aihfl
Bluelight Crew
Here's to an improved 2019 for us!
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H&R Moderators: streaM Freak
January Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. January is the Month That Cares
- Thread starter aihfl
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Here's to an improved 2019 for us!
cj
Bluelight Crew
Stressful start to the month. My 3 month review with phychiatrist always puts me on edge. I get paranoid he's going to cut my Ativan off. Then I get scared the pharmacy will lose the prescription. Then I get scared they won't fill it for some reason. Probably all warning signs of phychological dependency but i still think benefit out wiegh the risks.
My teeth are bothering me for the first time in my life. I've ground down my lower front ones really bad lately. I guess in my sleep. I need to see a dentist but it's so expensive.
I'm going to resume planning my move tommorow but it's on hold while the government is shut down (thanks Donald) because my mom is going to use her tax return money to help make it happen. So hopefully when the Dems take the house on Friday this shit will be over. My insurance premium also reset so no more "free" therapy. 60 bucks a visit is painful so I think I'm going to cut back to every 2 weeks
My teeth are bothering me for the first time in my life. I've ground down my lower front ones really bad lately. I guess in my sleep. I need to see a dentist but it's so expensive.
I'm going to resume planning my move tommorow but it's on hold while the government is shut down (thanks Donald) because my mom is going to use her tax return money to help make it happen. So hopefully when the Dems take the house on Friday this shit will be over. My insurance premium also reset so no more "free" therapy. 60 bucks a visit is painful so I think I'm going to cut back to every 2 weeks
jasperkent
Bluelighter
Best wishes to everyone in the new year. Be well.
Peace&Love,
jasper
"Every moment is a fresh beginning." -- T.S. Eliot
Peace&Love,
jasper
"Every moment is a fresh beginning." -- T.S. Eliot
Wishing you guys a healthy 2019 
Am relatively new to SL..
I've been dependent on various drugs each like a year or so before I got off em again, cleaned up my act but the common ones alcohol and weed are proving hard to quit.
Pretty much starting a project next week and will be trying to start my own business so there will be lots to do and I guess it's a great internal/external motivation. The reasons to just get drunk/high and pass out on the couch watching series etc are drying up I guess, but as is probably pretty typical they are still nagging habits and what will never change I guess is that those habits are the 'easy path'.
I don't like intentions for newyear's all that much but I do wanna make a habit of choosing the hard path as a sort of sport and to become stronger because of it.. willpower etc
When I am most concerned about myself is when I am exhausted after a long day and maybe kinda weirded out from when my ADD meds wear off + the fact that my meds can make me hypomanic.
I trust it will be more doable once i get more of a working structure in my life but it's a vicious circle before that transition is made..
@ ativan: not sure if you are physically dependent on it already but you better hope they cut you off honestly. It may not be easy but trust me on how difficult getting off actual dependency is. Benzos just aren't meant for chronic treatment of anxiety etc. It's hard to imagine something being worth those risks
Anyway i don't know the details of course.. but good luck, stay strong
Am relatively new to SL..
I've been dependent on various drugs each like a year or so before I got off em again, cleaned up my act but the common ones alcohol and weed are proving hard to quit.
Pretty much starting a project next week and will be trying to start my own business so there will be lots to do and I guess it's a great internal/external motivation. The reasons to just get drunk/high and pass out on the couch watching series etc are drying up I guess, but as is probably pretty typical they are still nagging habits and what will never change I guess is that those habits are the 'easy path'.
I don't like intentions for newyear's all that much but I do wanna make a habit of choosing the hard path as a sort of sport and to become stronger because of it.. willpower etc
When I am most concerned about myself is when I am exhausted after a long day and maybe kinda weirded out from when my ADD meds wear off + the fact that my meds can make me hypomanic.
I trust it will be more doable once i get more of a working structure in my life but it's a vicious circle before that transition is made..
@ ativan: not sure if you are physically dependent on it already but you better hope they cut you off honestly. It may not be easy but trust me on how difficult getting off actual dependency is. Benzos just aren't meant for chronic treatment of anxiety etc. It's hard to imagine something being worth those risks
Anyway i don't know the details of course.. but good luck, stay strong
RDP89
Bluelighter
I have about 6 and a half months clean and sober(other than two isolated incidents in rehab where I took about 2 mgs. of buprenorphine once and 1 mg. of clonazepam once, so I guess I don't technically have 6 months, but whatever). I'm in a halfway house now. I did 92 days in jail and 104 days in rehab before coming here. It feels really good to be free(well, not 100 percent free, but more free than I was.)
I am working the steps with a sponsor and am supposed to do my 5th step with him tomorrow. However, I am having serious doubts about continuing the 12th step route. I've been an atheist for a long time and have tried to just have faith and willingness to believe in a higher power, but it's starting to seem ridiculous to me. At the same time I really want to stay clean and sober. Going back to active addiction scares the fuck out of me. I have a 3 year prison sentence hanging over my head if I don't finish the Drug Court program I am on, even without that my life just always goes to utter shit in active addiction.
Anyway, hope everyone is doing well, and to those struggling hang in there.
I am working the steps with a sponsor and am supposed to do my 5th step with him tomorrow. However, I am having serious doubts about continuing the 12th step route. I've been an atheist for a long time and have tried to just have faith and willingness to believe in a higher power, but it's starting to seem ridiculous to me. At the same time I really want to stay clean and sober. Going back to active addiction scares the fuck out of me. I have a 3 year prison sentence hanging over my head if I don't finish the Drug Court program I am on, even without that my life just always goes to utter shit in active addiction.
Anyway, hope everyone is doing well, and to those struggling hang in there.
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
RDP, if you're in Northern Illinois, you might want to check out Refuge Recovery. It's a Buddhist meditation-oriented recovery support groups. There are meetings all over Northern IL. And it's become mainstream enough that it should be accepted by the courts as part of mandatory meeting attendance.
http://www.refugerecovery.org
http://www.refugerecovery.org
RDP89
Bluelighter
Hey aihfl, yeah I'm in northern Illinois. I actually heard of Refuge Recovery while I was in treatment but forgot about it until you said that. I may have to check it out. Thanks.
jasperkent
Bluelighter
RDP89-- I kinda like AA/NA, but I am by no means 100% invested. I do think that staying connected with recovering people is extremely beneficial, but I work the steps in a half-assed way.
Sometimes I read the word "god" as an acronym for Good Orderly Direction-- I'm sure you've heard that before. I also think of my "Higher Power" variously as recovery itself, the recovering community, Life, Love, or my ideal self. The bottom line is that lots of atheists get and stay sober. Don't let the god thing trip you up.
Best wishes to you!
Peace&Love,
jasper
I never woke up in the morning wishing I'd gotten drunk the night before.
Sometimes I read the word "god" as an acronym for Good Orderly Direction-- I'm sure you've heard that before. I also think of my "Higher Power" variously as recovery itself, the recovering community, Life, Love, or my ideal self. The bottom line is that lots of atheists get and stay sober. Don't let the god thing trip you up.
Best wishes to you!
Peace&Love,
jasper
I never woke up in the morning wishing I'd gotten drunk the night before.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
RDP89
Bluelighter
Thanks alot Jasper! Yeah, I'm determined to stick with recovery with whatever path works for me. It does bother me when people act like she steps are the only way, and if you don't work them you will relapse. I'm about to try Smart Recovery.
cj
Bluelight Crew
Things went ok with my phychiatrist. He never called me back and I dropped the scripts off yesterday so I guess things are good. I dont see him again till march
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
in 2 days i'll be 4 months clean off everything and the last 2 months of that will have been outside of rehab. never ever thought i'd get here. and if i contemplated it thought i'd be hating my life desperate to use all the time.
RDP89
Bluelighter
That's great! Congratulations!!
RDP89
Bluelighter
Hell yeah!!I wish strength to everyone trying to get sober this year, I've been sober from hard drugs for a year now and sober from weed and alcohol since December, let's get through this together guys!
Cheers
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
Severe depression taking over.
RDP89
Bluelighter
Very sorry to hear that Captain. I've been depressed for a long ass time and always just self medicated but I finally have a psychiatrist appointment next week so hopefully I can get something figured out. I'm really sick of feeling shitty and hating life.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
sorry to hear that CH i hope things improve for you soon. is there anything proactive you can do?
4 months and 2 days clean and kinda wish i was oblivious as i was when i was using.
4 months and 2 days clean and kinda wish i was oblivious as i was when i was using.
^ oblivious is the concept that denotes, not being able to survive - life is full of self-conscious zombies - we need real people.
Fuck that shit; you got to keep yourself being a painful nuisance; to yourself and society - this is living!!
January is the worst.
Luckily for me, I got the worst of it over this Christmas - as expected...I would only say ( from my own experience) -Distraction - keep busy, in an engaged, purposeful way (in lieu of that; even if it is more compulsive - you are at least helping yourself- your brain will recognise these efforts; although not ideal, it's better than dwelling and it will reward your efforts, if you let it). Volunteer/engage in a project online - home your good self into something that offers you something. Find something you can be a part of or, where you feel you are still isolated, go to your doc, think about meds if needed, or nurse yourself and find comfort in sleep.
Remember it does pass eventually, go easy on yourself if you have no energy - go with what you need and if you find a modecum of space move, to animate yourself - make sure you aknowledge your efforts -these times are overwhelming there is always options and to medicate is one also, if you need it.
Also, its an opportunity ( I don't mean to sound like a giant pc cunt here) but this can help you find your metal (despite how hard), your boundary area - your identity - take it as a shitty oppertunity to find out more about you and what you need, to be true to yourself.
Be well mate.
Fuck that shit; you got to keep yourself being a painful nuisance; to yourself and society - this is living!!
January is the worst.
Luckily for me, I got the worst of it over this Christmas - as expected...I would only say ( from my own experience) -Distraction - keep busy, in an engaged, purposeful way (in lieu of that; even if it is more compulsive - you are at least helping yourself- your brain will recognise these efforts; although not ideal, it's better than dwelling and it will reward your efforts, if you let it). Volunteer/engage in a project online - home your good self into something that offers you something. Find something you can be a part of or, where you feel you are still isolated, go to your doc, think about meds if needed, or nurse yourself and find comfort in sleep.
Remember it does pass eventually, go easy on yourself if you have no energy - go with what you need and if you find a modecum of space move, to animate yourself - make sure you aknowledge your efforts -these times are overwhelming there is always options and to medicate is one also, if you need it.
Also, its an opportunity ( I don't mean to sound like a giant pc cunt here) but this can help you find your metal (despite how hard), your boundary area - your identity - take it as a shitty oppertunity to find out more about you and what you need, to be true to yourself.
Be well mate.
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jasperkent
Bluelighter
"We gain the strength of the temptation we resist." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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