Just Listen This Time

[New]

I have to write what's not coming out
This post-porn psychosis, the finger-tapping doubt
-----------The unknown lies I utter out loud
____________The promises placed
---------------------------To soften the crowd
Rip-roaring raucous debauchery Avenged Shiv'ta'im
For all the times I thought you needed to buy 'em
____________________________________-friends, that is.
The Pedialyte does little to console
The life of living off of a lucky life role
--_Life's not a
------guitar solo with
----------hammering on
-------------down the neck
-----------------until it's so high
-----------------------_you're gone
I can't help repeating what's fucking, well, me
What's everywhere, daunting and imposing for free
I didn't ask for nice weather or a safe place for home
All this man want is a direction his own

 

[Raz]

Love it....post-porn psychosis is awesome phrasing, and I like the way the first stanza specifically tumbles along; it's almost like it should be too clumsy to work, but it totally does work!

 

[Mehm]

very cool

 

[Jabberwocky]

I appreciated the structure as well Raz, good points!

 

[up all night]

This is really clever. Awesome work, New.

 

[sunflash876]

dang, i've read this like 6 times in the last few days. it's good, i love it. can't get enough of it ^^

 

[New]

Thank you. I much appreciated it.:D

 

[copelandia.]

very cool piece indeed