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January Getting/Staying Clean v. Sober for the New Year

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Ahhh lol.
Change is always uncomfortable Capt...
Accept change... allow change...
just let GO.

ba da tiss
 
I love the fact that Bluelight is harm reduction! It allows me to slowly decrease my dosages, while not spinning out of control due to depression and anxiety. I have a book I need to re-read.... One Small Step Can Change Your Life.... The Kaizen Way. It is about a Japanese concept of imperceptible movements toward a goal, over time equal success.
So, my next goal is to begin to schedule my PM appointments farther apart. Which means I will have to stay at lower dosages than prescribed. I would go every 28 day-30 days like clockwork. No more.
My goal is to schedule 35-37 days apart, to start, again, baby steps. My appointment is Wednesday afternoon, so I will check in here afterwards and report if I met my goal, or if I chickened out... posting keeps me accountable. :)


Captain: I hope you are having a better day with calmness and serenity as your main feelings.
 
Hi Guys, good to see everybody in a chirpy mood on here :) A far cry from how we probably used to sound while using hehe. Day 22 for me here, still working to get off the therapeutic doses of benzos. Bit surprised to see it's harder than in the past. In the past I just tapered down quickly over 10-14 days and that was more or less it except for some anxiety, muscle twitches and RLS early morning. Well, this time I am finding it hard to keep my mittens off the tabs. Even at medical dosages. I think it's more psychological as I fear a protracted-benzo withdrawal so much more than any opiate withdrawal. Not sure how to get around this. Perhaps I will try a written plan something like this: day 1: 10mg, day 2: - day 3: 7.5mg, day 4: - , day 5: 7.5mg, day 6: - day 7: 5mg, day 8: - , day 9: 5mg, day 10: -, day 11: 2.5mg, day 12: -, day 13: 2.5mg, day 14: stay to stay off. Now, the problem as mentionned a while ago is that I really don't know how dependant or how dangerous this will be. I had 6 days cold-trukey a while ago and it didn't seem too bad. CT is risky for the CNS so I thought I'd at least taper quickly. I feel so unsure and insecure about this. To be honest, just looking for some kind and supportive words as i'm catastrophising. In my mind I'm gonna have this crazy post-acute withdrawal or sth....
 
Hey What Was It: I feel your pain.... I have catastrophized totally jumping off opiates since I signed up on BL last spring. I had a bad c/t withdrawal in 2013... however, I did stay clean over a year, but I am traumatized by it. So, the need for slo-w-l-y weaning myself off the opiates. I do try to find the humor in it, as I may set a world record for the longest attempt at tapering ever seen, lol.

I have no experience with benzo withdrawal issues, as I only take .5mg ativan when I can't sleep.. for years now, and never go above, as I don't like the benzo feeling.

I am sure someone will come along soon to be able to check in with you regarding your taper plan, and share their experience.
 
Yeah, I was figuring. I have too many benzos around so was thinking it's probably better to toss the ones I don't need. I have about 20 5mg diazepam, 10 2mg clonazepam, 27 2mg flunitrazepam and 40+ 5mg nimetazepam. If I'm really serious about getting off it I am thinking I should toss the flunitrazpam and clonazepam, and maybe keep some of the nimetazepam as rescue med for severe anxiety attacks/panic attacks. I just don't know. Somehow i feel the benzos are a safety net if I run into trouble in my taper and docs cut me off for whatever reason. (it happens - but I'm probably catastrophizing). There's no legitimate reason for me to really have fluni and nimetazepam as i don't have insomnia often, even though they were prescribed. Not sure what to do here. And then there's the other thing. It's quite hard emotionally to abandon a safety net and just flush 50+ pills. I don't know.....

Last night I had insomnia and took a 2mg flunitrazepam. Slept from 9-0030 and woke up. How crazy is that? It's the strongest benzo hypnotic on the market (midazolam and triazolam aside) and i got 3.5hrs sleep. Then after trying to fall asleep for an hour I popped 10mg nimetazepam which would usually slam me and again, I couldnt sleep. I am tarting to think the benzos are becoming ineffective/counterproductive. Man, detoxing off opiates is more striaghtforward. You know what you are in for. But benzos are so bloody non-linear.

Maybe you can chime in with your thoughts, manboychef or CH?
 
I just returned home from my PM appointment, and I did keep the goal I set out previously on this thread. I have scheduled my next appointment 36 days out from today, instead of my usual 28 day interval. Also, although I can afford to pay cash for my Oxycontin, I told medical staff that I can't, since my insurance is in limbo, and I was prescribed those crappy Morphine sulfate er pills. However, I am delighted b/c they are cheaper, and they are perfeccct for tapering. Absolutely no buzz, just keeps me out of w/d. (they have the worst oral bioavailability of any opiate I have taken).
 
P0kemama said:
I just returned home from my PM appointment, and I did keep the goal I set out previously on this thread. I have scheduled my next appointment 36 days out from today, instead of my usual 28 day interval. Also, although I can afford to pay cash for my Oxycontin, I told medical staff that I can't, since my insurance is in limbo, and I was prescribed those crappy Morphine sulfate er pills. However, I am delighted b/c they are cheaper, and they are perfeccct for tapering. Absolutely no buzz, just keeps me out of w/d. (they have the worst oral bioavailability of any opiate I have taken).
Click to expand...

Oxy does weird things to me, and many other people. I think you're on the right track with morphine as it's at least natural. Oxy gave me heart issues, anxiety attacks etc in the end. That never happened with M.
 
Goddamn, I'm not doing well guys. I want a shot sooooo bad...:( man it sucks not wanting to live anymore but not finding death all that appealing either
 
CH, How far along the way to the clean road are you right now?
Complete cold turkey or are you cutting down slowly?

Best of luck and a happy (bit late) new year!
 
Captain.Heroin said:
14 months, 1 week and 4 days with no suboxone, no needles, no opiates/heroin/meth/cocaine/crack/anything hard or not prescribed, other than alcohol and cannabinoids (shatter)
Click to expand...
Real good job on the opiates! I thought you only just passed a year (times goes fast).

I actually meant to ask about the shatter cause I thought you mentioned quiting them in a previous thread, also the reason I thought you were feeling frustrated.
So what went wrong cp'n?
 
DutchBloke said:
Real good job on the opiates! I thought you only just passed a year (times goes fast).

I actually meant to ask about the shatter cause I thought you mentioned quiting them in a previous thread, also the reason I thought you were feeling frustrated.
So what went wrong cp'n?
Click to expand...

I only gave up shatter for 1 week. That's as long as I could go. And I was taking normal doses of edibles to only alleviate the withdrawal effect. Severe mood swings.
 
CH: How is school going...my phone literally wouldn't send you a text. You know you can call me whenever you need a sympathetic ear.

Also, to all my sober friends keep pushing forward... What is pleasure without feeling sorrow? What is ecstasy without agony? What is passion without stagnation? There will be hard times, and there will be good....enjoy the good ones and learn from the hard. I had to humble myself and learn to lean on others. It is a really good tool.
 
I feel hopeless today. My benzo issues seem to be getting worse since quitting opiates and avoiding alcohol. Thinking about getting away for 2-3 weeks to an island to chill out but my head is so messed up. I am doubting everything at the moment. My head is making up all these scenarios like my gf will leave while I am gone, or i will get really depressed when I am on that holiday. My head is out of whack.
 
I have another small step towards reducing my dependency on oxy. Today, I go to fill my prescriptions. My goal is today or tomorrow before noon to go to the bank and put between 1/3 and 1/2 of my oxycodone into my safe deposit box. That way, no access after 6pm on weekdays, no access after noon on Saturdays or all day Sunday. Best I could do in terms of giving them to someone else to hold so that I don't go crazy taking too many the first week.

We got a bunch of snow this morning, so usually by now, the pills were filled. Instead, I slept in, after getting up for awhile at 5 am, and am no hurry to go out into the freezing cold.

Burnt: I hope your cravings past from the other day ^, and that you are feeling better about your life. Sending positive energy your way!!:)
 
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