Opioids Just need someone to tell me I'm nuts...really

[marcusinnj]

K Been chipping h last month..once a week..last week used fri, sun, tues, thurs, fri(lil). Sunday comes and felt as though SLIGHT WD happening. Bout 48 hours later...so iv literally corner of bag..felt better..I mean I may have been feeling goosebumps and tired. That's all. Nothing else. Maybe little malaise but I'm so paranoid of ANY wd, but it's gotta be in my head right?? I mean on days I used it was like 1-2 bags iv..not multiple hours going all nuts. Then least 48 hours in between. Please move if needed, instead of closing thread. Newer here, read rules, just looking for some feedback.

By the way, was clean like 6 months prior, and before that relapse had almost 11 years sober, and relapsed like an ass...now struggling to want to stay stopped ..and the stakes are very high. Was ok 1 time a week, then girl went away and sickness took over to even pull that vey other day crap for a week. Same patten always. Use lil too much then convince myself I'm wd so get a real habit-same thing last year and 11 years ago. So insane

 

[Pegasus]

All w/d is not created equal. You were probably feeling slight w/d. I'd make sure you're not even slightly physically dependent before dosing again if you want to avoid any more serious w/d symptoms.

 

[HdoubleODeezy]

^ i agree.. for what it's worth.

and OP, as per your request: you're nuts.. really.

 

[OEandricearoni]

It's pretty likely that you were experiencing mild withdrawal. When I first started doing heroin I chipped much like you described. I didn't do it every day, but maybe every other day or so. One day i noticed i was feeling sick, at the time i though that i just had a cold or something. Later on i was hanging out with my buddy and did a little bit of dope and bam, i was all better. It would be best to just keep off the H for a while. With your current usage, withdrawals will be extremely mild and shouldnt be much harder to go through than the common cold but if you keep using you will become more dependent and they will get worse and worse. This is just a theory from me based on my experience, may not be true for you.

 

[marcusinnj]

Thanks for feedback...I'm such a wimp when it comes to this too...the mental aspect of knowing it's not a cold is capable of drivin me to using just a lil-then eventually back to a detox. Amazing how powerful the mind can be! That's why I was hoping someone would tell me I'm crazy and it's not true-cause I'd believe that an be fine! Worst hypochondriac ever...

 

[sockpuppet]

edit

 

[oneswtwld]

didn't even read post.... you are nuts

 

[marcusinnj]

i appreciate that. I am definitely not a naive kid looking for encouragement to continue!! I am certainly more experienced than that (unfortunaltely), and you're 100% right...the reassurance i was looking for was that its not actual wd, but mind tricks...the only way for me is abstinence, yet i try this futile game-somehow thinking it'll be different-like you say true junkiedom....like suddenly control will be possible like it never was. It's amazing really, lies I'm able to tell myself..thanks though, thats EXACTLY what i wanted to hear....

 

[marcusinnj]

happy to report(not that anyone cares) that at this point i'm thinking it was either more of a hangover type thing, or totally psychosomatic, because feel completely normal in every way....whew...

no more of that bs....christ i was truly fearing the worst and imagining the inevitable crumbling of everything worthwhile in life again, leading up to detox, jail, or death....
it reminds me of the jaywalker in the big book of AA...having a queer idea of fun, skipping in front of fast moving trolley cars..getting hit again and again, thinking i'll move faster next time..
that is to say nothing of my mental state-both prior and during use...why i wanna gamble that i will control it when every experience has proven i cannot
starting to agree with all of those that say it's, at best, amazingly difficult to be a casual dope shooter...especially once already having formed the habit and being predisposed to physical dependance, and to mental insanity that says it'll be different

i'm glad i had this outlet to post on-because there is definitely therapeutic value of telling someone whats going on...and theres no one in my life i could tell without some consequence....

 

[Cyc]

Whether or not you are having genuine WDs now is irrelevant - if you keep chipping you will likely end up with a habit and if you end up with a habit the course of your entire life will almost certainly be much worse. Take a look around you on this site and notice how it has become a swamp of desperate hard drug addiction couched in the ludicrous language of "experimentation" and "harm reduction". Do not become like the rest........clean up now and don't look back.

As someone who has been around BL a lot longer than you, I think that your analysis of this community is offensive. You give solid advice, but why did you register an account here if you're just going to shit all over the other people who are here to help?

 

[Legerity]

You are nuts. You are playing with a highly addictive drug and will almost certainly end up in as bad shape as all the other naive kids on BL who encouraged each other down the same path. Opioid addiction is an incurable condition to which people relapse repeatedly until they die (when not filling the gaps with dependencies on other drugs).

I suppose you have not met any of the opiate users who overcame their incurable condition and survived to talk about it.

 

[sockpuppet]

edut

 

[sockpuppet]

edit

 

[Pegasus]

You are nuts. You are playing with a highly addictive drug and will almost certainly end up in as bad shape as all the other naive kids on BL who encouraged each other down the same path. Opioid addiction is an incurable condition to which people relapse repeatedly until they die (when not filling the gaps with dependencies on other drugs).

Whether or not you are having genuine WDs now is irrelevant - if you keep chipping you will likely end up with a habit and if you end up with a habit the course of your entire life will almost certainly be much worse. Take a look around you on this site and notice how it has become a swamp of desperate hard drug addiction couched in the ludicrous language of "experimentation" and "harm reduction". Do not become like the rest........clean up now and don't look back.

Definitely one of the worst posts I've read in awhile. You don't know how inaccurate you are-- I don't even use "Other Drugs", I just used to and have a ton of knowledge on the topics and use it to help others. I know I'm not alone either. Sure, there are some addicted people but we want to draw such people to the site so they get the best information possible. If they stop coming once they pass this period of their lives, fine by me.

 

[marcusinnj]

i'm not sure whether it was chemical predisposition, or a learned addiction both physically and mentally (i tend to think latter-because i DID NOT enjoy h first time) and this was long before the pharm explosion of opiates-so was first real experience with them..what I can firmly attest to for me-is even after 10yrs of total 100% abstinence from all chemicals, withing a very very short time my habit was insane, 2/3 bundles a day in addition to $200 day coke/crack..and within 6 weeks arrests happened, lost big career, shocked family/friends, then the detox/rehab routine started. I had been a long time, very active, involved member of AA for 7/8 years of the 10.
I guess i say all this because of a few things-if you asked me 18 months ago if this was even remotely possible i'd have told you you were CRAZY-never happen...not in 1 million years. but there was a ton of factors involved in the intitial picking up of the substance the first time-the biggest i would say was constantly being around opiates(pharma-how it began again) and people who sold it-the idea crept in that after all these years and major success in life how can a little pill hurt me-I guess part of the reason for typing this all out is what happened after that-there wasn't a big compulsion to continue as i know its dangerous territory-but i started thinking and telling myself all the things i had heard in AA about relapse, and things progressing quickly and once i start i can't stop, physical allergy etc. the incurable condition/disease thing i think comes from AA model of treatment. after all i went thru in this last year and prior AA experience i'm now left questioning the very thing that helped me get the abstinence..I don't even know where i'm going with all this but i guess i wonder if all the hammering home of certain concepts i heard for years actually made the relapse worse and harder then actually helping at the time-

 

[Pegasus]

Read the long term studies....the vast majority of opioid addicts relapse repeatedly over lifetimes to opioid or other hard drug use. Check out Hser/Anglin etc. All experts recognize opioid addiction as a chronic relapsing condition. Even ordinary people knew this before the modern generation of pharm addicts got hooked in small towns and via the interwebs. Some people achieve stable and healthy abstinence without maintenance after serious opioid addiction but they are few and far between. Far more common is periods of abstinence like the OPs followed by relapse - often with tragic consequences - until jail/death etc.

All you're saying is that many people relapse, then? Thanks for explaining. Please stop trash talking people dedicating lots of time to preventing as much harm as possible from occurring.

 

[OntarioGuy]

I'm not concerned with anything sockpuppet says....I'm addicted to potent opioids,and prefer them to be administered via intravenous injection,but I have a great life,excellent even I'd say,probably better then his.