of that month is pretty blurred it was even for me absolutely rediculous. At the end of it, very early september I was weighting only 43 kg at 1.76m (dropped down from 48 or so though which I am at now too, I'm always thin), was pretty much in too much pain to even walk and that ended in some critical night where even on 8 mg flunitrazepam (with no benzo tolerance and more of a sensitivity to them even) I couldn't sleep from the pain and I took like 5 grams of K in a few hours, did not help either.. went to the hospital the next day where I had to pee in a tube and it was nearly all blood (fuuuckk); well turned out I had 3 different types of bacteria too (wtf). Bladder actually wasn't too damaged, just very very sensitive and infected too. I was put on strong not OTC painkillers (of the ibuprofen type but much stronger). The silly thing was that I had thought it was all K related so I never thought of having an actual infection at the same time but that was just my bad luck; either way I got strong antibiotics that had very lame side effects such as causing tiredness and nightmares due to stopping your liver from breaking down melatonin and muscle pain and a weird metalic /water taste in my mouth.. nasty antibiotics. Did help perfectly within 2-3 days though, had to take them two weeks. Weird enough that day in the hospital or the two days after I thought I messed up for good; that I'd be too weak to ever do anything again and that I had maybe permanently fucked up an organ...
After that I cut down the K a bit; basically since the start of september I became a weekend user; with as best consequence that I never got K-cramps anymore; actually just once but I had oxycodone that weekend by coinsidence, and snorting 15 mg of oxycodone = 'pain; now what was that again
' but other then that incident absolutely no K-cramps ever, and bladder issues did not return straight away either. I would still do too much K on the weekends though; often 10 grams in 2 or 3 days but then nothing on the weekdays and drinking a lot of water and that would keep the issues away. Ofcourse I did mess up with doing even more or doing some on random weekdays too or neglecting water in take at times causing bladder issues to occasionally return; and occasionally go away too but by the winter they had become constant.Constant reduced capacity; even waking up at night to pee, constant pain, painful stabbing feeling in the bladder when walking. When not on ketamine or enough codeine I'd feel pretty handicapped but I kept going places and moving around even if my bladder always hurt on the background, half of the week I was typically on K anyway and the other half often sitting at home with sometimes codeine. Around december though I started doing fentanyl atleast 4 days a week, and ketamine a bit less often (often 2 days of doing some then 5 days off K or even 2 days of doing some and then a 7 day break or so) and fentanyl has the awesome side effect of making you retain water while being an absolutely epic pain killer so you hold much more fluid in your bladder without feeling it being overly irritated causing me to pee like 2-3 times a day instead of 10 or so and much more normal amounts; after the fentanyl+codeine month (I had codeine on the days I did not do fentanyl; which was stupid and caused a withdrawal) I only did ketamine twice; both times with 7 days in between usage and usage being only two days in a row (for me thats not much at all); bladder pain stayed away and the capacity stayed enlarged again! Not sure how but cutting down while doing opiates fixed my bladder?
I'm now in Costa Rica for a few weeks visiting family (caribbean coast; tropical rainforest, its very awesome relaxing) and I've been here for a week; last time I did K was now 9-10 days ago and my bladder is NORMAL. I actually mean pre-ketamine normal. It's size, capacity and pain-free-ness is about as normal as it was before I ever used any drug. As if that whole mess with blood that one time in summer or the CONSTANT pain of the late autumn and winter never existed, and I didn't even take a long break or anything. I suspect the fentanyl playing quite a role in allowing me to fast-stretch my bladder to normal size + cutting down + drinking a lot; other then that I can only think of that I did a really, really high dose of 4-aco-dmt 2 days before I left for here, and since then I've been feeling really good and healthy (It was like 50-80 mg snorted; intense as a breakthrough DMT in slow motion; awesome stuff but I doubt it had any effect on my bladder
)... ut I feel normal now and I realise now how constantly utterly uncomfortable I was and here in Costa Rica I do not miss the K; I'm looking forward to lowered tolerance when I come home and I'm curious wether I can make it a just a few times a month instead of weekly-or-more thing.. more as if it were a psychedelic instead of my medicine against any thing I'm not fully content with
I only now realise HOW much I was self medicating (with ketamine itself mostly, with opiates and benzo's such as xanax too) the discomfort that I caused myself.. now that it is gone I actually think controlling usage should be easier since I'm not in pain all the time. Half of the K addiction was treating the discomfort that the K itself aused.I'm not recommending people to do what I did; in fact I advise against it. Taking strong opioids is not generally a good idea and I have no idea how medically responsible what I did was. It fast-fixed me; I'm back at my natural weight, I have a perfectly fine bladder, I feel really fit and good even though I did atleast at the very minimum 10 grams of K in a weekend each weekend since the summer (and serveral grams every day during summer). It took really short to go back to normal by just cutting down a bit (compared to a K-naive person the amounts I did were still seriously high). This is mostly ment as hopeful message. Not sure how things got fixed so fast but they did. The human body is capable of amazing recovery and if you cut down or quit the K and take good care of yourself it WILL get better. It may take longer then it did for me (I'm honestly still surprised how all of it seems like a bizarre and twisted memory now while just a few weeks ago I was seeing stars from pure pain and agony when peeing for the second time in the same hour tiny amounts of burning sharp pee), but it can get better
Hm that was hard to type and even harder to press the post button and see that piece of text just sit here online. I feel shame for what I did back in late august; and for how bad it had gotten around november/december; where I only felt comfortable on a decently high dose of fentanyl (with little to no opiate tolerance that is)... fucking hell.
Either way all of it is now just a memory and if I can maintain a healthier usage, keeping the tolerance to K down by never doing more then a few hours in a row with then atleast two weeks in between (in theory that should keep even perma tolerance away; and I saw it work on other who had bad K habits in the past).. well I'll see, and try my best, and use the healthy feeling body as a motivation against addiction
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Divulgence
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2013
- Messages
- 3
I've been doing K for years now, it's to the point where my hammer hurts even 2 and a half weeks after not lack of use. I'm going to try some beta glucans as someone had mentioned prior, I've tried everything from water cranberry juice and vitamin c to antibiotics and nothing is helping. Sometimes it's hard for me to walk. Initially K isn't dangerous as no one has died from it or anything like that but long term high quantity use definitely destroys the bladder and kidney's as I've found. Lack of hydration is the one thing that definitely does cause this if you are using. Also, if you snort it you must crush it into almost like a talcum powder as it is the crystals itself causing the cystitis and burning urethra. While you're doing K it takes the bladder pain away, even to the point of not feeling it for the next couple of days depending on the amount ingested but it comes back, from the sounds of your use I bet if you quit today within 3 days the pain would be back and it wouldn't dissipate for weeks on end. If you suffer from depression like I do I know Keta seems like the alpha and the omega of anti-depressants but the cons out weigh the pros. I am personally addicted because of the anti-depressant factor and it can be extremely hard to quit. I'd agree with you on it being cut with something though that causes it cause about a year ago before a massive bust in my city I had never experienced discomfort with long-haired K but now these new clandestine forms have caused me serious issues..
Dioxy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2009
- Messages
- 222
azgaza, I'm happy to see that you have come out of this situation in-tact.
To everyone that is suffering from this hideous affliction still, you have my sympathy, and I urge you to make that seemingly impossible first step and deny yourself, just for a little while, the thing you love, and once the cravings start to diminish and the clarity of reality emerges, re-assess your coping mechanisms. This might be a controversial stance, but it's my opinion that in at least some cases, telling an addict that they must "stop completely and never use again" is counter-productive, even though saying anything else seems counter-intuitive. I had this experience last year, when after three years of constantly battling myself and numerous attempts at 'intervention' from those closest to me, I realised that if I didn't change my behaviour, this time I really would lose everything. All of their love, all of their compassion - everything that means anything to any of us, in reality. As I'm sure so many of us have come to understand, the 'crutch' that the drug provides is a sinister illusion. It's our decisions that create this cacophony and this drama, it's that moment when we say to ourselves "what's the point in pretending I'm not going to go get some more, I'll just do it." We know that, and it makes us feel crippling guilt. We normally don't need anyone to tell us what damage we are doing to ourselves or to others, we know these things and we continue to do it and simply deal with the psychological consequences of doing so afterwards.
None of us are perfect, but we do have choice, even though it's clouded and directed by a compulsion to go back to that crystalline comfort zone. I made the choice in September last year, on the advice of a psychiatrist at a specialist clinic where I went to share my story so far, to take 3 months' break from drug use, and see how I felt at the end of it. Those last few words that might seem trivial to the non-addicted, meant everything to me. "See how I feel." The suggestion that we are still in control of our future - that we can choose whether we *want* to continue to use drugs, because doing so is our individual prerogative. It isn't anyone else's decision or enforcement, which is what "YOU MUST STOP FOREVER" implies. That's important, because that not only makes us feel defensive, but also takes away much of the initiative to actually stop, because doing so would no longer feel like our achievement, it would just feel like submitting to someone else's command. Given the choice, whatever decision we make is then what we choose to accept the consequences of.
"You must stop now and forever" presents us with an unrealistic goal. To the addict that is like telling someone that they must stop breathing, and never breathe again. If you can learn to control your use, you *can* live a life that includes the drug. I won't pretend that I don't slip up, fuck up, occasionally just give in and buy 10 grammes and nail the lot in 2/3 days (forever stained by tolerance, it seems), feeling just like that ravenous, insatiable self that I try to leave behind. But given the clarity that we can regain just from staying sober for a few weeks at a time in between 'normal' social/recreational usage patterns, it becomes clear that using it in moderation once every few weekends or so is great fun, whereas that two-day binge starts to show itself up as the waste of money, time and health that it is. It's the day after that binge, and the day after that, and the day after that, where you feel tired, sad, lonely, guilty and hungry for something to fill that collective void, in which you are at your weakest, and the compulsion to do it again is at its highest. A few days later, things start to become clearer, and after a month of sobriety, the mind starts to find other things to occupy its time with. The internal physical pains will also disappear, and bladder capacity can return to normal (or at least heal significantly), if the scarring is at a reparable point.
It's still there with me, accompanying every first thought. It seems to invade that metaphysical 'part' of the mind that we also reserve for that person we fell in love with or have a crush on, on top of creating a home for itself as the default coping mechanism for everything. Try to fill your time doing something compelling, and I hope that like I have, you will find that all that extra energy creates good things that fulfil you more. Apologies if any of that sounded preachy or patronising, it wasn't meant to.
Take care all,
Dioxy
To everyone that is suffering from this hideous affliction still, you have my sympathy, and I urge you to make that seemingly impossible first step and deny yourself, just for a little while, the thing you love, and once the cravings start to diminish and the clarity of reality emerges, re-assess your coping mechanisms. This might be a controversial stance, but it's my opinion that in at least some cases, telling an addict that they must "stop completely and never use again" is counter-productive, even though saying anything else seems counter-intuitive. I had this experience last year, when after three years of constantly battling myself and numerous attempts at 'intervention' from those closest to me, I realised that if I didn't change my behaviour, this time I really would lose everything. All of their love, all of their compassion - everything that means anything to any of us, in reality. As I'm sure so many of us have come to understand, the 'crutch' that the drug provides is a sinister illusion. It's our decisions that create this cacophony and this drama, it's that moment when we say to ourselves "what's the point in pretending I'm not going to go get some more, I'll just do it." We know that, and it makes us feel crippling guilt. We normally don't need anyone to tell us what damage we are doing to ourselves or to others, we know these things and we continue to do it and simply deal with the psychological consequences of doing so afterwards.
None of us are perfect, but we do have choice, even though it's clouded and directed by a compulsion to go back to that crystalline comfort zone. I made the choice in September last year, on the advice of a psychiatrist at a specialist clinic where I went to share my story so far, to take 3 months' break from drug use, and see how I felt at the end of it. Those last few words that might seem trivial to the non-addicted, meant everything to me. "See how I feel." The suggestion that we are still in control of our future - that we can choose whether we *want* to continue to use drugs, because doing so is our individual prerogative. It isn't anyone else's decision or enforcement, which is what "YOU MUST STOP FOREVER" implies. That's important, because that not only makes us feel defensive, but also takes away much of the initiative to actually stop, because doing so would no longer feel like our achievement, it would just feel like submitting to someone else's command. Given the choice, whatever decision we make is then what we choose to accept the consequences of.
"You must stop now and forever" presents us with an unrealistic goal. To the addict that is like telling someone that they must stop breathing, and never breathe again. If you can learn to control your use, you *can* live a life that includes the drug. I won't pretend that I don't slip up, fuck up, occasionally just give in and buy 10 grammes and nail the lot in 2/3 days (forever stained by tolerance, it seems), feeling just like that ravenous, insatiable self that I try to leave behind. But given the clarity that we can regain just from staying sober for a few weeks at a time in between 'normal' social/recreational usage patterns, it becomes clear that using it in moderation once every few weekends or so is great fun, whereas that two-day binge starts to show itself up as the waste of money, time and health that it is. It's the day after that binge, and the day after that, and the day after that, where you feel tired, sad, lonely, guilty and hungry for something to fill that collective void, in which you are at your weakest, and the compulsion to do it again is at its highest. A few days later, things start to become clearer, and after a month of sobriety, the mind starts to find other things to occupy its time with. The internal physical pains will also disappear, and bladder capacity can return to normal (or at least heal significantly), if the scarring is at a reparable point.
It's still there with me, accompanying every first thought. It seems to invade that metaphysical 'part' of the mind that we also reserve for that person we fell in love with or have a crush on, on top of creating a home for itself as the default coping mechanism for everything. Try to fill your time doing something compelling, and I hope that like I have, you will find that all that extra energy creates good things that fulfil you more. Apologies if any of that sounded preachy or patronising, it wasn't meant to.
Take care all,
Dioxy
I think i got K cramps, how to tell if I did and how to avoid again
So recently I returned from a 4day fest in which on one of the last days I used roughly half a gram of ketamine give or take a 100mg I began to develop excruciating stomach discomfort very similar to stomach virus/food poisoning making me throw up consistently for roughly 6 hours. I had hardly eaten throughout the day and was dehydrated I sipped through about a half gallon during the 6 hours of vomiting. I had horrible stomach pains for about 14hours before they subsided. In the end I am unsure if the lack of food/water plus too much ketamine just ripped me up or I did indeeddo too much and suffered K cramps looking for any and all insight! Thanks a million in advance!
So recently I returned from a 4day fest in which on one of the last days I used roughly half a gram of ketamine give or take a 100mg I began to develop excruciating stomach discomfort very similar to stomach virus/food poisoning making me throw up consistently for roughly 6 hours. I had hardly eaten throughout the day and was dehydrated I sipped through about a half gallon during the 6 hours of vomiting. I had horrible stomach pains for about 14hours before they subsided. In the end I am unsure if the lack of food/water plus too much ketamine just ripped me up or I did indeeddo too much and suffered K cramps looking for any and all insight! Thanks a million in advance!
.:Holy::Toast:.
Bluelighter
You probably had a stomach bug or food poisoning.
Or sickness from lack thereof.
A half gram of ketamine won't give you k cramps, most people develop them after a month or more of a gram a day use.
To prevent this in the future make sure to try to eat something at least twice a day at a festival.
Who cares if the food is expensive or its hard to force yourself to do, it's completely worth it.
Or sickness from lack thereof.
A half gram of ketamine won't give you k cramps, most people develop them after a month or more of a gram a day use.
To prevent this in the future make sure to try to eat something at least twice a day at a festival.
Who cares if the food is expensive or its hard to force yourself to do, it's completely worth it.