Wow. You are so on spot it's crazy. When I took that tbird pill today I got mad. At the pill and myself. I felt no different after I took it. I used to listen to music, work in the yard, etc after my first four brain surgeries in 2010. I probably didn't take a total of ten pain pills in 2011. I felt great. After the four brain surgeries in 2013 I started felling dependent. The amount of narcs I've been taking is way more than half of what I was on. I take norco 10 now. At one time I was on hyrdocodone, oxycodone, dilaudid, Valium soma and xanax here and there. You have brain surgeries and become a complex case and they just throw narcs at you because they are overwhelmed with all my neuro issues. Thank you for that kind and encouraging comment. You're awesome!
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H&R Moderators: streaM Freak
It's getting real
- Thread starter ruralgram
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Wow. You are so on spot it's crazy. When I took that tbird pill today I got mad. At the pill and myself. I felt no different after I took it. I used to listen to music, work in the yard, etc after my first four brain surgeries in 2010. I probably didn't take a total of ten pain pills in 2011. I felt great. After the four brain surgeries in 2013 I started felling dependent. The amount of narcs I've been taking is way more than half of what I was on. I take norco 10 now. At one time I was on hyrdocodone, oxycodone, dilaudid, Valium soma and xanax here and there. You have brain surgeries and become a complex case and they just throw narcs at you because they are overwhelmed with all my neuro issues. Thank you for that kind and encouraging comment. You're awesome!
Hey RG...We passed through Pensacola in 2009, headed to/from St. Pete. It wasn't a "fun" trip let's say, due to family obligations. We stopped in Orange Beach (on our return) long enough to eat and stretch our legs. We were even pissed off at each other, just tired and trying to drive straight through.
I saw SO MANY indoor flea markets, I was salivating. I vowed we'd go back there for a long weekend, but haven't.
All of that area had changed MUCH since our 2001 trip down to Destin/Ft. Walton. I'd rather be nibbling on sponge cake soaked in Tequila sauce!
ROAR....WTF is happening? My content is getting lost. I "copied"...Let's see if it will paste.
All of that area had changed MUCH since our 2001 trip down to Destin/Ft. Walton. I'd rather be nibbling on sponge cake soaked in Tequila sauce!
DOUBLE FUCKING ROAR...I hate this! There's a "heart" after "sauce!" followed by "I'm a Buffet gal, born and bred. I'm NO fan of KC, unless it's the 70's version with the SUNSHINE BAND!
It's the Chesney voodoo shit hitting my post!?!
Girl his free admission No Shoes Nation concert was nuts! Orange Beach was like the infield at Talladega! Google and look at the people.
Me and my high school crew went into margarittaville one night and Buffet himself was sitting on a barstool on the stage telling storied and singing. Unbelievable. I listened to A Pirate Looks At Forty on the trip to get the boy. That song is so me....... I'm An Over Forty Victim of Fate
Good grief this is testing my self control I'm starting to research ways to ease wd's because I have got to face that no opiate day. I've heard clonodine helps and I am prescribed it so I have that. Plus I'm on a 10mg Valium a day. I do okay with the vals. Its the dang hydrocodone. That stuff is straight from Satan
So it's a rainy Sunday but we really needed the rain. I'm going to church today. I feel the pull to be around people that love me and the ritual of church is soothing to me. I have only been once this summer. I used to go every Sunday. Its not going to be easy but my mind is set. I need this.
P0kemama
Bluelighter
I hope church was inspiring, Rural! My granddaughter is being a handful... she wants to have me put her Youtube Mother Goose videos on everytime I try to get here to post. Last night, I fell asleep before I could even post. I am scratching giving up the second morphine. I just am not there yet. But, doing great with the two oxy a day plan!
My daughter and her hubby will be back at one, and then my son will drop off his dog for me to watch overnight, as it is his anniversary, as well! I am feeling dizzy and have
another upset tummy, but am trying to wait until noon for the second oxy.
So, it has been a while since you went a day cold turkey with no opioids... I am here rootin for you!! I will post again later, hopefully! Someone is getting whiny!!
Dixie, I will try to find your posts and read your story... I hope you have a great day!!
My daughter and her hubby will be back at one, and then my son will drop off his dog for me to watch overnight, as it is his anniversary, as well! I am feeling dizzy and have
another upset tummy, but am trying to wait until noon for the second oxy.
So, it has been a while since you went a day cold turkey with no opioids... I am here rootin for you!! I will post again later, hopefully! Someone is getting whiny!!
Dixie, I will try to find your posts and read your story... I hope you have a great day!!
P0kemama
Bluelighter
Finally, I have some free time! I am pretty upset with my son-in-law's attitude re: finances. I will not go into it in public, however, he is a cheap bastard, and I hope he gets his karmic retribution.
Dixie: I wish I did live closer to you as well. I would be so grateful to have some of those plant shares... what a lovely way to keep your uncle's memory alive. Cannas and daylillies are among my favorites. I am sorry to hear that you did not have a chance to raise your own kiddos but it sounds like you got to experience the joys and frustrations of having children through the close ties you have with your nieces and nephews.
It is sad to hear that "progress" is changing the ole South as well as up here in Colorado. Beautiful land in the foothills is being developed rapidly, and it makes me very sad to see the wilderness slowly disappear.
Rural: It is a good thing you have clonidine. When I got discharged from the ER during my cold turkey experience in 2013, I had a patch of clonidine. It really helped with my high blood pressure and fears around strokes. Hang in there!!
Dixie: I wish I did live closer to you as well. I would be so grateful to have some of those plant shares... what a lovely way to keep your uncle's memory alive. Cannas and daylillies are among my favorites. I am sorry to hear that you did not have a chance to raise your own kiddos but it sounds like you got to experience the joys and frustrations of having children through the close ties you have with your nieces and nephews.
It is sad to hear that "progress" is changing the ole South as well as up here in Colorado. Beautiful land in the foothills is being developed rapidly, and it makes me very sad to see the wilderness slowly disappear.
Rural: It is a good thing you have clonidine. When I got discharged from the ER during my cold turkey experience in 2013, I had a patch of clonidine. It really helped with my high blood pressure and fears around strokes. Hang in there!!
It was a great day. The message was about peace. It was much needed and so on time. Made it on one and a half pill today. But I am starting to feel like why even? I may chop the rest in half and starting taking one half a day for ten days or whatever then ct. And you're right. Clonodine calms me down when I feel jittery. I have tons of them. I also take 200mg trazadone at night for sleep and I have a Valium a day if I need it. I'm really doing better than I thought. I stayed in my church clothes all day. Our middle girl and her fiance came out and we went and got fried chicken and spent the day on the porch watching the grandson ride his four wheeler. So just me, the hubs and the grand here for a few nights. The hubs was looking pretty hot at church lol don't know where that came from! I'm to old to be acting like a teenager! Haven't felt this way in two three years. It's literally like coming out of a fog. I hope this continues. Trying to be an optimist here
DixiChik
Bluelighter
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Hey RG and Poke!
RG...Just my 2c, but I need that message of HOPE from week to week. My pastor says if you don't leave with sore toes, he hasn't "preached hard" enough. To each his own. I don't push my beliefs on anyone. I certainly don't lead by example, a-a-a-an-n-nd
YES, I KNOW...I've got some 'splaining to do about my temper, my potty mouth, and my cheeky sense of humor. I believe God has a sense of humor. The proof is in my relatives! 'nuf said.
Ya know, I suggested you split the last several pills and "spread" small doses over a longer period of time? I'm not really sure where it is you want to be. Hey, the front porch on a Sunday afternoon sounds like a good place! Nothing wrong with fried chicken, kids, grands, and a hotty husband (for dessert).
Poke...I thought my siblings (5 older than me) cornered the market on cheapskates. It's a crying shame. I suffer no fools or cheapskates and I sometimes poke bears! Early in my marriage, we would spend (literally) our last $7 to make a huge banana pudding to share. They'd lick the bowl, while bragging about how successful they were. I digress.
I only wish I'd taken this act on the road WAY BEFORE reality shows or Redneck Comedy Tour. For most of my life, I hid the skeletons. I ran out of storage space, so I taught those dudes to dance!
BTW...The Cannas are the most beautiful shade of RED, called "president". The Daylillies are 4 ruffles deep! The Zinnias are multi-colored hues of red, orange, hot yellow, pink and purple. They stand almost 4 ft. tall! Unfortunately, my uncle committed suicide in 2001. My husband and I insisted we pick his magnificent flowers to make the blanket/cover for his casket. So VERY SAD to lose this fine human being and mentor. HIS flowers did him proud, by celebrating his LIFE.
You ladies have a good evening...
RG...Just my 2c, but I need that message of HOPE from week to week. My pastor says if you don't leave with sore toes, he hasn't "preached hard" enough. To each his own. I don't push my beliefs on anyone. I certainly don't lead by example, a-a-a-an-n-nd
YES, I KNOW...I've got some 'splaining to do about my temper, my potty mouth, and my cheeky sense of humor. I believe God has a sense of humor. The proof is in my relatives! 'nuf said.
Ya know, I suggested you split the last several pills and "spread" small doses over a longer period of time? I'm not really sure where it is you want to be. Hey, the front porch on a Sunday afternoon sounds like a good place! Nothing wrong with fried chicken, kids, grands, and a hotty husband (for dessert).
Poke...I thought my siblings (5 older than me) cornered the market on cheapskates. It's a crying shame. I suffer no fools or cheapskates and I sometimes poke bears! Early in my marriage, we would spend (literally) our last $7 to make a huge banana pudding to share. They'd lick the bowl, while bragging about how successful they were. I digress.
I only wish I'd taken this act on the road WAY BEFORE reality shows or Redneck Comedy Tour. For most of my life, I hid the skeletons. I ran out of storage space, so I taught those dudes to dance!
BTW...The Cannas are the most beautiful shade of RED, called "president". The Daylillies are 4 ruffles deep! The Zinnias are multi-colored hues of red, orange, hot yellow, pink and purple. They stand almost 4 ft. tall! Unfortunately, my uncle committed suicide in 2001. My husband and I insisted we pick his magnificent flowers to make the blanket/cover for his casket. So VERY SAD to lose this fine human being and mentor. HIS flowers did him proud, by celebrating his LIFE.
You ladies have a good evening...
P0kemama
Bluelighter
Rural: Being reminded to be peaceful is always a good thing, in my book. You sound very optimistic and positive and like you are DONE. It is interesting how we "wake up" when we cut down or go off the opiates. I read many a thread where the interest in hubbies, boyfriends, etc. starts sparking again. Good for you! And eating fried chicken on the porch after church on Sunday sounds as Southern as it gets.
Dixie: Yes, cheapskates who do not have a reason to be other than they are greedy... well, enough said. I am sorry that you lost your uncle to suicide. It sounds like he was and is still missed and loved. The descriptions of the flowers and their colors are so vivid! Well, have a good night, Dixie.
Dixie: Yes, cheapskates who do not have a reason to be other than they are greedy... well, enough said. I am sorry that you lost your uncle to suicide. It sounds like he was and is still missed and loved. The descriptions of the flowers and their colors are so vivid! Well, have a good night, Dixie.
Oh my goodness have things gotten real. Yesterday was great. Fabulous even. Today it is raining again. Because of the hydrocephalus and shitty shunt this is killing me. I hurt. I'm snappy and basically hate everybody. I guess it's going to be a roller coaster after all. Had more in my stash than I thought so I went ahead and took a full dose. If I hadn't there would have been an er visit in my future. Not justifying the taking just wondering if I have it in me to live with pain and no meds. I thought I was tough as hell but pain is a bitch
P0kemama
Bluelighter
Good morning, Rural! I am sorry to hear that your are experiencing a high level of pain today. I have no idea what it feels like to have a shunt and am not surprised to
hear that you feel pain at greater levels at certain times. It sounds like you are figuring out if you really do need meds or not, how much, and when. It is a very personal journey, and I am fully supportive.
Last night, a cold front swept down from the North, with resulting thunderstorms, and a delightfully cool night. Sleep was great! Doggy I am watching and I am up and ready to do a little bit of yard work... not too much, or i suffer for weveral days afterwards. Once again, I will continue my oxy taper of 2 a day. I will check in later.
hear that you feel pain at greater levels at certain times. It sounds like you are figuring out if you really do need meds or not, how much, and when. It is a very personal journey, and I am fully supportive.
Last night, a cold front swept down from the North, with resulting thunderstorms, and a delightfully cool night. Sleep was great! Doggy I am watching and I am up and ready to do a little bit of yard work... not too much, or i suffer for weveral days afterwards. Once again, I will continue my oxy taper of 2 a day. I will check in later.
DixiChik
Bluelighter
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Mornin' RG...So sorry for your pain. I'd wondered how you make it without a "maintenance" dose. Sweet, FWIW perhaps you should consult with your doctor to re-evaluate. This dose decrease is definitely a good thing to determine your pain patterns. However, it's possible you may always have a level of pain that requires meds. I want to encourage, as I know there is "rebound" pain and moodiness, often sadness or rage. You are dealing/coping with heavy burdens, not only your health issues. You have your husband's TBI, issues with your daughter and grandbaby. Don't take this wrong, but do you see a counselor? My psychologist tethers me, keeping me from leaping off the edge.
IF you can find someone you trust, you'd be amazed how he/she could help you sort through physical pain vs. emotional pain. No doubt you suffer with both. I know I do. A multidisciplinary approach is a good one. You're a strong woman, no doubt. But there's no shame in getting some help. Meanwhile, sending cyber hugs of support.
Poke...KUDOS on the yard work. It's been so dry here, even our St. Augustine is turning brown with watering systems. I've got some trim work to do, but not today. I hurt all night, with no sign of better this morning. A cold front sounds heavenly. KUDOS on your continued taper, too! ((hugs))
IF you can find someone you trust, you'd be amazed how he/she could help you sort through physical pain vs. emotional pain. No doubt you suffer with both. I know I do. A multidisciplinary approach is a good one. You're a strong woman, no doubt. But there's no shame in getting some help. Meanwhile, sending cyber hugs of support.
Poke...KUDOS on the yard work. It's been so dry here, even our St. Augustine is turning brown with watering systems. I've got some trim work to do, but not today. I hurt all night, with no sign of better this morning. A cold front sounds heavenly. KUDOS on your continued taper, too! ((hugs))
Dix my mother has been after me to see a therapist but I have not done so yet. I guess it's bullheadedness or pride that's kept me from it. I honestly don't even think these touch my pain. At my zenith I was taking hydro, oxy and more daily. Right now I think it's all in my head. Pun intended. If the keeps escalating I will end up at er where they will gleefully see me and get the dilaudid locked and loaded. No shit. I think when they pull me up in the computer there's a standing order for what to do when I show up. Pump her full of shit and get her gone or if it's too bad admit me and pump me every three hours. It's just Monday. This too shall pass. And it needs to hurry the hell up
I'm really sorry about my Debbie Doomsday mentality today. I wanted to talk flowers and other things you two have touched on but I can't shake this feeling today. I'm the center of my universe. At the husband's in a good mood. Giddy even 
1:53 and still haven't taken second pill nor have I lost it on anybody. Weather let up therefore so did pain. It's crazy when the barometric pressure starts rising I can feel the csf pressure squeezing my brain let up and hear and feel the bubbles of trapped air popping. It's barotrauma. Sorry I keep posting on my own thread. Creating a paper trail I guess you would call it for my personal reference. Kind of a diary with commentary lol Did and Poke don't leave me now!
DixiChik
Bluelighter
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No apologies necessary, RG. ((BIG OLE BEAR HUGS)) from a safe distance, of course! Word from the, um, wise...Loosen those fingers of guilt and self-loathing from around your neck. They are choking the life out of you, sweet.
First order of business for me EVERY morning, because those clenches tighten again through the night.
Good news is that you have a good medical response team. I remember having one of those...long ago...both GP and cancer surgeon retired. I'm still wandering in the dust, being shot at by terrorists in white lab coats!
OT...RG and Poke, I've updated my CHICKEN SHIT thread, so I don't "hawg" RG's thread. I'd love for y'all to visit. I feel like we "click" somehow.
I'll be there, rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Mofo is going down, but by God it's gonna look good doin' it!
First order of business for me EVERY morning, because those clenches tighten again through the night.
Good news is that you have a good medical response team. I remember having one of those...long ago...both GP and cancer surgeon retired. I'm still wandering in the dust, being shot at by terrorists in white lab coats!
OT...RG and Poke, I've updated my CHICKEN SHIT thread, so I don't "hawg" RG's thread. I'd love for y'all to visit. I feel like we "click" somehow.
I'll be there, rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Mofo is going down, but by God it's gonna look good doin' it!
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P0kemama
Bluelighter
Rural: Absolutely keep posting to your own thread. Many others on here use their threads as a type of blog/journal etc. of their journey re: drugs/addiction/dependence, etc.
I am happy you are feeling better with the weather change, and have to agree with Dixi that having a good and trustworthy therapist would be invaluable at this time in your life. When you find one that is knowledgeable, trustworthy and validating the sense of relief and the perspective change is just miraculous!
My son and daughter in law came to pick up their dog. and my son shared about a dream he had last night regarding his father (who is deceased). It brought tears to my eyes, and it almost sounded like his dad was sending him a message. Anyway, now that doggy is gone, granddaughter is next... I will begin babysitting her in about 9 minutes. I will be watching her everyday this week, until Friday and that is when I am taking off for a two week road trip that I have been planning since the spring. I am excited and scared for the trip, as I am going solo, but am so looking forward to clearing my head, getting a fresh perspective on my life, and just have some fun.
Don't worry, Rural, I will not leave you... I also think we all click and will continue to check in. By the way, today, again at only the two oxy, I was able to get the yard work done with a minimum of pain. If I stay at this level for a month or two, I would be absolutely delighted. I am not here to win a badge for being the biggest martyr... I want to have an active life, but also be mindful not to continue to up my tolerance to opiates. By tapering, I can stay vigilant, and not end up going to the streets for drugs, or even worse, using H.
Dixie: I will begin to read your thread this evening.
I am happy you are feeling better with the weather change, and have to agree with Dixi that having a good and trustworthy therapist would be invaluable at this time in your life. When you find one that is knowledgeable, trustworthy and validating the sense of relief and the perspective change is just miraculous!
My son and daughter in law came to pick up their dog. and my son shared about a dream he had last night regarding his father (who is deceased). It brought tears to my eyes, and it almost sounded like his dad was sending him a message. Anyway, now that doggy is gone, granddaughter is next... I will begin babysitting her in about 9 minutes. I will be watching her everyday this week, until Friday and that is when I am taking off for a two week road trip that I have been planning since the spring. I am excited and scared for the trip, as I am going solo, but am so looking forward to clearing my head, getting a fresh perspective on my life, and just have some fun.
Don't worry, Rural, I will not leave you... I also think we all click and will continue to check in. By the way, today, again at only the two oxy, I was able to get the yard work done with a minimum of pain. If I stay at this level for a month or two, I would be absolutely delighted. I am not here to win a badge for being the biggest martyr... I want to have an active life, but also be mindful not to continue to up my tolerance to opiates. By tapering, I can stay vigilant, and not end up going to the streets for drugs, or even worse, using H.
Dixie: I will begin to read your thread this evening.
Folks compare me to a yeast infection...I keep coming back. I'm here for both of you!