Keif Update

[Keif' Richards]

Hi everybody, staff, community and looky-loo's alike. I'm very reretful to say that I have had to take some time off for the past couple of months. As a lof of you guys know about me, sobriety is a part of my life these days and maintaining my mental health and balance is sometimes difficult. Sometimes I find myself stuck in ruts of depression, anxeity or even just intellectual boredom and shit that I mioght have previously medicated with substances and I have no choice but to try to figure out other ways and this shit takes time for me.

It makes me feel like a colossal jerk not being here for the community that was always here for me, so I hope you all can accept that I really do care and that there's no negligent or malicious intent involved here. I'm gonna be doing my best to help out and do my part again. I'm sorry I haven't been available guys. I'll be checking my messages as well and responsind to those!

 

[deficiT]

Hi everybody, staff, community and looky-loo's alike. I'm very reretful to say that I have had to take some time off for the past couple of months. As a lof of you guys know about me, sobriety is a part of my life these days and maintaining my mental health and balance is sometimes difficult. Sometimes I find myself stuck in ruts of depression, anxeity or even just intellectual boredom and shit that I mioght have previously medicated with substances and I have no choice but to try to figure out other ways and this shit takes time for me.

It makes me feel like a colossal jerk not being here for the community that was always here for me, so I hope you all can accept that I really do care and that there's no negligent or malicious intent involved here. I'm gonna be doing my best to help out and do my part again. I'm sorry I haven't been available guys. I'll be checking my messages as well and responsind to those!

No problem buddy don't feel bad for not being around when you've got life shit to deal with. It's a team effort after all, and your life is more important.

Take care of your mental health man, glad to hear from you.

 

[Crash Override]

Got to look after yourself first and foremost man.

 

[Las Veghost grower]

I don’t know if your into bikes, but going out for a nice long ride always makes me feel better on days I’m a little depressed or anxious/bored…might not work for everyone but you can get a decent bike pretty cheap these days , maybe something to look into

 

[PtahTek]

Sometimes I find myself stuck in ruts of depression, anxeity or even just intellectual boredom and shit

This has to undoubtedly be the main cause of my "steeping out" on occasion. Replacing drugs is a hell of a feat. If anyone has ever proclaimed sobriety was a breeze after "treatment" of years or decades of use they have to be bots. Just hasnt been my experience.
Glad to at least "hear" that you are OK.
Best to you and yours.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

This has to undoubtedly be the main cause of my "steeping out" on occasion. Replacing drugs is a hell of a feat. If anyone has ever proclaimed sobriety was a breeze after "treatment" of years or decades of use they have to be bots. Just hasnt been my experience.
Glad to at least "hear" that you are OK.
Best to you and yours.

I hear ya there. After a couple of years of finding that I want to distract myself from reality it takes everything I have and everything that I am to say fuck off to that monster. It visits me from time to time and tempts me to the max. The prick always walks away in defeat though. My life....my rules. Scram the hell out of here demon.

 

[deficiT]

I hear ya there. After a couple of years of finding that I want to distract myself from reality it takes everything I have and everything that I am to say fuck off to that monster. It visits me from time to time and tempts me to the max. The prick always walks away in defeat though. My life....my rules. Scram the hell out of here demon.

I give my demon a little helmet, stuff him in my sidecar, and make like hell to the Sturgis rally.

 

[PtahTek]

distract myself from realit

I also find it difficult to work out exactly whos reality I may be present in at any given moment. I know this sounds insane (no offence) but I am convinced that the reality I am in does not line up with many who could never see from my perspective and wont. Most of these lead us (not here) and do so at our demise. What reality do these creeps see, I wonder...? I am sure I could never see from their eyes, either. Maybe a glimpse now and then but without experience of draining others and tossing them aside I may not see their whole picture.
This is all just rambling thoughts and have no clue if any of it is actually true or otherwise.
But I do see your point, NR. It only takes a little fuck up to have some seemingly costly repercussions. As lately I think I am coming to realize that maybe my occasional controlled uses may also be out of control. This bit is fitting here as KR foretold of this sometime back somewhere around here. I shrugged it off with my usual "I got this" attitude.
Reassessing and working on it.

 

[Keif' Richards]

You guys are all so nice. It warms my heart to know you care about me, for real. Yes, it's really a complicatd thing in so many ways. I have dedicated so much of my life and time to Harm Reduction out of straight love for it. To keep doing "the work" as we do while going throug.h these changing seasons is tough, not impossible though. I still smoke weed. I take Gabapentin essentially as prescribed... these are all things I might address later. My main demons are the Opiates and the Alcohol. There is no moderation. There's just a black hole when I'm doing that shit.

It was very fun for a time. I loved it. It wasn't always shitty, but it got shitty. What can you say when you stop and say you enjoy life more without the drugs. Sure, you had some good times, but what if I want to experirence something like a good woman? No matter how hard I try, if Heroin is my priority, I'm not gonna attract "the one" very easily.

So I try to maintain this stability however I can. I am always learning and trying to improve in this. I'll always be a part of Bluelight. I just want you guys to know there's a lot of feels going on in my already neurotic head. I'm just now getting out of an anxiety phase into a feeling of more control in my program and my first stop was to reengage with the people. I just hope you can all accept that my absence doesn't reflect my love and devotion to the cause and to our people.

Now I'm gonna do some threads...

 

[Jen X]

I wish you the best and don't feel bad, over the years i've watched you help thousands of people. A time for yourself is nothing to feel bad about .