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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Jobseeker's Allowance Megathread ver. The Jeremy Kyle Fan Club

I'm fucking sober you blue cunt!

Well, ethylphenidate, etizolam and ah7921. And some GBL earlier. But I'm essentially sober.
 
I've been working the system since I was 19. Not proud of it but was always socially awkward.

I'm now 37. Luckily enough my old boss is willing to give a CV when needed. I worked there on and off from 1995 till 2 years ago when I left to help my sis look after my dad. Without him I'd be f**ked. As far as the dole are concerned I've been unemployed since 1993!

I'm thinking of getting some tears tattooed under my eye so they leave me alone. In your late 30s and into your 40s they tend to leave you alone especially if you've a record and you a bit of a nut. If they send you out to do some boring shit for you dole just nut the supervisor while no one is looking and say he came onto you.
 
I've a mate who was up for review, not sure if it was DLA (Its different in NI not as hard I'm told) He didn't wash for weeks... pissed himself for days ...shit himself and went into the interview and just acted like a loon (This is the gods honest truth)

Icing on the cake... He went to shake the interviewers hand at the end covered it shit:)

Sorted. Personally I have scruples and would rather turn to crime for funds but horses for courses I guess
 
Not a word of a lie mate. I could go on all day but you probably wouldn't believe me. These aren't junkie either. mostly for booze. My Gp is 10 times as bad with benzo heads after scripts. Folks are topping they themselves like flies over here.
 
park dweller said:
I've a mate who was up for review, not sure if it was DLA (Its different in NI not as hard I'm told) He didn't wash for weeks... pissed himself for days ...shit himself and went into the interview and just acted like a loon (This is the gods honest truth)

Icing on the cake... He went to shake the interviewers hand at the end covered it shit
Click to expand...

Guess that's one way to do it, personally I would want to get a job alot more than doing that just so I can be lazy & not work.
Yes I do have a small 2% bit of pride, that's just such a white trash thing to do.
 
It was for DLA mate. Never worked a day in his life. Ball of steal:D Or just a total embarrassment. I go for the second.
 
Marmalade said:
There are all sorts of folk out there who'll take great sexual pleasure in chopping off yer legs for shits and sexual giggles ... BME would be the place to start. Bodda will give you some direction to the right people I'm sure of it.
Click to expand...

=D

You know me to well I see, it was my college Lecturer that got me onto BME after hearing me talk about wanting to do a suspension & having a P.A. piercing (still got it now, a nice 3.2 gauge)
 
parttime crackhead said:
LOL

Shitting your pants to bump a giro. Outstanding.

Most cunts just acquire a set of crutches and a dodgy limp.
Click to expand...

and then they watch them on CCTV miraculously loose the limp as soon as they are away from the building, allegedly, in some cases. I couldnt be arsed applying for ESA, i might have qualified due to my mental health at the time, but the whole stress of the thing and knowing how harsh the process is i didnt bother applying. In truth i wasnt well enough to work for several months, but i didnt think id get ESA, i was in no mans land, i didnt know what the fuck i was supposed to do. So i just do everything you need to do to comply to get your jsa.
 
There used to be a dude round here, Jimmy Haha, fully committed to his fake leg injury. Rocked the crutches and the stimpy walk 24/7, until someone shouted abuse at him, then he'd ditch the crutches and come pegging it after them like Linford fucking Christie.

"Thought your leg was fucked Jimmy?!?!"
"Oh aye, shit" back to limping lol.
 
I couldnt do it, id be too paranoid, whats the point going through all that charade for a few extra quid. Id rather not have anything to worry about, if he gets caught or someone snitches on him hes gonna be in deep shit. I did actually have a doctors note for stress and depression but even with that all the horror stories ive heard about how harsh it is to get ESA i didnt bother going down that route. I think im well enough to go back to work now anyway, well once im off bupe i will be.
 
For someone like Jimmy it was more honest than claiming JSA. Absolute no chance was that cunt seeking a job. He must have been about 40 odds back when I was 14/15, never worked a single shift. He most likely still hasn't if he's still knocking about.

You'd be able to claim ESA for a while before getting assessed if your doctor has signed you off. I claimed it for a couple months but got papped off it after an ATOS assessment, then I managed to find a job before having to claim JSA. I didn't get any extra money but it was a shitload less hassle than being forced to apply for shite jobs I don't want and having to deal with the Job Centre pricks.
 
hmmm too late now unfortunately. It hasnt been that much hassle to clcik send cv to a few jobs every fortnight and show them the list and sign on. Just had to do one of those 'personal development for employabilty courses' one week, and for once there was a clear advantage in not being somehow retarted, like these courses seem to assume people must be if they havent got a job, work that was supposed to take all afternoon id get done in like 10 minutes, and the tutor was sound and let me leave once id done the work, listing your strengths and weaknesses and interview preparation and shit like that.
 
I hear the whole DLA think in England is getting pretty bad. I here they're sending blind folks in wheelchairs out to work:)

Thanks fuck I'm in NI. Not on DLA by the way just income support.
 
2o0r.jpg
 
I haven't seen the ESA forms but I can imagine how they may be.
I've read quite a few stories of people waiting up to 11 months for a decision on their benefits appeal and people dying before they receive their decision.
All helps the governments figures eh.
 
Just got my application for a reconsideration of sanction form.
Meant to have a week to wait after handing it in before I can then make my main appeal.
These swines have yet to come across someone like me, those links etc have helped a load Maxalfie, thanks mate :)

Fuck with you fuck with me
They think we fade away
Tory law Nazi law its just the fucking same
Theres a law for the rich
A law for people like you and me

The Exploited, Law for the rich.
 
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