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keep a sanctuary in your heart that is just for me...

liquidocean

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 8, 1999
Messages
7,865
Location
orange county, california
Jeez, the bloodbath continues. I am really unable to move forward with my heart towards someone new. I need a new girlfriend. I love my ex and am willing to give it a good second try, but she is complacent and not confident it could be good, but she misses and cherishes our relationship at its peak, but now it is tough, and i am the only one trying.
Single life for me has sucked, and i'd like to give it another try before becoming involved with another woman. At this point she has cut me off from lovemaking and may be interested in another man............
I am reduced to a beggar for love, and her stubbornness and apparent heartlessness is so consuming.
Yet i continue on, so is my devotion.
Read on, thanks........
L/O
-----------------
you are taking something i see as heaven's mercy,
our dual cultivation,
our lovemaking,
our tenderness,
our release,
our dance......
and you are sacrificing it on the full moon
on the 14th full moon since we came together,
and it pains me DEEPLY, and it is a hard thing for me to swallow....
but i do, with blessings, because i care about you
and i want you to be strong
and i want you to have every advantage
accepting this is a gift from me to you
it is one of the hardest things i think i will ever do
please RESPECT it, do something with it,
make it liberate you the way you expect it,
because you put so much weight on it,
it should be worth something.
this is the most beautiful coming together,
the happiest bliss
the warmest compassion
the loviest smiles
the deepest hug
from the person i love the most
and i don't see it as the poison
i see it as a cure
but you see differently
and i will compromise what i value most for you.
I hope you stay accountable
and re-examine this compromise
and judge its effects on you
in the weeks and months and moons to come
and reconsider what the boy had to say
what your heart has to say
and consider being flexible with your options.....
nothing is the same forever,
grab the blessings while they're there
----------
you will surely feel a new man inside you
i feel that is what you silently need
to make your closure, you may disagree
but some day it will happen
and some day you will love another besides me
i am training myself to come to terms with this
it is hard, sweetheart
i have wanted to be good with you
i have been trying to resusucitate the magic
bring warmth to the light
that once existed in our warm glow
but if you have decided that it will not exist anymore
it will not, perhaps in the next life, or the next, or never
i am the slave of fate, and subject to the will of destiny
i hope you find happiness
within yourself, and with whoever you decide to be with
as much as i may feel remorse and pain
i hope it does not detract from your happiness
that is what i consider true love...........
and perhaps this opportunity will push me out of the womb
and into something better that i've always hoped for
so be it, if it is to be
but accept the purity of my love and devotion
that against all odds, i hold the torch high for you
and with my ailing spirit, and tired hands
i have tried to pump life into our terminal child
when the spirit was long passed away
refusing to believe the love was officially over
--------------
my heart changes directions slowly
and i'm trying real hard
but it's so hard to flow against what was my true calling
the calling of my truest love..........
i hope you understand, because i think you don't
or maybe life will make this a good thing in the end
because it seems so hopeless
so devoid of real closure, emotion, and warmth
such an avoidance of our souls
that is just my opinion, as i am entitled to
have........
------------
when he slides into you, when he pumps you
when he kisses you, and explodes in your womb;
just don't hold back, explode with emotion
like we did under our first full moon
cry and break open
experience love as if it were new..........
--------------
i ask you to remember me at some point
and to cherish what we had
and to only separate yourself from the bad
all i want is for you to honor what was sacred between us
the process that made us what we are today
don't bury it, plant it, and let it breathe the same clean air you do
keep a sanctuary in your heart that is just for me
as i have been doing for you
containing only the most cherished feelings,
and memories,
and images,
and sensations
because they were true and will always be true
no matter what may happen in our life paths
we were together at one point,
and it was undeniably love,
and may it reverberate forever
through the canyons of time,
the bliss of wholeness and union
that we experienced together
it is over, but it will remain alive with me
as i hope it does with you
it is a blessing, please honor it
as you do your own soul
as i am a creation of that very same soul,
standing before you in contemplation,
patiently awaiting my other half, my reflection
to some day come to the same conclusion
praying for the paradise of oneness
with my arms wide open,
waiting for the day
you can once again consider us home..........
-------------
i love you
please keep a place for me in your heart
i hope we come together again
or find a better happiness
life and love are precious
use them wisely
-------------
liquidocean
12/13/1999 - this is when our love was born
3/8/2001 - this was when it was laid to rest
we were there
never forget that..........
i
love
you
always :-)
http://www.geocities.com/onazif/images/omar/loandpf.jpg
[This message has been edited by liquidocean (edited 14 March 2001).]
 
I am going through the same thing. Everybody keeps telling me it would be easier if I hate him but to be honest it hurts either way. Remember what goes up must come down so what goes down in theory must go up. So please smile. Iam sure you'l smile again. I hope I will smile soon.
------------------
Love all and all will love you, If only that were true!
love to all
Spaceangel
*********
 
Powerful!
Unfortunately, those with huge hearts tend to experience huge amounts of pain when their hearts are broken.
I too have had my heart broken; I feel you, bro.
Kudos on courageously expressing your emotions.
smile.gif
 
from you to me on http://www.bluelight.ru/ubb/Forum11/HTML/001423.html?reload=12
question: What is it about interesting women that prevents them from ever indulging in 'happy' love?
answer: ???
stay beautiful.
be strong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
so, i had a dream the other night and you were in it...
you came here to visit and you had some other friends you were going to meet up with while in colorado. we grabbed some food at a drive thru and then drove to an area of town where there are many highrises surrounding a lush, happy, refreshing community pool. only boulder has no highrises and the "pool" was like a sea with a sliding board. i dropped you off b/c i had some errands to run before i could fully relax. on my way back to meet up with you, i was trying to beat a red light while making a left hand turn. my car (pathfinder) almost rolled as i lost control speeding around the corner. i remember both hands flying from the steering wheel as i was thrown to one side of the vehicle. i was wearing my seatbelt. as the car's weight balanced, i was able to regain control. after this happened, i met up with you again. you were in the pool/sea swimming underwater. i jumped in and sank to the bottom. but you had dissappeared.
weird, huh?
 
Across the time zones, across the philosophies, across ideologies, and across idiosyncracies...we have finally connected, Omar. My heart is with you, for we reside in the same limbo, waiting for an out, an appointment, or maybe even death...but instead only given the option of reading years-old Newsweeks.
The time will come, but only when we no longer wait for it, only when we no longer want it, only when we need it most, yet don't understand it. Peace to you, my friend.
 
i am not sure what to do with this...powerful indeed.
just know that through your writing, you conveyed the intense mourning you feel for the loss of a certain copacity of love in your life, but you wrote so beautifully about the positive, you have further convinced me that there is this whole "love"thing that exists in true, non-abused form.
congradulations on finding it.
good luck on identifying the entropic aspect of your relationship///find it, meditate on it...heal
peace&warmth,
------------------
***"without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible"f.zappa***
BE AN AGENT OF CHANGE
"one good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain"-marley
"there is a party in my mind, and i hope it never stops, there is a party up there allt he time, we are gonna party till we drop"d.byrne
"if you can WALK you can DANCE, if you can TALK, you can SING"-a saying from zimbabwe
***satori shalom***
 
The world is a comedy for those who think, a tragedy for those who feel.
Grey skies are gunna clear up!
------------------
"A prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages".
 
*beautifully expressed*
The pain of a broken heart is a terrible, cataclysmic experience.
Like the tower card of the tarot, it is difficult to watch what you have built come tumbling around you to the ground.
The pain comes not from love lost- love can never be lost as it is something experienced, not collected- it is that your hopes and dreams were shattered.
Look within... this is a time to gestate, and soon you begin to grow...
 
spaceangel - thanks for your hope. stay true to your emotions, don't turn your back on them because it's the easy way out. take the burden of the pain because you will keep your integrity and because it will increase your capacity for joy when it comes around again, and it will. it will be so refreshing, let me know when it happens for you, and so will i. Plus, you never know that the other person is afraid to admit that they still hold feelings they are afraid to know they have, you may just miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Everybody breaks off by cutting off their emotions, the strong can steer their hearts slowly. Hearts were never made to turn on a dime.........
L O V E L I F E - fuck, it hurts, you know it, i know it. i'm not gonna kill myself, i'm going to survive, but ugh! when will the carnage be over?
MiNiMoWs - i think i disappeared because my head dove down underneath your surface as i rode along with you for company as you were doing errands, almost causing you to crash from the oh too gentle excitement of pleasuring you the way I think you should be pleasured
smile.gif
. Seriously, i miss rapping with you, i miss you, i think about you a lot and send you a lot of energy and mojo. If you're not coming over here soon, i'm going over there, boyfriend or no boyfriend for some 'natural' fun
smile.gif
. Nobody can cause us pain but ourselves. This is one thing i'm learning. I love you and wish you the best.
Mr. Tinman, how could i forget you? Are you happy someone else is going through the same crap? Damn you, man, let's not be connected in this way.
smile.gif
But we probably know exactly how the other feels, like a metaphor for binocular zen archer vision, but how about we make a gentleman's bet to see who can be the last to find true love, surely a bet we'd love to lose. Don't forget there's always the gay option, but that invalidates the bet
smile.gif
. Love ya, dude, charge it tiger!
satori18 - this was posted for my venting, for empathy from friends, and for examination of your own feelings and relationships. take it for what it's worth. i believe if you have faith in the transformative, evolutionary, alchemical power of love, it will pour forth incredible energy into your life. if you retract from love with regret, fear, and pessimism, you will remain eternally jaded.
the secret to love, i believe, and this is important, is: your capacity for love is determined by your capacity for sorrow, but that doesn't mean you have to keep the love/sorrow ratio 50/50. i think a 95/5 balance is pretty reasonable in a great relationship, but i have stuck with relationships that have dipped down to as low as 15/85.
Thanks PoppE, i sure feel!
soleilMia - you're right, she was the first person i considered my soul-mate, my dreams have been quite shattered. the mortal wound is that she's not willing to try. If she won't try now, she won't try later, say in 3 years, when we could possibly hit another low point. Fucked, for now, i'll probably find another soul mate, maybe, i don't really know.
Damn, i've been gestating for a while! I am RIPE, baby, ready to go. Somebody cash in your frequent flyer miles and get your booty over quick!
smile.gif

love you all, please keep adding, thanks
this is my therapy
 
Tinman? happy? Oh liquid, you wound me with your words.
wink.gif
I may be as irreverent as they come, but I take far greater pride in in my attempts to be a feeling, compassionate human being when I know humor doesn't fit the scenario.
I mourn for all I encounter who suffer debilitating pain...and I mourn for you, my friend, more so than I presently mourn for myself, as I am finally (thank Bob...I've been irritating myself for over 3 months with it) coming to terms with my loss.
You know what makes me happy, liquid? Seeing people in love...that fresh-faced, glowing love that almost makes them irritate themselves with how silly they feel...that deep, passionate love that nearly makes them ill when their mate isn't near...that pure, selfless love of no malicious intentions, no jealousy, and no suspicion.
I'm happy I don't see people awash in this and immediately turn angry, or jealous, or spiteful, or resentful. Sure, I may get a touch of melancholy as the sight causes me to remember my own ended mutual storybook...but never so much that I can't recognize the beauty of that witnessed love...the rightness of it.
I don't think there's anything else in the world that gives me a better feeling than witnessing it or being a part of it...
...okay, maybe blowjobs.
 
Hey you, what a wonderful and heartfelt piece you wrote and how touching it was for me to read...you touched my heart as I hope you also allowed your special girl to read this too. Did you? I miss you, keep writing. It helps, I know. Renee
 
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