Well, I used to have a boxing day tradition of taking E but it was a k-hole today.
There certainly was a lot more 'snow' in the 'hole' than there is anywhere in England right now. Too much emphasis of replicating the perfect christmas 'image' in a couple of cycles of the loop too.
Along the same lines, I felt an obligation to create a perfect winter wonderland. I felt the weight of expectation inside me as I created suburb after suburb of attractively 'wintered' houses, a city of identikit design, then a world or... but then I decided it was far too big a responsibility and pulled out, moving onto something entirely different.
Some of my past few days benzo use conflicted with the speed at which I could scroll through the k initiation. The k was entirely immovable, almost solid yet engulfing me like a gas.
As I initally dosed, my music choice had been a track with that included the lyric 'get up, go insane'. I wisely switched to something less suggestive but the imprint had been left. A small portion of my hole dealt with the possibilty of insanity - effectively replacing what'd previously been an 'am I god'-like revelation. I was temporarily plagued with conflicting images and revelations that suggested madness but managed to pass through that.
Overall, It was a beneficial and far more worthwhile experience than any of my Boxing Day=MDMA times. I think the midazolam was a poorer choice than my usual for post-k -> normality fastracking but thankfully that is a very fast acting benzo.
Next time I'll buy cigarettes and more nitrous instead of relying on something so harsh for any easing back to 'this' life.
