I'm feelin' a bit down tonight. No biggie though. I'll go to bed soon and tomorrow will be another day with different opportunities.
I dunno, at times I feel like a complete loser. I know that I'm not and that I am still in the process of picking up the pieces of my not too distant past.
Still no job. I've been making some money doing various computer jobs but it isn't steady and it doesn't help with my attempt to get a daily routine, a purpose, something of worth.
I've even been turned down for a job at Radio Shack and a soon to be opening franchise pizzeria. WTF?!?!?! I was making 50k+ towards the end of my addiction and now I can't even qualify for $9 an hour?
Nah, I'm not going to sit in a pool of self-pity, resentment and anger. Fuck that noise. Something will happen soon. I'm sure of it.
It doesn't help that I'm watching (what I find to be) depressing or triggering TV shows such as The Corner, The Wire and... get this... I also find Law and Order SVU depressing.
Bah! I'm no fuckin' loser. I'm just in a slump in a fucked up economy. Ya know what? I have no children so what am I bitching about. There are MANY single mothers and single fathers out there that are out of work that are worse off than me.
Once again, typing my thoughts out has helped me put things in perspective and realize that I'm just fucking with myself.
I've been writing A LOT on my Step work (I have 8 entries in draft status here on BL at the moment) and once again, I'm taking a break.
I see no merit in reliving so much of what I'm trying to put behind me all at once. I DO find merit in looking at myself closely, recognizing patterns and NOT forgetting who I was and can quickly become again (or worse). Small doses is prudent I think.
Oh, I came to a realization recently. I'm thinking I may Blog so much is that I really don't have anyone to talk to in real life. No one that I trust completely that is. I have a sponsor in NA but it isn't his job to listen to my petty bullshit. He's there to help me with the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Thats it.
Cool deal, I feel better. Tomorrow I will tighten my grip, adjust my stance and find whatever angle it is that I am missing in this job search.
I dunno, at times I feel like a complete loser. I know that I'm not and that I am still in the process of picking up the pieces of my not too distant past.
Still no job. I've been making some money doing various computer jobs but it isn't steady and it doesn't help with my attempt to get a daily routine, a purpose, something of worth.
I've even been turned down for a job at Radio Shack and a soon to be opening franchise pizzeria. WTF?!?!?! I was making 50k+ towards the end of my addiction and now I can't even qualify for $9 an hour?
Nah, I'm not going to sit in a pool of self-pity, resentment and anger. Fuck that noise. Something will happen soon. I'm sure of it.
It doesn't help that I'm watching (what I find to be) depressing or triggering TV shows such as The Corner, The Wire and... get this... I also find Law and Order SVU depressing.
Bah! I'm no fuckin' loser. I'm just in a slump in a fucked up economy. Ya know what? I have no children so what am I bitching about. There are MANY single mothers and single fathers out there that are out of work that are worse off than me.
Once again, typing my thoughts out has helped me put things in perspective and realize that I'm just fucking with myself.
I've been writing A LOT on my Step work (I have 8 entries in draft status here on BL at the moment) and once again, I'm taking a break.
I see no merit in reliving so much of what I'm trying to put behind me all at once. I DO find merit in looking at myself closely, recognizing patterns and NOT forgetting who I was and can quickly become again (or worse). Small doses is prudent I think.
Oh, I came to a realization recently. I'm thinking I may Blog so much is that I really don't have anyone to talk to in real life. No one that I trust completely that is. I have a sponsor in NA but it isn't his job to listen to my petty bullshit. He's there to help me with the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Thats it.
Cool deal, I feel better. Tomorrow I will tighten my grip, adjust my stance and find whatever angle it is that I am missing in this job search.
