Gratuitous Grace
Bluelighter
One tried and true way to repeat a bad experience is to overly focus on not repeating that bad experience. It's a form of target fixation -- in this case, hitting the thing you're most trying to avoid. And focusing on those bad memories and building up a lot of anxiety around them is increasing your chances IMO.
Suggestion? Just go into this like it's your first time. Confident and positive and excited and open to a beautiful new experience. A bad trip from a couple years ago is *such* ancient history ... has nothing to do with what's going on now. You're a completely different person than you were then. Set and setting (two most important variables) are going to be totally different. We all have it in us to have a bad trip; why should you be any more likely? You're not. You left last time to chance, and it didn't work out. This time you're doing it right. Perfectly. Couldn't be any more perfect. You even have Xanax just in case. All the bases are covered and all you need to do is have the best day or night of your life. Easy as that. Have fun.
