• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Its gettin' bad

^not a good idea for an addict who wants to get clean
i think wat ur doing, OD, is a gd move
admirable
its hard to put the needle down and even harder to admit to anyone else wat ur going thru
i think rehab will b good for u, as will NA, and its great that uve got parents that support u
good luck! <3
 
Hitting an NA meeting today. I'm actually excited abut it (shaved this morning an everything!). I plan on hitting a meeting in the city. I remember suburban meetings tended to be just people complaining about there boyfriends/girlfriends and not the pure obsession and bullshit that comes from heavy use

My boy hooked me up with a single hit yesterday. Kind of was a waste, i don't think one of anything works for folks like us.

I'm not looking forward to packing and driving cross country with my dad but, once i get back to famil,iar, caring friends and faces it'll be worth it. I'll miss my dog when i get to rehab (i know, it sounds stupid). I even think there will be better job oportunities since the only bridges i've burned are out here in colorado
 
^it doesnt sound stupid that ull miss ur dog
wen i was in rehab (only stayed in for a short time each time) id pine for my pets
but im sure it will b worth it wen u get out with some tools to manage ur addiction
and ur right, ones never enough for an addict
hope the NA meeting u go to is the right one for u - remember to look for the similarities rather than the diffrences (in ppls sharing)
 
This story sounds like a real happy ending so far, however there is one slight thing you left out, what about that dealer you owe the 10K? You're not saying too much about him....
 
chucky1432 said:
This story sounds like a real happy ending so far, however there is one slight thing you left out, what about that dealer you owe the 10K? You're not saying too much about him....
Click to expand...

Dude was insisting last week that he get at least 4k by this Thursday. I told him straight up that i couldn't pay him until i sold my house. He wasn't happy but accepted it. I feel like a dick because he apparently needed the loot to pad his visit to his son who isn't doing so well in another state. The kids been in and out of the hospital.

Dudes leaving friday and will be back monday. This works out for me since he's the only connect i know (well, i know another dude but the shit is garbage and i don't have any money anyway)

I'm questioning my honor, though. I won't be in colorado when the house is sold and wonder if i WILL send him money when i get it. It seems too easy to blow off.

I'm looking into a realtor that can handle everything concerning selling my place while i'm in PA. Thats what realtors do though, right? I hope so. if all goes as planned, i'll be in rehab and won't be able to do shit concerning the house.

I also called a buddy back east who says he could use me at his restaurant when i get done with inpatient. I haven't worked in a kitchen in YEARS and it hardly pays but it'll be low stress compared to what i was used to when i was working.

Oh, i never went to the NA meeting i was so psyched to attend. Fuckin' drank vodka like an asshole instead.
 
OverDone said:
Dudes leaving friday and will be back monday. This works out for me since he's the only connect i know (well, i know another dude but the shit is garbage and i don't have any money anyway)

.
Click to expand...

Could you possibly get a small loan from your parents till the house is sold to keep the dude happy and maintain your honor for the moment????

I know this may be asking a lot of them, because they will already be helping you out already, but if they are willing to go this far, and they know you will be able to pay them back after your house is sold, they might be willing to front you 4K.
 
feeling for you mate...

its good you have been down the NA path before and know that it works...as you said keeping up the connection is important.

hope your alright.
 
chucky1432 said:
Could you possibly get a small loan from your parents till the house is sold to keep the dude happy and maintain your honor for the moment????

I know this may be asking a lot of them, because they will already be helping you out already, but if they are willing to go this far, and they know you will be able to pay them back after your house is sold, they might be willing to front you 4K.
Click to expand...

I thought of that but I don't think I could summon the courage. They have lent me alot of money i never paid back. I don't think they expected me too but i don't want them thinking they are paying for my habit.

Are IOU's legal in the US and if so, do they hold their weight in court so he would be satisfied? It won't help with him seeing his son, he has the loot to go, i just thought i could help his money thing not be tight
 
OverDone said:
Are IOU's legal in the US and if so, do they hold their weight in court so he would be satisfied? It won't help with him seeing his son, he has the loot to go, i just thought i could help his money thing not be tight
Click to expand...

Don't know anything about that one, you might want to take that question to the legal thread. They usually have good advice over there....
 
OD - its called a Note, and if its written and signed by you it is legal. You would, of course, have to have money or assets in order for him to collect. I think it would be a good symbolic gesture to let him know you are not going to screw him out of his money, but accepting and returning his phone calls, as well as paying what you can when you can goes a long way as well.

Good luck.

FC
 
I was just gonna pop this in as a journal entry but maybe the realization i had tonight might help someone elses brain start turnin'.

I had a couple bucks and got a deal. I haven't really used in a while and when I shot this shit I was fuckin scared. It was a great rush but it was one of those things where i didn't know if it was going to take me over the edge or taper off. I couldn't enjoy this first shot because I thought it might take me out. I kept saying "I'm ok, I'm ok" over and over out loud until the rush tapered off. I acquired this habit awhile ago whenever I thought I was going to bottom out.

I had a decent amount for the night but after that first one I made little tiny shots that really did nothing.

Well, my point... I can't hang anymore with this shit. If I can't enjoy it than I ain't fuckin doin' it. My tolerance went down and with it (even through such a brief time) I lost the connection between me and the drug (make sense?). I was so used to doing it so often I had a strong tolerance and understanding of what was what during my high. After a small bit of time, indulging tonight actually scared me.

It was from a different source and the quality was NICE. So nice that it kicked my ass and said "fuck you! keep slammin' me and I'll make you afraid of each taste."

I hope that kinda makes sense to someone. Mods, my apologies if this belongs elsewhere
 
^makes sense to me
wen i gave it a break, going back to drugs, each time after each detox, i stopped enjoying it
i 'had' to do it but i didnt enjoy it
i felt anxious even smoking weed let alone shooting meth.......but if i didnt do it i hung out for it really badly
thats why id recommend u start going to meetings ASAP while ur waiting to get into rehab
drugs start to become toxic to ur body after uve detoxed a bit
thats my experience of them anyway
 
Hey everyone,
I was looking over my previous posts an realized that I never knew about subscribing to threads (duh!)

Anyway, looking over the responses to my original post makes me feel like I'm in the company of some fucking amazing REAL people.

Update...

I still use rather heavily every day but not to the extent of what I was previously doing,.

When I was clean, I was successful in the corporate world and bought a house in CO as well as a variety of 'things and stuff'

I gave my connect one of these things (my prized 52" LCD TV). I bought it for 3 grand and some change and he offered me 2k off my debt. The current store value is $2,300. I actually told him he was fucking himself with that price and told him $1,500 off my debt was more reasonable. He said he just wanted to help me out but accepted (and respected) the deal.

OK, I'm catered to by my parents, even at 37 years old, but they actually gave me a credit card. I told my connect that I should pay interest on my debt and started buying gift cards from the grocery store and took half the value in blow and told hum to keep the other half as interest. This dude is alright. He never said 'Why don't you give me the full value and you don't get any powder'

I pawned 2 nice watches (at fuckun' 20% their value) and gave him the loot (minus a small bag).

I'm now down to a little over 6k in debt to my boy.

I was supposed to move back to the Philadelphia area on the 2nd but I've been still using so, as it goes, I've been putting off everything concerning the move.

I was planning on getting some sleep tonight and just putting clothes, food for the dog and the basic necessities. Well, I haven't really slept or eaten properly (due to shooting this shiti) n the past 2 days so instead of leaving tonight I figure I'll pack up tomorrow and get away from the easy availability of shit and the desire to see all the people I left when I chased after a career halfway across the country.

This will be good since the only person I really hang out with out here is my connect. Yeah, I can get shit easily back east but not as easily convenient as where I'm locaated now. I've been spoiled with the (what I thought was any fiends dream (almost unlimited supply on credit RIGHT THERE for the taking. Shit, he even said that i could go into his stash if I needed more because I was 'honest' and 'had money'.

I'm no longer honest and simply led him to believe I had money.

I will pay my debt (it'll take a long time though). Dude has been WAY too cool and providing for me to fuck him over.

Just thought I'd give an update
 
OverDone said:
Dude was insisting last week that he get at least 4k by this Thursday. I told him straight up that i couldn't pay him until i sold my house. He wasn't happy but accepted it. I feel like a dick because he apparently needed the loot to pad his visit to his son who isn't doing so well in another state. The kids been in and out of the hospital.

Dudes leaving friday and will be back monday. This works out for me since he's the only connect i know (well, i know another dude but the shit is garbage and i don't have any money anyway)

I'm questioning my honor, though. I won't be in colorado when the house is sold and wonder if i WILL send him money when i get it. It seems too easy to blow off.

I'm looking into a realtor that can handle everything concerning selling my place while i'm in PA. Thats what realtors do though, right? I hope so. if all goes as planned, i'll be in rehab and won't be able to do shit concerning the house.

I also called a buddy back east who says he could use me at his restaurant when i get done with inpatient. I haven't worked in a kitchen in YEARS and it hardly pays but it'll be low stress compared to what i was used to when i was working.

Oh, i never went to the NA meeting i was so psyched to attend. Fuckin' drank vodka like an asshole instead.
Click to expand...


remember, when you runaway, no matter where it is-you bring YOU along hence;all ur problems. before anything pay the guy his money and dont be a coward and blow him off because u will be soo far away..its about being a man of your word at the same time. i understand ur addiction and needs completely, compromise on both commitments though.
 
How did I miss this thread until now? What you're trying to do is huuuge OverDone, so be proud for wanting it. I hate to notice but I can see it all spiralling out from under you there while you put off and put off going back home. Be careful and be smart, OK?
Keep us updated.
 
Some good stuff DW, but....

drug_wench said:
i hate to say it but uve got to stop the 'neverending high' now
mate,
leaving u with cravings
thats wen its good to go to a 12-step fellowship like maybe CA (cocaine anonymous) - and dont knock it till uve tried it! ull meet ppl there going thru the same old bullshit,

I first went to a 12 step program in early 1970's but I'm still using today. OverDone, Drug Wench is giving solid advice about meetings---I may not agree with everything that's said but I am SURE they saved my life at a time I needed it the most. One issue that drives me nuts with 12 step programs is they seem to have one and only one response with the many torments and pain you feel now, so get used to hearing this statement-" Just go to a meeting."

YAWN8)
Click to expand...
 
Drove 32 hours+ straight to my old stomping grounds and am now sitting at my new spot. It was a VERY uncomfortable drive but its over.

I plan on hitting a meeting tomorrow because I'm freakin' dying to (hopefully) see old faces and get some REAL hugs from other addicts.

I am, to be honest, having a couple beers right now. I NEVER drink beer but its so freakin' hot and humid that I thought I'd just chill.

I'm happy that an unknown neighbor has an unsecure wireless network since all I have is a mattress, clothes, radio and computer until 4 to 6 weeks when my stuff arrives.

-----After reading that last sentence I realize I'm pretty fortunate. I haven't done actual drugs in about 4 days(?). 3 or 4 days, I'm not too sure. At least I'll hopefully know my clean date tomorrow
 
opiates&me I first went to a 12 step program in early 1970's but I'm still using today. OverDone said:
Just go to a meeting."[/B]

YAWN8)
Click to expand...
ive never found thats the only advice ive bn given - maybe things hav changed since the 70s
well done on 3-4 days overdone
hang in there
as u probly know from past experience it gets easier
 
good luck Overdone! it sounds like you're going through a lot of crap but that things might be looking up.

The key is to stay away from the people who can encourage you taking the stuff. Don't try to sniff out any dealers. Cut off the old connect (maybe tell him that you will call him every 2 months to check in kinda)

You need to want to quit really bad. I am not sure if you do but i hope you do want to quit badly enough. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they can stop...

Good luck
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top