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June Getting and/or Staying Sober Thread

I am. Even though I am not feeling well and in pain, I can still be proud of all I have gotten accomplished.
 
Captain.Heroin: really is impressive, I'm sorry your in pain I have had alot of pain issues and I know how that can make everything a hundred times harder but you seem much tougher than me so I know you'll stick it out.

I'm so achy 'cause I finally slept a normal number of hours, which is crazy. My body is so damn achy when I wake up. It's awful. But just as I was thinking that I should go get something, and fuck it, I got a phone call and he's out a day early. It's not a possibility for me to mess up anymore. Can't do it. And that is a relief. It seems weak to need something more than myself to get better, but doing it for others is easier for me. Doing it because I'm becoming an aunt, doing it for my mother, doing it for my best friend. Could be worse.
 
C.H.- hope u feel better soon... Youre doing great! I cant wait til i can say i have almost 200 days clean.

Southeast-I'm glad i could help. Im going through my own stuff right now and they say one of the best ways to help yourself is to help someone else. I think its definitely true. Dont feel bad about your slip-just learn from it. I kinda felt the same way last time i slipped-like, "yeah, i dont think i want this anymore".

As for me this is my third day at 25. Talked to my counselor today and tmrw im going to start going down 1mg every 4 days. Hopefully thatll work netter for me than the 2 mg jumps i was doing. Im going to try really hard to get through it this time. I really want to be off this stuff so i can get on with my life.
 
I'm really pleased to say I've not had a drink in three days. I was starting to drink heavily again. I honestly don't know whether the meds (s) I was taking also blocks cravings of alcohol at 12 mg because when I was on 12 mg I really did not crave alcohol in the slightest. I think I drank it at Christmas to be social but that was it. Now I'm taking only 8 mg I've been having cravings for alcohol again. And the tend to come afternoon time round 4ish.

I was starting to drink at least two bottles a night again. So I'm pleased that I've not resisted for three days. I've also resisted other behavioural addictions which I won't go into here - but I'm pleased at myself for doing so.

I found an old photo of me when I was toned, that I put in EADD. It is a reminder of where I'd like to be again. So not to sound vain I've saved it to my phone and look at it at times for motivation. Back then I was exercising 6 days a week; getting up 5 am to work out etc and felt good - I was even happy simply watching the TV of an evening, without feeling empty - which is something others do and feel content. So that's my mission. I'm also thinking of how I come about getting off my blocks. - thinking of either going cold turkey and heading it full on and getting on with my life or drop to 4 mg and see what happens. They way I am now I'll never come off it because I'm too scared to but the reality is I used to feel better with natural endorphins. My addiction won't allow me to believe it and wants me to belief that life sucks without it and a load of other self-pitying garbage.

Good day to you all!

Evey
 
Fuck man I'm a retard went back to casino today n lost my paycheck which I don't even get till next Friday this fuckin blows I'm so screwed I still didn't pay rent
 
totach said:
Fuck man I'm a retard went back to casino today n lost my paycheck which I don't even get till next Friday this fuckin blows I'm so screwed I still didn't pay rent
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Hey totach, I also have a gambling problem so I know where ur coming from. I didn't think I would see anyone with that issue here and then there u were bro. I know it can be rough when they offer u all that free shit, chillin' rooms, free bets slot play all that garbage they use to make us think were real fuckin special! It sucks man I know. Just try and work thru it bro. I know u got no choice now but I just wanted u to know ur not alone here bro. I've lost the rent as well and I know there's no shittier more defeated feeling then walking out of that palace and not even have gas money cause u played that last 20 trying to recoup. Foxwoods owns me Mohegan owns me meds own me alchohol owns me, fuck man. Dude just don't try to flip it back, gotta start over again, it sux bad man but what's done is done so fuck it, move on from here is all people like us can do. I guess were not gonna be superstars,.. Just know u got a friend bro , ttyl and don't beat yourself up man, your boy, cliffy ;)
 
^^

There have been a few who have had Gambling Issues here over the years, however, I do not think any have stayed. Have you tried GA?
 
totach said:
Fuck man I'm a retard went back to casino today n lost my paycheck which I don't even get till next Friday this fuckin blows I'm so screwed I still didn't pay rent
Click to expand...

Awh totach, I'm sorry to hear that bro. You've come to the right place even if iyour addiction is behavioural n not drug-related. The people here are the most supportive people you can get so please stick around.

I 'm going to give you the same advice that I'd give someone who relapses on drugs / alcohol. What's done is done - it's what happens now that truly matters. You can still get back into recovery n we're here to support you. The fact you're here tells me you want help n to do something about this.

As Phactor mentions, have you tried Gamblers Anonymous? That might be another way of support n to talk with like-mind people who may be able to offer some suggestions in avoiding possible triggers or relapse.

Evey
 
199 days

I couldn't get a single minute of sleep

I don't know if this is PAWS or what

I haven't done caffeine/meth/alcohol

Is PTSD /PAWS the only factors causing such severe insomnia?

Really trying hard today and I know today is going to suck

:(
 
Thanx for the supports guys. I actually have a bad heroin addiction aswell as a gambling problem they used to go hand in hand
Now that I'm clean for almost two months I thought I could handle the gambling but I was wrong
I think ga is not a bad idea I just hope I don't get kicked out for no rent cuz I owe my next paycheck all ready
I also don't want to risk my sobriety cuz I keep gambling n feelin real shitty when I loose
I can justify it by saying maybe these are tests towards my sobriety but if they are I've bin passin so that's good
Anyways thanx again for the support n I will update
Bin alcohol heroin benzo n pot free since 5/2/14 ;)
 
Congrats on 199 days! Sorry to hear about the crap morning - hope it passes and u feel better soon!

I've made it through a week and hope to get where you are, sucky days and all. Yesterday sucked all around for me - I felt very depressed, socially anxious to the point where I felt paralyzed, and intense back pain where I was walking around like a hunchback.

Today I woke up feeling much better for no explainable reason, but I know it's a day by day thing. I read up on PAWS, saw that it can last 6 months to 2 years? I know everyone's different - both physiologically pre-using and combined with duration/amount of use etc.

I know, going into this, I've had insomnia since I was 14, so I just expect to live with it. Did you ever have it before using and/or while being clean, but after acute withdrawal? Last night when not sleeping, was it ur mind or body not shutting down - or both?

As far as mind, things that keep it from shutting down: usually a combination of interacting with anyone I find highly difficult to deal with, worrying/beating myself up, watching anything disturbing (movie/TV). As far as body, if I don't do some activity during the day - even just walking or cleaning for the time being, I cannot sleep; however, I know for some people, exercise too close to bedtime can aggravate insomnia. Anyway, just some experiences - hope it helps to ID the possible cause!
 
Yes I can say that I have definitely been experiencing PAWS, and I am sure all the years I spent on bupe and year on heroin before that really fucked me over.

I am trying to stay positive and retain some happiness today. I am managing To smile at times.

I really could use a good nights rest tonight. I am going to be hoping for it.
 
totach said:
Thanx for the supports guys. I actually have a bad heroin addiction aswell as a gambling problem they used to go hand in hand
Now that I'm clean for almost two months I thought I could handle the gambling but I was wrong
I think ga is not a bad idea I just hope I don't get kicked out for no rent cuz I owe my next paycheck all ready
I also don't want to risk my sobriety cuz I keep gambling n feelin real shitty when I loose
I can justify it by saying maybe these are tests towards my sobriety but if they are I've bin passin so that's good
Anyways thanx again for the support n I will update
Bin alcohol heroin benzo n pot free since 5/2/14 ;)
Click to expand...

Well done on your sobriety. I hope you're proud of that - you should be. Small steps. That's a few big addictions you have there so please try not to beat yourself up over things. Is there someone who could maybe look after your money for you for awhile so you don't have to worry about it for awhile? Or maybe you could set up a direct debit so your money goes to pay your rent the same day you get paid so that you don't have to worry about spending it?

Thinking of you,

CH, are you stressing about anything? That could mess with your sleeping. Here for you if ever you need someone to talk to or offload.

Evey
 
Yes I am but I don't think that's what's causing my insomnia.

I have been stressing for a while though - nothing new
 
During my most recent relapse, after nine months clean, I lost my job and house... again. All in a matter of two weeks. Anyway, back in a halfway house again, looking for work.

Seven days clean, still in that "what the fuck happened?" phase.

I'm fucking sick of this shit. I lost the desire to get high a long time ago, I just don't know how NOT to get high.
 
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