johnny

[brothermarcus]

johnny was the fat kid
who's dad got transferred when he was 15
he had to go to a new school
without any friends

he put a long thick chain on his wallet
some dickies and a flannel jacket
grew a beard and acted tough
on the inside he was dying

none of the girls wanted him
he went to prom alone
a few friends came his way eventually
he kept them at arms reach

he could really write our johnny
his gentle soul was held in a vice
of teenage angst, rage, and depression
he left high school and instead of walking into a life

johnny walked straight into rehab
what a way to spend the summer after graduation
he came back and all his friends had disappeared to college
so he took a job in the factory

working to get out of his parents house
he started smoking again, then drinking
then a few old habits snuck back in
as he made his way out to an apartment with friends

everybody liked johnny now
he always had the goods
so he started moving the stuff
and his newfound friends kept stopping over

some of them robbed him one day
they took everything he had
so he pulled out his works to forget all of them
drifted his way out to a restaraunt parking lot

he felt thin now, felt allright about the world
everyone seemed happy to see him
as they scraped his frozen corpse off of the asphalt
johnny died of exposure, passed out in the snow

 

[Chaotic Action Man]

i am not sure quite what to say. i like it. it really flows and it speaks, like a conversation. the ending just sort of rushed up at me though. and it unerved me. like whoa there it is. i felt it should have gone on longer, that is how well it was flowing and then it was cut short, but i like that. it gave me a dislocated wall smack feeling, but that was how johnny dies. abrubtly and suddenly.

 

[.dR spgeddi]

the ending just sort of rushed up at me though

ditto.
possibly a great piece in tha making.
i seriously love the way this was developing.
hope it can be a work in progress and that's you dont see it as rude of me to say so.

 

[brothermarcus]

not rude at all... im at school right now and not all of my keys are working on this keyboard... this was something i just got down last night, so any advice is welcomed and ill give it another shot soon...