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Ketamine Addiction Support and Information thread -- share your story.

bluedolphin

bluedolphin

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 19, 2003
Messages
6,062
Hey, what's up Bluelight peoples. It's been a while.

Took a little time (a few years?) off from visiting Bluelight. I used to come here with much enthusiasm and interest in various psychedelics, and their philosophical / spiritual / practical benefits.

What's different now is that I'm recovering from a half-year Ketamine addiction. And I was plenty experienced with the stuff before I consider the half-year of total nonsense and devastation I put myself through. Having been addicted to 20mg Xanax per day, amphetamines, and opiates at other times... as well as extended and unnecessary binges with just about every abuseable drug there is (I even went through 2 grams of 4-MAR in the span of a couple weeks)... well I guess I might as well admit I have an addictive personality.

Anyway, I've always been able to at least quit my temporary addictions before or just at the point where they would start to become a problem in my life.

So here's the thing with Ketamine addiction compared to others -- it's the most psychologically addictive drug I ever used. But if that's the case, how could I have used it recreationally and spiritually for several years and done so responsibly?

Well, I guess at some point, I probably was sitting around, felt like doing some drugs, and didn't have anything around but a bunch of Ketamine. Of course it didn't happen exactly like this.

The Ketamine trips became different after a few weeks of doing the stuff pretty much every day, several or more times. You guessed it, my tolerance shot up. No more "K-hole"... but something crazy happened. I went crazy.

I began to believe that my Ketamine trips were now allowing me to experience all kinds of quantum abilities. Psychic stuff, Pineal gland magnetic field powers, Christ complex type stuff, to start. What's really bizarre is that during this period, which lasted about a month or so, I was the FUCKING MAN. Okay, it made me manic and delusional. But seriously, life was going well. My girl and I (now separated..) were going to get married. My mood was generally *awesome* and I was really making great plans for my future.

Then I lost my job. I don't think it was exactly related to the Ketamine use, remarkably. Although perhaps I wouldn't have let the job go without a fight if I wasn't convinced at the time I would hit the ground running.

That didn't happen at all. I had way more time now to use a disgusting amount of Ketamine. So here's where it started to get bad. I continued to use consistently for a period of 5 months after the job loss.

- Depression. The manic period was through. I came crashing down *HARD* and have still not recovered.

- Schizophrenia. My theological interests had turned to aliens, illuminati, Nibiru, 2012... it got to a point where I saw UFOs in the sky. I felt cell phone towers frying my brain. I believed and felt nanobots attacking me. I believed I was of special interest to the government because of my psychic abilities at the time. I believed the end of the world was upon us and I was chosen to fight the New World Order.

- Religion. Now here's an interesting one. I started to have dreams where I'd have to fight off Beezelbub. And other demonic thoughts. It became way-not-fucking-cool. I quit using Ketamine for a few weeks but I remained schizo-affective, to the point of packing my things and fleeing my home twice, and later realizing I had done that in haste and fear. However I must say, I was not the only person to see a digital scale that I was holding light up RED (which it never does), and then flash "11.11 , 66.6" back and forth. Honestly, I still have no clue what's up with that.

So I began to pray and get pretty religious. I received answers to my prayers. The skies even parted once for me. So like, I thought I had proof of all this. Maybe it is true, but because of what I've been through, I can't say for sure about anything really. I started using Ketamine again and had these trips where I would be risen up by YAHWEH himself and learn more and more about the nature of the universe and God's awesome love. I believe much of this to still be true. But I simply cannot trust the revelations enabled by Ketamine, too many have been false and detrimental.

- Love.

The worst part of Ketamine addiction is it's slow drain on your soul. Someone told me that they can see people's auras and people on Ketamine have holes in theirs. I will not go into length here but I stopped loving everything I love. I lost my girl, which is complicated, but I don't think would have happened without my abuse of Ketamine.

- Health.

I have NEVER read that Ketamine can fuck up your health as bad as it did mine. And I didn't even get urinary problems. What I did get was anemia, five seizures, very concerning muscle loss, hypertension, heart problems, intracranial pressure and unusual sensations.

- Judgement.

Let's just say totally impaired and I did both crazy and dangerous and reckless things that I can still not forgive myself. I mean, I did the stuff almost around the clock... shit.

----

So I finally stopped. Because I ran out. And at that point, if I would have tried to get any more, I'm sure nobody would speak to me again.

The come down was like waking up to find my life shattered into pieces. Which it was, and still is. I turned on my former beliefs, even the positive, life-affirming ones. I turned on my own feelings of love which had become so faint I believed they themselves had betrayed me.

Bottom line is I never felt compelled to use a drug so hard even to the point I knew one more line could give me a stroke or heart attack, except Ketamine. Not crack, not meth, not heroin... not even close.

Recovery is really just starting for me. I'm pretty much alone now, my girl is gone and my friends have written me off. I know I need to use this time to rebuild my spirit and faith in the power of love. I am trying to be good to my health. And make myself into the man she deserves.


Well, let's hear your story. Or anyone else who suspects their Ketamine use is becoming a problem, or sees similarities to my story, speak up! <3
 
Hey man, thats a hell of a story there.

I will agree with you that ketamine has been the most psychologically addictive drug i have ever done (more so than H, coke, meth etc).
Luckily i never had a never ending supply.

i would get in reasonable amounts, use it up quick, and not have more till it came around again.
For that im grateful because it still allows me to appreciate K and im still able to khole.

It has caused minor problems in the relationship because my gf, who is not addicted to it but still enjoys the experience, has had to deal with me using up our stash multiple times.
I just had no control, and would hide it from her how much i used it.

recently i came clean and thankfully she understands (and will keep future stashes hidden untill we can both use together otherwise i would use it all)

Yours is probably one of the more serious Ket addiction stories i have heard and im sorry you had to go through all of that.

I hope you are on your way to recovery.

Are you sure that the seizures and other health problems were a direct result of ket abuse?
Im curious because i havent heard of those effects from other heavy abusers.

anyway, like i said, i hope you're feeling better and continue to do well.
Try not to fall into old habits and especially resist if you will be in gatherings where K rains from the sky.

stay strong
be well
much <3
 
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hey man, I'm sorry to hear that things got that out of control for you. I have to admit, some of the things we talked about when I was visiting last winter didn't sound right to me at all and it worried me a little, but I really didn't know how to say so in a tactful manner. it seemed to me at the time that you would have to come to the realization yourself eventually that the K wasn't helping things, but I had no idea it was gonna get this bad for you before that happened. I'm so sorry I never said anything when I know now that I should have. :(

at least you're doing somewhat better now, and hopefully things will continue to improve. you seem pretty set on quitting for good, which I'm very happy to hear. and if you ever need to talk, you know how to reach me. I haven't written you off; you've still got a friend here. <3
 
Living with Ketamine Addiction

Hi, I just got back from a night out looking for k, getting some and doing a few bumps then tossing most of it in the toilet. This is the second time I have done this in two weeks. I have been feeling myself falling deeper into the trap it creates. K started as an amazing epiphany when I took it, then slowly evolving to actually feeling fucking RETARDED when I did it. I cannot process any information, especially verbal. You're talking to a brick wall. I am fully addicted to K. I have been doing it for 3 years. I think about it all the time and I can't go without it.

Last week I was on a binge, or just using more then regular, or maybe not, maybe I was using regular. But it felt like every time I did some, my brain would melt a little and the goo was sliding down into my throat. But, I couldn't stop. I was chasing the high I wanted where things can amaze me and concepts pop out of no where. Profound ideas are everywhere when you are properly high, but I was just getting stupider by the moment. This urge made me cry, it made me really fucking sad that I was making holes in my brain. I need my brain. I was lamenting for its death. I put more k in my nose to numb the sadness but you can see where that leads.

I rationalize my addiction as petty compared to the people around me who use heroin. Yet it seems I spend more money then them on what I use. In my peak I could do over a gram in a night ($50).

To be continued
 
i bought four vials of ketamine had done it once before this anywies injected 2ml=1oomg had an amazng trip the thing is with this drug for me is once i started i coundnt stop it within 2 days had done the lot in i darent order anymore as i know if i had it in house i couldnt control myself i know thats probably just me and people can leave it and do it then leave it but i find it very moreish think i have said on this drug before a friend on mine abused this drugvery heavily for years and developed bad kidney and water work problem has to wre a bag permanently now he only in his late twenties jusp please be careful im not dising this drug in moderation can be a very fun drug to do but suppose for sumone like make i just couldnt leave it alone if i had it im addicted tto alot of things opiates/benzos bot never abuse like i did when used l=ketamine be safe people
 
I had about a nine-month to 1 year battle with Ketamine, where i was doing a gram plus a day. That may not sound like much, but it was more than enough. by the end, i was severely depressed, almost suicidal, and at a psychological breaking point, where everything seemed too huge to deal with....so id do more ketamine, to forget. bad bad cycle, and i only pulled myself out because my brother came to visit and pulled me aside, and basically told me that i looked and acted like shit, and i needed to get it together.

long term effects....well, i said nine months to a year, because i dont know exactly. my memory of that entire year is almost completely gone, with the exception of a few of my more embarassing moments on the drug. id lost ten pounds, which, considering im normally 130 on a 6' frame, was noticeable and scary. I've got scars from falling, and lost friends from my use.

I really dont understand what i saw in it at first. It was so good, and then...all of sudden it was just an escape. no idea what changed, or when.

i have managed to do it a couple times since then, but if i have access, i immediately fall back into the trap, so ive tried to stay away. i havent had this much difficulty dealing with any other substance, including coke and painkillers.
 
I abused K heavily for a few years, up to 12.5g a day at one point. The physical effects were far far worse than full blown heroin withdrawals. I was in A and E numerous times and had to have various endoscopies, ultrasounds, etc. Total agonising pain. End up crawling on a ball on the floor pouring in sweat and passing out from the pain. Never had anything so bad in my life.

Be fucking careful with this shit!
 
Interesting story OP. I too have an addictive personality. Not just with drugs, but with anything I get real obsessed real easily, but it usually only lasts a couple months and then I lose enthusiasm.

I have never tried K, but I'm having a real hard time kickin' my oxy habit.

I would like to try Ketamine, but I have no real source for it as of now. But I am always on the look out for new drugs to try, it's just that I live in a very small town so the range of drugs to buy is limited to your basics (coke, pills, weed, LSD, mushrooms, sometimes heroine.)
 
Schizophrenia. My theological interests had turned to aliens, illuminati, Nibiru, 2012... it got to a point where I saw UFOs in the sky. I felt cell phone towers frying my brain. I believed and felt nanobots attacking me. I believed I was of special interest to the government because of my psychic abilities at the time. I believed the end of the world was upon us and I was chosen to fight the New World Order.

- Religion. Now here's an interesting one. I started to have dreams where I'd have to fight off Beezelbub. And other demonic thoughts. It became way-not-fucking-cool. I quit using Ketamine for a few weeks but I remained schizo-affective, to the point of packing my things and fleeing my home twice, and later realizing I had done that in haste and fear. However I must say, I was not the only person to see a digital scale that I was holding light up RED (which it never does), and then flash "11.11 , 66.6" back and forth. Honestly, I still have no clue what's up with that.



Actually I can sort of reate o the psychotic aspect of the experience. Back in the 70's me and some friends got hold of substancial quantities of what must have been almost pure PCP. It was way stronger than the usual stuff gooing around at that time.

I didn't get any super-powers or anything but our behaviour become more and more paranoid and just plain baffling. We got lost in a department store we'd been in 100 times before. Stuff like that. Staying high for days on the stuff. Would wake up as high as when you went to bed. Even more potent smoking it. Lasted about a month I guess but I'll never forget it.







[
 
Iv never used a forum before, but found this by accident looking for a ketamine addiction support group or something. iv been using k almost everyday for a few years now. numerous hospital trips, weight lose, lookied like shit. i stopped for a while, now iv started again but no one knows. i just say im really drunk if i get caught. i dont get it, my lifes not fucked, im not looking for a shouder to cry on, just looking to talk to someone who like sending there brain to the thought provoking dream land that seems make you beleve you use more than 12% of your brain and think you have had a glimpse into split dimentions, afterlife and the future..... although we all know im just a north london 24 year old male, ill educated id say, with a 1000 yard stare and a snotty nose haha.
i hope i can maybe help someone with the same issue with some help in return if we are in the same boat. iv never done this before. thanks for reading. emails welcome :) [email protected]
 
the schizophrenia shit has to be linked to dissociatives in general.

when i once did 12oz delysm + 20 (30mg) CCCs (around 1300mg DXM) I thought I talked to god and that everything I did had a meaning and a bunch of other weird shit. I actually still believed this for 2-3 days after doing it because I was still so fucked up from it.

Now I can't believe I would actually think that.. dissociatives can do some crazy shit man.
 
I had a serious ketamine problem for a relatively short period of time, but it was a rough time for me for sure. There was a lot of very florid, even delusional, mania. I scared the shit out of a lot of people and due to my behavior I lost the woman I was seeing at the time as well as the friendship of a very dear friend. The disturbing thing though was that I was quite able to hold down a job -- ketamine being so short acting and with a negligible hangover -- but that every single minute I was not there I was under the influence. All perspective and sense of realtiy that I had was totally shot. Took me a while to recover, too.

I've done ket once since making the conscious decision that I wanted it out of my life. The experience was creepy, unsettling, and ultimately made me feel bad about myself ... i got "only" one gram (not much compared to the amounts I was using at the height of my addiction), but I attacked it with great vigor and did little else until it was gone.

I am sort of curious to do it again to see if I could do it in a controlled manner but I am very acutely aware of the risks.
 
bladder damage, needing to urinate every 10 minutes, thinking disorders that persist depite quitting, being paranoid and egocentric (opening my window thinking i ran out of fresh air or something among other things)

'broken relationships' with immediate family

one of the few the shulgins warned against (on an interview with the goodbaddrugs guide)

because they said it makes even the most intelligent people (who write books etc etc) wanting to take it all time and gives permanent brain damage

not sure why i enjoyed the large dose experience, empty

since i can feel an effect from licking a grain/shard
 
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hi guys, im experiencing pretty much all the nasties of ketamine addiction, severe bladder issues, depression/suicidal/schizophrenia-like symptoms and an inability to stop myself regardless of the consequences. ive been using for around 6 years now but only recently has it come to the point where only a line or two severely messes with my head and body. this is of course massively affecting my partner and family and friends seeing me like this. whilst i somehow try to hold down a job which is getting harder and harder, i have been to various 'help and support'. local drugs advisors and GP's, A+E, and requested further help, referrals etc amd it feels as though nobody understands the detrimental effects and will take me seriously. i know addiction is down to the user stopping and takes willpower and everything but i cant seem to find a support network that aids both the mental and physical sides knowledgeably. drugs advisors admit outright they know v little about ket and treat it almost with a basis of heroin addiction and doctors i have seen treat me only for the depression and say find willpower. various a+e visits and urinary tract tests/antibiotic prescriptions fail to find anything or work fully, and as soon as i admit k addiction in the hope of it assisting their medical diagnosis, it serves only as an inhibitor and i find myself being stereotyped as an addict willing to thieve to support themselves.

i feel ive been through a lot and would appreciate anybodys pointers on pain relief, addiction management, and coping with the various mental, physical and social struggles that being a k addict involves. if there are any addicts/ ex addicts out there that feel they have been through what im going through, any recollection of the withdrawal and how they remain sober would be great.

please reply or pm me with anything which you consider may be of help.

many thanks, kind regards and the best of luck to everyone
 
I've never been able to just use Ketamine once in awhile - I always end up going on binges, I also find I make poor choices using other drugs while I'm on K.

K and ecstacy were real week long bingers back in the day for me.

Be very careful, K can sneak up on you !!
 
I've never been able to just use Ketamine once in awhile - I always end up going on binges, I also find I make poor choices using other drugs while I'm on K.

K and ecstacy were real week long bingers back in the day for me.

Be very careful, K can sneak up on you !!
 
mewilldz said:
hi guys, im experiencing pretty much all the nasties of ketamine addiction, severe bladder issues, depression/suicidal/schizophrenia-like symptoms and an inability to stop myself regardless of the consequences. ive been using for around 6 years now but only recently has it come to the point where only a line or two severely messes with my head and body. this is of course massively affecting my partner and family and friends seeing me like this. whilst i somehow try to hold down a job which is getting harder and harder, i have been to various 'help and support'. local drugs advisors and GP's, A+E, and requested further help, referrals etc amd it feels as though nobody understands the detrimental effects and will take me seriously. i know addiction is down to the user stopping and takes willpower and everything but i cant seem to find a support network that aids both the mental and physical sides knowledgeably. drugs advisors admit outright they know v little about ket and treat it almost with a basis of heroin addiction and doctors i have seen treat me only for the depression and say find willpower. various a+e visits and urinary tract tests/antibiotic prescriptions fail to find anything or work fully, and as soon as i admit k addiction in the hope of it assisting their medical diagnosis, it serves only as an inhibitor and i find myself being stereotyped as an addict willing to thieve to support themselves.

i feel ive been through a lot and would appreciate anybodys pointers on pain relief, addiction management, and coping with the various mental, physical and social struggles that being a k addict involves. if there are any addicts/ ex addicts out there that feel they have been through what im going through, any recollection of the withdrawal and how they remain sober would be great.

please reply or pm me with anything which you consider may be of help.

many thanks, kind regards and the best of luck to everyone
Click to expand...


I'm a ketamine addict in recovery.. been clean a little over 4 months now. Ketamine ruled my life for almost 7 years. I know pretty much everything there is to know about every effect of ketamine; the good and the bad. The entire year before I went to rehab for my addiction I injected ketamine into my muscles every single day. For the last 3 months of that year I was ready to die for it. I tried to die, but surviving mainly for the sole purpose to experience the khole again. It's a lonely drug, not a lot of people understand it or your reasons to carry on abusing it. If you ever want to talk, or ask me a question, I'd love to help in any way I can.
 
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