xtcgrrrl
Bluelight Crew
I live with my parents and I?ve tried several methods to prevent them from knowing I?ve picked up again. One is to burn candles or incense to cover the crack smell (which can be quite strong as my room is small.) I?ve hidden my stash where they will never look as it?s in my bag of my old strlpper clothes from college (yes I stripped my way through college and yes there are people who actually do that.) they?d prefer to forget that occupation of mine, so they won?t go through that. Additionally I?ve got one of those room refreshers that plugs in an alternates the smell. I blow out the window and I have a good excuse for a burnt smell when I smoke resin because I accidentally sat on one of my vapes and burned the coil. If I change the coil now, the fluid will leak out the sides so I?ve just gotta finish it. Also, I doubt they know what crack smells like. I have a vape pen that has weed in it and they?re fine with weed. Covers the smell great. I lock the door briefly while taking a hit and I always leave a note why - on the phone, can?t be distracted (I?m deaf so I use the video phone and no I don?t have an actual call when I do it cuz of webcam. In fact I close my computer completely when dosing due to paranoia about webcam left open for some reason.) I also close the blinds, take a hit only in the closet (from which they couldn?t see me from the door) and if I exhale when they come in I just say I was vaping. Different vape fluids have different smells so they wouldn?t know. They?ve never done crack. I think mom suspects cuz she saw a crack pipe once, but first I don?t know if she knows what it is (I have many different vapes with different parts, so she could have chalked it up to that. But more than that my parents have been to Al-Anon meetings, which teach you you have no control over the actions of the addict. You can support them, but you have to think of your own sanity first.
I feel sad I?m hurting my family, but while I go to AA and I try, I always relapse. I can GET sober - I just can?t STAY sober. The longest period was 2.5 years. The last chapter of the big book is me: ?I used to cope with sobriety? (paraphrased.) that?s me. I feel happier sober, but I hit a speed bump and all of a sudden I need my drug. I at least try to utilize harm reduction. Since acquiring better supplies and etiz, I?ve been able to manage my heart rate. It?s my lungs I?m worried about. I know this will catch up to me someday. But I?m just powerless over this demon.
Sorry so down tonight.
I feel sad I?m hurting my family, but while I go to AA and I try, I always relapse. I can GET sober - I just can?t STAY sober. The longest period was 2.5 years. The last chapter of the big book is me: ?I used to cope with sobriety? (paraphrased.) that?s me. I feel happier sober, but I hit a speed bump and all of a sudden I need my drug. I at least try to utilize harm reduction. Since acquiring better supplies and etiz, I?ve been able to manage my heart rate. It?s my lungs I?m worried about. I know this will catch up to me someday. But I?m just powerless over this demon.
Sorry so down tonight.
