Heroin Keeping W/D a secret

[grungefairy2]

For the last few months I've been shooting heroin daily. I don't think I have a heavy addiction, I could only afford at the most 3 grams per week, but it's enough to give me gooseflesh, an upset stomach, depression, and other W/D symptoms when I attempt to stop. OK, so I'm addicted.

My boyfriend lives with me, he doesn't know.
My family and friends live in another state, none of them know.
My coworkers don't know either.

I need to stop it for financial and health reasons. I know that now. But I can't tell anyone so I'm attempting to go through this cold turkey and alone. Any suggestions on how long withdrawals might last and ways to soften it up?

I might have access to some Ativans. Was thinking of taking them to help me sleep nights during detox.

I also can't ask for any vacation time at work cos it's a new job so I'll be doing this with a 40 hour work week waiting for me and a live in boyfriend with no clue I've been shooting smack these last few months. Thinking about lying and saying I have the flu if anyone notices the symptoms.

Right now I'm only shooting once every 6 hours to keep just keep the sickness at bay. Next batch will be once every 12 hours. After that I think I'll start the detox. Thoughts?

 

[Coolwhip]

Yes, be ready to call in sick Monday if your habit is big enough. My advice is to using next to nothing for a couple days before quitting, you should be halfway sick most the time.

Ativans to sleep are good, not the most powerful benzo but you should consider yourself lucky for having those, they will make it much easier. There's also DXM, not a tripping dose just 30-60mg every 12-24 hours.
Many people take loperamide, I don't trust it, I think it just makes it last longer, I mean I use 2-12mg for relief but not a huge dose(imo). But for going to work on Monday I would take like 24mg Sunday night.
If you run out of Ativan a antihistamine will help you sleep. Other than that this list found in this link is the standard mix.

http://www.thatspoppycock.com/library/addiction/over-the-counter-withdrawal-comfort-medicine/

 

[Pegasus]

Yeah, withdrawal looks and feels exactly like being sick. It shouldn't be hard to convince anyone of this.

 

[ms4104]

There is absolutely no way I coudl keep my full blown withdrawals a secret. Constant yawning, eyes tearing, its jsut not normal. Not to mention frequent urination, shitting your self, then when it gets bad, dry heaving for no reason. IMO it's not something you can hide if you are going to be in close proximity to someone. I sweat a lot and get really bad cold sweats.. I guess it's just the combo of all the symptoms it's like your deathly ill.. it's just not normal. If you are just a little sick, like moderate withdrawals,you can pass that off as the common cold.

 

[grungefairy2]

Well I've been using for the past 2-3 months and he hasn't noticed my track marks or the withdrawal symptoms in the past, so he's pretty clueless about it all. I'm not too worried about him figuring it out.

Thanks for the advice. I'm feeling a bit more confident about this plan now.

 

[attempt4]

Depending on what your job is, it should be ok to just get your head down, get on with things and feign illness if asked. I've done it before w/d'ing from opiates and just smoked a lot of weed, forced food down, took a cold shower and got my head down to get on with things.
I was asked why I was constantly yawning and eyes watering (when i'm withdrawing I literally yawn every 3 to 5 seconds at some points, for a good length of time. It's ridiculous and frankly embarrassing, you try to hide it

But if they see for themselves and form the opinion of their own accord that you are clearly visibly ill, you may be able to go home.

Take care, all the best and just realise how much better it is that you're doing this now than later. Life's better on the wagon

 

[laCster]

buy some immodium (loperamide) at a local super-market , unless you want to walk around with diapers on...DXM helps aswell (for psychological reasons). if you can, get some lyrica/gabapentin. they are like god-sends for a recovering addict

 

[BrokedownPalace]

Since you have only been using for about 3 months, your withdrawals should not be horrific. It will definitely suck and be uncomfortable, but there are many things you can do to minimize the discomfort and make your detox as comfortable as possible. But remember, there is no free lunch with opiate withdrawal, and you will not be able to just walk away scott free.

Ativan will definitely help. I would suggest taking it three times a day, in order to minimize the anxiety, depression, restless leg syndrome, and it will also help with the muscle aches.

Is ativan the only thing you can access? If you can get heroin, I would be surprised you cannot get anythign else. If you have access to suboxone, that would be your best bet. If you cannot get suboxone, I would suggest tapering your use down to as little as possible, before jumping off.

If that is not an option, and you cannot access any suboxone or anything, it will certainly be difficult to keep it secret.

I suggest checking out the following thread - The Opioid Withdrawal Megathread and FAQ It has myriads of suggestions and ideas and OTC meds you can use to help you thru the detox.

I have kicked a number of times, and did it in jail on 3 seperate occasions. I find that the biggest obstacle is your own mind. You psych yourself into believing it is going to be horrible, and you can manifest psychosomatic symptoms just by thinking about it too much.

Keeping busy and not thinking about heroin is key.

And one last thing - Don't take this the wrong way, but hiding an IV heroin addiction from your boyfriend is certainly not a good thing to do. I am not trying to preach, but if you cannot tell him about this, I would think your relationship is not the most stable since there is clearly a major trust issue.

Is your relationship strong enough to the point where you could tell your boyfriend you have a prblem, and he can help you? Or will he just throw you to the curb? I'm just curious, please don't take it as an asshole comment.

I have been thru heroin withdrawals a number of times, the worst was coming off a 3 year IV heroin habit, in jail. If you need anything or just want to talk about detoxing, or anythign else for tha tmatter, feel free to private message me.

Good luck.

 

[sixpartseven]

3 grams a week isn't a heavy addiction? I'd disagree.

I understand the desire to quit on your own without anyone knowing, but let me tell you why it probably won't work: heroin withdrawals suck, especially with a habit like yours. The symptoms are going to have serious influence on the way you conduct yourself and carry out your daily activities. Someone is going to notice you having to take a shit every ten minutes, or they'll wonder why you've been puking for the last few days, or they'll question why you haven't eaten anything for days, or why you're so pale and sickly, or they'll wonder why you're sweating and shivering and keep taking your sweater off then put it back on then take it back off then put it back on, or they'll wonder why you can't sit still, why you keep kicking your legs when you can't sleep at night, or why you keep flailing your arms while tossing and turning. Then they'll add it all up and realize you're hiding something, or you'll break down and tell them, and that will cause more trouble than if you had just been honest from the beginning by going to them and asking for help.

But most likely, you'll find its too difficult to deal with the withdrawals in a way that keeps anyone from realizing what's going on and you'll decide to just keep using until you figure out a new plan for quitting.

I don't mean to discourage you; I'm just saying that what you're trying to do is not easy. Trust me, I've tried, so have a lot of us, and we failed. Not only did we fail because we tried to hide it and were found out, but we failed because we tried to do it alone. You may not need NA/AA or a sponsor, you might not need rehab, but you need support, you need love, and you need encouragement. Relying on yourself while withdrawing is relying on a person who is not in any position to offer support. Your mind during withdrawals will throw every excuse to use at you, and you will find it very hard to ignore. You need someone else.

I'm not saying you have to tell your employer, but tell you're boyfriend (if this relationship means a llot to you and you care about him, you have to tell him. What if he finds out a few years from nnow? You'll destroy his trust in you, destroying the relationship) and parents. You'd be surprised how forgiving our loved ones can be when we go to them asking for help. He won't leave you (if he truly cares about you and loves you, though he does have every right to be royally pissed)and your parents won't disown you. They may be far away, but they are just a phone call away when you need encouragement. Ask them to not be judgementsl and to save the lectures for after withdrawals so they don't make it more difficult. Tell them after a week, they can be as mad as they want and yell and scream their hearts out, but please wait til the withdrawals are over.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

EDIT - To be clear, I'm not saying don't quit; I'm saying be honest about it and ask for whatever support you can get.

 

[ms4104]

If someone knows about opiates the 'machine gun yawning' is a dead give-a-way.

Get your self even 2mg buprenorphine, ANYTHING will help.

I know addicts usually live double lives but I mean 1. how in the world can he not see your trackmarks? I can understand coworkers..parents, but your telling me your boyfriend sees your naked body and doesn't notice these weird imperfections by your veins? lol. 2. I know this is not a relationship forum but fuck, think about how much better you would feel if you came clean, stopped all the lying, then you could have someone to help to you through it. It will give you added support. When you are dead sick..whats stopping you from copping? If your bf is helping you through it just him being there will stop you.

IIsn't it funny how you can be close to someone, live with them, fuck them regularly, and not know a god damn thing about their life. Like you think they are one thing but they are totally something different.

 

[Mango733]

I think six parts hit it on the head. I have successfully withdrawn on my own multiple times (I say on my own but I live with my parents and had came out to them about it) but it wasnt easy.

My best advice is tell your BF.. honestly I can only see it doing more good than harm. The discussion I had with my parents when I first quit brought me to tears and was a good wake up call.

I assume talking to your boyfriend (especially in the midst of withdrawl) and letting him know what you've been doing and that you regret it might be a use full wake up call.

Good luck.. Your habit isn't horrendous but Ive never really exceeded .1g a day in terms of H IV habit so I like to think my WDs were never that bad... (well maybe my first I was IVing 30+mg morphinh daily.. that one was pretty bad).


The main thing that gets to me is not being able to sleep at night and I assume that would be hard to hide from ur bf.. especially if you kick him awake by accident lol.


Good luck.. but if you tell your bf I think it will help (but I however do not know your BF or his nature so I cant tell you that for sure).

Sixseven got it though... its not easy and even harder if your trying to hide it... buy some lopermadine in its cheapest form.. thats the only thing that gets me to sleep in an opiate WD.. maybe some benzos too. But try to taper quick and jump off quick.

Im rambling now, good luck.


EDIT: Lot's of good lucks but im not gunna delete em cause 3 good lucks is more than one... but less than four.... GOOD LUCK!

 

[Pegasus]

Loperamide will definitely help to a degree, just try to remember that it often takes around 2-3 hours before any relief is felt. Kratom is also very helpful if you want to break up the withdrawal into two milder stages.

 

[doppelganga196]

Update??

Anyway, i know it's not too polite of me to say but it sounds like if you're quitting behind your boyfriends back that you don't plan on staying clean? Sounds like you are trying to freshen up for a while.

I only know because i've done it myself.

 

[dannymac]

I don't think there's any way you could hide it. 3 grams per week is not really a mild habit. I mean an average person who isn't familiar with opiate withdrawal might not pick that up as being that cause, but the flu analogies for opiate withdrawal are pretty poor in my opinion. If I had a girlfriend I really cared about and saw her in the state withdrawal puts a person in, and assuming I didn't recognize it as withdrawal because I was ignorant of drugs, I'd be terrified and insist on picking her up and taking her to the hospital. I'd certainly not see her writhing in bed all night in agony, covered in sweat, throwing up etc. and just think "oh poor girl she's just a little under the weather".

It's a difficult situation though for sure. I couldn't possibly envision going along hiding something of that nature from someone in a relationship. But that's none of our business how you'd want to approach that. But just practically speaking, no I'd say there's zero percent chance you could just pass it off as some routine illness that'll pass by.

The pain is great, so it affects your mental state too, you'll feel depressed, there's a good chance you will feel very bad at some point and get impatient or nasty, even though you don't really mean it. That'll be as hard to just explain away as physical symptoms. And it's unavoidable. In my experience after kicking it's almost like waves, you have some times where you feel this real rush of optimism knowing that you're succeeding and kicking, and the senses that are dulled by an opiate habit start to come back, everything just looks and feels so real and crisp vs. fuzzy and blurred while you're using. But that's mixed in with moments of depression.

I don't know your history though, is this few months your history of opiate use or is that just how long you've been injecting heroin? If that's all the opiate use you've done, 3 months worth, that'll cut way down on the post physical withdrawal feelings you'll have, unlike those of us who've used for a few years and can't remember what it feels like to go more than a few days completely without drugs.

But definitely do something, whatever you have to do, don't let basic day to day responsibilities serve as a reason to neglect getting clean - because - though you don't need to take things to this level if you plan it out well - getting fired, breaking up with your boyfriend, having the cat out of the bag to everyone you know etc. etc. is a vastly better option than continuing along and turning into a lifelong heroin addict.

If you have access to prescription opiates or something like that and are committed to getting clean and are a disciplined person, tapering off of something else would be an option.

Get moving on it, I've been saying "I'll start tapering down tommorow" for five years, so perpetual procrastination on quitting is ultra easy to fall into.

 

[grungefairy2]

I just wanted to offer a quick update. Thanks for all your advice. I ended up going through 3 days of w/d before I broke down and told my boyfriend and family. What did he do? "Oh, my girlfriend's a junkie... let me send her back home."

I'm back in Florida with my family and my ex is in Boston. We're not talking.

I've been on suboxone my mom's been giving me for the last 2 months, but I'm weaning off now and experiencing w/d even though I went down to 1mg before attempting to get off it. It fucking sucks and just keeps me reminding me I'm still a junkie. I crave it everyday... and I'm not happy. I'm still not happy at all.

But I'm not injecting, I'm not doing heroin, and I'm alive at home safe with my family. I'm getting there. Thanks, guys for all the support and advice.

 

[Rabbit]

I just wanted to offer a quick update. Thanks for all your advice. I ended up going through 3 days of w/d before I broke down and told my boyfriend and family. What did he do? "Oh, my girlfriend's a junkie... let me send her back home."

I'm back in Florida with my family and my ex is in Boston. We're not talking.

I've been on suboxone my mom's been giving me for the last 2 months, but I'm weaning off now and experiencing w/d even though I went down to 1mg before attempting to get off it. It fucking sucks and just keeps me reminding me I'm still a junkie. I crave it everyday... and I'm not happy. I'm still not happy at all.

But I'm not injecting, I'm not doing heroin, and I'm alive at home safe with my family. I'm getting there. Thanks, guys for all the support and advice.

Stay the path, and keep in mind that there are plenty of us out there (like me) going through the same thing you are. If you ever need support, or are going through cravings and you can't talk to anyone at that time remember that you can post here.

Best of luck to you.

 

[flyonth3wall]

Hey there - First of all huge congrats of getting clean. Being on a couple mg of Sub per day is a HUGE accomplishment compared to using IV H. So, again, big congrats hun, and well done. Soon you'll be clean, then unfortunately you'll suffer PAWS ( post acute withdrawal symptoms ) and thereafter things will slowly, but surely, start getting better. I promise you that they will.x I'm sorry that you have lost your partner, but if he loved you as much as he should do then he would have attempted to try help you/work things out and get you help. At least you're with your mom and family, and it sounds as though you have a great mother who has so far helped you immensely. You will get your life back if you carry on as you are. Keep it up. Stay safe

 

[guitarguerilla]

I just wanted to say congrats and just stick with it.